by E. H. Lyon
I feel it is my duty now to shift topics, because as much as I want the answer, I would never get it so easily from her.
“So. I didn’t get to ask that night, why a tattoo of a music note? An eighth note, right?” I gently nudge her arm with mine.
Jess bites her lip and turns away with what I can assume is her face turning a shade of pink.
“I like music. I can’t play an instrument, but I love listening to it. One night in college, I decided why not get a tattoo. Maybe a mistake in hindsight,” she admits as she circles the rim of her wine glass with her finger.
“You like to make one-night mistakes,” I tease and lock my gaze with hers. Jess raises her eyebrows.
“We didn’t make a mistake. We got something out of our system, and it led to Sam,” she says casually and drinks some wine.
“Yeah, I guess it did.” I bring my glass out to hers and her glass meets with mine.
A clink to celebrate our son.
I feel like the time has come to address the other part of the equation I didn’t get to the other day.
The us part.
“So, what did we get out of our system?” I ask with a raised brow, knowing this will drive her crazy. I can already see she is struggling to come up with an answer.
She sighs. “I guess there was something there. Just that one night,” she admits, letting her eyes get lost in my gaze.
“Just that one night?” I ask her, and Jess looks like she is getting warm. That is fine by me as I make no mistake that I can see the outline of her dark purple bra under her t-shirt.
“Yes,” she tries to say confidently, but I see the struggle.
“If I hadn’t gone away, would we really have pretended it never happened?” My eyes are searching for a clue of her thoughts. Because I need to know.
I take her glass and put it on the counter next to mine. Returning so our bodies face each other and not much space is between us. Enough to be able to speak softly. For our bodies to feel each other’s warmth.
“Would have been hard, since I was vomiting and growing like an elephant for nine months, so something tells me you would have noticed and gotten the memo. So yeah, that plan would have failed.”
The thought of my child doing that to her, for some reason makes me happy, proud, or even crazier a feeling of satisfaction that a piece of me was in her.
I decide to be a bit bold and let my hand reach to cup her face. “You would have been stuck with me 18 months more.” I let my fingers find the back of her neck and play with her hair.
“…And then?” she asks almost breathless.
I debate how bold to be, but I need to test the waters. My thumb grazes her bottom lip.
“We would have tried.” My voice is soft.
Jess bites her lip. “We can’t make something work if it isn’t there.” She looks into my eyes, but something tells me she is also testing the waters.
“You are so sure of yourself,” I say, not leaving her gaze. She gently shakes her head no and places her hand on mine.
“Having a baby doesn’t mean we should try. It binds us together, makes us connected. But perhaps lapses our judgment. It could go so wrong. Don’t you think every scenario about us went through my head when I found out I was pregnant? Whatever is crossing your mind now, I guarantee you it has already floated in my head at some point.” She looks at me with a matter-of-fact expression.
“So, you do think about us.”
She just doesn’t let it show which scenario she wants, and I mean the scenario that she really wants, if only her mind didn’t have so many warning bells.
I feel like she truly believes what she says but doesn’t necessarily want that. I move my face closer to hers and she doesn’t pull away. Her words say one thing, but her body another. I decide to let my lips edge her cheek as I roam to her ear.
We have been here before. This isn’t new, and I am confident that she is briefly reliving that memory too.
“The thing is… it could also go so right,” I whisper then let my lips linger gently along her neck as I once did that night.
Maybe we both get a little lost in that memory as I feel like she’s tilting her neck to me. But then in a calculated move, I slowly get up and walk away, heading to my room that now feels like a cage. Leaving her to think about my words.
There is something there.
Now I am certain.
Chapter Eleven
Jess
I am surviving.
We get on with our daily routines, and I’m thankful Leo has a lot of work, plus he was away the past few nights for a business trip. I’ve surprised myself that I haven’t yet taken that tie he so casually throws off and wrapped it around his neck to strangle him or have my way with him. Still haven’t decided which.
But the attraction part is not the problem, never has been. It’s the other part, the emotional part. It’s true, having a child together makes us want to try for something that maybe we shouldn’t be trying. Him saying we should try is just pure torture. A dream that I can’t afford to contemplate, not when the risk is too high. High risk not only for Sam, but my own heart.
I take out my frustration on my laptop keyboard as Max places a coffee on my desk.
“Should I ask?” Max asks.
I let out a growl. “Just annoying things.” I continually hit the delete key.
“Things or people?” Max enquires as he leans against his desk.
I look at him knowing what he is trying to do.
“Let’s have a staff meeting,” he adds, putting his hands together.
I roll my eyes. “What do you mean staff meeting? It’s only you and me that work here.”
“True. But we can still have a staff meeting, because if this is what the next three months will look like with your co-parenting situation—if that’s what you kids want to call it—then I think I have just entered hell.”
I let out a sigh; he’s right. I huff as I go sit at our conference table in the middle of the office.
“Leo is my best friend, and you are my dear colleague who I also consider to be a friend. I don’t want to get in the middle of it. But what the hell, Jess? What is this situation?” Max asks, concerned. I know his concern is warranted.
“I don’t know. I keep thinking everything is for Sam, and then next thing I know, I agreed for Leo to live with us. He drives me insane,” I try to explain.
“Insane as you may need an alibi or insane because he drives you crazy in that way?” Max says, trying to reason with me.
I look at him, annoyed he just asked that.
“Look, Jess. I don’t need the details, but since obviously there was something to draw you guys together in the first place, then maybe you’re living in denial. Hell, we all saw this train moving from the moment you two laid eyes on each other,” he explains, and I look at him even more annoyed.
“It doesn’t matter. Leo is doing all of this so he can get to know Sam. He is busy with work. If there was anything, it is probably that human nature instinct to try and be together for Sam. Plus, Max, it’s been only me and Sam so far. It’s a little hard to ease into a family of three when it has been only ever been two,” I try to justify.
Max shakes his head no and waves a long finger.
“All I’m saying is maybe you both deserve to get to know each other more and see where it goes,” he suggests.
“Didn’t you also once say Leo and I just needed to bang it out and be done with it?” I remind him and cross my arms.
“Yeah, I have said that. I admit it. The way you two irritated each other all that time was like sexual tension on steroids. So yes, I said to bang it out. But I also meant bang it out and use birth control,” Max says sarcastically raising his eyebrows.
“It is not always 100% effective!” I raise my voice.
“Yeah, and now you two are stuck with each other, so why not give it a shot?” Max speaks as if he is the voice of reason. Yet from the whole group, he is the last one I would t
ake advice from.
Still I ask, “You spoke with Leo about this?”
“No. He seems pretty busy, and I don’t want to play middleman. But if he asks then I will give the same advice.” Max gets up and heads back to his desk.
“Think about it,” he adds. “Because, Jess, you must know?”
“Know what?” I ask him, oblivious as I drink from my coffee.
Max smiles at me. “Leo is a persistent man, and you have to know that you carrying his offspring for nine months must have put you on a whole new level of determination in his head. After his mom died, he was a little lost. But a chance at having a family seems to be exactly what he always wanted. You are what he’s wanted. Just think about letting a wall down or two. You already made your mind up before ever giving him a chance.”
I reflect for a few seconds. He isn’t completely off base. Leo really seems to be happy with the whole “surprise, here we are a family of three” situation. No reluctance. From the get-go he was all in. And yeah… may have noticed his persistence.
And for once, I am actually considering the sage advice of Max.
“Great, so I will plan some viewings for Friday? Your husband will be in town then?” I say to my client. Shelly Ford is middle-aged, never worked a day in her life, and needs a change of scene now that the kids went off to college. We sit at the bar in Matchbox. Shelly insisted on having a meeting where she could get a glass of wine. I didn’t mind since it’s late afternoon.
More importantly, the alcohol is needed. Leo is giving me sleepless nights and my mind is everywhere. He affects me, a lot. It scares me how he seems to have decided that we’re a good idea. Leo Hart doesn’t give up when there is something he wants, that I know. I just can’t figure out if I have the restraint.
“You have a great body for someone who just had a baby,” Shelly compliments, a bit tipsy.
“Well, it was nine months ago now and I am married to Pilates,” I bob my head side to side.
“Your husband is home now, taking care of the little one? My husband never changed a diaper in his life.”
I don’t correct her about the husband factor. Should internally question that more.
“Yeah, I guess I am lucky. But uhm, it’s a bit different, our set-up.” Yeah, because Leo has to learn these things if Sam will be staying with him half the time. A thought that sends me to take another sip of wine. I check my phone for the time and see a new message. It is a picture of Leo and Sam playing on his office floor, he got back from a business trip this afternoon so must have taken Sam to his office at lunch. I’m happy to see our son is in good spirits considering a little shark tooth is emerging.
“Oh, look at that smile on your face. Message from your husband?” Shelly says, drinking the very last dribble of her wine.
I gush a smile. “Yeah.” I really should correct her about the husband issue. “Just a photo,” I add, and then think about Leo and Sam, melting a little. Sam is so much happier with Leo around and Leo is a softer person when Sam is present. They are meant to be father and son. That thought sends a butterfly through my stomach.
“Oh, so since your little one must go to sleep soon then you should go and get home to have a romantic night. I wish I had more of those earlier in our marriage.”
I feel like she is on the verge of telling me her life story, which makes me indicate to the barman for the bill.
“Well, maybe you’re right and I’ll take your advice.” I try to wrap things up, but a tiny part of me is actually considering her suggestion. I mean, it’s not like it’s the worst idea.
“Good. With that, I head home.” Shelly grabs her things and says goodbye.
I pay the bill so I just need to finish my glass of wine then can go to collect Sam from daycare as Leo has a late meeting.
“Jessica, it has been such a long time,” I hear and turn to see Felix McGee. He is suave, sleek, and could be a catch if you’re into that kind of thing. Also, a business associate of Leo’s and I think they went to the same prep school. Max worked with Felix on some housing buys as he flips houses. Just as I was feeling warm and fuzzy concerning Leo, seeing Felix reminds me of when Leo screwed with my business.
“Hey, yeah, I guess it has been a long time.” I smile, as in truth the guy never did anything to me other than give me compliments, maybe even flirt with me a little. His cologne and hair gel usage are still overbearing in the air, though.
“Good to see you. Actually, I saw you and Leo walking the other day mid-afternoon near the hotel. Can only guess what you two were doing. But I guess it makes sense.” He smiles with a smooth grin and wink.
Oh yeah, we parked the car near the hotel when we went for coffee.
“My guess is you were here for the same reason,” I snicker and throw on a satisfied smile. “So why does it make sense?”
“You and Leo? I’ve heard the baby news, and it makes so much sense now, that whole business referral deal you and I had.”
Now I am really confused.
“Sorry, you lost me. You worked with Max even after you and I had a good first meeting. In fact, you couldn’t run fast enough from me. In the end, I wasn’t really part of that deal,” I explain with a look of interest.
He lets out a deep laugh.
“Jessica, you really have no idea, do you?” Felix has a grin of intrigue.
I shake my head no.
“I really wanted to work with you, and it was a great first meeting. I like your wit. Was even going to ask you to dinner. But when Leo found out about my dinner plans, he went a little possessive, in my opinion, and told me to focus on the sale with Max. In fact, he preferred I work only with Max and that it would be better for our business together. Normally I would tell the man to go fuck himself, but Leo and I go way back and our fathers do business together. I just assumed you two had something that wasn’t public knowledge… now it seems that’s true,” he explains this as he drinks a smooth scotch.
Inside me, a thousand thoughts are spinning as this debacle was long before that night. Instead I put on a brave face.
“Huh. Funny what you learn,” I ponder and take an aggressive sip of my wine as I remember that particular fight between Leo and me all those years ago.
* * *
Storming through the door to Leo’s corner office, I justify to myself that my intrusion is his fault for letting his assistant take a lunchbreak. He is sitting behind his desk, leaning back in his chair with his feet on the desk, suit jacket on the back of his chair, and in the middle of a conversation on the phone. He looks like he owns the place, which is only fitting as he kind of does.
My abrupt entrance gets his attention and he immediately swings his feet off the desk and adjusts his position in the chair.
“Jake, I’m going to have to call you back. I am being pulled into a meeting and it seems I will need to diffuse a crisis.” Leo says it so casually with a smug look like he isn’t concerned that there is a woman in front of him with eyes blazing and literally fuming.
Hanging up the phone, he asks, “To what do I owe the pleasure to this unexpected visit, Jess?” His lips curve on his perfect stubbled face.
One hand is on my hip and the other points a finger at him. Thankful I am in some killer heels to give me some height. Why are his eyes roaming me up and down?
“Un-fucking-believable, Leo. I just got a call from Felix McGee and he only wants to work with Max instead of me… based on your advice!” It sounds as sharp as I feel.
Leo stands up and crosses his arms and a smirk is thrown across his face. “Well, I only give business contacts advice the way I see it. And I didn’t think a moody agent who is in the habit of giving men headaches would be the right business move for him.” He walks slowly towards me as he unbuttons his cufflinks and rolls up the sleeves of his perfectly white dress shirt.
I swallow, because truthfully the sight of him preparing for a battle sends a warm wave through me.
“I’m only moody with you,” I snap. “You know
it isn’t fair what you’ve done. I would have done a damn fine job ensuring he gets the properties he wants. Buying properties is my specialty, whereas Max is the selling agent. I don’t mess with your work so I would appreciate it if you don’t mess with mine.”
“Yet here you are at my office all hellbent,” he shoots back, and his distance closes in on me and I feel like I may suffocate if he steps closer. I back up and turn, which was a bad move on my part. My escape options go to zero as his big desk is behind me.
He opens his mouth to talk again, “Tell me again, why are you so moody around me? Because Clarissa informed me on our date that you told her to stay away from me. Funny that,” he enquires, yet his grin tells me he is taking pleasure in this.
“No. I told her if she valued her sanity that she should look elsewhere. I was just doing her a public service.” I come across satisfied and cocky. In reality, when I heard the blond talk in the bathroom how it was her second date with Leo, something in me snapped. Thankfully, it was their last date.
His lip twitches and he clears his throat, I feel like it’s the devil preparing to speak.
“Not jealous?” His eyebrow raises and he takes one slow glide towards me and closes our gap.
“Are you the last man left on earth?” I cock my head to the side.
“You know, something tells me that you enjoy this back and forth as much as I do.” He says it slowly, smug, and his hand finds my waist. I look at his hand then back to his face. He’s daring me, yet for some reason I enjoy this too much to back away.
“Right. Because you are used to every woman falling for your charm and getting what you want,” I state.
“But I do get what I want, when I know what I want.” His voice is too smooth, too confident.
His eyes lock on mine. For a moment, I think he is insinuating me. I almost hope it. But I block my thoughts from going there as this is the man who plays women and just ruined a business opportunity for me. The same man who I have to face at our friend dinners and brunches. The guy who makes my head spin.