“She didn’t die thinking you hated her,” he replied, his voice gravelly but free from expression. Hell, his entire being was free from expression. He wasn’t even holding me. Not really. He was standing there and letting me drape myself over him.
And, God help me, I appreciated that he was letting me be his scarf, because I was literally clinging to his neck.
I’d be ashamed tomorrow, as it was, I could hear my mom’s voice in my ear, and I just felt like a bitch.
“How do you know that?” I whispered.
“Because when she was here, Lizzie did nothing but raise hell. I highly doubt that changed in death.”
“We were mean to each other,” I admitted.
“What about?” He hesitated. “You don’t have to tell me that.”
I sensed he regretted his curiosity getting the better of him, and because he regretted it, and being the contrary bitch that I was, I muttered, “She was giving me shit.”
“About what?”
“She said by my age, she had a man and my brothers.”
He snorted. “That’s it?”
“Yeah, that’s it.” I pulled back so I could scowl at him. “This isn’t nineteen eighty-five. A woman doesn’t have to be shackled at fucking eighteen to feel like she’s hit the peak of her life.”
He shrugged. “Never said she did, but I’m laughing because I agree.”
That was laughing?
He wasn’t exactly rolling on the floor pissing himself, just a little snort and a twitch of his lips constituted full-blown amusement?
It felt like an eye-opening moment, so I just blinked at him for a second, then I muttered, “Anyway, I was tired of her shit, and I gave her a double dose back.”
Another snort. “Why doesn’t that surprise me?”
I sniffed. “I take after her in most things.”
“Yeah. I know.” When his eyes dropped to my tits, I wanted to die.
Jesus.
Was he comparing my tits with my mom’s?
I covered my face with my hands. “Don’t tell me you had a crush on my mom when she was here.”
He cleared his throat, and that was answer enough.
“Great. Just fucking great.” I twisted back around to avoid his stare because, sure enough, I’d inherited my mom’s massive tits, except fate had granted me a bigger set by one cup size and round ass.
Motherfucker.
Literally.
“I’m okay now,” I said woodenly.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he blurted out. “I was only commenting on the fact your attitude is bigger than your—”
“Don’t you dare say my boobs,” I hissed.
“Do I look like I have a death wish?” he grumbled. “Look, can we not focus on your breasts?”
That had me blinking, because whatever word I expected him to say, that wasn’t it.
Hooters? Sure. Melons? Maybe. Breasts? Nah.
“I wasn’t. You were. You were thinking I’m like my mom, well, I don’t spread my legs for bikers.”
His nostrils flared at that, and when he took a step forward, I wasn’t sure whether to be scared or turned on. My heart began to pound, and my throat felt thick as I stared at him, aware that I’d awoken a beast I wasn’t sure I knew how to handle, and then, someone blurted out, “Giulia, I’m hungry.”
It took me a second to realize it was my brother. He was the only one who would ask me for food outside of mealtimes, because North thought the sun rose and set on him, and because he was the apple of our mother’s eye, he usually thought he could get away with shit with me.
He was wrong.
Even though I wasn’t sure if my throat worked or not, I managed to garble, “There’s a fridge over there. You can open the door and make yourself something to eat.”
“You know I like your BLTs.”
My eyes were still on Nyx’s, still trained on him, and his on me, and fuck me, if my body wasn’t singing with adrenaline. I felt like the proverbial deer in the headlights, only, a part of me wouldn’t mind getting rammed down.
My cheeks flushed, and my entire body felt overheated, and then, he threw water on the flames by stating, “I think I could go for a BLT too.”
And if there was one rule I was picking up on, it was that I couldn’t push my luck with the council, even if I had more leeway than the clubwhores because I fed them good stuff, but at that moment? I figured my luck had run dry.
So, even though the last thing I wanted to do was make my dick brother a sandwich, I shuffled away from Nyx’s fiery hot stare and headed to the refrigerator I’d just directed North to so I could pull out the fixings for a BLT.
All the while, I felt as though I’d had a close call, so why the hell I was disappointed was something I’d have to figure out later.
When my lungs weren’t burning as though I’d run a race.
Five
Steel
THROUGH THE CLOUD of smoke that always permeated the bar area, I watched the showdown with interest.
"Can't believe he didn't bring Katy to meet her," Sin muttered at my side.
I shook my head. "Old Ladies don't come to this kind of event."
He snorted. "And that's exactly what's wrong with the MC."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, look at this place."
I frowned at him but took a quick peek around the vicinity. As far as I could tell, everything looked normal, and because Sin was usually too pie-eyed to walk in a straight fucking line, I had to wonder what he was seeing and what I was missing.
Over by the pool table, Jingle was...
My lips curved. "Is she plopping pool balls out of her ass?"
"Seeing is believing," Sin muttered, but he wasn't as pious as he'd like me to believe. He was semi-watching that show as well. Jingle was crouched into a squat, her toes curled around the side of the pool table as she looked out onto the crowd. Every few seconds, a dull thud was proof that a pool ball had popped out into the world and onto the green baize.
As impressive a feat as it was, I still said, "Remind Jingle to fucking Lysol the shit off those things."
Sin snorted. "Literally.
When I carried on with my perusal, I saw that Dog's girl was either trying really hard not to look at Jingle's display which, of course, went down totally naked, or fighting to avoid her father's intent glare from the other end of the bar.
Far as I knew, the twins had greeted their father like the prodigal sons returned. Everyone was chattering like old hens about how the girl, Giulia, had more of her mother's fire than anything else, because she hadn't said a word to her pa.
As I scrubbed a hand over my chin, I saw I wasn't the only one watching Giulia. Nyx was. That didn't come as much of a surprise as it might have done usually. It was getting quite clear to everyone that Giulia fascinated Nyx.
That was the only way we knew how to describe it.
Nyx had obsessive habits, and Giulia, for whatever reason, was catching his eye.
He'd be boning her soon. If I didn’t think Nyx would garrote me, I’d have put bets on it.
"He's noticed you looking at him," Sin muttered as he poured a few shots of tequila into waiting empty glasses.
Because he was right, I smirked at Nyx who narrowed his eyes at me in warning, then took a look at a few of the guys who'd lit up a couple of joints and were busy giggling over Jingle's asshole. From there, I saw two large clusters of very drunk bikers arguing about whether the Knicks could make it all the way this year, and another set bitching about the Patriots.
It all looked very normal to me—well, save for the scene by the pool table. There was nothing normal about that. Not in any way, shape, or form.
"You see it yet?"
"See what?" I grumbled at Sin.
The dude had that road name for a fucking reason, so why he was going for the pious, sabe-lo-todo look, I wasn't sure.
"That the only women here are fucking clubwhores."
"So? It's a party. We
drink, we fuck, we party."
"Yeah, but our women are supposed to be here, aren't they?"
That had me squinting at him. "You ain't got a woman."
"No, I don't. Not at the moment." He sniffed at me. "But none of the Old Ladies are ever around. You seen that yet, dipshit?"
When I thought about it, I knew he was right. Growing up around this place with most of the council, the Old Ladies had been an inherent part of the compound. Always there to watch over the kids, always there to keep things semi in line. They cooked and cleaned, and the clubwhores usually stayed in the bar area, rarely allowed to leave unless it was to go to the bedrooms.
Now I thought about it, the Old Ladies had stopped with the cooking and cleaning duties back when Rex's mom had died about eight years ago. Rene's death had been the precursor to a lot of changes, though, so it was no wonder that had fallen under the net.
She'd been murdered, and Bear, her Old Man, hadn't been able to cope with her blood on his hands. That was why he'd retired earlier and Rex had taken over the position about fifteen years too young.
Without Rene, shit had changed, and apparently, not for the better.
Because most of the council was single, it figured we hadn't noticed things weren't going in the right direction. But a few of the brothers were with Old Ladies now, and I barely knew them.
Digger's bitch, the reason we were getting so many epic contracts from New York, had hardly been around the clubhouse. Then Keira, Storm's woman, had never hung out around here all that much either, when I came to think of it.
"What made you come up with this?"
Sin, apparently seeing that I'd recognized what he had, shrugged. "Noticed it a few weeks ago. Weird, isn't it? Not like when we grew up."
"Nothing's like back then," I said with a grimace. "Nothing at all."
"Rene's death changed shit."
"Bound to," I pointed out, but it was definitely food for thought.
What was more food for thought? Watching Nyx shrug Cammie off—the bitch truly had a vacuum for a mouth—and slouch over to the bar.
Not right beside Giulia, but close to her.
Close enough for my brows to rise.
"Want a shot, Nyx?" I asked, slinking closer to the action. Not just because I wanted to listen in, which I did, but because I wanted to monitor the sitch as well.
Nyx was a dark motherfucker. We all were in our own way, but Nyx? Nah, he was one of the darkest. He had more monsters in his closet than would give a five-year-old nightmares, and they tortured him.
I'd never really known a man as tortured as Nyx be so high-functioning. Of course, I wasn't sure if it could be considered high-functioning, considering he had to keep killing pedophiles, but fuck, we all had to have some hobby, didn't we?
"I'm not drinking," Nyx rumbled, staring at me like I'd grown a pair of horns.
I knew why. Nyx didn't drink. Unless it was the party after a kill.
I shrugged. "First time for everything."
"I imagine Nyx has very few first times still remaining," Giulia inserted snidely, her finger running around the rim of the Coke can she was drinking from.
"You'd be surprised," Nyx groused, glowering at her to which she, of course, instantly glowered back.
Because I was amused, I sank back against the counter at the back, just in earshot but away from their attention, because this was going to be a good show.
Nyx, for all that he looked pissed, had an energy about him that hadn't been there just a few seconds before.
His eyes were bright, even if they were narrowed at Giulia, and he looked... fuck, he looked excited. I'd seen him look like that for only a couple of reasons. The moments before we set off on a run and headed off to slay one of his demons, and another? When he went off and did something batshit like bungee jump or something. He didn't do that often, though, because it involved heavy travel, and the club wasn't often able to spare him. Last time, he'd gone canyoneering in Bali, and before and after, he'd been walking around like there was air beneath his feet.
As it was, the air around him was charged. And the fucked up thing was that Giulia was just as bad. She'd been staring into her Coke like it held all the answers to life itself, anything, I figured, to avoid looking at her father, but now? Now she was just as buzzing.
It was painful to behold in a strange way. Nice, too, but painful. It was earnest and honest. A simple connection. Like looking at something before the promise it held had a chance to be born.
The poetical thought had me wincing, because my flowery days were long gone, but still, I saw something in them that had my heart aching.
It'd been a long time since I'd given enough of a fuck about a woman to give two hoots about what she did, but at that moment, I realized what I'd been missing out on.
Of course, they had to spoil my musing by sniping at one another, which, I swiftly realized, was their version of foreplay.
"What you ignoring your dad for?"
"Because he's a dick." Giulia's lips curved. "Takes one to know one."
"That mean you have a cock, then? Suddenly, everything makes so much sense," Nyx retorted.
My lips twitched as Giulia reached down and adjusted herself. "Shit, my secret is out. Yes, I have a dick, and I warn you, I know how to use it."
"Now, that's just frightening," North, her brother, retorted at her side. But he was snickering. "Trust me, Nyx, she doesn't have a dick, but balls? Yeah. She's got them."
"A dickless set of balls?" Nyx shuddered. "Sounds revolting."
"Sounds like I could kick your ass," she countered, her tone sweeter than honey.
I almost snorted at that. "Nyx might look docile, but he's a bear with a sore paw."
"Bet I could still knock him on his ass," she said proudly.
Even though I knew for a fact that Nyx would be pissed at anyone else making this claim, he looked just as amused as every other brother in the place who was near enough to listen. And amused on Nyx just looked fucking weird. Like the sky being green weird, or bread tasting like fucking flowers weird.
Just wrong.
"Yeah? We'll have to spar sometime."
"Spar?" Her brow puckered. "I don't do shit like that." She made it sound like it was dirty.
Laughing, I hooted, "Your face. He wasn't asking to fuck you."
"I didn't think he was," she sniped. "But I ain't about to fight in no ring or something. You bastards would watch and take fucking bets." She wagged a finger at me. "You forget, I was raised around you dicks. I know how shit works. I'd lose to Nyx in the first round, and then you'd have me fighting some of the club sluts in the next." She huffed and folded her arms under her tits, plumping them up, and if I happened to notice, then that was between me and God.
And Nyx, apparently.
Considering his glower at me.
My lips curved at that.
If he was trying to keep his feelings on the downlow, then he was failing. At least, he was if he wanted to keep it from the people who gave a shit about him, because to us, he was transmitting—loud and fucking clear—that Giulia was hands off.
"I can see it now. You tossing fucking Jell-O at us, and me in a wet white tee and G-string."
Nyx blinked. "This sounds like your fantasy, not mine."
She wrinkled her nose. "Fantasy? That sounds like a fantasy? What kind of woman do you think I am? Watching you and Steel kick the shit out of each other... now that's my cup of tea."
With a snort, I poured myself a glass of tequila and sank it back. "Everyone knows to avoid fighting with Nyx. Unless you want your nose re-set, of course."
She sniffed. "Well, that's no fun, is it?"
"Your idea of fun and mine are completely relative," I said dryly.
"She always was a twisted little bitch."
Dog's doom-and-gloom declaration sank like a mine into the ocean. As much as we'd been cutting with one another, his words, his tone, were different.
He was staring into his tumbler of scotch
, his focus on that, which was his first mistake. If he'd seen the power of Nyx's glare, then he'd have known to shut the fuck up.
Instead, he compounded his idiocy by grumbling, "I should have taken her in hand when she was a girl."
"Shame you were too busy back here at the clubhouse fucking everything in a skirt."
Giulia's mockery was powerful. Mostly because she wasn't hurt. Not one bit by what her daddy had said in public.
If anything, her brother looked uncomfortable, not Giulia, which told me they weren't about to attend no daddy and daughter dance any time soon.
Even if Giulia was about eight years too old for that shit.
"If your mom hadn't been such a—"
"Dog, you shut your fucking mouth," Nyx growled.
Seeing the danger that was about to hit the bar, and knowing that I'd be the one who'd end up having to fix the fucker if Nyx started on Dog—the last time I'd fixed the counter was because Nyx had grabbed the bar stools and hit some brothers over the head with them, inadvertently destroying the thick wooden countertop—I glared at Dog, "If you ain't got nothing nice to say, then don't say anything at all."
"What is this? Sunday School?" Dog retorted, glaring back at me, which told me he'd had one too many fucking drinks, because even though I was one of the lighthearted councilors, everyone knew not to piss me off.
I was called Steel for a reason, after all.
Nyx wasn't the only one with a steel plate in his skull.
"You want to watch your fucking mouth?" I hissed at him. "Dumb fuck," I carried on, watching as he sniffed, then heaved himself off the counter and slouched off to watch the show at the pool table. Looked like Jingle no longer had any balls up her ass, but that wasn't stopping Link from loading her up again.
Weirdo was obsessed with all things butt. In fact... I made a mental note to ask him if he'd been the one to put the damn balls in her ass in the first place.
Nyx watched Dog go, glaring at him all the while, and North earned his glare next by muttering, "Why you always got to get him mad, Giules?"
Now, she looked sad. Nothing about what her father said had hurt her, but North's disapproval? Yeah, that hit her. Hard.
Forgotten & Found: A Dark & Dirty Sinners' MC Boxset Page 8