by Katy Kaylee
Yes, all right, I had wanted it, and in a way I was glad that I had done it. I had finally had sex, and with someone I was drawn to in a way that I had never been drawn to anyone else.
Congratulations to me, I supposed.
But this—this couldn’t happen again. it was still a breach of protocol, this was still going against all of the rules, rules that I believed in and supported.
Fuck.
My career was in real jeopardy if anyone found out about this.
“How’re you feeling?” Alex asked.
“Good.” I meant it. I had enjoyed that. I really had. But I couldn’t let it happen again. It was unethical and besides, I didn’t have time to date someone with my career. I was only just figuring out how to have friends. I didn’t have time for a romance!
This had been a mistake. A very enjoyable mistake, but still a mistake. Or, well, no, maybe not a mistake but—definitely a one night only kind of show. There wasn’t going to be an encore, no repeat performances.
I stood up quickly and began to fix my clothes. There wasn’t much to fix, exactly. It was all tight and not covering much but I could at least get myself more presentable and… ah, bathroom, wipe myself off… my thighs were covered in slick, and there were love bites standing out stark against my skin from where Alex had sucked and bit at my neck and breasts. I couldn’t help but shiver as I examined them, but I quickly covered them up. Nope, I was not going to dwell on it. If I dwelled on it, if I thought about how good it was, I was going to want more, I’d want to do it again, and I couldn’t afford that. I couldn’t want to do it again. That was way too dangerous for me.
“Something wrong?” Alex asked, propping himself up. He finally took his mask off, and I couldn’t help but admire how handsome he was. I had loved him with the mask on but I also loved him with the mask off, loved the lines of his face and how it all came together in harmony. “You should stay,” he told me. “Relax, sleep, in the morning…”
“I’m sorry, but I can’t stay.” I looked around for my shoes. “I have to get back home and I have to get… I have to get out.”
“Don’t worry about it, honestly, Claire…”
“No, I will worry about it.” What he was saying reminded me, uncomfortably, of Philip. I didn’t want him to be like Philip. I didn’t want him to be the same. “What we did was against hospital policy, it was against the rules and it would get us into serious trouble if anyone found out. Me more than you, let’s be honest here, because I’m the woman and I’m the doctor. What we did was wrong and it can’t happen again.”
Alex stood up and strode over towards me, reaching for me, but I pulled away, trying to get my hair to look less like I’d just had sex.
“Claire…”
“No.” I shook my head. “We can never mention what happened tonight, all right? You can’t tell anyone, it would me the end of my career or worse. And it could put Tabitha in danger.”
Alex’s eyes went wide. I almost regretted saying that, because I didn’t want to scare or alarm him. But it was true. If the board started investigating me, then they might change something about Tabitha’s treatment or put her in a position where she didn’t get what she needed in time.
If anything happened to that little girl because of me—if something happened to any of my patients because of this one night stand—then I would never be able to forgive myself.
Alex swallowed, suddenly going from soft and playful to serious. He stood up straighter. “I’m not the type to kiss and tell.”
I nodded. “This can’t happen again.”
Alex nodded.
I wished that there was something that I could say, something that would be able to help him feel better, or perhaps I should apologize? But I didn’t know what I would be apologizing for. We had fun, we just couldn’t talk about it and couldn’t have a repeat.
There was really nothing more that I could say.
Instead I just got my shoes on and hurried out the door, leaving Alex just standing there, naked.
I got home and stripped out of the damn naughty nurse dress, taking a nice hot shower. God it felt good. I had loved the sex but man, it was also good to feel that warm spray massaging my muscles, cleaning all the stickiness off of my skin. I felt like… like me again.
When I had been in that outfit, at the party, I had been someone else. Still me but… another version of me, a version that actually went and did crazy things. Now I was back to… normal, I guess you could say. I wasn’t the kind of person who did reckless things, and I never would again.
I also felt… oddly small, again. Oddly drab. Like the color had been leeched out of me at the thought. But I ignored that. It was beyond crazy, what I’d done, and I wasn’t going to risk anything by doing it again. I was just lucky that Alex was discreet and that Pippa would never tell on me.
Just as I was getting into my pajamas, the phone rang. For an insane moment I thought it was Alex calling me, trying to get me to give him another chance, to make this a regular thing, but then I realized that he didn’t have my cell number.
Shoving down the odd feeling of disappointment, I grabbed the phone. It was Pippa. “Hey, everything okay?”
“You’re asking me if everything’s okay?” Pippa laughed. “I should be asking you that, you’re the one who went home with a handsome stranger! I saw you leaving and just wanted to make sure that all was well and you got home okay.”
“I mean, I’m home. I’m… I’m not sure that I’m okay.”
“What!?” Pippa sounded ready to murder someone. In the background I couldn’t hear any noises from the party, so I figured that it was probably over by now and she was doing some quick clean up before she went to bed so she didn’t find any ants crawling over the food in the morning.
“What did he do!?” Pippa yelled, and I realized—oh no, she thought that Alex had hurt me or something.
“Oh, no no no, no, Pippa, I’m fine! He was—no, he didn’t hurt me, he didn’t do anything that I didn’t want him to do, I promise.”
“Thank God, I was about ready to go and rip his head off. What’s wrong, then, honey?”
I sat down on the bed, feeling heavy, like my bones had been filled with cement. “I slept with him.”
“…did you want to?”
“I did, yeah, and it was—it was great, actually. It was amazing.”
“Details! Details!”
“Oh God, Pippa, no…” I sighed. “I mean… he was really considerate and sexy. He didn’t make me feel embarrassed for being a virgin. He ate me out, he was kissing me all over, he was just—it was great.”
“Then why do you sound upset?”
“How about the fact that I’m a doctor who just slept with her patient?” I pointed out.
“Do you regret it? I admit I wanted you two to get together, I thought that it would be good for you—that he would be good for you—but if it’s not, if you don’t want it or like it or…”
“Well, I liked it, I did, but… it was a mistake. If word gets out about this, I could be fired. Or worse.”
“Word won’t get out about it,” Pippa promised me. “Look nobody knew who Alex was at the party. He had his face covered, and nobody knows him by voice, and I don’t think he told anyone who he was. He was just there for you, after all.”
That made heat rise to my cheeks. The idea that Alex had been there not just for anyone, but for me, to see me in particular, that he wouldn’t have come if I hadn’t been there…
No. Bad, Claire, bad. I wasn’t going to think about him like that. No way.
“And I didn’t see any doctors there,” Pippa continued. “Just one sexy nurse.”
The ball of nerves in my stomach loosened up. “Thanks, Pippa. I… I appreciate it.”
I could practically hear her winking. “Of course, hon. Your secret is safe with me. Nobody is ever going to find out.”
“You’re a good friend, Pippa. I trust you.” And I did, I really did. I knew that if this got out, it
wouldn’t be through her. “And I hope that you’re right.”
“Of course I’m right. Don’t worry about it. Sleep well, okay?”
“You too.”
I hung up and left my phone on the bed, sighing. I really did hope that she was right. Nobody could know about this. And on the one hand, Pippa was right, nobody knew Alex at the party and we’d crossed through it all pretty quickly on our way out, who knew what they’d seen?
But… I couldn’t stop worrying.
I went to bed, but I couldn’t stop thinking. Couldn’t stop worrying.
I didn’t really sleep all night.
15
Alex
I spent all weekend thinking about Claire.
Why hadn’t she told me that she was a virgin? I would’ve done things differently, taken things a little more slowly. I had assumed she had more experience and so I had rushed things, when I should’ve had more consideration.
But God, she had been perfect. She had been amazing. I hadn’t been that satisfied, that turned on, in ages. No, never. She had been so genuine in her responses—and no wonder. She had never done any of this with another person before, had never experienced any of this before, so of course she was sensitive.
I had known it the moment that I had started to slide inside of her and I had felt her reaction. She was so tight, and she’d resisted, and made this noise… and I had known.
At least she had enjoyed it, or she’d seemed to. I could only hope that she did.
It made sense when I thought about it, though. Claire was a twenty-seven-year-old oncologist. That couldn’t have been easy. She was so driven, so tense, she must have been one hundred percent focused on her studies. She had to have been, because otherwise how else would she have succeeded? How else would she have made it?
And with her tough demeanor and her dedication, it couldn’t have been easy for anyone to get close to her. She didn’t seem to have many friends. And she was intimidating as hell. No, I wasn’t surprised at all.
I felt a lot of sympathy for her, honestly. Now that I took stock of her age and her career, I realized that she must have had a very lonely time of it. Maybe she’d never had the chance to have a real relationship.
To be honest, I had spent way too much of the weekend wondering about what a relationship with Claire would be like. It made me feel warm inside, which was startling. I had known many amazing women in my time, and I had never thought about being with them romantically, no matter how great in bed they were or how amazing their personalities were. I had nothing against relationships of course, it just hadn’t been for me. Hadn’t been anything that I’d wanted.
Until now.
Claire was worried, though. And I could understand that. I wasn’t the doctor, I wasn’t the one who had a career on the line. Hell, even if I sold all of my assets this moment, I had more than enough money to live by for the rest of my life. I could live another hundred years and spend a million dollars every day and I wouldn’t run out of it. I wasn’t in any danger. Claire, though… she was in danger if people found out. I had to respect her fear, and the ethics of our situation.
If only she hadn’t run out so quickly. Like she was on fire or something. I hadn’t been able to tell her how important Halloween night had been to me. This wasn’t meaningless, this wasn’t another one night stand.
Crazy, I knew, coming from me of all people. The man of a million one night stands, I had been jokingly called at a party once—I think by Tommy, actually—and hell, I had earned that reputation. But Claire was… she was just different. I couldn’t even explain it.
But I didn’t want just one night with her. I wasn’t one and done, not when it came to her. There were so many layers to her and I wanted to unwrap them all. I wanted to get to know every part of her, to learn all of her secrets, and have her know mine.
God, was this what all those singers talked about on the radio? I felt like an idiot but in a good way.
All weekend I tried to figure out how to tell Claire that I wasn’t in this just for the one night. I knew that it was dangerous, as far as Claire’s job went. And I knew that it was risky. But I couldn’t let this go. Not when I had finally found the one person that I wanted to actually get to know and spend time with romantically. I had thought that this would never happen, and now…
But how could I tell Claire that I felt that way? She had run away from me after making it clear in no uncertain terms that she didn’t want this to happen again—that it couldn’t happen again. How could I get through to her after that?
Claire didn’t work all weekend, so I just spent the time with Tabitha. On Monday, I was having lunch with her, keeping an ear out for Claire while I listened to Tabitha talk about the next big holiday coming up: Christmas.
It amazed me how fast kids could speed through one thing to talking about another. Halloween had been over for barely twelve hours and it had become Santa this and decorating the tree that.
I’d told Tabitha that she could have whatever she wanted for Christmas when I’d adopted her, and I’d meant it. Of course presents couldn’t replace the parents she had lost, but between losing her family and her illness, I’d felt that some fun presents surely couldn’t hurt.
“Uncle Alex?”
“Yes, Ladybug?”
“I know what I want for Christmas but…” Tabitha bit her lip. “I just wanna know if I’ll still be in the hospital by then.”
Oh, God, I hoped not. “Well, Christmas is a long time away, you never know. But if you are, then I’ll flood the ward with decorations and presents just for you. It’ll be more festive than Santa’s workshop.”
“What about the other kids? I can’t get all presents and they have none. It’s not fair.”
“Well I’ll just have to buy them all presents too then, how does that sound?”
Tabitha giggled. “I like that. I can get their Christmas lists too! But we can’t get them the same thing Santa gets them.”
“I’m sure that Santa will know what we’re getting them and he’ll get them something different.”
“You certainly have the money for it,” someone said, someone that I unfortunately recognized. “Your uncle could fill this entire hospital with presents. Floor to ceiling.”
I turned to see Barbara Warwick standing there. Warwick was a well-known journalist, and she wasn’t exactly the ambulance-chasing hound dog that I’d seen too many times in the press, caring about the juicy gossip of the story more than any lives they might be ruining, but I still didn’t exactly trust her. Once upon a time and not too long ago at that I hadn’t cared what journalists would say about me. It didn’t really touch me. If it was true, well it wasn’t anything I hadn’t earned, and if it wasn’t true, then I knew that the people who really mattered, my friends and my investors, knew that it was a lie and who cared about anyone else?
But now I had Tabitha to think about. I had been avoiding the press since I’d adopted her and for good reason. I didn’t want Tabitha to live a life in the public spotlight. She hadn’t asked for this, for any of it. She was just a kid who happened to be my niece. I had built this life up but she hadn’t. If this reporter, if any reporter, or anyone at all, took advantage of Tabitha in order to use my wealth or reputation then I would destroy them every way that I could.
I was going to be a good uncle to her, dammit, and that meant protecting her from selfish people.
“My apologies for interrupting,” Warwick went on. “I hadn’t realized that there was… all this going on.”
“What are you doing here?” I asked, standing up. I shifted to stand so that Warwick couldn’t look Tabitha in the eye, so that I was standing in between them. Tabitha was looking between the two of us curiously, obviously wondering what was going on.
“I had spoken with your partner about the upcoming merger and wanted to get your take on it, of course.” Warwick smiled brightly, as if I should’ve seen this coming.
Dammit, I probably should have, actually. Tommy h
ad warned me that some people in the press had gotten a hold of the whole merger and might start to bother me. But I’d thought that would mean emails and phone calls, not just showing up out of the blue. That was the polite thing to do and it was something most journalists did—they reached out through email, through your assistant, and so on. They didn’t just show up in person wherever you were. It was bad form.
Clearly, Warwick didn’t care. Given that she’d broken a lot of big celebrity scandals wide open and had covered the 2008 financial crisis and gotten in on it before almost anyone else, I wasn’t surprised that ambushing people was in her repertoire. She probably just called it ‘ambition’ and ‘being a go-getter’.
“And you couldn’t have just left a message?” I asked, folding my arms.
“I prefer to conduct business face to face whenever I can.” Warwick was still smiling, like this was all hugely entertaining for her. “I thought I was just coming here to discuss a merger but now that I’ve arrived it seems that I’ve stumbled onto a far more interesting story. Who knew that there was this side to you, Mr. Conner?”
“The people who matter knew about it,” I replied. “What do you want?”
“Well, I’m covering the merger for a major news outlet, not naming any names just yet, walls have ears. But I’m thinking that adding a human interest element to the story will get us even more play. Of course such a large merger is always going to be talked about but more in the business sector. If we want to really get people hooked in we have to include something that everyone can relate to, that human element. That bit that tugs at the heartstrings.”
Fucking hell. “My daughter isn’t a bit, she isn’t a ploy to tug at people’s heartstrings.”
“Oh, of course not,” Warwick agreed readily.
I had to tread carefully here. I didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize the merger. This was all Tommy’s project and he’d worked hard on it. There was a lot riding on this for him. But I didn’t want Tabitha thrust into the limelight here.