by R. S James
“Yeah, you. Do you have time for a small dinner of water and peanut butter crackers?”
“Yeah, sweetheart. For you, I have all the time in the world.” We walk to the staff lounge, sitting down for our dinner, when our pagers go off. “Do you think maybe someday we will get to have a real dinner together?”
He smiles, placing his hand under my chin softly kissing my lips. “I’m going to keep trying, but I needed to taste your lips.” My face instantly turns red.
We turn to walk out, but he pulls my hand, slowing me down, as I look up in question, and he brings his lips down to mine once more. This time his tongue brushes my lips, and when I open for him, he slowly slides his tongue in, kissing me so slowly and thoroughly that I feel my toes tingle. When he lifts his head, he says, “If I can have more kisses, then I can wait for the dinner, but not too long.” With a wink, we go our separate ways.
We don’t see each other again, and he is able to leave, when first shift gets there. However, I’m asked to stay, because another two nurses called in with the flu. It’s constantly busy the entire time, and I don’t once sit down. When my supervisor comes in and sees me, I know I’m in trouble. She calls me to her office, but we have a life flight coming in, so she has to wait. Finally, we get the patient stable, sending him for surgery, and I get cleaned up and head to her office.
“Want to explain to me why you are here working for the past twenty hours, when you are still scheduled to be on vacation?” She doesn’t look angry just concerned.
“Well Barb, I came in to get my check yesterday, and the place was packed. I mean, there were people waiting outside it was so packed.” I explain to her about all the call-ins, and how I didn’t think I was doing anything wrong, because I jumped in to help. “I honestly hadn’t realized I had been here over twenty hours. We have been that busy.”
“We love your dedication and your work performance, but we don’t want you to burn yourself out. I’m going to give you three extra days off added to your vacation to make up for this. You can bet your ass I’ll be checking to see why I wasn’t notified, when my staff called in. That’s all for now, so go home and finish your vacation.”
“Thank you so much, Barb. You’re an awesome boss. Do you happen to have the insurance paperwork, so I can add Caitlynn to my policy?”
“I actually put it in with your check, and she was added last pay period, so she is covered now.”
“Thank you so much. I’ll see you in a week.” I head to the locker room to take a shower and get changed to head home. I grab my travel bag, putting yesterday’s clothes on. Lucky for me, I keep extra pair of underwear here along with my scrubs. Grabbing my bag with my dirty clothes, I head out of the door. I don’t bother looking at my phone because I know it’s dead anyway.
I just need my bed.
Claire
As I sit down in my car, I feel the exhaustion start to hit me. Starting the car, I put my Avenged Sevenfold playlist on full blast, and then head to the closest gas station. I fill up the car and grab me a Pepsi. Hopefully, it will help me stay awake, until I get home.
Finally making it home, I see Carson playing in the backyard with Caitlynn, as Carly and Mom swing on my porch swing. Caitlynn sees me, and her whole face lights up, as she drops her toys and runs to me. My heart literally melts. I don’t care how much hurt and anger I have towards her birth parents. I love her, as if I gave birth to her.
She starts wiggling to get down, and we play for about an hour. I know I’m going to crash, and she can go with me, so we can cuddle on my bed. As soon as we both lay down, we are out.
When I wake up, Caitlynn is laying there, looking right into my eyes. She leans over, whispering, “Hi Mommy. I love you.” Holy shit. She just called me Mom. I can play this one of two ways. I can either tell her the truth, or I can play along. Either way, I don’t want to hurt her.
“Hi baby. I love you, too. How was your nap?”
“Good. Wanna play with my babies?”
“Sure, I need to go potty, and then we can play.” There is a knock on the door, and Carly pokes her head in. “Oh, we were hoping to let you get a little more sleep. Want me to take her, so you can go back to sleep?”
“No, thank you. I’m okay, and we are going to play babies.”
“Okay, you silly girls. I’ll see you downstairs in half an hour for lunch.” I grab Caitlynn up, and we rush down the hall towards her room, as she laughs. I missed this so much. It’s been a long time, since I’ve taken care of a child this small.
After a while, I hear someone clear their throat, and when we look up, Carly is standing there tapping her foot. “Oops. Guess we lost track of time.” We head downstairs with our babies because Caitlynn insists on feeding them. Half way through lunch, I yawn, and Carly asks Caitlynn if she wants to go to the park and play for a little while.
“Can I take my baby?”
Man, she is so funny. Carly pretends to think about it, and finally gives in, making both of us giggle. I hug and kiss them both on the head, and then go upstairs to finish my nap.
When I wake up again, it's almost dark out. I get up, grab a quick shower, and head downstairs. I stop and stare, as Maddox sits with Molly, Morgan, Ben, Janelle, Frank, Pete, Carly, Xavier, my mom, and Carson with Caitlynn on his lap. It feels strange that he’s in my house, but also good at the same time. Caitlynn sees me, and she jumps down, running at me full speed, and I brace myself, scooping her right up. God, I love this girl. She gives me Eskimo kisses, as she whispers yells, “I love you and have missed you so berry much. Can we go to the park morrow?”
“Yes, sweet girl. If it doesn’t rain, we can go to the park. Shall we see what’s for dinner?”
“You’re silly, Mommy. Carson made steaks on the drill. Did you know it’s a boy’s job to cook on the drill, and a girl’s job to cook on the stove? I want a drill, so I can cook on both.”
“First off baby, it’s a grill, and we will see about getting you one. Second, that is wrong. Both girls and boys can cook on a grill or on the stove. Let’s go eat, baby girl.”
“Mommy, can I sit by you and Maddox? Did you know he doesn’t get to play at the park a lot? I told him he can come wif us. Is it, kay?”
Chuckling at the excitement of her talking a mile a minute, I say, “Yes baby, that’s fine.”
We sit down next to Maddox, and Carson tries to get Caitlynn to sit with him, so I can eat, but she is having none of that. Everyone is talking and enjoying themselves. After a while, I look down, seeing Caitlynn asleep on my lap, and Maddox smiles, as he whispers, “Why didn’t you call or text me back? I was so worried.”
“Shit, I’m so sorry. I haven’t even plugged my phone in. It was dead, when I finally got off work. When I got home, we played, and then took a nap. I’ll be right back. I need to put her in bed and plug my phone in.” As I make my way through the house and up to Caitlynn’s room, I pull out her pajamas and a pull-up. He comes up behind me, whispering, “Won't this wake her?”
“Not if I do it right.” After I get her changed and laid down, we just stand by the crib, looking at her. “She looks like an angel, but I can promise, if we wake her, she is the devil.”
He laughs. “I think we are all a little like that.”
Leaving her room, we go into mine, and I grab my phone out of my bag, plugging it in. I feel him move behind me, as he wraps his arms around me. I’m trying to decide what I’m feeling right now. It’s something I haven’t felt in a very long time if ever. I lean my head back on his chest, as he says, “I want you in a way I haven’t wanted anyone. I have to be honest with you again. I have been with my share of woman, and I won’t even try to lie to you. I’ve tried to have relationships. However, you know my hours and not everyone can handle them. There was always something missing too, and I just figured I was expecting too much, but when I saw you, it was like my soul recognized its other half. So again, I want you, but not just for the night or the weekend. I
want you for the long haul, but I don’t just want you though. I want Caitlynn, Carson, and Carly also. I know you can’t have more kids.” He must see the shock on my face. “I pay attention, and I’m perfectly fine with that. I figure we have Caitlynn, and any grandkids Carson and Carly give us, but just so you know, Caitlynn will never date.” He stops for a minute, letting me take it all in, before he continues.
“I know this is a lot to take in, and I don’t want to scare you. I’m just trying to start this off right, and the best way to do that is to be honest. I know you’ve had problems in the past, but I don’t want you to ever doubt how I feel about you.
I let out a giggle, as I turn around in his arms. “I’m not going to lie I’m scared, and not of you, but of my feelings and getting hurt. I don’t want to lose myself again. I want you for as long as we both still feel like this, but I need you to promise me something. If you find someone else or decide you want out, please just tell me first. Don’t cheat on me.”
“I can promise you that I won’t feel that way, or even want anyone the way I want you, but I promise I’ll tell you, if that changes.”
“Thank you.” I stand on my tiptoes and kiss him slowly. I lick the seam of his lips, as he opens his mouth slowly, and then I brush my tongue against his. We stand like that just kissing, until my phone goes off. I look over, and I’m shocked to see I have over seventy-five missed calls and fifty text messages. He chuckles, “I bet a lot of those are from me. I told you I was worried.”
Sitting on my bed, we listen to the messages, and then I get to one that makes my world start spinning. It’s my OBGYN’s office calling to tell I need to come in, as soon as possible for some testing. I’m literally freaking out inside. I hang up the phone, holding onto Maddox a little tighter. His hold tightens around me, as I whisper, “Please stay.”
“Try to make me leave.” I could really see myself falling for this man.
“I know this is a little fast, but I really need you right now.”
“I need you too, sweetheart. More than you know.” When we curl up in bed together, my body instantly relaxes, as I drift off to sleep.
When I wake up, I feel him next to me, and I roll over, looking at his face. He truly is beautiful. Very carefully, I roll out of bed, grabbing my phone, before I make my way to the bathroom. I make the call to the doctor’s office, and they tell me to be in an hour. I will give myself, until this shower is over, to feel stressed and nervous. Then, I will pull up my big girl panties and calm down. No matter what the test says, and no matter what happens in my life I have three kids to fight for. I get out and dry off. As I finish my routine, I quietly walk back to my room.
“Were you just going to leave me here without a word?”
“Oh, my goodness. You scared the hell out of me. No, I wasn’t going to leave without waking you first. I needed a shower and to call some doctors back about myself and Caitlynn. Now that I have done those things and you're awake, I can get dressed and head to our appointments.”
“Please let me in. I’m not trying to take control. I just want to be involved.”
I nod head, “I will try, I promise. It’s just hard because I’ve been doing it by myself now for a long time.”
Groaning, he says, “Babe, you dropping that towel isn’t helping my decision to go slow.”
Brushing my lips on his, I feel bold, and my body is turned on, so I whisper, “Who said anything about slow? I want you.” He picks me up by my ass, as I wrap my legs around his waist, and he stalks towards the bathroom. While he turns on the shower, I lock the door. “I already locked your bedroom door.”
“You realize I just showered, right?”
“Looks like you are taking another one.” He throws me a quick smirk.
Never losing eye contact, he starts to take his clothes off, and watching him get undressed is literally setting my inside on fire. I step into the shower, as our eyes are still locked together, and I start palming my tits and pulling my nipples. Still watching him, I run my hand down my body and rub my fingers around my lips, drawing a moan out of him and me. Dipping my fingers inside my heat, I move them to where I need them. Being without a man for so long, I learned how to take care of myself.
Finally, when Maddox can’t take it anymore, he comes into the shower with me, grabbing my wrist and putting my fingers in his mouth, as we both moan. Our eyes are still on each other, as he slowly lets my fingers drop from his mouth, replacing them where mine were just at. He starts thrusting his fingers in and out of me, and I reach out, stroking his cock. Our eyes stay connected the entire time, as we both find our release together. We rinse off, and I get out and dry off. When he comes out of the bathroom, he grabs a duffle bag and pulls clean clothes out. I just lift my brow in question, and he shrugs. “With my hours, I always carry it in my car.” I nod my head in understanding.
I wrap my arms around him, kissing him softly, “I’ll call you later, okay?”
“Yeah, and we can meet up here and get Caitlynn, and then go to the park and play.” At my confused look, he gets a cocky look on his face. “You still owe me a date.”
Cheeky bastard.
Claire
When I get to the doctor’s office, he decides that he wants to run a couple more tests, before he gives me any details. He found a few things he wanted to look closer at, so before giving me a diagnosis, he wants to make sure everything is right. So, I make an appointment to come back Monday. Leaving there, I grab Caitlynn and take her to the pedestrian’s office, and they tell me she is a very healthy little girl and is one hundred percent on track to where she needs to be. At least Clarissa was doing something right.
Leaving there, we go to get some food and take it to the park. I call Maddox, letting him know where we are, and that I have food. As I swing Caitlynn, I spot him in blue jeans and an orange t-shirt stretched across his chest. Damn, he looks sexy. Spotting us, he waves and heads in our direction. As soon as he walks up, he bends down on his knee, “Caitlynn, what is the first thing we should do?”
She squeals. “The swings silly, and Mommy can push you all the way into the clouds!”
“Alright, let’s get to the clouds.” I gently push on his back the same way I do hers, and she giggles.
“Mommy, he’s big. You gotta push him hard.”
“No baby. He is going high enough.”
Thirty minutes later, we finally talk Caitlynn into eating. Sitting on a blanket under a tree, while eating our subs, she talks about everything we did today. Carly calls to tell me that my mom is still not feeling well, and she truly thinks she should be checked out, but Mom is being stubborn and refuses to go. When we finish at the park, I tell Maddox about Mom, and he follows us to my house to check her over.
Her blood pressure is kind of high, but she says it’s because she’s ready to go home. I agree because I can’t make her enjoy living where I do, and I’d rather her be happy than anything, so the kids are going to take her home tomorrow. She wants to leave Caitlynn here for now, until she feels better. We had originally planned to split up visits, but as long as she is sick, then I think it’s best if she stays as well. Once the commotion has calmed down, we have a relaxing night, making homemade pizza, and Mom even sits at the table talking with us, while we make some cookies and candies.
Finally, we all go to bed, and again, Maddox is in bed with me. I could really get used to this. I know we are moving a little fast, but this really does feel right with him. The next morning, I get up early and make breakfast for everyone, before they hit the road. Carly is driving Mom in her car, while Xavier drives his truck, so Carly has a way home. For some reason, I have this nagging feeling something bad is going to happen, but I just can’t put my finger on what it is. I try to let it go, but it continues to linger long after they leave.
******
Caitlynn and I spend the next three days together checking out day-care centers. She has only liked one so far, and that is probably whe
re I’ll put her. Lucky for me, it’s at the hospital, and they are there for all shifts. However, if it’s possible, and I’m working third shift, Carson or Carly will stay home with her. I finish filling out all the forms, making sure I put the kids down, as they may pick her up or drop her off from time to time.
Maddox has come over for dinner every night, and usually, he stays the night. Carly and Xavier should be back today, so I’m going to make their favorite dinner, which is tacos. I decide, since it’s such a nice day out, to push Caitlynn in a wagon to the grocery store. Getting everything, we need, and plus some extra snacks, we make our way home.
While I’m making dinner, I hear a car pull in, and I run to the door, so excited that they are both back and safe. I still have that nagging feeling something bad is about to happen, but I’m trying to let it go. Molly keeps telling me I’m over thinking everything. Morgan also received all the paperwork, listing me as Mom’s power of attorney, and as the legal guardian for Caitlynn. I know Clarissa wanted Mom to take fully custody, but we decided I should be the one just in case. So, at least that is all settled.
Wrapping my arms around Carly and Xavier, I hug them both. I’m so happy they are both back home safe and sound.
Claire
The next day my world is shattered with a simple phone call. My mom died of a heart attack, during the middle of the night. I knew the feeling that I had was a warning, and now, I’m a complete mess. I’m not sure how I get myself and Caitlynn packed and ready to go within the hour, but somehow, I do. I hear the knock on the door, and I’m frozen in place. I’m so afraid that it's more bad news. Afraid that I’m going to lose Caitlynn. Afraid something else has happened to someone that I love, and once again, I’m going to be left alone. That is my biggest fear that I’m going to die alone. I let my mom die alone. I should have made her stay, and I could have fought more, instead I just let her go. She wasn’t even home a twenty-four hours. If I had made her go to the doctor, we could have prevented all of this.