Pia looked around and noted how both Gillian and Georgiana watched him with open admiration. Was there a woman alive who didn’t love him?
“What brought this on?” Sirius asked as his eyes found Pia again.
“The kiln by the stables.” Her voice had a light flutter, as did her heart.
Every time his mouth moved, she was reminded of where it had been and, shamefully, where she wanted it to be.
He nodded. “The kiln was for brick making while they were finishing the manor. Did it require any repairs?”
“The footmen have seen to it. I offered to help, but…”
His smile fell. His features turned to stone. “That is not work for a lady.”
She decided not to remind him that indeed, she did work. “I didn’t mean with the actual labor, I meant to oversee the design. But instead, I was allowed to doing nothing more than draw a furnace and allow them to stand in the cold on their own.”
“And as my staff, they will see to your every wish no matter the weather.” He looked over the clay wheels and then at her. “You are only doing this to entertain yourselves, correct?”
“Of course,” Pia said indignantly. She would never use the work of the girls to make money. What they made would be theirs alone.
“Everything we make will remain home,” Georgiana said. “Though I admit the thought of having a dinner and, unbeknownst to them, serving our guests on my own plates does give me a certain thrill.” She turned to Pia. “Do you think you could make more clay?”
“Yes.”
All the girls then wanted to make plates as well. And bowls, jewelry boxes, and anything else they could think of.
“Make what you will, but no work,” Sirius said. His gaze found Pia’s again.
Was he forbidding her to work indefinitely? She still had one turtledove to deliver, but that would have to wait until next week when Lord Mullon returned to Liverpool.
Not that it mattered. She was her own woman. She may be his guest, but he was not her caretaker.
Pia didn’t look away or bend under Sirius’ expression.
Yet instead of anger at her defiance… his lips curled.
“Sirius,” Gillian said. “I want to speak to you about finding me and the girls a home once the Season begins.” Gillian had begun to talk about moving more and more recently.
Sirius turned to her. “Is there a certain city you desire?”
“I believe I’d like to live close to the estate.”
“Then I’ll have my man of business begin to look for properties,” he said.
“How was your trip?” Georgiana asked. “I pray your business went well?”
“Not as well as I’d hoped,” Sirius looked at his mother. “But a necessary trip, nonetheless. I’ll be leaving again tomorrow.”
Again? Just when Pia was ready to let his work comment upset her, he surprised her by leaving again.
“Again, Papa? Why?” Babbette took his arm. Her expression looked pained. “Why must you always go?”
He tapped her chin. “Because it is required of me, but don’t fear. I shall miss you the entire time.”
Babbette buried herself against her father and wrapped her arms around him. Pia wanted to do the same, though she was slightly annoyed with him.
“Where will you go?” Adalina asked.
“Leeds, mostly.”
Georgiana gasped. “Oh, I’ve not been there for some time.” She turned to Pia. “Adam and I lived there for a time after we left. Sirius came after Adam’s death. He transformed the property. It’s beautiful now.”
“I would love to see it,” Pia said. Adam had never told her where he’d gone. She wondered what life had been like for him there.
“Oh, there is so much there that I want to show you,” Georgiana said, taking her hand. “Many of his possessions I’ve kept.”
Pia’s heart leapt at the opportunity.
“Perhaps, we can all go?” Gillian asked with a sigh. “I know I’m in mourning, but I would love to see different walls. Surely, Society wouldn’t mind if I moved residences for a few days?”
They all turned to Sirius.
Sirius looked conflicted. “It would only be for a week or so.”
“Long enough,” Gillian said. “Pia said we’d have to wait a week for the kiln to cool once the pottery is placed inside. She said opening the chamber too quickly would be dangerous.”
It would not take a week for the kiln to cool, but Pia said nothing.
He twisted his lips. “And I suppose finding a more becoming hobby is too much to ask?”
It was, but no one said a word.
Would Sirius truly take the entire house while he was on business?
He groaned. “Very well. You all may come.”
The children all jumped with the same amount of happiness they’d had when told they could have ice cream the previous night. Pia wanted to join in their merriment. She would finally get a chance to experience a little of what life was like for Adam.
Sirius touched young Daisy’s blond head before turning to the women. “I’ll leave you to your entertainment.”
Pia realized she needed to speak to him. She quickly excused herself and met him in the hall.
He turned before she spoke. He’d likely heard her footsteps.
“How long will we be gone?” she asked.
“Why? Did you need me for something?”
She shook her head. “I need to go to Liverpool, but it can wait until our return.” But not a day more. She’d already waited long enough.
“Liverpool again?” He frowned. “What for? Another delivery?”
She nodded.
“Give the turtledove to a footman. They’ll see it safely delivered, I promise you.” He started away again.
“No.” She caught his arm.
She noticed him stiffen and took her hand back. “Are you hurt?”
He turned back to her. “Only the pain in your eyes makes it feel worse. Don’t worry. I’m fine. Pia, you shouldn’t be making deliveries for your aunt. Do you even know these people? Who is it you must visit?”
Pia stared at him.
He shifted closer. “What? What is it?”
“Is that… common? Only the pain in your eyes makes it feel worse?”
“What?”
“You said ‘only the pain in your eyes makes it feel worse’ when I asked if you were hurt. Adam used to say that.”
He shrugged. “Maybe I heard him say it. Perhaps, he got it from me.”
Another thought came to her. “Why did you do it?”
He lifted a brow. “Do what?”
“Hurt Adam. He was only a boy. Your father’s actions were never his fault.”
Sirius straightened. “I never laid a hand on Adam.”
Pia’s lips parted in astonishment. “It’s been so many years. Why would you lie about it now? I thought you a man able to recognize the wrongs of his past.”
Sirius studied her and then said, “I’ve been gone for two weeks. Why are you being disagreeable?”
Was she being disagreeable? She feared she was. Perhaps, it was her attempt to put distance between her feelings and the man who was causing them. “Did you hit him?”
“Did Adam ever say I hit him?” he asked.
“No, but he didn’t have to.”
He glared, but his mind seemed distracted. “Maybe you should have believed him when he said I didn’t instead of jumping to conclusions.”
“Who else would have hurt him if not you or Tobias?”
Taking a handkerchief from her hand, he wiped at her cheek. Just as before, she didn’t move away. He seemed to concentrate on the action. “There will always be people in the world who wish to cause others pain. It didn’t have to be me or Tobias, and it wasn’t.” He put the handkerchief away when he was done, but his eyes didn’t leave the spot he’d been working on. “For Tobias, Adam hardly existed. He was set to be earl. He didn’t care about his father’s bastard. He thought it the rig
ht of a gentleman to do as he pleased. As for Sirius… I mean, myself. I didn’t like Adam, because my father pretended to favor him, but I never touched him and eventually, I learned that my father didn’t truly love him. He’d only ever cared for Georgiana and wished to keep her pleased.”
Pia looked him over and noticed the shadows under his eyes. “Are you all right?”
He blinked. “Are you no longer accusing me of beating the man you loved?” His reply was cruel sarcasm.
She shook her head. “I’m putting it aside for the moment. What happened to you?”
He blew a breath. “Nothing. I’m just… not getting what I want.” His chuckle lacked true amusement. “Not even earls can always have what they want.” He seemed tired. He likely was tired. How wonderful then that he could appear before the women and put on a smile. He’d been so patient with the girls even when they’d asked him a hundred questions.
She decided to ask one that had nothing to do with anyone else. Only him. “What is it that you want?”
A spark went off in his eyes, but it died quickly. “Nothing you can give me. Return to your clay. I’ll find my own way through my problems. I’ll see you at dinner.” He left her in the hall alone.
∫ ∫ ∫
2 4
* * *
Pia took a step toward the door where the women were making pottery then stopped.
Her next step was in the opposite direction. She climbed the stairs toward the main floor slowly and forbid her mind from analyzing her intentions.
She knew where she’d find him. She didn’t knock before she entered his office.
Sirius was there, sitting on the edge of his desk. Dressed completely in black with only his cravat gone, he looked deadly.
His head rose from a paper between his bare fingers and their eyes caught.
She opened her mouth.
He cut her off. “You may go.”
She’d taken a step back before she realized he wasn’t talking to her.
A footman stood in the corner of the room. He left and closed the door behind him.
Pia looked at the door and then at Sirius. His gaze waited for her.
She licked her dry lips. “Surely, there is something I can do to make you feel better.”
He straightened but remained on the desk. He braced his hands on either side of him, never looking away. “What is it you are offering me?”
She hadn’t planned for the conversation to be so straightforward. She hadn’t planned a conversation at all. Sirius seemed like a man who’d simply take what he wanted. She’d been ready to follow his lead.
She’d only kissed two men. Adam and her husband. The first had been innocent. The second had not ended well.
He picked up his paper again. “I already told you. You owe me nothing. You are my guest while you are here. It is my duty to see to your comfort.”
She knew it was true, but she wondered why she felt a sense of obligation where Sirius was concerned. A part of her felt duty-bound to this man, which was strange.
It had to be his eyes. Adam’s eyes.
It was the only explanation. Adam had been hers. He’d loved her, but now he was gone and in his place, the world had given her Sirius. A man completely different and yet so much the same.
And it wasn’t only his eyes. It was the way he seemed to comfort and protect those around him, including her.
Without looking up from his paper, he said, “Is this about the carriage you requested for Liverpool?”
She walked over to him and stopped just short of his knee.
He kept his eyes down, away from her. “I don’t like the idea of you doing servants’ work, but it is not my place to stop you. Take a carriage when we return. You need not ask again.”
Why wouldn’t he look at her?
He cleared his throat. “Take whatever you need.”
Impulsively, Pia reached out and placed her hand on his thigh and gripped the muscle underneath her palm. The feel of it was thrilling.
Sirius’ gaze lifted and seized hers.
Her pulse beat rapidly in her throat. She looked down at her treacherous hand and then at the man she was touching intimately. What was she doing? She hadn’t thought.
Though that wasn’t true. She had thought.
She’d thought of the spark in his eyes in the basement. She’d thought of the way his hand had caressed her on more than one occasion.
She wanted his hands on her now. Needed it.
As if in understanding, he cupped the back of her head and pulled her forward.
He slanted his head and his mouth took hers in the boldest kiss she’d ever experienced. Desire flared through her body and set off sparks below her womb. The rushing of blood and endless pulsing nearly had her weeping. In joy. In desperation.
Sirius made the wildest noises she’d ever heard. Like a beast that had found his dinner and dared anyone to take it away from him. His hold on her was tight.
The introduction of his tongue made her gasp and swoon.
It was good. So good.
But she needed more.
As she moved closer to him, her thoughts whispered the truth about this moment. She’d not come to him in order to fulfill his needs but her own.
She pressed her body between his thighs.
And there. She felt it.
Sirius pulled his mouth back with a hiss.
Oh, yes. He was hard for her. It took great strength for her hand to remain where it was and not inch closer, to cup him through his breeches.
“Do you want me?” she whispered.
His answer was in his eyes. Dark. Savage. “Yes.”
“Really?” She had to know. “Truly? You want me?”
He took long, deep breaths, and then he blinked. He examined her face. “Of course, I want you. What man alive wouldn’t?”
She looked down.
With a tug, he forced her face back to his. His eyes were dark again, but this time, with anger. “Was this kiss about Adam?”
“No,” she said quickly.
“Another man then,” he said. “Your husband?”
She lowered her eyes to his throat and wondered how this man always managed to seek out and find her truth. “It was just a kiss.”
His hold tightened on her neck, but then he let her go… only to wrap his arms around her waist. “It wasn’t just a kiss. You were trying to prove something. Did you think I didn’t want you?” He pulled her painfully closer.
“I just…”
“Pia,” he whispered.
Her eyes lifted once more.
“You can tell me anything. I want you to trust me. I want to be your friend. I want to be...”
She smiled. Sirius could be so kind at times that it nearly brought her to tears. “Why are you not married? I mean, I believe you’d make a good husband.” She laughed and covered her mouth with embarrassment.
Sirius cupped the back of his neck. He was nervous, too.
“If you can recall, I’ve been trying to change that.”
He was trying to marry her. He went on, “Also, I’m rather busy.”
“Not too busy. Your daughters have told me of the many adventures you’ve taken them on. You make time for them. They adore you. They never cease speaking your praise. They’d believe you if you said you hung the stars.”
He laughed. “Perhaps. They’re good girls.”
“Yes,” she agreed.
One of his hands stroked up her back. “They seem to like you.”
She felt her cheeks color. “We enjoy each other.”
“Does the fact that you don’t have children have something to do with Lord Ginter not wanting you?”
He couldn’t have shocked her or brought her more pain if he’d slammed his fist into her gut.
She placed her hands on his arms, but his arms tightened on her before she could pull away. “Sirius, please…”
“Trust me, Pia,” he pleaded.
She leaned forward and pressed her forehead
into his chest. “You have enough to worry about. I should go.”
“I like you here.”
“I’m distracting you.”
“You asked me if there was anything I wanted from you.” He squeezed her. “This is it.”
She groaned and leaned back to look at him. “The kiss wasn’t enough?”
He smirked. “Though quite pleasurable, that kiss was not about me but you. Tell me about Lord Ginter.”
Pia decided there was no point in keeping the secret either way. Everyone knew it. Ginter had made that so. “He didn’t want me.”
“He told you this?”
“He told me… He showed me.”
Sirius lifted a brow. “He showed you?”
Apprehension built.
“Don’t retreat,” Sirius said. “You’re doing well. Stay firm. You can handle this.”
She smiled. “Did you learn those words in the military?”
He lifted his chin at her. “Tell me how he showed you.”
Her smile slipped away. “He couldn’t… do what you just did while we were kissing.”
“Touch you?”
She shook her head. She’d let him guess.
“Use his tongue to call forth small moans from your body?”
She cupped her cheeks and decided it was a bad idea to let him guess. “No, his body rejected me. He couldn’t… stiffen for me.” It was the most humiliating thing in the world to admit. Her husband hadn’t found her desirable.
Sirius shifted. His expression blocked his thoughts from her.
Did he think her a failure?
Pia couldn’t count the times she’d tried to change her husband’s mind. She’d taken the advice of friends, strangers, books, but nothing had worked. “I was so desperate to start a family, but the more I tried, the more he hated me until he stopped sleeping at the house altogether. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
She gasped when he picked her up, turned, and placed her on the desk.
His hands landed on her thighs and finally, she could read his expression. Anger. He pushed at her skirts. “There is nothing wrong with you. I can prove it right now if you want.” Grabbing her bare legs, he dragged her body to the edge of the desk. Their bodies collided, and Pia lost the air in her lungs.
She wanted the promise that rested in Sirius’ eyes.
The Secret Pleasures of an Earl: (The Valiant Love Regency Romance) (A Historical Romance Book) Page 12