“You are about to be. Do not go there. Not right now.” There’s more to the two of them than he’s letting on. He’s trying to hide something or keep her from a reveal, and it’s only making me more curious.
“Luke,” I intervene. “What’s going on?”
“Ky, go put your clothes away, I’ll meet you in a minute.”
The girl takes another step toward him, leaving Luke no breathing room as she grabs his arm resting on the stair rail.
“Back off,” I say protectively. Her moves are intimate, and Luke says we shouldn’t involve ourselves in intimate actions. “Where are you coming from?” I ask her, now realizing only bedrooms are upstairs.
“Where you are on your way to,” she answers, suave and confident, proud to tell me that.
Wide-eyed and dismayed, I look at Luke and blurt, “She just left your room? Why?”
He pushes her away, she yanks him to her, and I punch her in the face. Right before I punch his face. She stumbles down the stairs, and he leaves his head turned away from me.
Grumbling, I grab my clothes from the floor, unable to believe his double standard.
Swinging the door to my room open, I barge in and slam it closed. Luke goes through hell and high water to keep me from talking to boys. Telling me it’s not right, and we shouldn’t explore our intimate feelings because relationships and companionship is something we can’t have. Telling me it’s not what I’m here for, and I know my purpose. And here he is, having girls in his room.
My door whips open. I jump from the bed, ready to punch Luke again. “Kylie, chill.”
“You are a hypocrite, Luke.” I charge at him, fist drawn. He grabs it before it connects with his face and shoves me. I stumble backward. “You lied to me,” I accuse angrily, regaining my footing.
“Ky, let me explain something.” He pushes the door closed.
I stand back, my arms folded across my chest, awaiting his explanation. “It’s not the same for me as it is for you.”
“You were with her, in your room. I’ve never come that close. And from what it looks like, I’ve never even thought about doing what you two may have been doing.” That’s not the truth, I’ve thought about it. But I’ve never had someone I was interested in actually pursuing that line of thinking with. I’ve always kept myself at a distance.
He sits on the bed and says, “Sit down, Ky.” I do. “No feelings are involved in this. It’s not the same for you. You will develop feelings and emotions. I do not. I won’t.”
I frown. “What makes you different from me? Why do you get to explore your interests and I don’t?”
He chuckles, rubbing his neck. “You better never explore your interests the way I do.”
“Why lie?” That’s the root of my anger. “You’ve never lied to me. You put forth a load of effort trying to keep Cory away from me, to keep us from talking, or show so much concern with boys and me, and here you are doing things I’ve never even considered doing.”
“You act like I don’t know, Ky. But I noticed how Marc distracted you today. Multiple times, you could have had him. Maybe not have beaten him, but you could have caused some serious damage. You slacked off. Girls, they look good, they feel good. But I do not allow them to distract me. Our point on this planet is bigger than us even being here at Separation. And we cannot afford for you to be distracted.” He stands, walking to the door. Opening it, he looks around outside before he closes it again and crosses the floor back to my bed. “Our plan is bigger than protecting our country.” He sits beside me. “For us, this is domination of our kind. We are obligated to ensure that’s followed through. I’m in full control of my host and can handle relations without gaining feelings this body wants to give in to. And even if you could, I couldn’t stand by and watch a guy just use you.”
I drop my gaze to the hardwood floor and scrape my toe across a circular crack in one of the planks. Cautiously, I say, “Not everyone is like you, Luke.”
“Everyone knows, like we know, that we are not supposed to engage in relationships. As Creations, our first, main, and only priority should be our twin and their safety. If we happen to gain feelings for another, that could jeopardize the objective. That’s why it’s restricted. It’s why Creations were supposed to be stripped from those feelings of affection.”
“Even if I could gain feelings for another, I would never pick him over you.”
“How do you know that? You could acquire a love stronger for him over me.”
“I don’t know the feeling, so I cannot say exactly. But I know there’s no way I’d ever decide to save anyone else’s life over yours. And I’m certain he wouldn’t save me over his twin.”
“Being in love with someone is different than feeling love for someone.” We scoot back on the bed and rest against the wall. “You feel love for me because I’m your brother. I’m basically your lifeline. You’ve known me your entire life, and because I’ve protected you, saved you, cared for you, and provided for you, you love me and respect me and my position. But to be in love…” He looks down at his scabby hands. “That person takes a piece of you, and you give it to them willingly. The feeling of their touch would be different from mine. You would feel different in the way they look at you. You would see them differently from the way you see others, and still feel the need to protect, save, care, and provide for them.” He quiets for a minute and sighs long. “And what makes it so bad is that you will risk it all for that one person although you know them for less time than you know your own sister.”
I adjust against the wall, feeling uncomfortable with the amount of knowledge he has on the topic. “You know?”
“I knew,” he replies quietly.
I meet his gaze. “That’s impossible. How?” I stare, slack-jawed, unable to move.
“That’s been a burning question for years. I don’t know. But I’ve felt it.”
“Who is she, and why have I never met her?” He’s never told me this before. Besides, we can’t love. Can we?
“She was someone I cared about, and because I would have picked her over you, I killed her.”
I sit forward, craning my neck to look back at him, taken off guard by his news. “You would have chosen her over me?”
“My love for her was deep, Ky. She held a piece of me.”
“Was she a Creation?”
“No, she was a Normal. Totally human.”
“You killed her?” I ask, wide-eyed, unable to shake my shock.
“And broke my heart.” His voice falters as his head falls back against the wall. He clears his throat after a long silence. “But that was a while ago. A year ago.”
“You never told me any of this,” I say sympathetically. Sympathy: feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else’s misfortune.
“I didn’t need to.”
“You tell me everything.”
“No, you tell me everything. She was a secret because of my feelings for her, because I cared for her so much, she wasn’t good for me. When I started caring for her more than I cared about you…” He closes his eyes. “I couldn’t just walk away. I couldn’t just tell her I no longer wanted to be with her. The temptation would have stayed. The desire would have still been there.”
“So you killed her so she wouldn’t be a distraction from our domination and to meet the Vojin’s requirement to have both twins at their point of action.”
His brows knit. “When she died, her body engulfed with a blinding beam of light and…pop, she burst. Maybe from the bullet I used or maybe because I killed the light of my life.” Shrugging, he rubs his eyes. “I don’t know.” He nods and looks at me. “Sorry I lied to you,” he says in a small voice with hurt in his eyes.
“How were you able to love?” I pinch my nose, seeing the pained look on his face. “It looks like it hurts.”
“That could be another reason why it’s restricted. It does hurt. And it makes you feel weird. I don’t know how, but it happened. I didn’t like it.” He lets go of a deep inhal
e. “It’s not that we physically don’t or can’t have these feelings. We’re just not supposed to. We’re supposed to be strong enough to fight them, wise enough to not fall victim to them.” He clears his throat. “I think the Guidance knows we possess feelings, but they conditioned us to be numb to them, though they gave us the ability to understand them so we can relate to the Normals’ emotional states.”
He shrugs.
I wipe my palms on my pants, awed by the man sitting next to me. “You could’ve told me all of this, and I would have understood. I still think it’s not fair you don’t like me even conversing with boys. But I would’ve understood why you don’t want me talking to Cory.”
“Cory’s good at convincing you to do things,” he says pensively. “He’ll be talking to you one moment and kissing you the next. That could lead to something else.” He scratches the back of his head. “Girls get attached. Maybe not Creations, but you must consider, we are made differently. Though you don’t have any affection for him, attraction is just as bad. You don’t need to feed into that. Talk to him, fine. But do not take it past that.”
“We came pretty close to kissing once.”
Disappointment steals Luke’s peaceful expression. “See, that’s what I mean. And you like him. What else?” he questions, disapproval thick in his tone.
“I don’t know,” I say, sitting back against the wall. “Nothing happened.”
“Cut him loose, Ky. Because you don’t know, that’s why you need to leave him alone. Who knows what he could be trying to convince you into doing? Stop talking to him,” he orders.
“Stop doing what you’re doing,” I shoot at him. How can he say what I can and can’t do? “You are doing things way worse than I am. I’m sure the Guidance and the Vojin will be against the lengths you have gone to.”
“I’m sure they do not care about my lengths. They know what I’m willing to risk to stay.”
“What do you mean?”
“Most are separated from their families: no agency, no government, or any other form of being. We are kept apart from those we may fall for, to make sure our twin is our only priority. I’ve proven there is no risk to them, with my feelings of attraction or love,” he whispers the word. Rolling his eyes, he stands. “I’ve shown them that even at my weakest moment, for the things I care for the most, for the ones…” His voice lowers, and it shakes as he says, “For her…” He stretches his hands over his head, looking off at nothing. “I’ll eliminate them, whoever and whatever they are, for us and for our purpose.” He relaxes his knitted brows but the pain doesn’t leave his narrowed eyes. “I will tolerate no distractions, no inconveniences, and no disturbances. So what I do is not their concern. They know I’ll stay firm, no matter the costs―for our purpose with them and the purpose of being a Creation.” He cracks his neck as he stretches his back. “As long as they do not threaten or hurt you.”
“Same here, Luke.” I can’t believe there was a girl he loved. I can’t even explain what love is, and here he is, describing it to me like he still feels it. “Do you still love her?”
“Yes…” His voice trails off as if he wants to add something but doesn’t. Instead, he follows with, “You sleeping in your own room tonight?”
I knit my brows as I say, “No.” He must be joking.
He laughs, lightening the mood. “How could you have a relationship anyway? How would you explain sleeping with your brother?”
“He would have to understand,” I say, laughing as I get up from the bed. “Hey sweetheart, I’m an eighteen-year-old girl who sleeps with her brother. When’s our next date?” I crinkle the side of my face, shaking my head. “No, that doesn’t sound right.”
“It wouldn’t be like that anyway. The only things you would do together are train and fight. On our cool-off days, you and him could sit next to each other in the mess hall, but that would be it. No special evenings like we used to see back home or on television.”
“I didn’t think about it like that.”
As we leave from my room into the hall, he says, “Well, Ky, that would be the future of a relationship living in Separation.”
“There are no relationships living in Separation,” I think aloud. “If we were meant to have relationships, we would’ve been born Breeders and not created killers.” I finish my thought out loud, wanting Luke to respond, but as we conclude the short walk to his room, he stays silent.
Luke opens the door. “Luke, I’ve been waiting for you.” A girl lies across his bed, completely naked. Noticing he’s not alone, she quickly grabs pillows and blankets to cover her exposed body.
“Another one, Luke?” I say in disgust, pointing at her.
Luke pushes me out of the room, pulling the door closed behind him. “That was unexpected,” he says, smiling shyly. “Let me get her out. I’ll be right back.”
“Yes, right back with an explanation,” I add.
He nods, slipping into his room without opening the door all the way.
I approach the door, making sure not to make any noise as I place my ear to it. Luke says, “Not at night. You know you are not supposed to come here.” How often does this happen? I hear rummaging noises on the other side of the door and a plop sound.
“I wanted to wake up next to you,” she responds.
“That’s not possible,” he says, voice muffled.
“That’s not fair. I only get you when you want me. Why can’t I have you when I want you?” A squeak sounds from the bed.
Before he responds, there’s another squeak, followed by two footsteps. “That’s not how this works.”
How what works?
“Why are you spying on your brother?” I jump away from the door, startled by a deep raspy voice.
Marc is shirtless. I step back, stumbling over my own feet until I catch myself against the wall. “Why don’t you have any clothes on?” I ask, staring at his bare chest. As expected, he has never missed a workout. His body almost looks like Luke’s, but he has a bit of hair on his chest and navel. He holds a towel in one hand, and his clothes drape the other.
He speaks, but his words don’t make it to my ears as my eyes revert to his chest and up to the way his neck falls in sync with the muscular build of his shoulders. “—That’s not nice,” he finishes.
“I wasn’t spying, only checking on my brother,” I state confidently, hoping not to tip him off that I’ve missed the majority of what he’s said.
He balances against the wall with his bare shoulder, and as he shifts, his head tilts a little to the right and turns slightly toward me. His wavy hair sways but stills after he stops moving. I wonder what his hair smells like and how it feels, if it’s soft, coarse, or silky smooth. I bet it’s soft and smooth like the look of his lips and would tangle around my fingers if I ever got the chance to touch it.
“Does Luke know you are checking up on him?” He eyes me slyly, acknowledging my stare. His vibrant purple eyes lock on mine.
I look away, feeling my face flush. “I’m sure he does,” I answer, focusing on a small hole in the wall near the crease of the ceiling.
“Um-hum,” he hums through his nose. “I’m sure Luke’s old enough to take care of himself.” His voice lightens as he becomes comfortable.
Mine shudders, “He may be.” Marc makes me uncomfortable. He makes me think about things that are not appropriate. About him, walking into his room. About me, on his bed. Him over me, touching me like he did in the ring. I shake my head to remove the prohibited thought. “But I wasn’t spying,” I say quickly.
“I know, you’ve said that.” He finishes his walk down the hall to his room. He’s a door down from Luke’s on the opposite side. I stare, watching him stride away. With his vest and suit off, his shoulders are more pronounced; his sides and lower back slanted inward, and his bottom comfortably holds up his loose-fitting pants.
I squint for a better view, noticing what looks like whip marks or slashes on his back.
“Oh.” He turns around, and I
look away, farther down the hall. “I wasn’t expecting to run into anyone. I just came from the showers.” He opens the door. “That’s why I’m missing a shirt.” Not waiting for a response, he enters his room and closes the door.
I exhale.
As his door closes, Luke’s opens. “Excuse me.” The now-dressed girl passes me and rushes to the stairs.
I walk into Luke’s room, hoping he has his clothes on. He does, thankfully.
I lean against the small chest of drawers. The rooms are small. All of us have a twin bed, a brown chest of drawers, and a hanging rack that holds our army suits, which should be in a closet, but we don’t have one. Each of us has been provided with a week’s supply. We are to have them washed on Saturdays, and a new set of seven is provided at the end of each month.
“Explanation?” I probe as Luke straightens his bed.
“She’s an interest. Well, was. I’m no longer interested.”
“An interest that you have pursued?” A fair choice of words, I think.
He looks at me once he has fixed the bed to his liking. He fights back a smirk. The corners of his mouth twitch as his eyes narrow and his brows rise in confirmation. “Yes, but she wasn’t supposed to be here. Not after hours.”
I nod, dropping the subject. I’m ready to go to sleep and remove that naked girl and Marc’s half-nude body from my mind anyway. “Is it safe to sleep in your bed?”
Luke laughs. “Yes, lie down.” He sits, rubbing his face. A smile remains as he shakes his head.
I lie on the side of his bed, nearest the window. It whistles from the wind seeping through. It’s soothing.
Luke lies next to me on his stomach, and I take my usual position, pressing my head to his shoulder.
My mind is clear and free of prohibited thoughts, but my dreams are vivid, a fight with Marc and a quarrel with Cory. In my fight with Marc, he holds back, letting me bring him to his knees with blow after blow, while Cory brings me to mine with aggressive kicks and hostile punches until I wake up.
Chapter Thirteen
Imminent Threat Page 9