He takes one look at them and his struggling increases tenfold, self-preservation and adrenaline funneling strength into his thin frame that he wouldn’t normally possess. The gurney begins to jerk with his movements, shaking back and forth on the wheels.
Without me having to ask, Mateo, Gavin, and Finn step in to help restrict his attempts to get free.
Lexi doesn’t show him any more sympathy than I did, not bothering to disinfect the insertion sights. It takes her seconds to slide both needles into the crooks of his forearms and I wonder if she’s that good at it because of her mom. If there were times, during their confinement, where she had to play nurse to her.
“Now, Shane,” I start to explain, helping hold him down. “These little nanobots have been set to destroy your tissue from the inside-out and it’s not going to be a quick process, like Ms. Rhine’s death. You took that bastard’s money to hurt an innocent girl, so I’m sure you understand it’s no less than you deserve.”
He shakes his head, full-on crying now, pleading with his eyes for a mercy I’m incapable of giving him.
And it isn’t just my thirst for revenge.
Lexi wants him dead more than I do. That gleam in her light irises is too blunt.
I’ll give her whatever life she desires, end whoever she wants gone. If that’s wrong, I don’t give a fuck. We live in a world full of it, destinies chosen for us years ago by the malice of others.
She switches on the device that pumps the fluid with the bots into Shane’s veins.
Although his death won’t be slow, it takes less than three seconds for them to go to work. His eyes bulge, a scream lodging into the gag, his face turning bright cherry-red. We hold him down as gashes begin to appear over his body, the bots tearing through him from the inside.
Blood begins to pour onto the floor from his wounds.
Lexi steps up to us, wrapping her gloved-hands around his legs, joining in the efforts to hold him down, impassive as ever even though I can sense the satisfaction coming off her in waves.
Not even Finn flinches as the bots continue tearing Shane Harris apart, his screams transforming into animalistic, gurgling sounds, his skin rupturing open in multiple areas, blood squirting like mini-geysers from each wound, and that’s the moment I know for sure:
I’ve taken almost all of the people I care about down this dark, heinous path with me.
chapter 41
m ateo and I are out in the hallway of the basement located beneath the abandoned warehouse that Shell let us use. I’ve just given him an update on Shane Harris’ death and promised him I won’t be killing anyone else within the next few days.
But that’s only because I plan to tear both Kaylee and that woman from the night of the benefit down first. I’ve already relocated her identity although I’d
forgotten her name.
“Do you want us to take the body back to Drevlow Systems?” Mateo asks me, already two steps ahead.
Who would’ve thought our acid tank would come in handy to such an extent?
Nodding, I clap my hand over his shoulder. “Thank you for being willing to be a part of this and bringing in men we can trust.” At least, I’m banking everything on them being men we can trust.
“Mr. Drevlow, I explained to you. Our unit dealt with these kinds of monsters and we understand very well that sometimes the law isn’t enough.”
I wonder what exactly this man has seen that morphed him into what he is today.
“We’ll meet you back at corporate.”
Dipping his chin, he turns to go.
As soon as he does, I see Lexi barreling down the hall towards us. She removed her
bloody gloves and her tiny hands are fisted at her sides, her gait determined.
“Baby, is everything—oomph!” I catch her against me, feeling her legs wrap
around my waist. Her lips descend on mine, her tongue penetrating in that claim
of ownership. As if I’ve been fucking trained by her, my body tenses immediately, dark need igniting low in my gut. “Lexi—what—” I try to say between kisses, but she isn’t having it, taking my mouth in a deep, thorough kiss.
She sucks my lip and nibbles her way along my jaw. “Take me somewhere. Now.”
Hot. Fucking. Damn.
Vision blurring, I clutch her to me, nearly feeling my way down the hall in search of some kind of doorway. I find one ten feet or so away and slam my shoulder into it to get it open.
“Oh come on now, guys. That’s just wrong,” I hear Finn complain from down the hall before the door slams shut behind us.
Don’t even know where we are. It’s pitch-fucking-black in here.
In the grips of some demonic, sexual hunger, Lexi writhes in my arms, grinding on my dick. “Do it, Drew. Now. I need this.”
She’s high off the kill, I realize dimly, searching blindly for the wall. When I find
it, I slam her up against it, my mind screaming how wrong this is, my cock
aching for her.
Heat rises between us, hands clutching. Searching. Threatening to tear right through fabric.
I drop Lexi to her feet, voice grating through my thick throat. “Get those pants off, baby.” My own pants are already open and I feel her shimmying as she works
hers down her hips.
To my surprise, Lexi pushes me back, making room, and I feel her turn around next. “Like this. Take me like this.”
Is she fucking bending over for me right now?
Groaning, I tug at her hips, my dick making contact with her ass. I run my hand down her back, feeling the curve from her bent position against the wall. My heart pounds heavy, my dick sliding down her crack, seeking her wet pussy. “Lexi, why now?” I can’t help but ask.
She replies with this cute, annoyed groan, rocking her hips back to me. “Because, apparently, I’m all fucked up, Drew, and I need you too bad. Give it to me.”
“We’re so talking about this after.” Positioning myself, I slide my hands around her hips and thrust home.
And there it is, the sensation of her wet, tight flesh enveloping, tugging me in.
That perfect, tailor-made hit of euphoria, a thousand times more powerful than any hit of heroin I ever shot into my veins.
I’ve taken her so many times in the last two weeks. Hard, slow, in between.
This one goes nuclear instantly, Lexi screaming out my name and arching toward me.
Gritting my teeth, I set a brutal rhythm, her pussy tightening and preparing to milk me in the blink of an eye. “God damn, baby. You’re so needy. So hot.” I work my hand around her ponytail, pulling her back, forcing her to arch deeper.
“F-fuck. Drew. Yes, give it to me. Make it hurt, baby. I love it with you,” she whimpers, her tight walls clinging to me.
“Holy crap, you’re so fucking wet, Lexi.” My thoughts rotate, crashing into each other, the fact we just killed a man together, and this is how we’re reacting to it, both bothering me and making me want to explode.
I shouldn’t be doing this to her.
I shouldn’t be turning her into this.
I shouldn’t get so aroused by the evidence of her own monstrosity.
But I fucking am, and there’s no stopping this now.
No stopping this.
I bend over her, seeking her mouth, waves of heat rolling through me. The sound of her wet pussy taking my thrusts, of our mouths mating with abandon, her moans and cries increasing.
She chokes on my name along my lips, tensing—
Her inner muscles contract, tugging on me, and I break away from her mouth with a roar. I can’t see her, can’t see anything in this dark room, yet the force of the orgasm would no doubt blur my vision if I could.
Gasping, twitching, I pump my cum into her, long after that last shiver rips through me.
Pulling out of her, I straighten her so I can wrap my arms around her and lean down to kiss her temple. “We’re talking about this later.”
“Move.” She wiggles her hips. “I need to
get these pants up before that giant load starts leaking out of me.”
That unexpected comment rips a laugh out of me.
Another wrong thing, I suppose. We shouldn’t be enjoying any of this after what we just did.
Or maybe we should. Maybe we’re meant to. Maybe these two demons life created are due any happiness they can fucking find, wherever they can find it.
Tugging my pants into place, I reach for her again in the dark. Lexi allows me to tug her into me, her cheek against my chest. “I love you, Lexi, and I’m sorry for all of this.”
“Drew, I love you too, but don’t you ever dare apologize again. This probably wouldn’t make sense to anyone else, but . . . you’re giving me back pieces of me that have been missing for too long. Never stop doing that. Please.”
“Lexi—”
Even though she can’t see me, she raises her head and I can almost sense her eyes on my face. “I mean it, Drew. For the first time in forever, I don’t feel powerless. I don’t feel weak. And,” she runs her finger down my chest over my shirt, making my heart skip, “you make me feel like a woman again.”
Not a sexual assault victim.
Yanking her back into me, I tighten my arms around her, knowing she can feel me shaking. “I’ll give you anything you need to feel whole again, Lexi. No matter how heinous and wrong.”
chapter 42
m y accounts are frozen for like the tenth time since this all started.
Mom is threatening to team up with my father to force me into rehab.
The nerve. The betrayal. I don’t care how worried about me she is, just hearing her voice the possibility of working with him on anything leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.
I’d taken out a few thousand-dollars before my access to the accounts was revoked. Most of that is gone now, but I had enough left for one more purchase tonight.
I’d like to say one more hit, but that’s bullshit. Not with the way my tolerance has gotten.
Mom knows I’m using heroin. She caught sight of my forearms earlier. She burst into my room as I was showering and my dumb ass forgot to lock the bathroom door. I was coming out, wrapped in my towel, when she entered.
At first, her horror sliced me. Ruined me. Guilt blossomed in a toxic wave, my failures as her only son reminding me that my father is right. I’d been better off had I never been born.
But then she screamed that she was teaming up with my father, with him of all people . . .
I’m not going to say the guilt is dead. It isn’t. It probably never will be, even after I’m gone.
I’ve failed her and Lexi, the two women I love the most, beyond measure.
Soon, neither of them will have to deal with me again.
I tilt the bottle back, finishing off the last of the 151—the strongest alcohol the shitty liquor store I found had available.
We normally have even stronger stuff at home, but my father already remove all the alcohol to his study and locked it in his safe.
Greedy bastard. As always.
It’s winter now, and the body weight I’ve lost the last few months has made it harder for me to regulate my body warmth. Either that, or it’s the shakes. They’re getting worse each day, but that’s because of how much I’m forced to shoot to feel even a smidgen of relief at this point.
Whatever. That’s all about to end.
Rolling up my sleeve, I peer down at the mess of swollen veins and dark scars on my left arm. Usually it’s my favorite to inject, but I can’t locate a single decent vein through the haze.
Next, I roll up my right sleeve. This arm’s nearly as bad, but I think I can make it work.
Shit. No wonder mom freaked earlier when she saw them.
I lower the needle prior to injecting and fumble to send her a last text.
Drew: I’m so sorry, Mom. I love you. Please never forget how much.
There’s more I want to say, more she deserves, but I can’t give them time to locate me. For all I know, my father has a tracker on this car or my phone, or a group of people tailing me already.
I’m done allowing them to force me to live.
Done with even my mother, as much as I love her. She should’ve left my father instead of allowing him to ruin my life repeatedly. She has enough money. Always did. She chose to stay, knowing the damage I was constantly incurring.
And for her to then refuse to understand Lexi’s loss, to villainize my girl simply for running after everything my father cost the Berkmans . . .
Fuck it. I refuse to spend these last moments trapped in a bitter recollection of Mom. In the end, I’m the one that’s going to cost her the most pain.
Lifting the needle, I make sure the ignition is on and the car revved to go. Never tried driving after the initial hit before, no idea how far I’m going to make it, but I guess I’m about to find out.
Not bothering with a tourniquet this time, I tighten my fist, locate a semi-usable looking vein, and jam the needle in. The rush of liquid hits my veins as quickly as always, but as usual lately, the physical effect isn’t the same as before.
I refill and inject a second dose. As the world around me begins melting away, I shift to drive and press down on the gas as hard as I can, tires squealing as I roar back onto the empty freeway.
The weakening of my limbs must be an illusion. As I look away from the world speeding by too quickly for my eyes to track, I see the speedometer shows the needle pushing 60mph.
Seventy.
Eighty.
Eighty-five.
I look away as the needle approaches ninety, seeing the sharp curve in the road up ahead. My foot has the gas pedal on the floor, even if I wanted to there’s no way to slow down and take that turn in time . . .
I miss you, Lexi. I’ll always miss you, even from the other side. I’ll never stop loving you.
The peace of what’s about to happen is almost enough to ease the heartache of never seeing her face again.
Not true. Her face is always there. Most of the times, it’s the only thing I see.
I close my eyes now, taking a deep breath, envisioning it. How I would’ve given anything to kiss her one last—
The force of the impact barrels from the front of the car in a shockwave of slow-motion destruction. Without the seatbelt, I’m thrown into the steering wheel as the airbags deploy, instantly suffocated from the force.
The vehicle crushes around me, concrete scraping along the exterior in deafening screeches.
Something pierces through the car, or maybe it’s the car itself, and I feel the perforation slicing through my left thigh—
The car’s spinning, the world white from the airbags.
Another impact.
The next perforation comes into my back, my side, jagged pieces stabbing deep . . .
Right before the car defies gravity, flipping into the air.
My last thought before the final impact is the only one that matters.
The only one I’m taking with me.
I love you, Lexi. Please remember that one day. Please.
chapter 43
s tanding by my bed, I watch Lexi sleep as I hear Finn breaking down the current nano-specs over the phone.
Or, in other words, as he roars with triumph at the success.
“A freaking week of successful field testing without a hitch, baby!” He whoops at the end and I can’t help but smile.
“Yeah, unfortunately, we’re also ushering in a new error of danger for this entire planet.” Something I’ve been cognizant of for years, but Menahan forced our hand.
“Well, we have friends to help with that, don’t we?”
Sadly, that’s true. As much as I don’t want to hand over the specs for the tech to Shell, I’ve had to brief him on large parts of it in the hopes that his other deep, government connections can help him start bracing this country for what’s to come.
And in turn, our worldwide allies.
“Just tell me you’ve managed to shrink the surveillance tech down to t
he nanotech required size. We need it. As in yesterday.”
Finn scoffs and I can almost imagine his exact expression. “I’ve been working on this shit for the better part of four years. Give me some credit.”
“How fast can we produce another batch?”
“You’ve pumped about five-billion into nubot production over the last few years. Biochips as well. We have enough material and 3D-printers to mass produce them for years. I just need to do the first print-outs of the nanocameras to fit onto them and make sure they’re functional.”
“I need you on that, Finn. All day. Get more resources if you need. Pull them out of other departments.”
“Already requested Megan be pulled from Paul’s team and sent up here.”
Don’t know who this Megan is, but any mention of Paul irks my soul, as petty as that might be to admit.
As far as I know, Lexi hasn’t had much contact with him since the day I threatened him. At first, I made sure to do any necessary visits to the IT department myself, but even I must admit that’s a little too psychotic and possessive.
Trusting Lexi isn’t the issue. Allowing another man that loves her—or whatever it is that he feels for her—near her guts me. Something she understands, by her own admission.
Still. We need him.
Lexi mumbles in her sleep, snuggling closer to the pillow, and my heart catches in my chest. She’s naked under those covers, her back bared as she lays on her stomach, and the desire to crawl back into that bed with her chokes me.
She’s sore enough. I realized it the last time I fucked her a few hours ago. She didn’t complain but there was no hiding her wince that last time I slid into her.
Letting her rest, I turn away and make my way out the room to continue my conversation with Finn. “We’re unveiling the goggles in three days. I need these bots ready to go, at least a few thousand of them, the day before that.”
“Son of a . . .”
“Just get it done.” The beep notifying me of another incoming call sounds and I end the call with him to answer. “Yes?”
“It’s Mom, honey. How are you?”
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