by Brinda Berry
I push her gently against the bed. Her knees buckle and she sits on the edge, hands braced on each side of her body so she won’t fall back.
Her skin is hot under my touch as my fingers touch her knees and pull them apart.
“What are you doing?” she asks, panting and breathy. “Well, I know what it looks like...”
I raise a brow and lick my lips. “I’ve been waiting to do this all day long. Quit sassing me for once, baby.”
Instead of lying back or arguing as she’s so prone to do, she leans forward and kisses me. Her tongue flicks into my mouth in a rush of excitement. Her fingers thread through my hair to clasp the back of my head. Her mouth makes that sound synonymous with sin.
Emerson lifts her head. Her blue eyes are dark and turbulent, midnight dark on a stormy ocean. “I’m not arguing.”
“Good girl.” And with that, I get on with the business of making tonight one she will never forget.
The sound of my cell alarm filters into my dream. In my dream, Emerson is holding a sign saying ‘Round 1’ as she walks my sales floor in a bikini. There’s also an elderly man and his wife waving money at Emerson. Emerson winks at the old guy but keeps strolling around the floor with the sign.
I’m close to strangling my sales staff for ogling her when the beeping noise distracts me. I crack open one grateful eye and pick up the cell.
Five a.m.
I heave a blissful sigh and stretch my arms above my head. Finances and sales meetings can wait. The new shipment check-in can wait. Emerson cannot.
Her dark hair spreads out on the pillow next to me.
I’m not a spooner, but I know today is meant for new habits. I roll closer to the center of the bed where she lies and watch her sleep for a moment.
She opens her eyes. “Good morning.”
“Yes, it sure is.” I place a light kiss on her nose.
“What time is it?” She drapes a hand over her eyes.
I frown. “Does it matter? Classes don’t start this early.”
She removes her hand and reveals her troubled expression. “I know, but Gabby may need a ride or something. She doesn’t know where I am. She’ll be worried.”
“Call Gabby and tell her you’re with me. She won’t ground you.”
“I need to go.” Emerson jumps out of bed and grabs my shirt from the floor, holding it in front of her body. She locates her phone and checks the display before setting it on the nightstand. “My clothes are everywhere,” she grumbles.
“Slow down.” I sit up to grab her, but it’s too late. She’s already sprinted for the bathroom.
A phone chimes and I automatically look to mine. The ringtone is different though and I relax. It continues and I realize it’s Emerson’s.
“Your phone is ringing,” I yell softly, more to myself than to her.
I scoot across the bed and pick up the phone so I can take it to Emerson. A text flashes across the screen and one word catches my eye.
Toby.
Son of a bitch.
Toby: I didn’t get to finish talking with you last night. Let’s get together today. Or tonight *wink*
A steel shaft slices into my chest as I blink and read the text again. No. There’s no way. No possible way she’s messing around with this guy.
Emerson’s footsteps are so silent that she’s at the side of the bed before I see she’s standing there. I realize she’s been watching my face. She holds out her hand for the phone and glances at the display, her mouth tightening.
“I can explain,” she says.
I wait in silence. She stares at the drawn curtains. A stillness this deep must be what astronauts feel in space as they drift inside the shuttle.
My chest feels ready to cave in since I haven’t dared to breathe.
“You’re seeing him?” It’s an effort to keep my voice steady. It’s not as if we’re goddamn fucking engaged or married or exclusive even. But I thought we had an unspoken understanding.
I’ve been thinking like a novice and I should know how this works since I’ve dated several girls simultaneously and broken more than a few hearts when discovered.
My standard answer was always, “I thought we were seeing other people.”
“You know how I feel about you. Did you think I wouldn’t care about Toby? That I would be okay with it?” She sits beside me on the bed and I swear I’m so numb I cannot feel my limbs. She doesn’t even try to defend herself.
“Just give me a little time to work through some stuff. The thing with Toby isn’t what you think.”
“Does he know where you spent last night?” I raise a brow. I don’t really give a flying fuck what he thinks. I’m only concerned that she understands I’m not into this sharing scenario and she’d better dump his ass. Now.
The look on her face is so innocent and pale. It takes all the self-control I possess not to say things I’ll regret.
She has to know that we have something different together. We are not casually dating or randomly hooking up.
Emerson gets to her feet and won’t make eye contact. “Listen. I have to go. And I didn’t plan for this to happen. But the thing with Toby—”
“You told me once that if we were together, it’s just me and you. What happened? You forget you put that on me?”
“I didn’t forget,” she whispers. “I want to be with you. It just can’t be now.”
I have no idea what that means. “You tell him you won’t see him again. You tell him now. In front of me.” I get out of bed and grab my pants.
“I can’t do that,” she says.
“Why not?”
“Trust me. I can’t.”
“Do you understand how much I trusted you? I told you how lost I’ve been since Kate and Paisley died. You threw away my trust. You don’t give a damn about me.”
Tears well in her eyes. “That’s not true.”
“I can’t see it any other way.” My heart is beating like an engine ready to overheat. “Go ahead. Get out. Go climb into Toby’s bed.”
My pants are unfastened and hanging on my hips. I move to the windows because I cannot watch her leave. She’s not responding to my last comment, and I really don’t expect her to.
I open the curtains to find the sun’s beginning to rise. My head is now pounding and my hands are clammy.
The sound of the closing door sets panic roaring through me like a forest fire. Who am I to judge when I’ve done this to so many girls in the past year?
But more than anything, I’ve been sidelined by the unexpected and pierced by her coldness. I’ve made it clear that I’m crazy about her.
The window has a perfect view of the parking lot. Nausea builds in my throat when I see her running to her car. She unlocks it and gets inside, but I can’t stop watching.
Ten minutes pass and she still hasn’t driven away.
I turn away from the windows so I don’t have to watch her leave. A cold stone of regret sits in my core. Today, I’ve learned a hard lesson.
Life is a bitch who’ll surprise you every time. Just when you think you have her next move figured out, she pulls a surprise from her sleeve. Sometimes it’s only a card you didn’t see.
Other times it’s a shotgun aimed at your heart—boom, boom, boom.
Chapter Nineteen
Go It Alone
Emerson
I might as well be a member of the living dead. Lying to Dylan is the worst sin I’ve ever committed. Dylan’s hurt expression reached in and pulled out my heart like some ninja. I left the still-beating essence of it behind, pulsing in the early morning light of the parking lot.
Ironically, he questioned my trust.
I handed my own trust to Dylan when I’ve built my life on caution. I shouldn’t have slept with him last night, and I won’t risk putting him in jeopardy again.
I stand in the tiny shower, the spray of water all wonky because it’s never worked right. A burst of cold hits my face and I welcome the shock and punishment of it. I deserve to b
e hurt, because I was selfish. I should’ve gone there and told him we needed to take a break.
“Sissy? There’s a guy at the door.”
For one instant, I picture Dylan standing there, but I know better. “Who is it? I’m in the shower.”
“Yes, I figured you weren’t baking cookies. He says he’s Toby.” There’s blessed silence for a few seconds and I hope she’s gone away. But then Gabby knocks several times in rapid succession on the door. “He’s cute. Or at least the part I can see through the peephole is. Can I let him in?”
“No. Are you crazy? Wait a minute.” I twist the knob fully to the left and a shot of scalding water hits my back. “Ow,” I scream and stumble back.
“Sis?”
“I’m coming.” I grab a towel and dry off. It takes another minute to get dressed and out of the bathroom so I can get to the door. The peephole reveals a fisheye view of Toby’s profile.
I unlock both bolts and open the door. “What do you want?”
“Good morning,” he answers and walks in without being invited.
“I’m leaving in a few minutes. You’ll have to catch me later.”
He gives me a patient smile, the kind you give to unruly grandmothers. “Good. I’ll talk to you while we’re in the car.”
“You can call me.”
“In person is better.” He looks over my shoulder. “Hi. I’m Toby.”
I don’t have to turn to know Gabby is behind me and hanging on to every word of our conversation. “I’m Gabby. Nice to meet you.”
“On second thought,” I say, and glance at my sister, “Gabby, take my car. Toby will be happy to give me a ride to campus and pick me up later.”
“Great excuse to spend more time with you,” he says.
I didn’t know it’d be so hard to play this game of pretend. I have a few select, ungirlfriend-like words for Toby when we’re away from Gabby. Toby the random—or not so random—texter. “Give me fifteen minutes to get ready.”
“Mind if I sit in here and watch television?” Toby asks.
“Sure you can wait, but there’s no TV.” There’s a hard edge to my voice. I turn and walk down the hall. Gabby’s already quizzing Toby about his life. At least I have that for temporary payback. Gabby’s interrogations can rival a Russian mobster’s.
I’m only inside the bathroom for ten minutes when a knock sounds over the hum of my hair dryer. “Almost done,” I yell.
“It’s me,” Gabby answers.
The door opens and she peeks in at me. “Hey, can I come in?”
“Gab, there’s not enough room,” I grumble.
My mood doesn’t deter her. She pushes her way in, effectively limiting me to a twelve-inch space in front of the shower. “What happened to Dylan? I thought you guys were dating.”
“No. We’re friends. He’s my boss.” My answer comes out in a croak.
She eyes me for too long before answering. “I wanted to let you know I’m spending the night at a friend’s tonight, so I won’t be home.”
“Okay.” I run the brush through my hair. “Open the door. I have to go.”
“Okay? You’re not going to ask more?”
“No. Whatever. You’re a grown woman.” Maybe it’s best if she’s far away from danger and this apartment.
“But—”
“Move, Gabby.” I put my hands on her shoulders and squeeze. “Talk to you later. Gotta go.”
I hurry from the bathroom and give Toby a brief nod. “Ready.”
After shrugging into my coat, I grab my textbook and lead the way outside. We’re at the bottom of the stairs and his motorcycle is missing. He points to a four-door sedan.
“So you don’t even ride the bike? Wow. A complete fraud.” I walk to the passenger side.
He gives me a look and opens the door for me. “Hop in.”
“Yes, sir.”
Toby circles to the driver’s side and slides in. “Listen. I have a cover to protect and you’re so pissed off you don’t care. But it’d be great if you could hold all that in until we’re in private.” He starts the engine and turns up the heat. “Cold?”
I hold my hands against the vent. “I’m pissed. Did you know I was with Dylan when you sent the text?”
Toby shrugs. “You were supposed to break it off. Rafa will never believe we’re dating, unless you’re playing at being a whore.”
“Stop the car. I’m getting out.” My hand is on the handle.
“Wait. I’m sorry. Shit. Calm down. Let’s do what we have to do to keep everyone safe. Okay?”
I stare straight ahead.
He gives a headshake and his mouth forms a hard line for a moment. “I didn’t ride the bike because we’d become icicles, and also, it’s a little tough to talk on a bike.”
“What do we need to talk about?”
“The schedule for today. You have class this morning, right?” He heads the car in the direction of campus.
“Yes. I have class, work, and avoiding you.” I study the landscape out my passenger window.
“Do all that. During this drive, we should plan the visit to your father. You’re already on the prison’s approved visitors list for him. We’ve asked his attorney to request your visit so it can be approved. I’ll be taking you.”
“Right. So, is this happening today?”
“No, you should do classes and work. We want the visit to go through normal procedures. They have rules at Bennettsville. Inmates request approval for a visit several hours ahead of one. We don’t want someone on the inside to tip Rafa. It’s going to be odd enough that you’re visiting your father for the first time. He’s been in there for a while and never had a visitor.”
Guilt pricks me with a thousand tiny pins. “I want to get this over with.”
“We can’t rush it. We don’t want to spook anyone since we need to keep you safe.”
“Until you get the code.”
“No. I said I was trying to protect you. I wasn’t feeding you a line. The US government wants you safe. Getting the code and evidence against Rafa is a bonus.”
“You are so full of it. The government wants the code. Period.” After a pause, I add, “I have a morning lab.”
“I know,” he says without missing a beat. He drives as if he takes this route every day. “I’ll pick you up here at 9:30.”
“Great. If Rafa’s watching me, won’t he wonder why you’re playing chauffeur today?”
“No. We’re dating now, and I have classes too. Remember?”
“I hope you fail them all.”
He pulls to the curb and I get out, walking quickly to class without a backward glance.
Toby picks me up on schedule and I recognize the route he takes immediately. “Why are we going to your house?”
“So Rafa’s guy can see you go inside with me. You’ve only been home with me once, when you helped with Diesel. It’s going to be difficult to pull off the boyfriend thing unless we set it up a little better.”
“Why does it matter?”
“Quit acting like this. I understand you’re scared and—”
“You ruined my life with one careless act. Why did you text me this morning? I would’ve taken care of it.”
He drives, giving no response for so long I wonder if he’s going to answer. Turning his gaze from the road, he says, “Sorry. Had to. You realize Rafa knows you were with Dylan last night. Unless you want that guy to end up with more than hurt pride, it’s for the best. If you don’t give Rafa what he wants, he may get antsy and use the people you care about as pawns.”
Soon, we’re at Toby’s house. I follow him wordlessly to the door and inside. Diesel immediately rises from a large dog bed near the sofa. He’s thicker than when I saw him last.
“Hey, boy. How are you?” I take off my glove and bend down to rub the top of his square head.
“Your girlfriend has finally come to visit,” Toby coos to his dog. “Make yourself at home,” he says to me.
I obey, taking off my coat
and placing it across the back of the sofa. “Come here, Diesel. Tell me what’s been going on with you. Has Mr. Toby trained you to be a spy dog yet?” The cushions of the worn sofa give under Diesel’s weight when he hops onto one side.
Giving in, I sit beside Diesel and allow the dog to place his head on my knees. Toby disappears from the room but soon reenters with a bottled water that he hands to me. He takes off his knit cap and sits in a chair near us.
Toby takes a drink of his own water. “You said you have to work today. Cleaning at Dylan’s, right?”
“Yeah.” I stare at the television. Toby turned it on at some point when I wasn’t paying attention. It must be on mute, but it’s one of my favorite movies of all time, Romeo and Juliet. DiCaprio and Dane are kissing on-screen and I stare at them.
All this tragedy is probably more true-to-life than people realize.
“Emerson? You with me?”
“Ah, yeah. I’m tired.” I don’t mention the fact that I didn’t get much sleep last night, as he very well might be guessing. “I don’t think Dylan will want me there today. Not after...well, you know.” My voice sounds as dead as I feel.
“Do you need to call and let someone know you won’t be there today?” Toby’s gentle voice makes my throat tighten.
“I’ll text Jordy.”
“Okay.”
He turns up the volume on the television and glances at me. “Want to watch something in particular?”
Diesel scoots his front paws onto my lap and burrows his head into my stomach. “No.” I answer without taking my eyes off the screen.
Toby places the remote on the arm of his chair and lays his head back. “I am sorry this is happening to you. Really. But it won’t go on forever.”
“How long have you been watching me?” I think back to the time I met Toby in the parking lot and the note on my car.
“About three months.”
Shock tunnels into my brain as I absorb his words. “Why so long?”
“Rafa had feelers out. Your dad’s been threatened in prison. Roughed up a little. When we became aware of what was going on, we knew he’d target you. It makes sense that your dad would’ve either hidden information with you or that you can get the code from him.”