by Katy Kaylee
“The divorce was bad,” Dad went on. “I gave up on trying to fix things and I just isolated myself, and eventually we just had a fight that we couldn’t come back from. I honestly don’t remember who suggested—or threatened, I should say—divorce first but once it was suggested we just both… kind of went with it. Very angrily and resentfully, but we went with it.
“Jennifer seemed to decide to use it to take everything I had. I just wanted to get out. I was tired of fighting, I wanted to be done and away and stop dealing with this mess. I should’ve fought harder for custody, and I should’ve fought harder to see you after the divorce. Jennifer was insistent that I get no part of your life. She said that I should’ve made more of an effort while we were married, and I don’t know, maybe she has a point. But you were still young, you were still a kid, there was still a chance for me to be your father and I didn’t fight harder to have that chance. I failed you in that, and I’m sorry.”
“Mom told me that you didn’t want to see me,” I admitted, my voice soft. “That you never even tried, that you just… walked away from the family. After you’d been cheating on her, that is. She said that’s why she asked for the divorce.”
Dad looked aghast. It was similar to the look he’d had on his face when he’d realized that I was in Alex’s house in a bathrobe—that I was sleeping with Alex—only with less anger in it this time. “I never cheated,” he insisted, and I believed him given the look on his face. Either he was telling the truth, or he was the best actor I’d ever seen.
“I never cheated,” Dad repeated. “I didn’t put in the effort to be the father to you that I should have. I didn’t fight for you like I should have. But I never cheated on your mother, I never lied, none of that. Or anything else Jennifer might’ve said. I retreated into my work because Jennifer was smothering me, she tried to control everything and micromanage me, and it built up resentment between us and our marriage imploded. That’s the truth.”
I took some deep breaths, feeling like my world was imploding as well, just a bit. I’d grown up thinking that my father was an absolute asshat and that my mother was the innocent, wronged party. Now I was seeing that things were more complicated than that. That there wasn’t exactly a bad guy in this scenario, just two people that weren’t right for each other who had a failed marriage.
“Mom has to learn to be less controlling,” I said. “It’s something I’ve been struggling with lately. I appreciate you telling me all of this and being honest.”
“I wish I could say that I was the perfect father, that your mother poisoned you against me, that I spent all this time trying to find you… but that would be a lie. And you deserve the truth.” Dad shrugged. “I retreated into myself. The divorce ruined me and I licked my wounds, perhaps for too long. Alex had to practically drag me out once he got back to LA and saw the state I was in. But I did try, a few times, and when your mom blocked me I thought… why stir up trouble again? Now I wish I had—but I’m here now. I’m here and I want to make things better. I want to be your father and have a relationship with you. I’m sorry it’s taken me so long.”
Hearing all this—it was words that I had always wanted to hear but hadn’t even realized that I wanted to hear until I’d actually heard them.
“I can’t say that… that things are going to be perfect between us,” I told him. “It’s going to take some time. I don’t know who you are, and you don’t know who I am. We’re strangers to each other, and I want you to respect that we’re getting to know each other. We’re not going to just become close with a snap of the fingers.”
Dad nodded. “I respect that.”
“But,” I added, “I do… I appreciate your apology, and I accept it. And I… I want us to have a relationship. I’d like to be your daughter, I’d like you to be my father. I would really, really like that.”
I didn’t know how to tell him that aside from his apology, the fact that he was such close friends with Alex helped me to believe that he was a good guy. Alex might have once been someone who slept around but he was always a good person. He was a forthright, intelligent, honorable person. If he had someone as his best friend, that person was a good person. He wouldn’t put up with a sleaze or an asshole.
But I feared that might start up Dad’s anger at Alex again and I didn’t want to do that, not when we had just started to come together. So instead I just smiled, and watched Dad smile back, blinking a little in surprise or perhaps holding back tears.
When we finished up our meal I let him hug me, and honestly? It felt right. It felt good.
If only everything else in my life could be sorted out as easily.
31
Alex
It had been almost a week since I’d last spoken to Claire or seen her. I felt like I was going insane. Last Thursday I had been trying to figure out how to get some time alone with Claire, a proper date, but feeling good. This Thursday I felt absolutely fucking miserable.
At least Tabitha was happy. Now that she’d been told she’d be leaving soon, she was impatient to get out of the hospital, always bouncing around and asking when we could go home. I understood her impatience. I’d wanted her to get out of that damn hospital (no offense, of course, to the people there) for months. I wanted her better, and it was finally happening.
I was still a bit on edge, though, so when the phone rang while I was getting dressed for the day I jumped a mile.
What if the diagnosis had been wrong and she had to stay? What if she got another infection? What if, what if, what if…
But then I checked to see who was calling. It was… Tommy?
“Hello?”
“Hey, Alex.” Tommy sounded… well he didn’t sound like he was going to kill me, which was a good thing. “I was wondering if you’d had breakfast yet, if you’d like to meet me somewhere.”
“Yeah, yeah, sure.” Clearly Tommy was ready to talk, and I was grateful for that, but at the same time—I was a little worried that he’d just punch me and walk out.
Well, there was only one way to find out.
When I saw Tommy at the restaurant it was immediately clear that he was in better spirits. He looked well-rested, for one thing. “Everything go okay with Claire?” I asked.
I then immediately bit my tongue. Great job, Alex, bring up the woman that you’re dating who is also his daughter. Start with that right away, sure, no problem.
The woman I had been dating, anyway. I wasn’t so sure anymore. It seemed that Claire no longer wanted me. And I wasn’t sure if I could blame her or not. If she had to choose between her father and me, well, what kind of choice was that? She’d wanted a father her whole life, I couldn’t take that from her. And surely there were other men out there she could meet who would take good care of her.
I dared any of them to love her the way that I did, though.
“We had a good talk,” Tommy confirmed as we sat down at our table. “We’re going to take things slow, but I think I’ve got a chance at a real relationship with her. She took it all really well. Asked questions, really listened to me… she said she’s willing to give this a shot and I’m not going to waste that.”
“I’m happy for you, man, I really am.”
“I have you to thank for it, you know.” Tommy’s gaze was shrewd but also grateful. “You got me out here and… well she didn’t say it, exactly, but we skirted around it a bit and I think it was you being friends with me that helped her to trust me. She… she clearly thinks very highly of you and that extends to the people you choose to spend time with.”
Wow. Okay. I hadn’t expected that at all. “I’d do anything to help you out,” I told him honestly. “And I’m sorry that I’ve hurt you, I’m sorry if I’ve made things uncomfortable or awkward in any way.”
Tommy gave me a look—one that I recognized. It was this shrewd look that he would use on potential business partners or employees when he wasn’t sure about them and wanted to really suss out their motives. “How do you feel about Claire?”
“Because I won’t have her heart broken by you,” Tommy continued. “She’s not the type to just do a fling or have a casual affair. Not saying there’s anything wrong with women who are that type, but Claire isn’t. And you need to respect that. So if you’re not committed you need to break things off now, or I’ll break your face for you. I won’t let you lead her on.”
“I understand,” I told him immediately, cutting him off before he could rile himself up further. “And you’ve got every right to think that this is just casual for me. I never had a serious relationship before, I know. But I promise you, things are different. I’ve—it feels right to tell you about this since you’re my best friend, but weird because, well. You know why. But I’ve honestly never felt like this about anyone before. I’m in love with her, and I would never do anything to hurt her.”
When I’d pictured saying I’m in love with Claire out loud for the first time, I’d naturally pictured saying it to Claire herself. I most definitely had not pictured saying it to, of all people, Claire’s father.
Yet, here I was.
Tommy stared at me for a second, like he was trying to work out what I’d said. “You’re…”
“In love with her, yes. I was planning on saying something to her when I took her home to LA but…”
Tommy winced. “Sorry about… all that.”
“No, no, it’s fine. Claire’s the one to apologize to, I mean, any anger you felt at me was deserved. Given my history… you had no reason to expect anything else from me.”
“You never bring people home to your house, though,” Tommy pointed out. “Not since Tabitha. I’m not sure even before then. That should’ve tipped me off.”
“It’s okay, Tommy, really—”
“If you really do love her, Alex…” Tommy took a deep breath. “Then go be with her. You have my blessing. Not that Claire would say she needs it… but you’re a good man. You’re my best friend. If it were any other person I would be ecstatic for you and if I’d heard Claire was with someone like you, someone as dependable and thoughtful and caring as you—then I’d be ecstatic. So, I can’t lie it’ll… take a little adjusting, but go for it. I mean that.”
“Thank you.” I meant that, honestly. “Thank you, really. I can’t even tell you how much that means.” I never would have been with Claire if her father didn’t want it. Even if it would’ve hurt.
Now the only thing to do was to track down Claire.
I found her, of all places, in Tabitha’s room, chatting with her. I had to take a moment to stand in the doorway, smiling at the two of them talking to each other, already so close and casual. That would have been my one fear, if I’d met Claire in any other circumstances. Of course, sure, the whole hospital rule thing was a bitch, but it was good because if I’d met Claire at some cocktail party or whatever—I would’ve been worried sick that she wouldn’t get along with Tabitha, or that Tabitha would feel threatened by her, or something like that. Because as much as I loved Claire, Tabitha was my priority and if Tabitha wasn’t comfortable with her then I had to respect that. Welcome to parenthood, I supposed.
But no, the two of them were laughing it up and being friends and goofing off together, and it settled something in my heart, made me grin and relax, at last.
“Look at you two,” I said, unable to stop my smile. “How’re you feeling today, ladybug?”
“Awesome!” Tabitha said, her smile matching mine.
Pippa entered, nodding at me and then smiling over at Tabitha. “Hey, honey, just got that last blood draw for you today, if you’ll follow me?”
Claire helped Tabitha get up and then Pippa led her out. I waved at Tabitha, who was downright cheerful as she followed Pippa. Normally she would sigh and roll her eyes at yet another test, but now that she knew she was reaching the end, Tabitha was a lot more patient about these things.
God, every time that I thought I’d gotten over how well Tabitha was taking this whole thing, I was struck anew by her patience and fortitude. I really lucked out. It was Lacey’s genes, I was sure of it. Tabitha definitely didn’t get any of that from the short time I’d been her guardian.
I turned to Claire, taking a step in front of her in case she tried to flee. “I spoke to your father. Or, well, he spoke to me.”
Claire raised an eyebrow. “And how did that go?”
Her tone made it clear that she didn’t think it was going to go all that well. “We worked things out, actually. He admitted he overreacted. I admitted he had a good reason to. We’re all… we’re all good.”
“I’m glad.” Claire really did sound happy about it. “You guys… in a lot of ways you two are closer than I am with him. You have more of a relationship. He and I haven’t even spoken in years. So I’m really glad—I wouldn’t want you to lose your best friend.”
“You deserve a father,” I replied. “How did things go with him?”
Claire gave me a small, tentative smile. “It went well. He apologized, and we talked about our relationship and about the divorce. I… he told me things that I didn’t know, things that made a lot of sense. I realized that my mom had made him out to be a lot worse than he really was. He understands that he wasn’t there for me the way that a father should be and he wants to make it better, and I want to give him that chance. We’re taking things slow, but… I’m… tentatively excited? I’m looking forward to this.”
“I’m really glad for you,” I told her, and I meant every word. I was so happy that she could be happy, and that my best friend could be happy. I loved them both—in very different ways, of course—and it was what they deserved, to have a family, to have each other. “So… now the only thing left to do is work things out between the two of us.”
Claire’s eyes went a little wide, I think with worry. “Is that possible? Considering all the obstacles in our way?”
She sounded, for the first time since I’d known her, really nervous and scared. I had never heard her like that and I never wanted to hear her like that again. I hated the idea that she might ever be truly worried about something, and that I was the cause. Or, part of the cause, anyway.
I pulled her into my arms without thinking. “Nothing could keep me from you,” I promised her.
Claire relaxed, laying her hands on my chest. “It’s so odd,” she whispered.
“What?”
“I believe you when you say things like that.”
“I should hope so.” We were drawing closer together, like magnets, like planets in orbit.
Claire smiled. “Kiss me.”
As if I could resist an order like that.
I kissed her, and it felt like coming home.
Claire sighed into the kiss and I tightened my hold on her. I couldn’t believe that I had almost lost her, that I had been willing to let her go. How could I have let someone so important to me nearly slip away?
Something fell with a clatter and we both jumped, stepping back a little. I turned.
Dr. Franklin was standing in the hallway, right in front of the still-open door.
Oh, shit.
The look on his face—his blush, his flashing eyes, his slack jaw—made it clear that he’d seen everything. And he was obviously not happy about it.
32
Claire
Oh God.
Just when I thought that my life was sorting itself out, we had to go and be so monumentally stupid as kiss in front of an open doorway!
I had been so excited, too, although trying not to show it. I had spent all morning hopeful. Tabitha was to be discharged soon. Once that happened—well we’d have to wait a bit, to be safe, but Alex and I could be together openly.
Of course that would have all depended on my dad. I knew that Alex wouldn’t go against what my dad wanted, out of respect for his best friend. And there was the whole “living on opposite side
s of a large continent” thing. I had been worried, nervous, in a way that I almost never was. I had been scared that Alex would decide that this all wasn’t worth it.
But I had also been hopeful. And then—then he’d kissed me and I had been elated. We were still going to be together. We were going to find a way.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
Philip was outright gaping at me like I’d grown a second head. Part of me was angry and wanted to snap at him, ask him what the big deal was. There wasn’t a big deal, that was what. I was allowed to be an adult woman and have a relationship with someone who wasn’t him. Just because I wasn’t interested in him didn’t mean I wasn’t interested in anybody, and if he was envious…
But the rest of me knew the truth, that no matter how righteously angry I might be, no matter what Phillip’s personal feelings might be about me, I was still breaking hospital policy. I was still in major, deep shit.
“Dr. Montague,” Phillip said, which almost made me laugh. He sounded strangled and was calling me by my last name as if there was some kind of professionalism and dignity to be preserved here. “I’d like to talk to you in my office immediately.”
I pulled away from Alex reluctantly. I didn’t want to, of course, but what else could I do? I’d have to go up in front of a review board, I knew that much. I would most likely be fired. But it was what I deserved. I would just… take it on the chin and see what my options were once it was all over.
Before I could take more than two steps, I felt a hand wrapping around my wrist.
“It’s my fault, Dr. Franklin,” Alex said. “I kissed her, I crossed a line, she didn’t.”