“Pffft! Rappers don’t blush.”
“You know, you keep saying you’re a rapper. I’ve yet to hear you belt out some lyrics.”
“Oh, I’ve got lyrics, Son. I could freestyle for you right now.”
He stepped back, deciding to call her out on her bluff. “All right, Femin-em. Lay it out on me.”
She faltered for a second, but didn’t shy away from the challenge. “Oh, you want me to rap. I can rap. Why don’t you take a seat, young man, because what I’m about to do might make you fall over from shock.”
A short laugh burst out of him and he went back to sit on the couch. She disappeared for a few seconds and came back wearing a cap backwards and a thick, silver chain with a medallion of a dollar sign hanging from it. How was it possible that she could be adorable and sexy at the same time?
She noted his bemused expression and nodded at him like a true thug. “Yeah, that’s right. I’m like Drake. I wear every single chain even when I’m in the house.”
“Those aren’t your lyrics,” he chuckled. “Gimme something original.”
“Okay, here goes.” She cleared her throat and lifted an imaginary mic to her lips. “DJ spin that shit! Boom…shhh. Boom shhh. Boom…shhh. Boom shhh. Wiki. Wiki.”
“Rappers would never say wiki wiki.”
“Shut it! I’m getting into the zone.”
Fuck, he loved this girl and he couldn’t wait to see her latest display of crazy.
“So this fool here thinks I can’t rap. Tellin’ me I ain’t original and all that crap. But he be a hater and I won’t back down. It’s just jealous negativity from this clown. He ain’t even gangsta and if you need a reminder. This-the same bitch who screamed for a motherfucking spider.”
“I don’t know how many times I gotta tell ya. It’s in the box.”
She didn’t skip a beat and carried on. “But even though he be hatin’, let’s not get it twisted. One look in his eyes and I can tell ya he missed this. He says that I’m crazy of the bat-shit kind, but my lips and my body are enough to blow his mind.” She rubbed her hand over her breasts, then turned around and wiggled her ass in front of him before she smacked it. “With my tits so perky and my ass so fat, had him so turned on by dancin’ in a laundromat.”
“That’s not true. Your dancing has never turned me on.” He was pretty turned on right now, though.
“He’s grumpy, but fuck it, I still my love my Boo. And moving to Chicago shows he loves me too.”
“I do.”
“So what does the future have lined up next?” She paused for second, looking at him with hunger in her eyes as she moved closer. “Joking and fighting and awesome sex. ’Cause I get his dick on H every time I get near. So tell him to shut the fuck up and put his lips on here.”
“Oh, snap!” He was clenching his fists to restrain himself. “I will put my lips wherever you want.”
She lifted her hand, quite innocently, and placed her forefinger on her mouth, but the movement became more seductive as she trailed it down her chin and onto her breast, slowly circling her nipple. His jaw grew tighter as he watched her finger move across her stomach to the button of her denim shorts. By the time it moved lower to the juncture between her thighs, his breaths were coming out hard and fast.
“It’s waiting for you, Kevin.”
Another invitation wasn’t needed. He was on her the next second, slamming her back up on the wall. He grinded his cock against her and the soft whimper she released had his fingers pressing hard into her flesh. “You turn me into an animal,” was all he said before his mouth captured hers and an instant later they were clawing at each other.
It felt like it had taken an eternity to get to this point. Not just with Jasmin, but with life in general. The point of feeling at peace and excited for what was to come. Great things awaited him. He was positive of that and with Jasmin at his side, the possibilities seemed endless. The road hadn’t been easy, riddled with hardship and a plethora of obstacles, yet now he was ready to take on anything. The future was still uncertain, but good or bad, they were going to face it together and take their next step forward on their journey to the unknown.
He slid his hands down her body and grabbed her ass. “Oh, God,” he groaned. “Thank you, Alfred.”
She pulled away slightly and looked up at him. “Kevin…at some point, you really need to tell me who Alfred is.”
“I will,” he said, smiling against her lips. “We have all the time in the world now.”
Get in My Head
So usually I start this section with a “thank you for taking the time to read this”, and although I am grateful that you read this, I think this time I’m going to start with an apology. I’m sorry. This book was awful! It was an emotional rollercoaster (well, it was for me) and if that wasn’t bad enough, I still added my usual layer of corniness and cliché all over it. But in my defense, I was pregnant while writing this so I’m just going to blame it on a hormonal imbalance. I’m also blaming my pregnancy for the fact that mothers were such a big focus in this book. Mothers have a thankless job and sometimes they need love too.
Then a special apology to all the science lovers out there. I completely desecrated Newton’s Laws, but it fit their story so perfectly. Ah, well. I’m sure he’ll forgive me.
So on to the characters. I had some insight to Kevin from the previous books, but I didn’t put a lot of thought into Jasmin. There were only two traits I gave her going into this book: I wanted her to talk a lot and I wanted her to be really smart. Despite my excessive complaints about Tyler and Jordan in Childish Games, I really liked being as surprised as the reader about how things unfolded. This book, however, was not as frustrating because, even though there were a few things that didn’t go as I’d planned, I still managed to tie it in to the other two with little effort.
I really enjoyed Jasmin—her quirkiness and her inappropriate honesty was a lot of fun and she developed into someone completely different from what I envisioned. She was so crazy and she had me laughing out loud a few times. I think Kevin needed someone like her to get him to let his guard down. He actually started liking her a lot sooner and much more than I expected. I thought Jasmin would fall first. Clearly I was wrong. I don’t know if it was because of her emotional detachment, but it took a lot of time and effort to make her fall in love. She kept brushing shit off and it’s a little hard to write a romance novel when one of the characters refuses to feel anything. That’s why I think Jasmin needed someone like Kevin. He pushed so hard and forced her to feel. His encouragement made her deal with her insecurities and the awful things he said made her realize her own strength.
That being said, I really loved her vulnerability. However, I will admit that even at the end of the book, she was a character I didn’t understand. The empathy she has towards people (even if they’ve hurt her) and her ability to forgive so easily are not qualities I possess, so I sometimes found it difficult to relate to her. It was refreshing for me, though. All my female leads so far have never backed down from a fight and Jasmin always tried to avoid confrontations. During her fights with Kevin, she was usually firm but polite and enjoyed that so much because it was just…different. I also got to express my love for eleven through her, so Jasmin gets a few more points in my book. I don’t care what none of y’all say. Eleven is awesome!
Kevin, on the other hand, was the easiest and most difficult character I have ever written for. Difficult because he made me feel so much, too much, and sometimes I was completely overwhelmed. I ugly cried so many times while writing this (especially that scene with Momma B—it broke me). And it didn’t help that I was listening to Nick Lachey’s What’s Left of Me on repeat. Fuck you very much, Perry! I’m just kidding. I’ve had a soft spot for Perry since the first book and I liked him even more in this one. If I had written this first, I probably wouldn’t have killed him off. I hate myself for that.
So I know Kevin was an asshole and, for some, pretty unredeemable, but it’s fine if yo
u absolutely hated him. There were times when I hated him too. Truth is, it doesn’t really matter to me if no one likes him. This guy has been bugging me since 2014, literally dominating my every thought, so I’m just glad I finally got him out of my system and I’m so happy that I got to tell his story. It was a beautiful story and he forced me to put my whole heart into it.
Now, the reason why he was the easiest character was because he gave me everything. I didn’t even have to think. He gave me every thought, description, analogy, and sarcastic retort. He also gave me Alfred and then, of course, Dan and Bob. It might sound sick, but writing their commentary was one of the highlights of this book for me. So much fun!
I thought it was risky to include Dan and Bob. You need a warped sense of humor to get them and there was also the risk that the reader might see Kevin as mentally unstable (which I guess he kinda was at that point). The problem was Kevin had so many conflicting thoughts. When I initially thought of certain scenes, there was so much inner monologue, most of which was self-deprecation because of his actions, and I thought it would become irritating and exhausting for the reader. So I decided to try and make it fun and entertaining instead.
At first, I was going to go with the classic devil and angel on his shoulders, but that didn’t work because Kevin didn’t really have a good side and these weird conflictions only came into play when he was being unkind. I was thinking about one of their fights one day and I thought: My, God, this guy is such an asshole! If there were a competition for it, he would definitely win. Thus the idea was born and I just turned all that inner monologue into commentary.
Because Dan and Bob were in Kevin’s head, the challenge was to give them their own personalities, but still align them with Kevin’s personality. Kevin curses a lot, so they cursed a lot too. Kevin is self-deprecating that’s why both of them keep saying he’s an asshole, he’s a dick etc. Kevin also acknowledges that his behavior is immature, which is why they keep saying this kid, our boy.
When Kevin and Jazz had their first real fight in Utah, I subtly included that Bob was his conscience and Dan was his defense mechanism (I don’t know if you picked that up). That’s why Bob was a little softer, always trying to see the good in Kevin and expecting him to do the right thing. Dan, however, was more hard core. So Kevin’s defense mechanism kicks in before his conscience, which is why Dan is the host and Bob is the co-host. It’s also why Dan always starts talking first, and because it’s Kevin’s way of coping with his despicable behavior, Dan always makes completely inappropriate jokes about sensitive issues…and he laughed at Jasmin’s pain a lot. What a sicko.
While I tried to make it funny, you sort of had to read between the lines when it came to these commentators, and if you read what’s really being said instead of what’s actually said, you’ll see that it’s not funny at all. It just a disturbing way of expressing pain and guilt. That’s Kevin for you. Believe it or not, their commentary wasn’t just random comments. I was quite meticulous about what they said and who said what (even for the blurb). If you take something like this:
Dan: He’s gonna say it.
Bob: He’s not gonna say it. He’s in love with this girl.
“You were just a convenient fuck when no one else was around.”
Bob: Ohhhhh! Fuck! No, he did not just say that. I apologize for doubting you, Dan. I’m sorry for ever having any expectations when it comes to Kevin. All time new low!
That’s his defense mechanism kicking in, telling him to say it, and his conscience is telling him not to. After he says it, his own conscience can’t believe he could say something like that to the girl he loves.
God, was I tripping on acid when I wrote this? What the hell are they putting in pregnancy vitamins these days? Anyway, even if you didn’t get any of that, I hope you still found it entertaining. And if it was too fucked up to be entertaining, at least it was different.
I truly enjoyed every step of their journey and getting to know both Kevin and Jasmin was an incredible experience. I loved their dynamic and they taught me so much. I literally had to do like four hours of research just for a few sentences of inner monologue and/or conversation, but it was so worth it. The nerd in me loves to learn.
I’m a little sad that this series has come to an end. I have fallen in love with the Shepards—all of them. I have a different connection to each book and each character (particularly my damaged, irrational Kevin…and also my weird Tyler). I’m really going to miss them *tear*.
But onward we go. I’ve got an idea for another comedy. I think I need a proper comedy after this shit storm (haha!). It won’t be anytime soon, though. New baby and all, so I won’t be able to push out three books in a year anymore. But…I’ll see you on the flip side, peeps, where the cool kids roll. In the meantime, don’t forget to recycle and SAVE WATER!!!
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