She stares at me, her eyes narrowing. I’ve seen this look once before, that night in the hotel. She’s trying to do the mental math on me. “But you can’t just give this love out to anyone.”
“I mean, I guess I could, but who likes having their heart stepped on?”
“Wow. That’s—I’m trying to picture what that feels like. I want—I think I want one person, like just one person to be strong enough to hold me together when I can’t do it myself. It seems impossible to find that. I can’t imagine having the energy to spread what I feel inside around to more than one person. But I think that’s because I’ve never really been loved.”
I want to say to her, Let me love you Brooklyn. I have this here for you. Let me give it until you can’t stand it anymore, but as the thought passes through my mind, so does Corrine’s face and the same thought I’ve had since Shaw’s confession in the hotel room. That Corrine may have been overwhelmed by us. That she may have been overwhelmed by me. She’d needed a break, time to be involved with just one man and not two containing the power of ten. And she’d found that relief, that lack of pressure in another woman’s fiancé. I won’t do that to Brooklyn now. I won’t put my needs in her lap and chase her away.
“We don’t have to talk about this. I know you said no ex talk,” I say.
“No, that’s not it. Let me just put on some clothes and check in with my sister. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
“I’m right behind you.” I follow Brooklyn upstairs and head into my spare bedroom. I wash my face and lotion up before I head out to the workshop to check on Shaw. I turn right the fuck back around when I hear him shouting from the driveway. Someone’s fucked up real bad. I busy myself in the kitchen and wait for Brooklyn to finish getting dressed. She comes back in a pair of leggings and an oversized t-shirt. She looks fresh, but tired.
“You want to watch a movie? Shaw’s still on the phone.”
“Yeah, sure.”
We set up in the den and she takes her time going through the available movies on our streaming service. “Who was watching Phantom of the Opera?”
“Shaw. He’s big into musicals.”
“Oh really?” she says with a smile. “Let’s watch that.” She hits play, then settles back against me. I pull her close and toss a blanket over her legs. When Shaw comes back into the house twenty minutes later, she’s dead asleep.
Shaw
I still want to punch someone, but the music of the night soothes me as I walk into the house. I come into the den, ready to belt out the final chords, but catch myself before I wake Brooklyn.
“Shit, sorry,” I whisper, easing into the room. I take a seat beside Vaughn and look over at her. She’s still knocked out.
I won't lie and say shit hasn’t been a little tense between Vaughn and I the last few months. He knows I love him and I’m trying not to fuck things up between us even more. But I didn’t know not having Corrine around would be this tough, in this way. I’m glad Brook’s here and it’s selfish. For a lot of reasons, but mostly because of the way she is with Vaughn. Shit’s new and temporary as fuck, but I can tell she likes him and she makes him smile. I think we need some of that if only for a weekend.
“How’s it going?” I ask him as I look at Brook’s beautiful face.
“Okay.”
“Just okay? What’s wrong?”
“I’ll tell you later. What happened with the table?”
“Nothing. Fucking nothing. They left the leaf on the truck and the client was pissed ’cause they put it together and it was, like, four feet too small. I had to talk them down and then it took forty minutes for them to get their video chat together so they could show me the fucking thing and then it took them another fifteen minutes to find the leaf. Everything is good now. I’d be real pissed if it was my guys, but the client hired them so it’s their choice if they want to use them again.”
“Glad it’s sorted out. What time do you want dinner?”
“We can just order pizza. Tell me what happened.”
I watch as Vaughn’s long fingers ease over Brooklyn’s shoulders. Something in her face twitches and I realize she’s not really in a deep sleep.
“Hold that thought.” I stand up, go to the other end of the couch and lift Brook’s feet. Setting them in my lap, I lightly take hold of her big toe.
“This little piggy—” I jump back as she slaps my hand away.
“Don’t even think about it, Shaw.” She laughs as she stretches and sits up. “Crap, I missed like half the movie.”
“Sorry to wake you up. We have some important shit to discuss.”
“I’d love pizza for dinner.”
“I knew you weren’t sleeping.”
“I was, but then something about a leaf woke me up.”
“That was my bad.” I grab the remote and pause the movie just as Raoul tells Christine there is no damn Phantom and take a seat on the coffee table in front of Brook.
“Listen, we have to have a serious talk,” she says.
“Yeah and then I’ll let you kids watch one more hour of TV before dinner. I’m just playin’, but I do want to talk. Down at the beach, I almost made you cry. Can you tell me what that was about?”
“Oh that,” Brook says, her eyes wide. I glance over at Vaughn and he’s doing his best to hide his own shock. He was busy sucking my dick when it happened. He didn’t see the fear or the tears that had sprung up in her eyes. I know he’s dead, but I’ll dig up Josh Delinksy and whoop his ass if he did anything to make her fear men, especially in a sexual context. Brook sits forward and makes a dramatic show of putting both her hands on my knees.
“Shaw, I think you’ve uncovered my dirty little secret.”
“And what’s that?”
“I am very sensitive. A lot of people don’t believe that, for a lot of reasons, most of them being extremely racist. I know you didn’t yell at me, but you caught me off guard. I don’t like it when people raise their voice at me, especially in a personal context.”
“Would it bother you if I raised my voice at Vaughn?” I ask her.
She cringes. She’s holding back. “I don’t know. Maybe. My parents didn’t yell. I mean, they would beat that ass, don’t get me wrong, but neither of them were yellers, so I just—”
“You don’t have to like being yelled at,” Vaughn says.
“Do you not like it?” I ask him. We’ve never talked about this. I do get loud with him when scenes get intense, but he’s never said anything about it.
“I can take or leave it. You seem to get excited, so I figured it was something you needed as a part of your outlet.”
“Huh, interesting. I won't raise my voice, then.”
“Listen, I didn’t come here to shake things up. If you’re a yeller, you’re a yeller,” Brook replies.
“No,” I laugh. “I thought Vaughn was into it. I don’t have to yell and I definitely won’t get loud with you. That’s no problem.”
“Okay,” she says sheepishly. I can tell there’s more, but I’m not sure I want to push her just this second. She’s given a lot of herself in the past few hours, been very open. She doesn’t need to bleed her herself down all in one day. “There’s one more thing. I realized it later, when I was getting dressed.”
“Okay.”
“And you get to cash in an ‘I told you so’, but there was one thing that used to happen with Josh and you made me think of it today on the beach.
I don’t like the sound of that shit. “What was it?”
“Josh used to rush me.”
“Rush you how?”
“He had this thing about making me come first, but he always wanted me to do it so quickly. I didn’t feel like you guys were rushing me at all, but when you kinda snapped at me, it put me back in this place where it was like ‘stop go, stop go’ and it didn’t matter how I actually felt. I didn’t like it.”
“Thank you for sharing that. How about this? We keep talking and we keep figuring out what does work for you
.”
“I like that. And, I mean, if you’re into something I might not be at first, let’s talk about that too. Intent matters. I don’t like to be yelled at, but I don’t think I would mind if you were loud, if that makes sense. Like, you don’t need to whisper,” she says with a little smile.
“Fair enough. Vaughn, anything to report?”
He looks at me, his jaw working. “Not at this time, sir.”
I know he’s fucking lying, but I don’t push him. Not now, ’cause I know what he’s going to say. I can see it all over his face. I could see it in the way he was holding her. He wants the go-ahead to fall in love with Brook.
Ten
Brooklyn
I’ve made my way to the other end of the house, to the addition with its new floors and higher ceilings. There’s a bedroom here and Shaw’s playroom. Shaw and Vaughn have been amazing so far. I don’t know what to do with these open, positive conversations we keep having. I decide to file away this open communication as something I want with a future partner. It’s something I didn’t have with Josh.
I also file Vaughn’s love of full nudity away as well. I’ll keep it right in the front of my brain for the next time I’m alone and think about calling someone like Deek.
I join them in the playroom. It’s a large, modern space with high, vaulted ceilings and one of those rubber, gym-type floors, I assume for easier clean up and traction. Shaw’s in a cabinet in a far corner looking for something, still wearing jeans and the henley he put on before dinner when the temperature started to drop. Vaughn is butt-ass naked, coiling a length of rope around his elbow and thumb. They’ve given me a choice. I can watch or I can participate. Truthfully, a bitch is scared. I want to say I feel free to dive right into whatever freaky shit Shaw has in his mind to do to Vaughn, but from the moment I stepped into the room, I’ve been speechless.
I’m not naive. I have a sense of what sex dungeons look like. I’ve crafted the finer points of one in my imagination. Still, standing on the threshold, trying to take in every piece of furniture and contraption and the miles and miles of rope hanging on the walls, has me overwhelmed.
“Did you make all this stuff?” I asked Shaw. The room has stocks, some massive wooden X thing, three chairs with different holes and headrests, and two different benches with metal rings that I’m guessing are for rope and chains. There’s a sex rocker too, one of those seats that lets you strap a dildo to it so you can fuck yourself with a swing of your hips.
Shaw closes the cabinet doors and comes back across the room. “No, we bought most of it. I like to keep my work and play separate. Also, it’s much quicker to order something than to make it.”
“Fair enough.”
“I did make that bench, he says, nodding toward the wooden seat near Vaughn. “I couldn’t find what I wanted to work with Vaughn’s long legs.”
“Ah.”
“So. How are you feeling?”
I feel my brows draw together as I frown. “I’m still not sure.”
Shaw takes my hand and walks me over to the bench in question. There’s plenty of room for us to sit beside each other. “Talk to me.”
I glance over as Vaughn hangs the rope back on the wall, then comes over to join us. It’s hard to take my eyes off his rising erection. He stops in front of us. Something about his cock being at eye-level and just fucking out there while I’m trying bare my soul to Shaw should feel inappropriate, but it doesn’t. Vaughn seems happy. He seems comfortable. I want him to be naked and happy. And I don’t mind that his half-filled cock is inches away from my face. I don’t mind it at all.
“I think I’m limiting myself because I’m scared.”
“What are you scared of?” Vaughn asks.
“In a larger sense, the lasting, global impact of white supremacy. But, right now?”
“Yeah, right now,” Shaw laughs.
“I want to trust you both enough to let myself do whatever, but I’m just not there yet.” I stop myself before I apologize. I don’t need to be sorry for that. Vaughn and Shaw are great, but I’m taking a risk being here alone with them in this way. I don’t think they are gonna kill me or anything, but…
“What’s one thing you want to do tonight, but you’re afraid to ask for it?”
“Well, I still feel like I’m getting in your way. You’re both just so ready. I feel like I’m slowing down your night.”
“Vaughn, does your night feel interrupted?” Shaw says.
“No. Yours?”
“Fuck no. Try again.”
“Okay, fine. I want you to tie me up, but not in a way that’s gonna make it difficult for me to walk tomorrow and I want you both to fuck me at the same time. I also want to watch you two fuck each other. I think I would feel weird literally standing there watching, though.”
“Okay. Vaughny, what do you need tonight?”
Vaughn glances at me and I see that he’s holding back because of me. I reach up and take his hand. “I’m a big girl. If it’s too much for me, I’ll say so. We’ll still be friends.”
He squeezes my fingers before he looks over at Shaw. “I need impact. Lots of it, but I don’t want Brooklyn to think she needs to get involved if it makes her uncomfortable.”
“What’s your flavor?” Shaw asks.
“Dealer’s choice.”
I look at Shaw as his gaze falls to the floor. His throat bobs as he rocks his head a little. He’s thinking.
“What do you want?” I ask him.
He rocks some more, a scowl drawing his features together. “I’d need a clone of myself to do it all, but considering the circumstances, I think we need to warm you up. I think you need to watch. I heard everything you said and I have your whole checklist locked up in the brain vault. I won’t push your hard limits, but I think we need to at least get you into the shallow end. Can you trust me with that? Can you trust me to course correct if you’re not feeling it? I do want to tie you up, just your arms and tits. I’d also love to gag you, but we’ll work up to that.”
I think about it for a moment. If anything goes wrong, I can still run away and activate my phone with my face. Not that I think we’ll get there, but a girl can never be too safe.
“Yeah, we can do that.”
“Good. Vaughn, tell Brook your safe word,” Shaw says as he stands. He heads back to the large cabinet.
Vaughn gives my hand a little tug and helps me to my feet. “I use yellow when I need to slow down and red when I need to stop. Shaw will check in with you periodically. It’s good practice to use green when you’re good to continue. It forces your brain to slow down.”
“Okay. Green, yellow, red. I got it.”
Shaw comes back with two bundles of black-and-yellow rope hanging over his shoulder and a large dildo in his hand. He holds it out for me. “Good size?”
The thing is solid black and maybe ten inches long. It’s thicker than a Coke can around. It’s bigger than any toy I own. I know I can walk this back and ask for something smaller. Plus, I’ve already had Vaughn’s long dick inside me earlier that day. I shrug. “Let’s do it.”
Shaw lightly takes my chin and tilts my head up so I’m looking him right in his dark-brown eyes. “We’re about to start. And there’s one thing you need to know. We have rules in this room, if you’re going to play with me.”
I don’t know what it is about his sudden change of voice, but the gentle thunder in it, which I know he’s adapted just for me, goes straight to my clit.
“You need to show me a little more respect, when you’re here with me. It’s yes, Shaw or yes, sir. Okay?”
I think about telling him to stick his sir up his ass, but my whole pussy is blooming at his words. My imagination can see the full potential of tonight. The intense authority in Shaw’s voice is getting me exactly where I need to be. I swallow again, looking up into his eyes, before I nod. “Yes, Shaw.” I manage to squeak out.
“Good girl.” He leans down and kisses me before he pulls back, drawing his thumb alon
g my lower lip. I actually moan at the small action. Shaw smiles.
“Vaughn,” He hands over the rope. “Make her look nice and pretty for me.”
“Yes, sir. Come here.” Vaughn takes my hand and walks me over to another bench against the wall right below some small coat hooks.
“I’m going to take off your clothes. Are you wet?”
“Yes. Do I have to call you sir?” I ask as he pulls my t-shirt over my head. He hangs it on one of the hooks, then turns back for my bra.
“No, Vaughn works just fine. Unless you want to come up with a nickname for me.” He pulls down my pants and my underwear together, offering his shoulder for balance as I step out of them.
“I like Vaughny,” I say quietly.
“I do too.” My heart flutters a bit when he winks at me. “I’m going to bind your arms behind your back and lift your breasts. It’s for restraint, not pain. If you want it tighter, we can do that.”
I let out a deep breath. We are really doing this. “Okay.” Vaughn is quiet as he goes to work. I stand still as he very gently puts my arms into place, giving me a sense of what their final position will be. It’s odd, but not uncomfortable. I focus on breathing as he makes his way around me in small, intentional circles, looping the rope over my shoulders, between my breasts and around my wrists. He takes his time and, once he’s done, I’m starting to get it. He’s run the rope on either side of my breasts, then loops it around so a strip of the woven nylon is running on either side of my now-hard nipples. The rope is softer than I expected. Its silky fibers feel great against my skin.
He steps back and looks over his handy work.
“How are we doing?” Shaw says as he steps behind me. “Is she suitable for the bow of my ship?” For some reason, I don’t turn my head. Feeling the fabric of his jeans brush against my ass is enough.
“Ready for your inspection, sir,” Vaughn says.
“Bring her here.”
HARBOR: Beards & Bondage Page 10