Noah leaves his station by the door and comes over to the table, regaining his seat next to me. We wait in silence, because in many ways, even though Noah is the second youngest of the six of us—not that Harry counts for much—he knows so much about everything that his opinion holds the most weight.
He stares at his glass of Old Abe’s for a long time, fingers tapping on the table next to the glass.
Huh. Noah’s not one to fidget. Is he nervous? No way. There’s simply no way that my question actually has unflappable Noah rattled.
“Noah?” I say, confused.
Noah sighs. After another long moment, he finally looks at me. “No, Nathan. I don’t agree with you. Jude had nothing to do with this. And like they all said, you just made a huge mistake.”
I gape at him. “But you’re the one who told me not to trust her in the first place!”
His fingers tap faster, his jaw clenching. “I just did some investigating on my own while she was here, and it turns out she’s not responsible. At all. Her reasons for being here were always genuine. That’s the truth. This is all Northwood’s doing. I was wrong.”
“How do you know?” asks Jackson. I’m glad he does because I’m too shocked by Noah’s sudden about-face to ask myself.
Noah changed his mind? He never changes his mind. Not audibly, anyway. Not once he’s made the statement publicly. And he never turns out to be wrong, either.
“You know everything I told you about what Northwood did to those companies? Well, when I first discovered that you were looking into a partnership with NBI, I investigated the company. For the most part, I found it to be legitimate. Most of its shareholders are legit; it’s financing deals are legit. All that. But the more I dug into the company, the more I began to hear accounts of companies getting screwed by Northwood.
“Usually they were small, too small to do anything once Northwood screwed them. They hadn’t matured yet as companies, so Northwood knew he’d be able to steal their products with little repercussion.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask in frustration.
He shrugs, his fingers stilling. “I tried to. Multiple times. You wouldn’t listen, remember? You were wrapped up in Jude. You didn’t want to hear it. Only after Jude told you that you shouldn’t take the deal did you actually ask me what I knew, and even then, it was only with regard to what you should say to Northwood. It’s your life. I’m not going to force-feed you the info if you don’t want to hear it. I’m not some Machiavellian manipulator, nudging everyone to do what I want them to do.”
Griffin snorts. “Uh, Noah. That’s exactly what you do.”
“Not with my own family,” Noah snaps. “But, Nate …”
“But what?” I ask when he trails off.
The fingers start up again. “But you don’t know the full story. Not even what she just told you is the whole truth.”
He glances at me, and there’s such apology in his eyes that I know I’m not going to like what I hear next. “What did you do?”
“I may have … threatened her.”
“What?”
Griffin blanches at the fury in my tone. Axel and Jackson down the rest of their glasses and lean away from me, like they expect me to pounce on my own twin.
“I wouldn’t have actually done anything,” he says placatingly. “I mean, not much, anyway. Northwood was always my real target—”
“What exactly did you do?” I snarl.
He sighs again. “One day while you were busy behind the bar, I impersonated you and tried to get Jude to admit what she had planned. It didn’t go well. I have to say, she’s pretty astute. She figured out real quick who I really was.
“She demanded I tell her what I was trying to do. I said I didn’t trust her one bit, and um, accused her of sleeping with you to advance the deal on her end.”
Jackson covers his face with his hands. “Oh, shit, you didn’t.”
“Yeah. I did,” says Noah.
“I’m guessing that didn’t go too well,” Griffin says.
“It did not. Then I told her I knew what Northwood did to those other companies. And while she seemed truly shocked by what I said, I refused to believe she was completely innocent. But, Nathan, I … fuck, I just didn’t want to see you hurt, okay? I shouldn’t have done it. I see that now. I only wanted to protect your company.
“So I told her that if something went wrong on the deal, I’d hold her personally responsible. Sue her and NBI. And when she threatened to tell you about what I’d just done, well, I said I’d make her life very difficult if she came between the two of us.”
“You asshole.” I fly back from the table, sending my chair to the floor as I start pacing, my hands tearing through my hair.
“I suspect the real reason she, uh, broke things off with you was her way of, um, placating me. She must have been getting pressure on Northwood’s end, too. I suspect that if he found out about the two of you, he would have put the screws to her. He’s always had it bad for Jude, but she’s refused him. The gossip I heard from ex-NBI employees was that it pissed him off whenever she refused him. Northwood’s not used to being turned down.
“When I realized that she’d ended it with you, I was forced to conclude that she couldn’t be using you to get better terms on the deal. And she told you about the exclusivity agreement, although apparently even she didn’t know that was bullshit.
“She wouldn’t have done any of that if she was just planning to steal your product from the beginning, Nate. I’m really sorry, Nathan. What I did was wrong.”
“You fuckin’ think!” I shout, unable to even look at him.
“I shouldn’t have interfered in your life like this,” he adds quietly, staring at the table.
“Get the hell out.”
Noah’s head whips toward me. “What?”
I jerk my thumb over my shoulder. “Get out of here. I can’t stand the sight of you. Didn’t you see that her ending it made me—”
I cut myself off in horror at what I’ve just realized.
“Made you what?” prods Griffin gently.
“Nothing,” I say miserably.
“Sit down.”
I sneer at Noah. “I’m not sitting down. Especially not next to you.”
Axel gets out of his chair, grabs me by the collar, and then shoves me back down onto my chair. “Now, look,” he growls. “Noah was a stupid shit. And wow, I can’t believe those words came out of my mouth, but they’re true. Noah, man?” he says, turning to address my twin. “I mean, seriously, what the fuck?”
Noah looks down at the table.
Axel pounds a fist on it. We all jump. “So this is how it’s going to be. Our parents are dead. I’m the oldest. So while all y’all should be old enough not to need a scolding, apparently, I still need to give you one.”
He points at Noah. “You did something shitty. You had no real evidence about Nathan’s deal to do what you did. Other deals, sure. But not Nathan’s. It was all hearsay until that final meeting. You ended up hurting your twin because of your meddling. Don’t fucking do it again. You can’t just go around threatening people for no reason. We get that you have some job that involves manipulating people. And because I know you’re not one of the bad guys, I don’t make an issue of it. But you are not—I repeat, you are NOT—going to do it to your own family. Got it?”
Noah nods.
Axel points at me. “And you. Noah apologized. He apologized multiple times. He clearly is remorseful. What he did was shitty. Feel free to give him a few good whacks with those boxing fists of yours if necessary. But then let it go. We’re a family. We will not start feuding. We’ve already lost one brother. We aren’t going to lose each other, too.”
All energy leaks out of the room. Axel’s just dared to mention the one topic we never discuss—Harry. We never, ever mention Harry, like we also don’t mention the fact that we’re orphans. It’s too painful. And futile.
Bringing it up now saps any will to continue fighting.
“H
as anyone heard from him recently, anyway?” says Jackson wearily.
“I got a call from him a few weeks ago,” says Griffin.
Axel lowers himself back onto his chair, then rubs his head in exhaustion. “And how did he seem?”
Griffin shrugs helplessly. “He seemed okay. The same. I guess he’s going to be on a shoot in Brazil soon.”
Pain lashes through me. He called Griffin, but never bothered to call me. When am I ever going to see him again? We can’t even visit him. He only ever tells us either where he’s just been or a vague location of where he will be at some vague point in the future.
If I thought I could actually track him down in all of Brazil, I’d get on a plane within the hour. Not even Noah knows where he is.
“Fuck it,” I grumble. Axel’s right, I don’t need to lose another brother. “Apology accepted, Noah. Do it again and I’ll beat your ass.”
“I’d like to see you try,” Noah says, smiling faintly. But I see the hint of relief in his eyes. Then he turns somber once more. “But there’s probably one more thing you should know.”
“God, what now?” I moan.
Noah points toward his phone that’s sitting next to his glass. “When she was in here, telling us what happened, I texted some of my contacts at NBI.”
“And?” I ask.
Noah makes a gesture like he’s unsure. “The office is in an uproar because a whole bunch of people saw security escort Jude out of the building today and take her phone, computer, everything. She actually got kicked off the premises. So she was either fired because of all this, or she quit. It’s all anyone can talk about. Either way, she gave it all up for you, Nate.”
“Christ,” I say, my head dropping into my hands.
“Yeah,” says Noah. “So, in light of all that, I have to say … you probably could have handled that discussion a little better.”
“You think?” I say again. But there’s no heat in it this time.
I’ve fucked up majorly.
We lapse into silence.
“So Jude breaking it off made you what? You never said.” says Griffin after a long moment.
I groan.
Jackson sighs. “We’re going to make you admit it out loud, Nathan. Trust me; you’ll even feel better once you do. I definitely did.”
“Fine!” I snap. “It made me miserable when she ended it, okay? It wrecked me. And I don’t want to lose her now, either. There, I admit it. Are y’all happy now? I shouldn’t have let her go. When she broke it off, I was miserable. It blew. I didn’t even give a shit about the deal anymore. But …”
“But what?” says Griffin.
Aw, hell. I don’t want to admit this to them. “But mom died, and dad gave up his will to live. He just wasted away. Abandoned his own children. I refuse to let that happen to me. It’s why I’ve never had a real relationship. How am I seriously the only one concerned about this? Don’t you worry what will happen if Rory, or Cassie, or Andrea dies? Could you really survive it?”
They all flinch. But surprisingly, it’s Noah, the only unattached one of us, who speaks up. “At least Dad had the balls to love Mom. He loved her wholeheartedly. He fell in love with her anyway, even though she was sick. He loved her for whatever time they had and was grateful for each day.
“But you? You’re just not even going to try. You’re going to let her get away, because it’s safer, because you’ll be spared the pain. You can’t choose whether you fall in love, Nate. It just happens. It’s what we do once that occurs that matters.
“As far as I’m concerned, Dad did what he could. He did his best. Sometimes that’s not enough, and it wasn’t for us. But you’re not even trying.”
We gape at him. He shifts on his chair, uncomfortable. “What?”
Jackson says, “Damn, Noah. Who knew you had a romantic soul?”
Noah glares at him. “I do not.”
Axel grunts. “Good luck with that self-delusion.”
“He’s totally right, Nate. I was afraid to ruin my friendship with Cassie by telling her I love her. And I almost lost her, but the risk was totally worth it,” says Griffin.
“Okay, okay, I get it. Jesus,” I say. “Jude’s everything to me.”
“And that’s because …”
I glare at Griffin. “You know why, asshat. But you’re not going to be the first person I tell it to.”
Jackson claps me on the back. “Excellent, little brother. There’s hope for you, yet.”
“Hell, I’m getting too old for this,” Axel grunts, draining his glass.
“You’re only thirty-two, Axel,” says Griffin.
Axel points at him, “Almost thirty-three. And when you’re one day responsible for five brothers, you’ll know how quickly that ages you.”
“Hey, I am VERY pleasant to be around!” protests Jackson.
I snort. “Yeah, no.”
“Nathan,” Noah says. “What the hell are you still doing here?”
They stare at me.
“What?”
Noah rolls his eyes. “She’s getting away, dude.”
“Did you just say ‘dude?’” I say, astounded.
“Nathan!” Axel barks.
“I can’t do anything!” I cry. “I’ve been drinking. Ovid has zero taxis, and y’all are sauced, too.”
Noah smiles. “I have an idea.”
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Jude
I make it all the way out of Ovid before the tears start.
Stupid, stupid. Did I really think he’d just believe me? That everything would turn out all right in the end? Yeah, I kind of did. I really believed that if I just flew across the country, showed up at his bar, and confessed everything, we’d ride off into the sunset.
Yeah, dumb.
My hands grip the steering wheel, sudden panic making my throat tighten. What do I do now? I quit my job, the guy I love hates me, and my parents couldn’t care less. I’ve got nothing. Everything about my life, my identity, is gone. What an absolute nightmare.
But it’s also freeing.
As much as my heart hurts, as much as I’m now worried about what I’ll do tomorrow, I can also do anything. Everything in the world is available to me. It’s terrifying, but incredible. Who knows which direction I’ll take, but I’ll find one eventually.
And next time I won’t make the same mistakes.
A sob wracks my body, and the tears flow harder. I don’t want to start over. What I had is what I want. It’s nice to be free, but sometimes you just want to be tied to something.
I wanted to be tied to Nathan.
God, the look in his eyes. The utter hurt and disgust. No one has ever looked at me that way before. Like I’ve completely ruined him as a human being. I did that. I ruined that quintessentially carefree Nathan.
Anger suddenly flashes through me, drying my tears. But I didn’t do anything! I did nothing to ruin his company. In fact, I even figured out how to get Northwood to back down. I won, damn it!
And this is the thanks I get? Well, screw him. What else was I supposed to do? What more could I have done? I apologized, I did everything in my power to prevent it, and then I fixed it. Still, he rejected me.
Fuck that. I don’t deserve this treatment. Even though I know he’s hurt, still trying to figure out what to do next, it’s not my fault. How dare he judge me so harshly? His own twin was willing to sue me! Is he going to get all pissy with Noah, too, for hiding things from him and then manipulating his life behind his back?
Ha. Yeah, right.
I’m going to drive this rental straight back to the Savannah airport, and then I’m going to get on the first flight to anywhere. I’m going to get lost for at least a week and not give one shit about anything.
But my stomach twists at the mere thought of leaving Georgia.
Suddenly, police lights flash in my rearview mirror.
No. Damn. Way. I’m getting pulled over, too? I glance down at the speedometer. I’m only going five above the speed limit.
Sure, it’s a backcountry road, but seriously? Figures I come across an anal cop on one of the worst days of my life.
Maybe he’s just trying to get around me.
I slow, moving over as far to the right as I can while not driving off the road. But the car doesn’t pull around. Instead, the siren starts wailing, too.
“Damn it all,” I groan, guiding the car over to the side of the road.
What is he pulling me over for? Maybe one of the taillights is out. That rental agency better believe I’m not paying.
Keeping my hands on the wheel, I watch in the mirror as the patrol car pulls up behind me. The driver’s side door opens, and the cop gets out, adjusting the brim of his hat. He walks up to my window, then knocks on it. I roll it down, and he leans in the window.
“Ma’am?”
I gape at him. “Teddy King?”
He grins. “Why, Miss Shaw. You remember me.”
“How could I forget?” I mutter.
His grin widens. “That’s true. I do tend to make an impression.”
I huff. “You gave me a heart attack, pulling me over like that. What’s going on? No way I’m still in your jurisdiction.”
He shifts on his feet. “Well, now, that’s true.”
I stare at him.
“Well, I just had to go get y’all before you escaped.”
“Huh?”
“There’s someone who needs to talk to you.”
Hope surges within me, but I squash it. “Who?”
“Can you step out of the car, please, ma’am?”
“You’re kidding, right?”
He grins again. “Can you step out of the car, please, Miss Shaw? Do I need to ask for your license and registration to make it official?”
I roll my eyes. “Okay, okay, already. Can the cop routine.”
“Excuse me. I’m a sheriff.”
“Sure, whatever,” I grumble, climbing out and folding my arms over my chest as I glare at him. “Now are you going to tell me what’s going on?”
“Jude.”
I whirl. Nathan stands before me, hope and uncertainty mixed in his expression. I gape at him, desperately wanting to believe he’s changed his mind, that he never wants me to leave. But then my mouth slams shut. I’ve screwed up in this whole saga, but he’s hurt me, too. I’m not going to grovel anymore.
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