by Lindsey Iler
I walk up the stairs, running my hand over the railing, afraid of what will greet me at the top. The way I see it, Lennox still has a chance to reject me like I’ve done my family. We aren’t written in the stars. This isn’t some fairytale mothers tell their daughters. All their hopes are placed on the one day they will find someone who completes them.
She and I, we are a nightmare.
Down the hallway, a splinter of light breaks free from under the door beside Lennox’s room. Sarah Beth’s bedroom. I can imagine Lennox propped on the edge of her sister’s bed, combing her fingertips through Sarah Beth’s hair, promising her what she always promises her. Everything will be okay.
This time, Lennox will be right. Sarah Beth will be just fine, aside from the memory of having her throat slit. That will have a lasting effect.
“I’m not sure where Mother is,” Lennox says.
I listen in on their conversation.
“Do you think she’s okay?” Sarah Beth asks.
I smile at the childlike bewilderment in her voice, reminding me so much of my sister.
“Sarah Beth, no secrets, no lies, right?” There’s a long pause. “That’s what we always promise, and I mean it on my end.”
“You don’t care, do you?”
No, she doesn’t, and for a good reason.
“No, I don’t. Mom is a certain way for you, and I’m thankful for that, but she hasn’t been there for me when I’ve needed her.”
Lennox’s heavy sigh hits me in the chest all the way in the hallway. I feel her pain and discomfort even with walls between us. There’s no need to see her face to know her lip twitches at the thought of her mother, or how her eyes soften to keep from scaring Sarah Beth.
My hand rests on the door. I’m dying to be near Lennox. It shifts open a centimeter, creaking and exposing my presence.
“Come in, Edric,” Lennox says.
“Edric? That’s the boy who . . .”
“The boy who slit your throat.” I finish her thought as I enter the room.
Sarah Beth’s eyes widen with uncertainty. “What is he doing here?” The fear in her soft voice makes me cringe.
“I’m not here to hurt you.”
“Yeah, it’s a little too late for that.” She touches her neck.
“I see your sister has inherited your sarcasm and wit, Lennox.” I wink at Lennox and walk to the opposite side of Sarah Beth’s mattress, gazing down at the sweet little girl. “For what it’s worth, I didn’t enjoy what I had to do, but I am happy to see the little voodoo magic worked.”
“You didn’t know if it was going to work?” Lennox sits up a little straighter. Anger practically seeps from her pores. “And you still took the risk?”
“What was the alternative, huh? Either way, my mother was going to take the shot at Sarah Beth, in spite of you. I did what I had to do to make sure the two of you stayed safe, to insure you never have to endure the unimaginable.”
“That’s bullshit!” She pokes her finger into my chest. “Now we don’t know what the ramifications will be.”
I smack her hand away. “She’s breathing. She’ll see her tenth birthday. I did what I thought I had to do. I did it for you. A little bit of gratitude would be nice, Lennox.”
Sarah Beth swivels her head back and forth, watching us, taking our exchange in for what it is. She grins when she notices she has my attention. “You guys love each other, don’t you?”
“Her and me? You remind me of my little sister. You’re observant.”
“It’s easy to see. Why else would you sacrifice your family if you didn’t love her?” Sarah Beth’s eyes widen as she nods her head toward her sister. Lennox, on the other hand, stays quiet.
“Lennox,” I whisper, hoping her name will force her to look at me, to give me some clue what to do next. “I won’t dig into your mind to find my answers. When I learn how you feel about me, about what I did, and who I am, I want to hear it from your beautiful mouth for the first time.”
Lennox shifts forward. “Maybe we should let my sister get some rest.”
“Oh, come on, I want to know what happens next,” Sarah Beth whines.
“I’ll make you a deal. If something good happens, I’ll be sure to share it with you.” Lennox stands, leaning down to kiss her sister’s forehead. “Let’s go.” She thumbs over her shoulder.
I follow behind Lennox, pausing in the doorway. Sarah Beth pulls the covers up to her shoulders, tucking herself into bed.
“For what it’s worth, I’m happy you didn’t die.”
“Me, too.” Sarah Beth smiles, flipping onto her side.
I close the door behind me, finding Lennox in the hallway. She leans against the railing on the landing overlooking the foyer. A smile creeps onto her face.
“Come with me.” Her hand outstretches for me, and I gladly grab it.
The house is quiet as we slink through the hallway and into the kitchen. A cool breeze hits us when she opens the French doors to the outside space. Hand in hand, we walk out to the Callahan’s back patio. Until today, I’ve never been anywhere besides her bedroom, and being here feels intimate, like getting a small glimpse into the world that sheltered her for so long.
Lennox releases my hand and sits on one of the loungers. She doesn’t invite me, but I sit down beside her. I can’t bear the thought of being away from her, not touching her, for a moment longer.
“The sky is clear tonight.” Her eyes shimmer under the moon’s light.
“It is.” Sensing no anger, I breathe a little easier.
“Do you know how Emerson and Amilee are?” she asks. When she shivers, I light the small gas fire pit with a single twitch of my finger. She leans closer to warm her hands. “Thank you.”
“They’re okay.” My forearms rest on my thighs, my mind reeling with how quickly this conversation could shift.
“And what does this all mean for them? For me?” Her brows knit, uncertainty settling inside her.
“For Emerson, I’m not sure. Amilee will continue to stand by your side, though.” I shrug, wishing I had more to give her when it comes to Emerson, the reassurance she thinks she needs. “And as for you, you can do anything you want. You’ve been set free.”
“I won’t be free until I know Emerson will be all right. By my side, not by my side. It doesn’t really matter. I just need her to be somewhere safe.”
“I’ll see what I can do.” I relax against the chair, the heat of the fire and her stare becoming too much to handle.
“You can’t keep saving me.” She holds her breath.
“Can’t I though?” I lick my lips, and she releases the air she’s held captive. I love the way she finds me amusing. “Perhaps we could keep saving each other.”
“What about your family?”
“Your father traded my release under the condition they will be as far away from Belle Meade as possible. I abandon my family, and they get the hell out of town.”
Her eyes pop wide. “What do you mean?”
“I’m able to stay here, in your life, for as long as I wish.”
“Why would my father do such a thing?”
I rest back, rolling my head on the cushion to look at her.
“He did it for me?” She arches an eyebrow.
“That is, if you’ll have me, Lennox.” I stand to pace, but turn right back to where she sits. “Now, tell me you love me, Lennox, so we can go lay down in your bed and pretend like the last twenty-four hours didn’t happen.”
A slow smirk forms on her pouty lips, and I know I have her right where I want her.
“Is that what you think is going to happen, Edric?”
“Did you forget I can read your mind?”
“You promised to stay out.”
“I didn’t have to dig too deep, Len. You keep those thoughts in the forefront of your mind, most days.”
“I do not.” She stands and smacks the air between us. Suddenly, her body grows slack. “I can’t believe she’s alive.” Her eyes melt
, taking me in. “Thank you. You sacrificed everything for me.”
“No, I didn’t, Lennox. I get to keep everything because of my sacrifices.”
“And you’re okay with being torn away from your family, the only family you’ve ever known?”
“I still have Garrison. Back at The Archives, he thought about how he’d make Emerson more comfortable. He’ll be staying back for her.” I run the pad of my thumb over my bottom lip, looking at her through hooded eyes. This charge passes through us. We want the same thing. We need the same thing. “And you, if you’ll have me.”
“And what if I tell you I don’t want you?”
“Then, Lennox, I’ll still be here”—I close the small distance between us, desperate to feel her heart thumping against my chest— “because we’re, well, we’re inevitable. I plan on taking a lot from you, but I’m going to need you to give it over freely for this to work.”
She bites down on her lip. “I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow.”
“Me neither, but whatever happens, you and I, we’ll handle it.” I kiss along her cheek, pressing my lips close to her jawline. They dip a little lower, resting against her neck. She stills. Her breathing grows erratic, nearly uncontrollable. “Lennox, are you okay?”
“I’ve killed two people. I don’t think I’ve allowed that enough time to settle in. Sitting here, in the silence, everything tends to creep into the crevices, you know?”
“What’s the worst part about the killings? Is it the life lost, or knowing, in the moment, some sort of high peaked in your blood?”
She doesn’t need to say anything. I understand. I know the answer that will follow my question. Taking a life will never be easy. It’s not meant to be, but even when we don’t like what we are, instinct will always prevail.
“For eighteen years and three hundred and sixty-four days, I was relatively normal, and then I just had to turn nineteen, and it all went to hell.”
“Trust me, this place is far nicer than hell,” I say, hoping to ease the tension radiating off her.
“Do I even want to know how you know that’s true?” Her head tilts to the side, interested and scared all the same.
“There is still a lot you don’t know about me and our world, but I’d like you to. Do you think you can trust me enough to show you?” I ask.
“You did things for me, I’ll never be able to pay you back for. Trust will never be our problem anymore.” She cups my cheek in her hand. “Now, about what Sarah Beth said upstairs.” The corners of her mouth lift in a sexy as sin smirk.
“About us loving each other?” I nod and roll my shoulders back, prepared for this conversation.
She pulls in a deep breath before gazing up at the stars. Her eyes glisten when she shifts to me, something I’ve only ever seen once or twice.
“Yeah, about that.”
“I’ve never loved anyone,” I admit, unashamed. “In fact, I’m not even sure if what I feel is love.”
“No, I get it.” Her expression stretches to a frown. “It’s not easy for me. I’ve never been in a relationship. Maybe my mind knew I’d be in this mess of a situation, bound to a town that doesn’t fulfill me in any sort of way.”
“What would fulfill you, Lennox Callahan? If you dug deep into that Angel heart of yours, what sets a fire ablaze inside of you?”
Her lips part, but no words come out. She’s fucking gorgeous with her long dark hair, toying with the ends, struggling to come up with some form of truth.
“Has anyone ever asked you what you want?” I guide her back to the lounger, and we sit.
Lennox shakes her head. She lowers her head to my lap and curls into a ball like a cat in front of a fire. I stroke the hair around her face, gathering it to expose her neck.
“You’re breaking my heart, Little Wicked.” I kiss the underside of her jaw. “I need you to tell me what will fulfill you.”
“What’s the point? I’m stuck here.” Her tears soak through my jeans.
“Tell me.” We both hear the urgency in my voice. It’s present, just as her pain is.
She flips over in my lap, until she faces me. “I’d like to see a mountain top, and maybe swim with dolphins. I don’t know, but I’m sure it’s out there.”
“It’s not that fun.” I laugh, watching her eyes widen. “What? Dolphins aren’t that nice.”
“Nonetheless, I’d just like the option of possibilities.”
“I can give you possibilities.” I touch the wrinkle beside her eye. The corners crunch together in a way I’ve never taken the time to notice.
“How about for now, you give me something better than possibilities?” She stands, extending her hand for me to take. I do just that. A sweet giggle surrounds me as she attempts to pull me to my feet.
“And what is that?” I wrap my arms around her waist, lacing my fingers up the back of her shirt, and tugging her close.
“Certainty.” She leans forward, her lips touching mine.
Lennox is asking for the unthinkable. Some of us live our entire lives and never truly understand what it feels like to achieve a certain level of security. I was allowed twenty years of living above a safety net. Now, just as Lennox is, I’m teetering on the ledge, daring to see what may be waiting for me at the bottom when I fall.
If Lennox is beside me, her light is sure to shine over me, and if I’m lucky, she’ll shelter herself in my darkness.
Chapter Twenty
Lennox
Edric and I enter the building, hand in hand, blissfully unaware of what waits for us.
I’ve made a point of avoiding this place since the night I’d realized I truly can’t trust everyone. Since then, we’ve been trying to figure out a new normal. Well, whatever normal is for a bunch of ungodly creatures like ourselves.
Edric has taken over his family’s home. He had suggested selling it, but a part of me would miss knowing he’s leering in my bedroom windows on those nights we spend apart.
As for my family, my father is still the mayor. My sister, Sarah Beth, she’s handling everything like a Callahan, strong and mighty, a force to be reckoned with. She still asks about Mother, but there is no news to tell. She hasn’t been back since the secrets came out. My father believes she can’t live with the guilt.
He’s given me her journals. The dates etched in the top corners go back to the moment she found out she was pregnant with me. My hope is, I’ll find something in them to shine light on why she was the way she was with me. I could use some peace from her hatred.
Amilee, well, she’s Amilee. Just as boy crazy as before, but she guards her heart a little better. She was in love with Dylan, and love isn’t something you get over. It’s not a hurdle. It’s a road block. She’ll go to her grave loving him. She’s received her peace in a letter his parents found in his room. They believe he ran away. That’s a secret we’ll all take to the grave.
And then there’s Emerson, my sweet, dear Emerson. She’s moved into Edric’s house. After all, she is a Blackstone. Edric tells me she and Garrison are finding a new way of life. They’re more similar than we could have ever known. She’s shifted for the first time. Edric and Garrison have a theory her true talents were hidden away, clouded by what me and Amilee are. They think we tamped down her true spirit, and now she’s able to be what she was born to be. She keeps her distance from us still. Maybe she’s afraid we won’t accept her anymore. I can’t be entirely sure, but I’ll wait for her to be ready, and when she is, my arms will be fully open.
The townspeople, they’re blissfully unaware of the things that go boom in the night within the walls of Belle Meade.
“Did you not hear us come in?” I ask.
My father, the Savilles, and the Kingsleys stand, surprised by my entrance.
“Sinners don’t hear you coming, because they’re too busy dipping their hands into trouble,” Mrs. Saville says, coming to greet me. Her cold lips hit my cheek.
“And what kind of trouble are we getting into today?”
I ask, sitting on the leather chair. Edric stands behind me, his hands resting on my shoulders, massaging the stress that is sure to come. “You don’t get summoned for there not to be trouble.”
“Well, your father has talked to the council,” Mr. Saville says.
“The council? Why? I thought we were going to let the dust settle. It’s only been six days.” I glance at Edric for back-up. He avoids making eye contact.
“Lenny, it might be in your best interest to approach the council,” Edric says when I finally look away.
“They’ve accepted our proposal.” Mrs. Saville blinks at her husband, happy tears pouring onto her cheeks.
“Have you spoken to her?” I ask, knowing full well they haven’t. If she isn’t speaking to us, then she sure as shit isn’t taking their phone calls.
“We were hop—” Mr. Saville begins, but I cut him off by slashing a hand between us.
“You were hoping I’d do the heavy lifting. Am I right?” I shake my head. “You people are unbelievable. The three of us have been through hell, a certain kind of hell you all put us through. Give us time. Give your daughter time to figure herself out.”
“There isn’t a rush on this, is there?” Edric asks, slipping to the arm of my chair.
“I’m not quite sure why you’re here,” Mr. Kingsley, the quietest of the bunch, says.
“Now, now, Richard. I made a deal, and I fully intend to stick with it. He is welcome. He is the reason my two daughters are still alive.” My father stands. His hands rest on his hips, and he circles around as if the answer to our problems will magically appear amongst the construction.
It took the workers a whole day to remove all of the shattered glass from this room. I’ve been admiring the progress from afar. Being back here scares me. Everything around me seems to be a great reminder of how fragile life is, even when you live it untouchable.