I’m about to try to force myself to go back to work when suddenly I grumble, “Crap,” and pick up my phone again. Dialing a different number, I wait. A different female voice answers. Without any preamble, I say, “I’m taking Kara out to talk tonight. Where can I take her without it seeming like it’s too much of a date?”
A millisecond later, I have to pull my phone away from my ear as Rainey screams her excitement. I can’t blame her though.
I feel the same way.
Kara’s moaning around a spoonful of soup. The sound hits me low in the gut as I try to swallow the poached pear and gorgonzola salad I ordered. “Good?” I manage to grate out.
“Delicious. The way they combined the Thai flavor is incredible.” Without thinking, she holds out her spoon. “Here, you have to try this.”
Unwilling and unable to pass up the opportunity to place my lips where hers have been, I lean forward across the small table and capture the spoon she’s just dunked into the savory broth. Without losing her eyes, I guide her hand toward my mouth so I can I wrap my lips around the oval. “Delicious,” I agree.
She’s trembling slightly when she pulls back. The spoon clatters against the side of the saucer as she drops it. “I’ll just wait for my main if you want any more.”
Oh, there’s a lot I want, but I keep that to myself. Shaking my head, I dive back into my salad which could comfortably feed a family of four. “I’m just glad there’s a refrigerator in my room. I forget the size some restaurants give as portions,” I admit sheepishly.
Kara laughs, her countenance relaxing. “I know; it’s a complete crapshoot. Either you’re getting a portion the size of a quarter—”
“Or one to feed a small family?”
“Exactly! And the prices are the exact same either way. Despite the fact I love finding new places, there’s something to be said for chain restaurants when you’re on a budget.”
I put down my fork. “Will you promise to be honest with me about something?”
Her face takes on a wary cast. “I could lie and say yes, but I don’t think you want that, Jennings. So, ask your question.”
“Will you let me help with Kevin financially?” Her mouth opens, but I hold up my hand. “There are some very large-ticket items coming up in your future, Kara: cars, college, not to mention feeding our child, who seems to be a bottomless pit. Please, will you consider it.”
She opens her mouth to answer, but someone comes by to refill our water. I hate we’re having this conversation in a restaurant, but where else could we go? We can’t have a talk about our son at Maris’s, nor did I think she’d be open to having it where I’m staying. But— “I want to grab the servers by their apron strings and tell them to go away unless I throw rolls at them,” I grumble.
Kara chuckles. “I don’t think they’d appreciate a food fight, Jennings.”
“I think this is why I went into business for myself. I’ve never really had a lot of patience.”
“I—” Kara’s interrupted by our server coming by to ask how we’re faring, increasing my frustration level.
“I’m finished,” Kara says pleasantly.
I scowl and voice, “Same. Also, can you give us a few minutes before you bring us our main.”
“Certainly.” The server disappears with our dishes, leaving us alone.
“You were saying?” I ask.
Kara twiddles with her napkin before laying it down smoothly. “Kevin and I lead a modest life, but we’re happy. What he needs is a solid male role model who’s going to be there for him.”
“I hope I’m beginning to show him I can be that man for him.” I’m probing for an acknowledgement of that from her, and I know it. It’s foolish, yet I need to hear from her she thinks this is going well.
Looking thoughtful, Kara picks up her wine and takes a sip before placing the glass back on the table. “I knew one day, I’d need to be emotionally ready in the event you never came into our child’s life. I mean, I believe in being prepared.”
“That sounds more like a Boy Scout than a student,” I tease lightly, but my stomach is in knots uncertain of where she’s going.
I’m rewarded with faint lift of her lips. “I guess that’s Dean’s influence on me. And on our son since he’s the same way. Why do you think he had that list of questions for you the other morning?”
My own lips curve wryly. “How many are left on there?”
“I’ll never tell.”
“I hope he never runs out,” I tell her truthfully.
Her finger runs lightly around the base of the glass. “Maybe this is going to work out,” she murmurs to herself.
“You thought it wouldn’t.” I reiterate the concerns Jed brought up in his letter. I try not to let the fact the man she’s supposed to have been getting to know over the last several weeks has been making little impression.
Kara looks distressed but squares her shoulders. “It’s not you, Jennings. It’s me. And that’s not an excuse. Trust comes hard. And that’s hard for me as I get to know the man you are today. The man sitting across from me appears to be a good man. But this isn’t sixteen years ago; this isn’t a first date. We’re parents discussing our son. And after everything with my parents and…”
I’m breathing hard as Kara continues. “Not only am I working through getting to know you again, but I’m battling my own regrets that Jed was right. And I’ll apologize now for not trusting him, for not giving you a chance to know Kevin long ago.” The words appear to be torn from her.
My hand reaches across the table for hers. “Kara, there’s no need to apologize. You made the best decisions you could. You tried. I promise, I’m not going to let you down.” I will all the emotion I can through my fingers as I squeeze her hand before she pulls hers away.
“I truly believe you’re trying. Can you understand that right now, for me, that’s a lot?” she pleads.
I’m about to say more when our server arrives with our main entrees. Placing the dish in front of Kara, she offers a demure “Thank you.”
I gruffly say the same.
We’re both eating in silence when Rainey’s words come back to me. Kara’s emotionally light-years ahead of me due to circumstances she had no control over. She gave over her life, her heart, and soul to raise our son. Whereas I’m stepping in at the eleventh hour to fall in love with him.
I can’t be shocked she’s cautious. I would be too. All I can do is my damnedest to support them, emotionally, financially, however they’ll let me.
“You didn’t answer the question I asked about helping you with Kevin,” I murmur, cutting a bite of steak.
She hums. “That’s because I’m still thinking about it. Why don’t you give me a little time to mull it over?”
“How long do you think you’ll need?”
“I don’t know. Maybe another fifteen years? It takes me a while to make decisions, you know.”
My eyes jerk upward. My mouth is already open to snap out a retort when I see her face.
Her eyes are golden circles in the dim candlelight. They’re dancing with mirth. And her lips are twitching.
I burst out laughing.
A small grin crosses her face. “A very good sign for parenthood, Jennings.”
“What’s that?” I pop the bite of steak in my mouth.
“A sense of humor. And our son has an excellent one, though you’ve only seen glimpses of it. I honestly believe you’ll do just fine,” she informs me serenely.
“And what about his mother? What does she have?”
“A lot of patience. I’ve been dealing with a smaller version of you for almost twenty years” is her immediate retort. “Jed used to say being near Kevin was like having you around 24/7.”
I laugh again. “He said practically the same thing to me in his letter.”
Kara puts her fork down. “Maybe one day, you’ll tell me what he said?” she asks hesitantly.
“Maybe one day I will,” I agree amicably.
L
ike the day I know you’re seeing just me with the eyes of the woman you are today, I think silently as I cut into my steak.
Jennings
We spend the rest of the meal discussing all things Kevin. It’s one step forward and two steps back because I’m thrilled to know every minute detail about my son, but now I have a bigger problem.
I want to know every tidbit about his mother as well.
Paying the bill, I slip my card back in my wallet while Kara finishes her coffee. Her fingers trail over the rim of the cup, the nails unpainted but perfectly shaped. I blurt out without thinking, “You still don’t wear polish on your nails.”
It’s as if all the clinking and muted sounds around us cease to exist, and Kara stills. “What did you say?” she asks.
Feeling the heat hit my cheeks, I ignore her question and instead focus on her cup, which is now empty. “Would you like any more?” I ask politely.
“No, thank you.” Standing, she reaches for her jacket, but I’m there to take it from her. Holding it by the collar, I stand there patiently while she slips in one arm, then the other. As she belts it, I lean over her shoulder and whisper, “You’d be surprised at the things I remember, Owl. I’ve got nothing to lose by admitting there’s been no relationship since you that’s meant as much to me.”
As Kara whirls around to face me, I lean closer and murmur, “And it hurts to realize the boy had a chance to have it all, and as a man all I have are memories.” Holding out my arm, I gesture for her to precede me out of the restaurant.
If I didn’t see the flutter of her pulse at the base of her throat where her coat gapes, I wouldn’t be certain of the reaction she had to what I said. But my words affected her, maybe more than she’s ready for.
But it’s enough to keep the hope I have for her alive.
Without acknowledging a thing I said, she passes in front of me. I get a whiff of the perfume she wears. It wafts through the air full of feminine power and refinement.
It’s Kara.
And I can’t stop myself from wanting her.
Placing my hand at the small of her back, I guide us between the tables and out the door into the cool night.
A short while later, we’re back at the house—a car ride made in silence. Kara makes to open her door the minute we stop when I lay my hand on her arm. “I’ll be right around,” I advise her, before jumping out.
She doesn’t say a word. Rounding the front of the car, I open it for her, something I know I’ve done a million times but in another life, by another me. Regret swamps me when I realize so many things have been tainted by an immature boy who didn’t realize the precious woman he held then.
We stand in silence in the gravel driveway. “Thank you,” I say suddenly.
“For what? Saying things during dinner that might have offended you? No problem.”
It never occurred to me Kara might be beating herself up for telling me the truth. “You didn’t.”
“I was hoping I hadn’t, but…”
“But what?” I prod.
“I don’t know you anymore, Jennings. I don’t know if you’re being polite or sincere. I don’t have all the facts, and I hate that.” Her frustration is palpable. She tries to duck under my arm to head to the house, but I hold her firm.
“Finally, we’re getting around to talking about the last topic of conversation for tonight. Us.”
Kara slaps her hand on my chest. “Don’t confuse things for Kevin, Jennings,” she warns me.
“For Kevin, or you and me?” I counter.
While she’s trying to come back with a retort to that, I tug her body just a little closer to mine. “I really want to kiss you, Kara,” I tell her honestly.
Her whole body jerks at the idea before she tries to wave off my confession. “Proximity, nothing more.”
“So, you’re saying what we’re both starting to feel again is because we’re handy to one another?” I ask incredulously.
A flash of confusion crosses her face. “What else could it be?”
“You just said you need facts; maybe you need proof,” I rumble before my head drops down to shadow her face from the car light glowing on either side of her.
“This isn’t a good idea,” she says breathlessly. “We’re trying to work things out for our son, not trying to resurrect something that’s—”
“No, I think it’s because you’re the one I was meant to find.”
“How can you say that when years ago you let me go?” The hurt in her voice can’t be hidden.
“I don’t have a good answer, Kara. God, I wish to fuck I did. I only know what I’m starting to feel now.” My head lowers more.
“Jennings.” Despite the wary hunger I can see lighting her face, her voice is a plea for mercy, something she’s fearful to express.
My nose glides against hers gently. The breath escapes from our mouths in little puffs of air, swirling between us like smoke before it disappears in between more harsh, heated exhales. “I won’t take it from you, Kara.” My lips are brushing against hers with every movement. “You have to be willing to meet me halfway.”
“Haven’t I already?” she sighs in resignation before pressing her lips tentatively against mine.
It’s all the invitation I need.
Giving her all the freedom to break away, I leave my arm on the door, just sliding my fingers over to grab the end for purchase. My other hand threads under the strands of her silky-smooth hair to cradle her head as our lips touch for the first time in what feels like an eternity.
And the minute they do, I realize I’m not just in trouble; I’ve just lost control.
As my tongue slips past her parting lips, I’m slammed with memories colliding the past with the present. Back then, right now, Kara tastes of the cinnamon flavor she adored in anything—gum, coffee, mints. I’m thrilled with the memory as much as with the kiss that brought it to me. I want to howl in elation as I dip in to taste her over and over.
But at the same time, the raging beast of jealousy inside me rears its ugly head. Unlike then, the woman in my arms knows how to kiss me back. Her tongue flicks at mine. She pulls back enough to nip and suck at my lower lip before I seize control of our kiss again, trying to obliterate the thought of the men, any man, who had his lips on her in between our then and now.
It’s completely irrational, but I don’t care. There’s nothing Kara will be able to say that scientifically proves it, but down to the bottom of my soul, I know she’s mine. And in the fragmented darkness, this kiss is our first step back to becoming an us.
We’re so enveloped in each other’s arms, we’ve forgotten where we are. My body is trembling as it holds the door shielding her from view. A low moan emits from her throat just as I hear called out, “Mom, is that you? Are you back from dinner with Jennings?”
And it’s like a cold bucket of water being thrown over both of us. Kara jerks out of my arms with a squeak. Her trembling hand lifts to cover her mouth. “What the hell am I doing?”
“No. Don’t regret what just happened,” I plead. Not seconds after it did anyway. But judging by the walls already being slammed up behind her eyes, I know it’s too late. I want to howl in frustration, but that will do me no good. Not when I’m trying to prove to all of us, including myself, I’m in this for the long haul.
“I’m sorry.” I step away, giving her some space. “You’re right.”
She blinks at me as if she’s never seen me before, let alone been so intimate with me, the results of which are likely upstairs watching TV. “Excuse me?” Kara’s thrown off guard at my 360.
“We need to factor in everything, especially our son, before we move forward. Together.” I put an emphasis on the word just to get a reaction. Inside, I’m soaring as her little shoulders square off against me.
“We can’t change our past,” she reminds me.
“No,” I agree. “But maybe the present isn’t as locked as you think it is. Nothing is set except the stars.”
She he
sitates before her precious science forces her to give me hope. “And even they’re ever changing.”
I hold out my arm to escort her to the door instead of doing what I really want to, which is fist pumping the air. When we reach the stoop, Kara turns away to open the door, before saying, “Good night, Jennings.”
I wait until the door’s almost closed in my face before I slap my forearm up against it. “Tomorrow? Let me take you and Kevin up in the air?” I ask, bringing us back to the original reason we went out to dinner alone in the first place—our son.
Her fear is palpable. “Jennings, I’m scared.”
And if I’m reading her correctly, not just about going up in my plane. My free hand reaches for her small one gripping the doorjamb. “I know I haven’t earned it, but let me show you what it’s like up there. Get to know another part of me Jed knew. Please.”
After what seems like an interminable wait, she nods. “What time should we be ready?”
Without betraying my heart pounding inside my chest, I smile down at her. “That depends. Are you going to be better if you eat something before or after?”
Her face takes on a decidedly green cast in the porch light. “After,” she says quickly.
“Then I’ll pick you up at five.”
“In the morning?” she repeats as if I’ve lost my mind.
“Well, yes.”
Her head falls back when she laughs, exposing the creamy skin of her neck. I want to bury my face there, absorbing the sounds against my lips as she’s emitting them. But it’s too soon. Instead, I satisfy myself with the joy coursing through me when she swings the door wide open and says, “That’s fine, but you can come in and tell your son the plans.”
“I’d love to,” I say honestly. As I pass by her, I whisper a finger down her cheek, delighted when she shivers in reaction. “Thank you, Kara.”
“For what?” she manages to get out. Her pupils are dilated, the black obliterating everything but a ring of amber.
“For giving me the chance to show you all of me.”
She shakes her head, as if trying to right it. “I wonder if this is going to end up being a mistake,” she tells me honestly, right before she steps in behind me. Passing me, she calls out, “Kevin, your father has something to tell you!” A thundering of footsteps just overhead tells me I was right; Kevin was in the family room watching TV.
Return by Air (Glacier Adventure Series Book 1) Page 15