“You’re scaring me, Kayla.” I didn’t want to frighten her, but I needed her to at least cry or yell; I couldn’t take this stony silence. “I don’t know if I need to take you to get help.” She still said nothing. I lifted her out of the tub and placed her on the floor. “Kayla? Are you in shock? I have to know; you need to talk to me. Cry, scream, yell. Anything but this.” I took her face in my hands. “Talk to me, dammit!”
Her eyes widened, and she collapsed in my arms.
“I’m sorry, Kayla. I didn’t mean to swear, but you’re scaring me.”
She gripped her hands around my waist. “Please don’t leave again, Jesse. Not without me. I had a vision that you were in a wreck and you left me too.”
“I won’t leave, Kayla. Not now. But you can’t live in fear either. What happened to your father was a fluke, and I’ll figure it out. But I’m not going anywhere. I have everything we need. I can do everything from home.” I led her to the bed and pulled back the comforter.
She grasped onto my shoulders, pulling me down. “I don’t know what I’d do.” She wrapped her hands around the back of my head and pulled my face to hers, kissing me frantically. I couldn’t break free without hurting her or myself; she had completely latched her body around me.
I pulled my head back, though. “I want you, but not like this. I don’t think you’re ready.” My mind said no, but my body said yes. I wanted her too, but not because I wanted to have sex; I wanted my wife. I needed to feel loved, too. I’d felt so terrible these last few days. I moved her over in the bed and slid in beside her. My body ached to have her against me. I pulled off her towel, and the blood rushed through my body, throbbing through me to the point that it was painful.
“Make love to me, Jesse. Make me forget everything else. Make the pain go away, please.”
My mouth was back on hers, and I couldn’t deny her. I pulled her to me, careful to move slowly. I saw the tears in her eyes and wanted to stop, but she latched onto me and pulled me tighter.
I watched every emotion that played across her face: sadness, guilt, anger, and then passion, but it was fleeting. She squeezed her eyes shut. It bothered me that she couldn’t see me, but she could still hear me. “I love you, Kayla,” I whispered. I wanted every part of her love. I wanted to take away the pain. When I felt her body relax, I fell down beside her. She stared at me, as though not understanding my actions. I placed my hand on her face and pulled her head to me.
“I only wanted to make you feel good, love.”
“But —”
“Shh … let’s just lie here, please.”
I waited a few minutes to see if she was going to go to sleep, when she didn’t, I asked, “Are you hungry?”
She shrugged. “Not really. Are you?”
“Yes, I brought dinner. Do you want to try to eat?”
“Yes, I do. I want to get better, Jesse.”
Chapter 37 - Jesse
After I made all the funeral arrangements, I called the family, informing them that we would have a memorial service on Friday. Kayla’s family would drive up Thursday and stay the weekend.
Jan took care of notifying friends and employees from John’s address book. She also arranged for a meeting with all the staff, including those in South Carolina and Georgia, to take place tomorrow. Next week, I’d start spending a few hours a day at each location, going over items that needed attention immediately and any ideas each manager had.
Kayla accompanied me to the staff meeting. I felt like we were two kids showing up for a school project, but I held my head high. After all the condolences and formalities were over, it didn’t take long for me to settle right into business. It came naturally to me. I asked the right questions, and before long I recognized that the men were asking me questions about where I saw business going and when I’d stop by to discuss their individual ideas. Kayla sat beside me, but only commented when the discussion directly related to rents received or an accounting issue.
I realized that this was good for Kayla. Being at home while I was gone would’ve given her too much time to think. And it was good for me too. I felt like we were partners again. I knew Kayla was going through tremendous grief, as was I, but I was also feeling that all of the responsibility had fallen into my lap. Not that I’d shirk any of my duties — I was ready — but everything felt better with Kayla by my side.
We worked through lunch, going through all the files and setting up appointments for the following week. At three, I decided we’d worked enough and should go home. The family would arrive tomorrow, and I was certain that would bring another wave of anguish, so the least I could do was make sure Kayla was rested.
When we left the office, Kayla reached out and took my hand. Warmth rushed through me; I’d missed this part of us, the simple us, who loved to just hold each other and talk. I squeezed her hand and then stopped in the parking lot to look at her. “You okay?”
She nodded, then exhaled. “I’ll be okay, Jesse. You were incredible in there. Dad was right about you.”
“Thanks.” I rubbed my temples with my free hand. “I felt like a duck: smooth on the surface, but paddling like mad beneath the water.”
“I’m serious, Jesse. I thought we’d have to sell all the properties and fend for ourselves. And from what I’ve noticed in the market, if we sold, we wouldn’t do too well. Property values are low, and no one has any money to buy anything, so we’d have to practically give them away. But I think you’re going to do great. Are you sure you’re up for it, though?”
“I think so,” I said honestly.
“Don’t be modest, Jesse. Either you can or you can’t. If you aren’t up for this, we’ll sell everything. We have enough in life insurance to put you through college and then you can start up your own business as you originally wanted.”
I loved that Kayla had asked what I wanted to do, and had said we. She didn’t want me just to take care of her; we were still a team, and she was willing to give up everything she had if it was what I wanted. But, I could do this! I was suddenly certain. With her beside me, I could do anything. “I can do this, Kayla. I will do this. For us. It’s what your dad wanted. And by the way …” I stopped to think about what I wanted to say, hoping it wouldn’t hurt her. “You sounded just like him a minute ago. He basically said the same thing, for me not to be modest. To tell him what I was capable of doing. You have a way of cutting right through the heart of matters. I’m a little discouraged that I won’t be able to start college right away, but,” I sighed, “I’d just be going to college so that I could eventually start a business anyway, so this is on-the-job training, as you mentioned at the beginning of summer.”
I helped her up into the truck, then walked around to my side and jumped in.
She turned to face me. “Jesse, I don’t want you to miss college. Did you ever think about doing the Distance Learning program? That’s what my dad did. He took a little longer because he was working full time, but he eventually got his MBA. I can work with you, handling all the paperwork Dad managed day to day, and continue to do the books. You can do the field work and give yourself a few hours a day to do school work. Wouldn’t that work?”
“I never thought about that. I don’t want you to have to pick up a lot of extra work, though.”
She shrugged. “It’ll be good for me. Plus, I don’t want you to ever look back and say that I held you back from something you wanted.”
I sighed. What could I say? I had insisted that I didn’t want to hold her back on numerous occasions, so I could understand her concern that I would feel the same way. But I wasn’t upset. It wasn’t her fault that John had died. And I was a business owner, something I’d planned to be anyway. I could’ve worked for years and never reached this level of success; now I’d just have to see if I could handle what I’d been given. “I’ll make you a deal, Kayla, and I’m only saying this because I know it’s what your father wanted.” I paused, letting her contemplate my words, hoping she wouldn’t react harshly. �
�I’ll start college online in January if you’ll finish your last two months of school.”
“Jesse —”
“Before you argue, hear me out. You don’t need to go this week; they’ll excuse you for grieving. But then you barely have two months to go. You have Thanksgiving Break and Christmas Break, and then you’re done. You’ll be able to walk down the aisle with your class. Think of what it would mean to your grandmother, and aunt and uncle. I can’t force you, of course, I just want you to think about it. Okay?”
She blew out a long breath. “I’ll think about it, but I’m not making any promises.”
“Fair enough.” I dropped my head into a nod. “Now what would you like to eat? Anything but pizza.” I scowled mockingly. “I’m pizza’d out. When you said you could eat pizza every night, I thought you were kidding. How ’bout we pick up a rotisserie chicken at the store and a couple of side dishes?”
Kayla scowled back; she didn’t like to eat healthy. “Okay, but pizza is my comfort food. We have to eat it at least twice a week.”
“I can live with that deal, too.” I scooped up her hand and pressed it to my lips. She slid next to me, and I sighed with contentment. “I love you, Kayla.”
“I love you too, Jesse. Thank you … for everything.”
I didn’t comment back; I understood. I hoped we were over the worst. When my mom left, I’d been fine at times, and then it would hit me when I thought of something we’d shared together or saw something personal of hers. I didn’t expect Kayla to be better in four days, but I hoped the devastating zoning-out spells would end; I could deal with crying and even screaming, but not with her going into a trance.
The family arrived the next day around seven, at John’s house. Kayla and I made a huge pot of penne pasta and meat sauce, along with fresh bread and salad.
A round of crying ensued when she saw Gram, but being the strong female influence, Gram had her calmed down in minutes. She’d dealt with death many times through her life.
Charity was noticeably miserable. She’d always loved her Uncle John, according to Gram, who’d taken me aside to inform me that Melissa and William were somewhat concerned about the situation. She hadn’t told them about our elopement, but thought that I should probably explain when the time seemed right.
“Well,” I said when I came back into the room, “you all must be starving. Kayla and I made you dinner, so why don’t we go in and continue our conversations in the dining room.”
The family reacted exactly as I’d expected: everyone but Kayla stared at me, astonished at my taking command as head of the house, but Gram walked toward the dining room, and everyone else followed. William eyed me suspiciously, and Melissa nudged her husband in the arm. I couldn’t help but smile when they all turned their backs to walk off; I was getting used to the stares and comments. Well, this was my home and my wife; they would just have to get used to it.
After the food was set out across the table and everyone took their seats, I remained standing and addressed them all. “Before I say grace, there’s something I need to share with you.” All eyes were on me, including Kayla’s. “Kayla and I were married on her eighteenth birthday, with John’s blessing.” Melissa released a gasp, but William held his tongue. “John had already made me partner in his business and purchased us a home about fifteen minutes away. I know you’re all concerned for Kayla, but I assure you, as her husband, my first priority is her wellbeing. I’m thankful that you’re all here for Kayla’s sake, but please remember, she’s my wife and we’ll decide together what is best for the two of us.”
Not sure that’s what Gram had meant, but it felt good to lay out the facts instead of dancing around all night. I slid into my chair. I knew it was bold and maybe not the best time to make such a declaration, but I could see in Melissa’s eyes that she was going to try to take Kayla away from me, as if she were a child. I went right into the blessing before anyone could breathe a response. “Dear Lord, thank you that our family arrived safely, and thank you for all your grace and provisions. Thank you for my wife and the strength you’ve given us to work through this tragedy together as one. Thank you for this food, and bless the hands that have prepared it. Amen.”
Kayla was on my right, and Gram was on my left; both of them took my hands and squeezed lightly, reminding me they were with me always.
Charity sat across the table, her mouth open, but then she smiled.
“Well, young man,” William was the first to speak, “sounds like you have everything under control.”
“I’m trying, sir. I wasn’t trying to be rude. I just thought you should know.”
“You’re right, we should know,” William responded politely.
“We should have already known,” Melissa interjected. “Are you sure you’re ready for this?” She looked at Kayla then. “You’re so young, and it’s so much responsibility being married. I realize that being able to take over a company of this magnitude is tempting —”
“Tempting?” I clenched my chair to keep myself from coming out of it. My breathing quickened, but from years of practice, I reined it in. Tempting … as if I’d wanted this to happen? So I could take over a company? What was she accusing me of? If I hadn’t been in Florida at the time of his death, would she have accused me of murder?
“My dad thought we were ready!” Kayla snapped before I could continue. I rested my hand on her knee.
“Yes, Melissa,” I took over the conversation. “John thought we were ready and, of course, he also thought he’d be here. He showed me what I needed to do at the company, and I’m not saying it’ll be easy. What in life is? But I’ve helped run my father’s company for three years, so we’ll manage.”
“But as a newly married couple and only eighteen?” She sneered. “Kayla is still in high school, for heaven’s sake! This is a lot to deal with. Marriage is hard enough without —”
“Melissa,” I cut her off, attempting to keep my voice level. “I married Kayla because I love her. We certainly didn’t expect this to happen, but it did. Would you prefer that I leave her now because it’s too hard?”
Kayla shot me a look of instant despair.
“I’m just making a point, love. You know I’d never leave you,” I whispered. I turned back to the others. “Don’t you understand? I love my wife, and I’ll stand by her. So please don’t get it in your heads to tell us how young we are or what we should do. I saw it in your eyes the moment you walked through the door. I know you mean well, but I won’t stand for it.”
Melissa had no response, but shot a look at her husband, imploring him to say something.
William stared at me for a few seconds, then a smile spread across his face. “John said you were a strong-willed man. I’ve nothing to say against the two of you. John and Brooke made it work; Melissa and I’ve been together for nineteen years, why wouldn’t you be able to? We’re here as a family to support Kayla, and you too, Jesse.”
“Then let’s eat,” Gram chimed in. “I’m starving. Kayla, this looks wonderful, just like I taught you.” Gram wanted the discussion to be over, as did I. I was thankful for her acceptance and now, peacemaking.
Kayla smiled briefly, noticeably shaken by the conversation, and I wondered if I’d gone too far. I just didn’t want her to be hurt or to feel undue pressure. And more than anything, I didn’t want anyone attempting to take her away from me. I didn’t want an easy life if it meant not having Kayla. I’d accept whatever trial was in store for us.
The conversation turned to our decision to continue to live in North Carolina, the business, school. Kayla quickly deflected the subject of school by discussing college. “Jesse is thinking about continuing his school via online college,” she proclaimed.
“And what about you, Kayla, what are your plans?” Melissa asked directly.
“I don’t plan to continue my education, Aunt Melissa. I have enough to do with the bookkeeping for the company and as a wife.”
Melissa’s expression was stricken at fir
st, then turned livid. She furrowed her eyebrows, leveling an accusing glare toward me, then back to Kayla. “Are you pregnant? Is that why you got married?”
“No!” I shouted, dropping my fork on my dish. “How many times do I have to defend myself in front of this family? Kayla and I never had sex before we were married, not with each other, or anyone else, for that matter,” I added for Charity’s benefit. “We got married because we love each other. Why can’t any of you understand that?”
“Jesse, I’m sorry,” William started, glaring at his wife. “Melissa, enough already!” he barked.
Too late, Kayla started weeping softly. I backed my chair from the table and took my wife into my arms, directing her to the living room. I sat down with her, laying her head on my chest. She continued to cry louder now, and I stroked her hair. I felt angry enough to throw Melissa out of the house. I was to blame as much as she was, though; I shouldn’t have allowed Melissa to upset me. I could have just answered her inquiries, but I was on edge.
“I’m sorry, Kayla. I shouldn’t have gone on like that with Melissa, but it irritates me when people question our motives.”
She shook her head. “It’s not your fault.”
I looked up as I felt someone walk in the room. It was Melissa, looking mortified and obliging. She came up behind us and wrapped her arms around Kayla’s shoulders. “I’m sorry, sweetie. I really am sorry,” Melissa murmured into Kayla’s ear. “I didn’t know, and it’s just so hard for me to imagine all of this. I’m so sorry.”
Kayla turned her body toward Melissa. “Can we please just not fight anymore?”
“Of course, honey.” She hugged her niece, apologizing repeatedly. Melissa looked over Kayla’s shoulder and mouthed the words to me, I’m sorry.
I smiled half-heartedly in response. It wasn’t her fault; it was hard to take in. But all I could picture was Melissa as the seventeen-year-old trying to seduce her sister’s boyfriend. Of course, maybe she couldn’t understand true love. She and William had been married a long time, but from what Kayla had told me, it seemed like a loveless marriage. William did his thing; Melissa did hers. They hardly ever ate dinner together and were often in different cities altogether, enjoying different pastimes. I couldn’t comprehend living a life without Kayla involved. Not that there wouldn’t be times when we would do our own thing, but to want to be apart? I couldn’t imagine ever getting to that stage.
Love Like Crazy (Crazy Love Book 1) Page 23