Madigan made eye contact with her.
“Chamomile or green?” Grace repeated.
“Chamomile,” Madigan said.
There you are.
“Good, coming up,” Grace said.
She wanted to call Mac and get an update. She wanted to stay busy because without anything to do, Madigan would be her focus, and looking into her hurt face just made her want to be out there looking for whoever did it too.
She brought Madigan her hot mug and held it out to her instead of setting it on the table.
Take it. Feel the warmth.
Madigan took the mug. “Thank you.”
Grace sat beside her and rubbed her back.
“I thought you were home. Your car was in the driveway. Buster knew something was up. He saw him outside. I wasn’t paying attention.”
“That’s not your fault. I’m sorry I wasn’t here.”
“I’m glad.” She turned to Grace. “But I’m glad you came.”
Grace nodded and sat back on the couch.
“He came down the hall and then after me. Buster tried to stop him, but he kicked him. That bastard kicked him,” her voice broke as she rubbed Buster’s head once more. “He was going to hit him with the crowbar, but I jumped on him, and he fell on me, and then he got up. Because you came.”
Madigan set her mug down and turned to Grace.
“You need to drink your—” Grace started.
“Just hug me,” Madigan said. “Will ya?”
Grace wrapped her arms around Madigan and squeezed her back tightly.
She needs this. Why do I always try to control things?
“He didn’t do anything else to hurt you?” Grace asked.
He didn’t. You would have said. I would have seen something.
Please tell me.
“He didn’t,” Madigan said. “My side will be bruised and maybe Buster’s too, but it could have been so much worse. I should get Buster checked out.”
Madigan pulled away from her. “Is someone after you?”
Grace sighed. “Drink your tea.”
Madigan must have known not to argue with her because she picked up her mug and took a sip.
She doesn’t need to know everything. Not yet.
“The case I’m working,” Grace said. “There’s always a chance someone won’t like what I’m digging up. Whoever killed Lily—we might be getting close.”
Madigan nodded. “Too close for them.”
A knock at the door made Madigan jump. Mac peered in through the front bay window, with three units parked on the road behind.
She opened the door. “Come in.”
He bowed his head and stepped inside.
“We still have two units looking, but nothing yet,” Mac said before peering behind her.
“This is my sister, Madigan. This is Officer MacIntyre.”
Madigan nodded. “I know who you are. I worked for the Tall Pines Gazette. You’re their favourite interviewee.”
Worked?
“I’m sorry this happened,” Mac said. “We’re doing everything we can to find him.”
“I appreciate it,” Madigan said. “I heard his voice. I could probably ID him that way.”
“Okay then.” Mac nodded to her before turning back to Grace. “I’m headed back out.”
“Thank you,” Grace mouthed to him as she followed him out the door.
He nodded. “Call if anything comes up.”
“I will.”
“Listen,” he said, lowering his voice. “Whoever was in there was after you. To hurt you, scare you, or worse.”
Grace swallowed hard and bowed her head.
Someone’s after me. I know it’s true, but I was thinking about Madigan.
My only concern is Madigan.
“Hey,” Mac said, touching her arm, and she lifted her head to meet his gaze. “We’re going to get the prick who did this, and until then, your sister’s going to be safe.”
Grace nodded and stepped back through the door, letting his hand fall away from her arm. She locked the door, and he walked down the path and driveway, speaking to the guys before getting in his car. Another left after him, but one stayed on the road.
He has someone watching out for us.
She returned to the couch and curled up beside Madigan.
“Good boy,” Grace whispered and scratched Buster behind the ears before slipping off her shoes. “Did you and Will get into a fight or something? Is that why you came?”
Madigan lay on her back, and Grace pulled her legs up onto her lap by her ankles, one by one.
“Will and I aren’t together anymore,” Madigan said. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“What? Why?” Grace asked.
Madigan shook her head and stared at the ceiling.
She had a few boyfriends since her late teens, and none of them lasted too long. Her high school sweetheart seemed hopeful for a future, but before he left for college, she broke it off without even attempting to maintain the relationship.
Too hard, she’d said.
No point.
“It’s not like that this time,” Madigan sighed. “Although, I get why you’d think that.”
“So what is it? You can tell me.”
“You’ve been dealing with a lot, and you don’t need this drama on your plate too,” Madigan whispered as Buster curled up at her end of the couch.
“If it matters to you, it matters to me. I’ll never be too busy for you. I know you went through a lot, but I don’t want you shutting down on me.”
“Like you do to me,” Madigan mumbled.
“That’s different,” Grace said. “I was undercover.”
“Yeah, but I couldn’t see you. We barely talked for almost a year.”
“I know,” Grace sighed. “I wish I could have.”
No I don’t. I wouldn’t want her anywhere near those druggies and derelicts. Wouldn’t even want her to know about it all.
It’s my fault she was attacked tonight.
This is on me.
“Do you?” Madigan asked.
“I wish I could have been there for you,” Grace said. “But no. I guess I’m glad I didn’t get you involved in the shit I had to deal with.”
“Because I couldn’t have dealt with it?”
“No.” Grace pulled her hair back in a ponytail. “Because you shouldn’t have to. I mean, I could have called more, but I wouldn’t have been able to tell you about my day. Oh hey, Sis, I had to babysit a bunch of meth heads last night and pretend I was high too. Or if I’d come to visit and you had to see how much weight I’d lost because I wasn’t eating or sleeping well. Or hey, what if I’d invited you over to my apartment where my boyfriend dealt drugs, and the druggies would have to try before they buy? Had you sit on the couch on the other side of me while—”
“While what?”
Grace shook her head.
“Tell me.”
“While my cover’s only true friend cried most nights about her boyfriend beating her. About him coming home and raping her when she didn’t want it. Having to listen to her without being able to do anything about it because she was my in, and her boyfriend was the guy we were there for. To take him down. We needed her. I needed her more than she needed help. That’s what I was trained to think.”
Tears burned in her eyes as Madigan lifted her feet off Grace’s lap and sat up in the middle of the couch.
“I imagined worse,” Madigan said.
“It was,” Grace spat back.
Madigan turned to her and bent her knee up close to her chest. “Tell me,” she whispered.
Grace shook her head as tears fell down her cheeks. Madigan grabbed her hand, and although Grace fought to pull it away, Madigan overpowered her, lacing their fingers together.
“I couldn’t be there for you then,” Madigan said. “But I’m here for you now. I always will be if you’ll let me. And even when you won’t.”
Grace swallowed hard and smiled, turning to her. “I don’
t want to get into it after what happened to you tonight.”
“You know you like when I tell you stories after something hard happens?” Madigan asked. “This could be like that, only for me.”
“I know,” Grace whispered. “It’s too hard.”
“We made it through our first four years as sisters. From seven ‘til eleven, we lived through everything Eli did. Everything he made us do, and I don’t know if I could have without you and you without me. And now tonight.”
She squeezed Grace’s hand. “Tell me what happened,” Madigan said. “I’m here now.”
Grace exhaled and took a deep breath, hoping this wasn’t the one thing that could break it all down.
Don’t hate me.
“You can tell me anything,” Madigan said as if reading her mind.
Grace nodded and let go of her hand.
“A shipment was scheduled to come in. Biggest one yet, and the one we were going to nail Conrad and the rest of them with, along with his partner overseas. The week before this, when Leah tipped me off, she told me because she found out she was pregnant, and she wanted to get out. She thought I had no clue what the boys were really into, and she told me because she was scared to bring a child up around that. After she told me that, I didn’t need her for information anymore, but my captain told me she had to stay. He didn’t want to send up any flags with Conrad. It had to be business as usual.”
“I told her to avoid him. To stay away or else he could beat her and she’d lose the baby, but to wait until after the shipment when things had settled down. I told her I’d help keep her safe and get her away from it all if she just waited. She agreed, and I didn’t see her for three days after that, but when I spoke to her, she’d changed her mind. Conrad had been in good spirits, bought her presents, and reaffirmed his love for her. She wanted to stay. I kept my mouth shut, but I’d made up my mind. I knew when I was done, I was getting her out.
“The night before the shipment was due, we all went out for drinks to celebrate Nick’s birthday, and probably the shipment on its way, but they didn’t know I knew about that. It was a good night. No one was sloppy for once, probably because Conrad threatened that it was an important time, and if anyone dropped the ball, they were dead. We parted ways that night, and Leah seemed so happy.
“The next morning, she came to see me in tears. She told Conrad about the baby, and he told her to get an abortion. She didn’t know what to do, but she was scared all over again, and I told her that would be her life if she stayed with him. I told her she had to do what was best for her and the baby. She asked for my help one final time, and I’m trained to say no. I’m trained to keep the job my top priority. But I said yes, Madigan,” Grace said, turning to her. “I promised her I’d keep her safe.”
“I’d have done the same thing,” Madigan said.
Grace nodded.
I know you would have.
“I told her she wasn’t going back to him, and he wouldn’t have missed her that day anyway. She packed some things; I gave her some money, and I was going to drive her to the bus station just after dinner, but she had stomach pains. Bad ones. I told her she was going to the hospital first, so that’s where we went. We waited for hours, and even though I was supposed to have come back in to debrief after finishing my undercover work, I stayed with her. Conrad called her just before eight. Wanted to make sure she was home when he returned, and she told him she would be. She got a clean bill of health, and the doctor told her a little bit of bleeding was normal, so we left. Before we arrived at the station, she realized she left her passport in her bedroom armoire. I told her she could get a new one—to leave it—but she told me she wanted to go and live with her stepsister in the United States. To raise the baby there, because Conrad wouldn’t find her. So I took her back.”
“But they’d all be at the drop-off for the shipment, right? And then arrested?”
Madigan nodded. “They were, except Conrad sent two of his guys after her. One was my—well—he wasn’t my boyfriend, but he wanted to be. Maybe I let him think he was.”
“He didn’t know she was leaving.”
“No, but he had a sense she wouldn’t go for the abortion. He wanted to make sure she didn’t have his baby. That’s the only thing that makes sense. We went back to the house, and no cars were there, so I waited in the driveway while she went in to make sure no one came. They were already in there though. Leah was smart. She got out, and she was running to the car when one of them shot her in the back. I was out of the car by that time, and I covered her, taking out the other guy. Nick hid in the bushes as I dragged her back to the car, and when I dragged her inside, he crept up on the other side and shot through the glass. The bullet went right through the glass—killing Leah. I shot him, point blank.”
Madigan wrapped her arms around her, pulling her back to reality and out of the nightmare she’d survived.
“She’s dead because I couldn’t protect her,” Grace said. “I was given orders, and I ignored them.”
“But you were just trying to help her. To save her life. How can you be in trouble for that?”
Grace shook her head. “Unless you’re in law enforcement, I guess it’s hard to understand. It could have been a lot worse for me. They could have stripped me of my badge and gun. They could have dishonorably discharged me from the force. Being demoted to a smaller, quieter territory was a gift I guess. One I’m supposed to be thankful for, and I guess in a way I am, because I can work my way back.”
“Yeah.” Madigan pulled away and rubbed her back. “And you will. You’re a hero to me, though. You always will be.”
Grace pressed her lips together. Her old colleagues hadn’t forgotten her disloyalty, and no one who heard her name or read her file soon would.
“So that’s been tough,” Grace said, letting out a huff that resembled laughter, and let go of Madigan’s hand. “But the guilt I have over Leah’s death...”
She shook her head and closed her eyes, imagining her friend’s smile. Picturing her face as she ran toward the car while shots rang out into the night air. Her eyes and how they opened wide when the bullet entered her back.
“If she were here, she’d know you tried. Maybe she still does on the other side. If there is one, she knows what you were up against.”
“She knows I used her,” Grace shook her head. “If it wasn’t for me—”
“Hey, you don’t know what would have happened,” Madigan said. “If she’s up there in heaven, she knows you chose her over the job in the end. She knows you cared for her, in life and death. You risked your life and job for her, Grace. What other sacrifice could you have made?”
Grace rubbed at her eyes and ran her fingers through her hair as she tilted her head back.
“I’ve run through all the scenarios with the therapist. There’s no right answer. There’s no good answer.”
“Wouldn’t Leah want you to live a full life?” Madigan asked. “I do.”
“I’m trying. I’m clawing my way back, Madigan.”
“I know.” Madigan nodded. “I wouldn’t expect any less from you, but you don’t have to do it alone.”
Madigan reached behind Grace and picked a strand of hair from her ponytail, picking it up and letting it fall, swishing the whole thing back and forth, sending tingles down Grace’s spine.
All the tension in her body washed away, and she shook from the leftover adrenaline.
It’s out, and she still loves me.
She turned to Madigan, smiling. “I appreciate that. You know same goes for me, so spill.”
“Compared to yours, mine’s nothing,” Madigan said.
Grace cocked her head to the side and smiled. “Well, thanks. I’m good for something at least, even if it’s just to make you feel less shitty.”
“Oh, I still feel pretty shitty,” Madigan sighed. “Will tried to propose, and I broke up with him.”
“Ouch,” Grace said, squinting through the secondhand awkwardness she felt for her s
ister.
“Yep.” Madigan tugged at a loose thread on her shirt. “Might be the most damage I’ve done yet. He’s not the only one hurting right now, either. If it was the right decision, I shouldn’t be feeling like this right now.”
“How do you feel?”
“Heartbroken.”
Grace shrugged. “Maybe you would. You really cared about him. I know that.”
“How?”
Grace smiled. “You care about everyone you’re close with, but you—you went against your nature for him.”
“So what, is it in my nature to be alone?”
“I don’t know, Mads. You’re great on your own, but in a relationship, something changes. You get that look in your eye like a caged animal. Like you’re in a place you shouldn’t be, and you can’t get out, but you put yourself there in the first place.”
“I know,” Madigan sighed. “I like feeling wanted. Who doesn’t?”
“Was that it with Will?”
“No. He treated me better than any man in my life ever has, except Drew—and Jack, I guess.”
“You miss that.” Grace nodded and patted her just above the knee. “I know.”
“And Will saw something in me. He had confidence in me like you do—but he doesn’t know what I’ve been through.”
“Because you don’t open up,” Grace said, sitting forward on the couch.
“Speak for yourself.” Madigan nudged her upper arm.
“I’m trying,” Grace said and stood, stretching her legs.
Tears slid down Madigan’s cheeks.
“Hey,” Grace said. “It’ll get better, okay?”
Madigan shook her head. “It’s not that.”
“What happened tonight?”
Madigan shook her head and stared up at her. “I thought I was losing you.”
“I came back here, and I’m with you now.”
“Yeah, but you’re always somewhere else up here.” Madigan tapped her temple with her finger. “You wouldn’t let me in.”
Grace rubbed her forehead, wishing there was a better way to describe how difficult it had been.
Madigan wiped her tears away and curled her legs up underneath her. “Don’t do that again, alright?” she whispered.
Grace nodded. “I saw you called on the way back. I’m sorry I couldn’t answer. That I wasn’t here sooner.”
The Girls Across the Bay Page 22