Love Like Crazy (Crazy Love Book 1)

by Carmen DeSousa

  “Can we go home?” Kayla mumbled.

  “Give me a moment to talk with everyone, and I’ll be right back.” I turned my head and glowered at Melissa, motioning for her to join me, then turned and strode across the floor. Melissa made no attempt at answering my glare, but followed meekly.

  “I truly am sorry, Jesse,” she pleaded, taking my arm to impede me as we walked down the hallway toward the dining room. “I wasn’t thinking.”

  “No, you weren’t,” I hissed under my breath. “Do you realize what I’ve been dealing with this last week? She’s been practically in shock over her father’s death, and you accuse her of being pregnant? Would it have even mattered if she was? Isn’t the most important thing to help her through this?”

  Melissa lowered her head in shame. “Yes,” she mumbled, shaking her head back and forth, her lips pressed together. “It just isn’t fair. It’s like Kayla has had her youth stolen from her; first her mother, now this. I’m just angry.” She looked up at me, her eyes fierce. “I love my niece, like she was my own daughter. I miss my sister, and Kayla’s my only connection to her. Please understand, I only want what’s best for Kayla.”

  I stood my ground, but attempted to be pleasant. “I understand, but you have to realize … I am the best thing for Kayla right now, and always. We belong together, and I’ll never hurt her.”

  “I can see that. Thank you.”

  I walked into the dining room, taking in all the apprehensive faces. “I’m going to take Kayla home. We’ll be back early, though, since we have to take care of the horses in the morning. We stocked the fridge for you, and were hoping we could have breakfast together before we leave for the funeral.” I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding.

  “We’ll see you tomorrow,” Gram said. “Take care of my baby girl, like I know you will. I’ll have breakfast ready when you get here.”

  “Thanks, Gram.” I turned to Charity. “Charity, you can have Kayla’s room. You two can have the spare bedroom,” I said, looking at Melissa and William. “And, Gram, we made up the office for you, if that’s okay? Kayla doesn’t want anyone in Dad’s room. Well, I better go. She doesn’t do well being alone.” I turned to leave, not concerned about whether they were offended by my directions.

  “Jesse, wait,” William spoke. “We’re all sorry if we offended you. You’re a remarkable young man, and it sounds as though you’re taking good care of Kayla.”

  I shrugged and exhaled, turning back to look at William. “I love Kayla. I hope I’m doing everything correctly. Who knows in these situations? We’ll see you in the morning.” With that, I turned and walked away.

  Chapter 38 - Kayla

  I watch Jesse as he silently drives down the road. He’s so wonderful. I can’t imagine life without him.

  The road is dark and it’s starting to rain. He drives on, oblivious, deep in thought, but then perceives I’m looking at him and turns to me and flashes his breathtaking smile. He seems abnormally happy. I haven’t seen him this happy in a while, not since our wedding day.

  “Why are you smiling?” I ask, but I can’t hear my own voice over the rain pounding on the window. The road is so dark I can’t understand how he can see where he’s driving. We should probably pull over and wait out the storm. “Jesse!” I yell, but he doesn’t respond. “Jesse!”

  His hand touches my arm, but still he looks forward, as if in a trance. The torrential downpour makes it nearly impossible to see through the windshield. He’s just trying to keep his eyes on the road, I realize. I should do the same. A crack of lightning sends my hands to my ears, and I watch in horror as a tree crashes across the highway, directly in our path.

  “Jesse, watch out!” I shriek. Again, Jesse doesn’t remove his eyes from the road; instead, he grabs my arm as we go careening into the tree. The truck comes to a sudden stop, and I feel a sharp pain across my chest. Everything happens so quickly that I can’t make out whether the truck is right-side up or not, but my hair should be on my shoulders, not draped above my head.

  I unsnap the seatbelt, noticing that Jesse isn’t moving. Blood drips from his mouth. The tree has penetrated the windshield, hitting him square in the chest.

  “Jesse! No! Not you too!” My scream overpowers the sound of the thunderstorm, hurting my ears.

  I feel tugging on my arm. One of the rescue workers is trying to pull me from the wreckage. I can’t leave Jesse. How will he escape without me? “No! I can’t leave him!” I insist, ripping the stranger’s hands off my arm. “Save him! I don’t care if I die. Save Jesse! Leave me!”

  “Kayla! Please!” the man shouts my name.

  My eyes blinked open.

  “Oh, thank God!” Jesse said, exhaling.

  “Jesse!” I screamed, darting up and throwing my arms around his neck. “You were dead. We wrecked, and you were covered —”

  He pulled me tightly to his chest. “You were having a nightmare, baby. You have to stop worrying; you’re going to drive yourself crazy, and take me with you.” He buried his head beneath my hair. “I’m scared, Kayla. I couldn’t wake you.” Blood wasn’t covering his body, but red blood vessels stood out in his eyes. “I’m so afraid I’m going to lose you, Kayla. Maybe we should get some help. I can’t lose you.” He choked on his words, his head held low. “I’m sorry. I told myself I’d be strong for you, but I’m so scared.”

  I blanched at his words. I didn’t need help; I only needed him. What would a psychiatrist tell us? Would a doctor insist this was all too much? That we shouldn’t be married, trying to make a life right now? Put me away somewhere … away from Jesse?

  I took in Jesse’s expression. He was in pain. I was causing his grief. Not purposely, of course, but I needed to get a grip. “It was just a dream.” I took his head between my hands. “I’m fine. It was just a bad dream. You’re not going to lose me. Just hold me, please. We’ll get through this, I promise.”

  “Maybe we should get some help. There are groups we can attend that are supposed to help with grief. I’d go with you.”

  I smiled wistfully. “Jesse, I’m just sad, but I’m not crazy. I’ll get through this.” I ran my hand through his hair. “With your help, of course. Daddy wouldn’t have wanted me to curl up in a ball and die. I’m not saying it’ll be easy. Like that dream, it was horrible, but it sort of made me realize something. I’ll always be sad I lost my father, but I know what I can’t live without. The pain I felt, even in my dream, when I thought you were gone was unbearable. So, no matter what, I have to be okay. For us.”

  Jesse pressed his lips against my head. “I can’t lose you, Kayla. You’re my life.”

  “Don’t you understand, Jesse, it’s the same for both of us? My family, they aren’t what I need; you’re everything to me.”

  He folded his arms around me and smoothed my hair. “Okay, love. It’s clear that we can’t be apart, so let’s just try to live. We will get through this. Together.” He ran his fingertips over my eyebrows, and as I closed my eyes, he gently continued his caress over my shuttered eyelids. “Go back to sleep and try to have pleasant dreams. Dream of me in a good way, please, holding you in my arms.”

  “Mmm, I promise.”

  Chapter 39 - Jesse

  The funeral went as well as I could have hoped. An incredible number of friends showed, each one paying their condolences to Kayla and offering anecdotes about John.

  They told of his love for life, how funny he was with all of his Southern sayings, and above all, every tale reverberated about his love for his daughter.

  I arranged the wake at John’s house, where I had food catered by an Italian restaurant. When the throngs of friends had finally dissipated and it was just the family again, we gathered in John’s living room. Instead of barraging Kayla and me about our choices, the family told stories about when Kayla was a baby and how much John adored his little girl.

  Conversation withered as the evening wound down. We talked about the weather, this weekend, and what we could possibl
y do as a family.

  Kayla had been sitting quietly, but then she suddenly sat up and looked at Gram. “Gram, have you heard of — what was the name of that sleeping pill, Jesse?”

  I pulled up my phone, even though I remembered the name, and sounded out the long generic name.

  Gram’s eyes darted to Melissa and then back to Kayla. “I’m familiar with it. Why?”

  I couldn’t help but wonder what had just transpired, but I remained silent.

  Kayla pursed her lips. “Dad was taking it, and I was wondering why.”

  “Isn’t that the prescription Brooke took, Mom?”

  Gram shot another look at Melissa, but this one said, shut up.

  Kayla also turned to stare at her aunt now. “My mom?”

  “Honey, your mother was taking them because she couldn’t sleep,” Gram explained.

  “Dad had insomnia,” Kayla offered. “He’d be up until one or two, and then be up before me at five. Sometimes I’d hear him in the middle of the night. I don’t know how long he’d been taking this medication, but the fill date was just two days prior to his accident, and there were exactly two pills missing. It just seems strange. Dad wouldn’t have left the house in the middle of the night. I’m just trying to find out why. My mom was on this stuff too?”

  I broke in, “It’s late, Kayla. Why don’t we go home? We’ll see you all in the morning.” I stood up and offered her my hand.

  “Okay.” She stooped to kiss Gram, and gave Melissa and William a hug. “Thanks for coming. I’ll see y’all tomorrow.”

  I awoke with a start; the first thing I noticed was that it was unusually cold. It was dark, always so dark here. It was taking me time to get used to not being able to see. I carefully moved my hand to Kayla’s side of the bed, mindful not to wake her. Nothing but cool sheets greeted me.

  I rolled out of bed, feeling around with my foot for the boxers I’d shed before I fell into bed. I pulled them on and padded my way around the bed to the hallway. I shot a quick glance at the clock radio: two a.m. As I opened the door, I saw light from beneath the office door. I felt my way down the hallway and softly turned the handle.

  Kayla was sitting with her back toward me, scribbling notes on a piece of paper. I walked up behind her, trying not to startle her, but wasn’t sure how to accomplish such a thing. Whether I spoke, cleared my throat, or touched her, she would surely jump through the roof. I looked over her shoulder at what she was reading on the screen. Google’s home page. In the search box were the words: Sleeping Pills Related Deaths.

  “What are you researching, Kayla?”

  As expected, she practically jumped out of the chair.

  “Oh, you ’bout scared me to death!” she screeched. “Jesse, you wouldn’t believe all this stuff I’ve found on this drug. It’s scary.” I saw the light in her eyes, an energy I hadn’t seen in more than a week. I hated that I had to be the one to deflate her.

  “I know,” I admitted. “I did some research too.”

  “You did? Why didn’t you tell me? We have to do something!”

  “There’s nothing we can do, Kayla. Try researching class-action suits and see what you come up with. There have been numerous attempts, but the lawyers keep backing out because they can’t afford the research it takes to bring down the drug manufacturers. These companies have deep pockets and political power. The only positive thing I found was that the Supreme Court ruled that drug companies aren’t protected because they have FDA approval, and in another case they called for stronger warnings on the labels of these types of sedative and hypnotic drugs.”

  “But look at all these famous people. I already found six who died of a drug overdose, and it was mentioned that the same drug Dad took was in their system, and then there are the suicides, auto accidents, mass shootings —” She looked at me as if to say, Make this right.

  I ran my hand through my hair and exhaled softly. “I’m tired, Kayla, please come back to bed. We can talk about this in the morning.” I reached over her, shut down the computer, and clicked off the screen. It was pitch-black now, but she didn’t move. “Please, baby, for me.”

  She stood and leaned into me. Wrapping an arm around her, I led her back down the hallway to our bedroom.

  The barn was as clean as a barn could be, but I still wasn’t used to the smell first thing in the morning, so as always, I worked at breakneck speed to get everything done quickly. We managed the work in half the time now that we were working together, but Kayla seemed to be moving slower than usual this morning, as though she weren’t thinking about what she was doing but working on autopilot again.

  Even the sounds of brush strokes stopped after a few seconds. I peeked up to see her staring at me, her brows furrowed. “I want to go after them.”

  “Go after them? Who’s them?”

  “The drug company,” she announced, a fierce look in her green eyes.

  I stopped what I was doing, walked to her stall, and knelt beside her. I tried hard to be forbearing. “I know you want someone to pay, baby. I know you want someone to be responsible. But sometimes, things just happen. We don’t always understand why, but if you take this on, it won’t help anything. It’ll just draw out your pain.”

  She huffed and stood, brushing pieces of hay off her shirt as though the straw were burning her. “So that’s it, then? You said we’d talk about this, but really, you don’t want me to talk about anything, just be all hunky-dory like nothing happened. Well, I can’t! Not now that I’ve found out this drug might be the reason both my parents are dead. I deserve an explanation!”

  I ran my hand through my hair. “Kayla, I never said I expected you to be perfect, or that I didn’t want you to talk about everything. It’s only been a week, for heaven’s sake. I expect you to be in pain. I just don’t think this is the answer. Many people say that God says we shouldn’t sue, but I understand what you’re thinking, that this company should pay if they’re guilty. But I’ve researched the drug manufacturer, and it’s impossible. This action you’re talking about, it would take years. I’ve heard of cases like these being drawn out more than ten years, which means you’d have to relive your father’s death over and over.”

  She threw down her brush, then glared at me, her brow furrowed again. “God, Jesse? God let this happen. He let my mom die, and then He let my dad die. And someone should pay. God chose not to take care of this, so now I have to. I don’t want to hear about what God wants. I want my dad!”

  I reached for her hand before she could run, as she always did when she was upset. “Kayla, you don’t mean that. You know it’s not God’s fault.”

  “Don’t I? How could God allow this to happen? My parents were good people. If there’s a God, and He’s good, why would He allow them to die?”

  “That’s not how it works, and you know it. God is just.”

  “I don’t know anything, Jesse, except that He took both of my parents. Why would I want anything to do with a god like that? Why would I care what He wants me to do or whether I should sue someone?”

  “Kayla,” I pleaded, not knowing what to say. She obviously wasn’t going to listen anyway. She needed to calm down.

  She shook her head, then pulled her hand from mine and stormed off.

  This time, I let her walk away.

  I finished up with the horses and found her sitting in the truck. I said nothing as I turned the ignition and then put the truck in gear, but then I stopped. I couldn’t allow her to lose her faith.

  “Kayla, will you let me talk for a moment? It’s important.”

  She huffed, but made no indication that she didn’t want to hear me, so I continued, “I know it’s going to sound like something everyone says, but hear me out, please. I know it’s not the same, but when my mother left, I asked my pastor the same questions.” I glanced at her briefly; she was just staring out the window. “Bad things happen, Kayla, and we say we don’t know why, but we do know. Yes, God could intervene if he wanted to, but then, where would our free
will be?” I paused at my question, not really expecting a response. “Everyone understands free will when it comes to our choices to choose God, to do good things, but free will is more than choosing what is right. It is our choice to do what we want, good or bad. Whether it’s a drug company that chooses to misinform the user of its product or a psycho who chooses to rape and murder children, or the person who chooses to dedicate their life to helping others, it’s all our choice. If God interfered with any decision, it would take away our free will, so He can’t or He wouldn’t be a just God.”

  Kayla still said nothing.

  “I know it’s hard right now, but you can’t lose your faith.”

  “Please take me home, Jesse.”

  It was all part of the steps, I knew. I’d read that everyone went through the stages of grief differently. Even those who didn’t believe in God, blamed God. Some steps took days, some took years, but all sufferers went through them. As much as it hurt, I had to let her work through the steps in her own time.

  Chapter 40 - Jesse

  Sunday morning again. It had been a long week. I rolled out of bed and stumbled to the shower.

  I stood motionless under the hot water, letting the needles work their way into my back. The family would leave today, and it would be just Kayla and me again, and then tomorrow, work, and hopefully school for Kayla; she still hadn’t made her decision.

  This was it; this was my life. Wake up, go to work, come home, eat, sleep, and repeat daily. I suddenly felt old. I knew I wouldn’t have felt this way if John hadn’t died; his death had changed everything. If it weren’t for his passing, we’d probably be in bed right now, curled up under the sheets. Our honeymoon had lasted barely a week, and then I’d left to go back to Florida. What would’ve happened if I’d stayed? Would John still be alive? Would my wife be talking to me right now instead of being angry?