by Lois Lowry
Page 13
He tried. Without asking permission from The Giver, because he feared—or knew—that it would be denied, he tried to give his new awareness to his friends.
"Asher," Jonas said one morning, "look at those flowers very carefully. " They were standing beside a bed of geraniums planted near the Hall of Open Records. He put his hands on Ashers shoulders, and concentrated on the red of the petals, trying to hold it as long as he could, and trying at the same time to transmit the awareness of red to his friend.
"Whats the matter?" Asher asked uneasily. "Is something wrong?" He moved away from Jonass hands. It was extremely rude for one citizen to touch another outside of family units.
"No, nothing. I thought for a minute that they were wilting, and we should let the Gardening Crew know they needed more watering. " Jonas sighed, and turned away.
One evening he came home from his training weighted with new knowledge. The Giver had chosen a startling and disturbing memory that day. Under the touch of his hands, Jonas had found himself suddenly in a place that was completely alien: hot and windswept under a vast blue sky. There were rufts of sparse grass, a few bushes and rocks, and nearby he could see an area of thicker vegetation: broad, low trees outlined against the sky. He could hear noises: the sharp crack of weapons—he perceived the word guns—and then shouts, and an immense crashing thud as something fell, tearing branches from the trees.
He heard voices calling to one another. Peering from the place where he stood hidden behind some shrubbery, he was reminded of what The Giver had told him, that there had been a time when flesh had different colors. Two of these men had dark brown skin; the others were light. Going closer, he watched them hack the rusks from a motionless elephant on the ground and haul them away, spattered with blood. He felt himself overwhelmed with a new perception of the color he knew as red.
Then the men were gone, speeding toward the horizon in a vehicle that spit pebbles from its whirling tires. One hit his forehead and stung him there. But the memory continued, though Jonas ached now for it to end.
Now he saw another elephant emerge from the place where it had stood hidden in the trees. Very slowly it walked to the mutilated body and looked down. With its sinuous trunk it stroked the huge corpse; then it reached up, broke some leafy branches with a snap, and draped them over the mass of torn thick flesh.
Finally it tilted its massive head, raised its trunk, and roared into the empty landscape. Jonas had never heard such a sound. It was a sound of rage and grief and it seemed never to end.
He could still hear it when he opened his eyes and lay anguished on the bed where he received the memories. It continued to roar into his consciousness as he pedaled slowly home.
"Lily," he asked that evening when his sister took her comfort object, the stuffed elephant, from the shelf, "did you know that once there really were elephants? Live ones?"
She glanced down at the ragged comfort object and grinned. "Right," she said, skeptically. "Sure, Jonas. "
Jonas went and sat beside them while his father untied Lilys hair ribbons and combed her hair. He placed one hand on each of their shoulders. With all of his being he tried to give each of them a piece of the memory: not of the tortured cry of the elephant, but of the being of the elephant, of the towering, immense creature and the meticulous touch with which it had tended its friend at the end.
But his father had continued to comb Lilys long hair, and Lily, impatient, had finally wiggled under her brothers touch. "Jonas," she said, "youre hurting me with your hand. "
"I apologize for hurting you, Lily," Jonas mumbled, and took his hand away.
Ccept your apology," Lily responded indifferently, stroking the lifeless elephant.
"Giver," Jonas asked once, as they prepared for the days work, "dont you have a spouse? Arent you allowed to apply for one?" Although he was exempted from the rules against rudeness, he was aware that this was a rude question. But The Giver had encouraged all of his questions, not seeming to be embarrassed or offended by even the most personal.
The Giver chuckled. "No, theres no rule against it. And I did have a spouse. Youre forgetting how old I am, Jonas. My former spouse lives now with the Childless Adults. "
"Oh, of course. " Jonas had forgotten The Givers obvious age. When adults of the community became older, their lives became different. They were no longer needed to create family units. Jonass own parents, when he and Lily were grown, would go to live with the Childless Adults.
"Youll be able to apply for a spouse, Jonas, if you want to. Ill warn you, though, that it will be difficult. Your living arrangements will have to be different from those of most family units, because the books are forbidden to citizens. You and I are the only ones with access to the books. "
Jonas glanced around at the astonishing array of volumes. From time to time, now, he could see their colors. With their hours together, his and The Givers, consumed by conversation and by the transmission of memories, Jonas had not yet opened any of the books. But he read the titles here and there, and knew that they contained all of the knowledge of centuries, and that one day they would belong to him.
"So if I have a spouse, and maybe children, I will have to hide the books from them?"
The Giver nodded. "I wasnt permitted to share the books with my spouse, thats correct. And there are other difficulties, too. You remember the rule that says the new Receiver cant talk about his training?"
Jonas nodded. Of course he remembered. It had turned out, by far, to be the most frustrating of the rules he was required to obey.
"When you become the official Receiver, when were finished here, youll be given a whole new set of rules. Those are the rules that I obey. And it wont surprise you that I am forbidden to talk about my work to anyone except the new Receiver. Thats you, of course.
"So there will be a whole part of your life which you wont be able to share with a family. Its hard, Jonas. It was hard for me.
"You do understand, dont you, that this is my life? The memories?"
Jonas nodded again, but he was puzzled. Didnt life consist of the things you did each day? There wasnt anything else, really. "Ive seen you taking walks," he said.
The Giver sighed. "I walk. I eat at mealtime. And when I am called by the Committee of Elders, I appear before them, to give them counsel and advice. "
"Do you advise them often?" Jonas was a little frightened at the thought that one day he would be the one to advise the ruling body.
But The Giver said no. "Rarely. Only when they are faced with something that they have not experienced before. Then they call upon me to use the memories and advise them. But it very seldom happens. Sometimes I wish theyd ask for my wisdom more often—there are so many things I could tell them; things I wish they would change. But they dont want change. Life here is so orderly, so predictable—so painless. Its what theyve chosen. "
"I dont know why they even need a Receiver, then, if they never call upon him," Jonas commented.
"They need me. And you," The Giver said, but didnt explain. "They were reminded of that ten years ago. "
"What happened ten years ago?" Jonas asked. "Oh, I know. You tried to train a successor and it failed. Why? Why did that remind them?"
The Giver smiled grimly. "When the new Receiver failed, the memories that she had received were released. They didnt come back to me. They went. . . "
He paused, and seemed to be struggling with the concept. "I dont know, exactly. They went to the place where memories once existed before Receivers were created. Someplace out there—" He gestured vaguely with his arm. "And then the people had access to them. Apparently thats the way it was, once. Everyone had access to memories.
"It was chaos," he said. "They really suffered for a while. Finally it subsided as the memories were assimilated. But it certainly made them aware of how they need a Receiver to contain all that pain. And knowledge. "
"But you have to suffer like that all the time," Jonas pointed
out.
The Giver nodded. "And you will. Its my life. It will be yours. "
Jonas thought about it, about what it would be like for him. "Along with walking and eating and—" He looked around the walls of books. "Reading? Thats it?"
The Giver shook his head. "Those are simply the things that I do. My life is here. "
"In this room?"
The Giver shook his head. He put his hands to his own face, to his chest. "No. Here, in my being. Where the memories are. "
"My Instructors in science and technology have taught us about how the brain works," Jonas told him eagerly. "Its full of electrical impulses. Its like a computer. If you stimulate one part of the brain with an electrode, it—" He stopped talking. He could see an odd look on The Givers face.
"They know nothing," The Giver said bitterly.
Jonas was shocked. Since the first day in the Annex room, they had together disregarded the rules about rudeness, and Jonas felt comfortable with that now. But this was different, and far beyond rude. This was a terrible accusation. What if someone had heard?
He glanced quickly at the wall speaker, terrified that the Committee might be listening as they could at any time. But, as always during their sessions together, the switch had been turned to OFF.
"Nothing?" Jonas whispered nervously. "But my instructors—"
The Giver flicked his hand as if brushing something aside. "Oh, your instructors are well trained. They know their scientific facts. Everyone is well trained for his job.
"Its just that . . . without the memories its all meaningless. They gave that burden to me. And to the previous Receiver. And the one before him. "
"And back and back and back," Jonas said, knowing the phrase that always came.
The Giver smiled, though his smile was oddly harsh. "Thats right. And next it will be you. A great honor. "
"Yes, sir. They told me that at the Ceremony. The very highest honor. "
Some afternoons The Giver sent him away without training. Jonas knew, on days when he arrived to find The Giver hunched over, rocking his body slightly back and forth, his face pale, that he would be sent away.
"Go," The Giver would tell him tensely. "Im in pain today. Come back tomorrow. "
On those days, worried and disappointed, Jonas would walk alone beside the river. The paths were empty of people except for the few Delivery Crews and Landscape Workers here and there. Small children were all at the Childcare Center after school, and the older ones busy with volunteer hours or training.
By himself, he tested his own developing memory. He watched the landscape for glimpses of the green that he knew was embedded in the shrubbery; when it came flickering into his consciousness, he focused upon it, keeping it there, darkening it, holding it in his vision as long as possible until his head hurt and he let it fade away.
He stared at the flat, colorless sky, bringing blue from it, and remembered sunshine until finally, for an instant, he could feel warmth.
He stood at the foot of the bridge that spanned the river, the bridge that citizens were allowed to cross only on official business. Jonas had crossed it on school trips, visiting the outlying communities, and he knew that the land beyond the bridge was much the same, flat and well ordered, with fields for agriculture. The other communities he had seen on visits were essentially the same as his own, the only differences were slightly altered styles of dwellings, slightly different schedules in the schools.