I gave up everything I’d been holding on to—all the pain, all the anger, and every bit of shame I’d been carrying with me since that night.
I gave myself fully to her. And in the process, I gave myself permission to start over.
10
Natalie
I let Luc sleep in. I knew he hadn’t gotten much rest the last few days, so I didn’t wake him when I crawled out of bed. After our conversation last night, I knew he wasn’t just physically tired, he was mentally and emotionally wrung out as well.
Marco and Felicity had left some time after dinner, so the house was quiet as I moved around making tea and straightening up. Aside from the cold, I kind of liked Scotland, what little of it I’d seen, and I could get used to living on a beach. I’d always lived in a land-locked state. The rolling waves had a calming quality I found I needed, especially now.
As I sat on the patio with my knees drawn in and a blanket wrapped around me, watching those waves, I thought about Luc and our conversation last night. I wasn’t sure how much it had helped—or if it had helped. Yes, we’d made love again, but it had been sweet and tender, and although we’d both needed that emotional connection after everything we’d discussed, I still wasn’t sure if I’d gotten through to him. If I’d made him realize I loved every part of him, even the parts he didn’t think were loveable.
The screen door opened at my back, and I glanced over my shoulder to see the man I’d just been thinking of moving down the steps toward me, already showered and dressed in jeans and a soft blue sweater, looking sexy and every bit the man of my dreams.
“There you are. I was starting to think you’d run off.”
“I was trying to let you sleep.” I handed him some of my blanket as he sat next to me on the outdoor couch, moving close just as I wanted him to do.
He wasn’t content just to be close, which made me smile. He pushed me forward so he could slide behind me, then pulled me in so I was completely surrounded by his strength and heat.
His lips brushed my temple as he held me tight. “I sleep better when you’re next to me.”
“Mm.” I sighed and relaxed into him. “I’ll remember that.”
We sat in silence for several minutes, listening to the sounds of the water lapping the shore, and I closed my eyes and told myself, no matter what, we were together. We could get through anything so long as we held on to each other. I believed that. If I was patient, if I gave him time, the Luc I knew was in there would find his way back to me.
“I was thinking about driving into Edinburgh,” he said softly near my ear.
“You were?” My eyes came open, and I looked out at the water. “What for?”
“Felicity left a name on the counter. I called, and they can see me at two p.m.”
Shocked, I pushed up and turned so I could face him. “You called the counselor?”
“Yeah.” He tucked a lock of hair behind my ear, looking nervous and completely unsure. “I’ll go alone if I have to, but I was kind of hoping, maybe, you’d go with me?”
My heart pounded so hard, I was sure he had to hear it. “Of course I’ll go with you. I-I didn’t even know you were thinking of it.”
“I wasn’t. Until last night. But, what you told me...” He blinked rapidly, and I realized he was struggling to put his emotions into words. “I want to be what you need. And I need to find a way to be the man we both remember.”
I threw my arms around him and held him to me, fighting to keep from crying, because I knew how hard this was for him. “I love you. You know that, right? I love you no matter what.”
“I know. It’s the one thing I know with absolute certainty.” He slid his arms around my waist. “There’s no way you’d put up with a shit like me if you didn’t.”
He was making a joke. A stupid joke that made me want to both laugh and cry. I held him tighter. “Don’t make fun. My heart can’t take it.”
“I’m not,” he whispered near my ear. “I’m making things right. I promise I’ll make things right for us again, angioletto.”
I closed my eyes and pressed my lips against his throat, knowing he would. And for the first time in weeks, I actually believed we might finally be okay.
I wasn’t sure what I expected. I knew Edinburgh was a city rich with history and ancient buildings. But I expected this doctor’s office to be in a modern high-rise. Or, at the very least, a medical park with other legitimate, licensed doctors.
“It looks like a church,” I whispered to Luc as we moved up the front steps of the old stone building.
He tightened his fingers around my hand and reached for the right side of the heavy arched red door. “It is. Fourteenth century, I think. A lot of churches in Europe are being converted for other uses.”
“Why?”
“Because we live in a self-obsessed society where religion isn’t important to people anymore.”
I chewed on that thought as I followed him into the building. I’d never been a particularly religious person, but I did consider myself spiritual, and I knew Luc did as well. It had been important to him we be married by a priest—both times. Though, thinking back, I wasn’t sure if that was because of Salvatici House rules regarding the legality of marriage in his country, or if he actually believed in the sacraments. We’d never had that discussion.
Those thoughts came to a spinning stop as we moved into the central space. It was enormous. Soaring ceilings, giant columns, a balcony three stories above that ran all the way around the rectangular room, and arching stained-glass windows that splashed warm light over everything.
My gaze drifted down, to the clusters of couches and chairs and a multitude of small tables in the middle of the room, the bustle of people, and the long coffee counter to the right, where patrons were waiting in line for their lattes and cappuccinos.
“It’s a coffeehouse.”
“Partly.” He pulled me with him through the busy space. “This building’s multi-purpose.” He pointed up, and when my gaze followed, I realized there were doors lining the balcony beneath those giant arched windows. “Offices above, café below.”
“Are they all medical offices?”
“Some are. Some aren’t.”
I wasn’t sure what that meant, but as he drew me to the back of the massive space, I spotted an enormous curved staircase carved from shiny dark wood that rose to the upper level.
“Wow.” I couldn’t help from sliding my hand over the smooth railing as we ascended the steps. “It’s amazing.”
“Most of these old buildings are. Some have been converted into bars, reception halls, even residential houses. I saw one they transformed into a spa. Cut out the main floor of the sanctuary and turned it into a giant pool.”
It was sad in a way. All this history, things people used to believe in, gone.
The hustle and bustle of the café could still be heard as we reached the upper level, but instead of turning right and heading down one side of the balcony that overlooked the main space below, Luc moved to the left, deeper into the old church, away from the noise and people.
We moved into a corridor. Arched windows still rose above, but the ceiling was lower, and the columns here were built into the stone walls. We passed several closed doors on both sides, but Luc didn’t slow his steps. Not until we came to a heavy carved wooden door at the end of the hallway.
He didn’t knock, just reached for the handle and turned. We moved into a small reception area lined with couches and comfortable chairs. An arched doorway was closed ahead. The walls were a dark wood paneling, the décor filled with deep greens and burgundy furnishings. A young blonde woman seated at a desk to our right looked up as we entered.
“Ah,” she said with a smile, “Mr. Salvatici. You’re just in time. Please, have a seat. Ms. Stanton will see you in a few moments.”
“Thanks.”
Luc nodded toward the seating area. Letting go of his hand, I moved toward the couch under the arched window, as far from the receptionist
as I could get. Nerves rattling, I sat and was thankful when Luc sat next to me and closed his warm fingers over mine again.
I don’t know why I’d expected the doctor to be a man, but the fact it was a woman set me on edge. Aside from the fact we were in a church, this didn’t feel like a doctor’s office. The receptionist hadn’t given Luc any forms to fill out or any health questionnaires to answer.
I glanced toward the blonde at the desk as she pushed back and rose, moving papers around as if we weren’t even there. She seemed busy, but she didn’t look like a medical receptionist. At least not one I’d ever seen in the States.
She was pretty, probably midtwenties, with perfectly styled hair and flawless makeup. She was also slim, wearing a skin-tight dress that was too sexy for an office. And as I watched her, my mind immediately shot back to that weird medical exam I’d had in New York just after I’d been hired at Covet. The one that had been in an old building not much different from this, with receptionists and doctors who looked just like this girl.
Sickness swirled in my stomach. A sickness I didn’t like. I leaned toward Luc. “How did Felicity find this doctor?”
Luc opened his mouth to answer, but the receptionist glanced our way just as he was about to, almost as if she’d been eavesdropping. “Mr. Salvatici? I’ll need you to come with me for a few moments to run through a few things.”
“Okay.” Luc squeezed my hand and stood.
I started to follow, but the receptionist rounded her desk with a clipboard and said, “Oh, not you, madam. Wait here.”
Luc leaned down and pressed a kiss to my cheek with a whispered “I’ll be right back,” but I could tell he was nervous. And I didn’t like letting him go anywhere without me. He’d asked me to come with him, and some protective urge inside me was desperate to keep him in my sight.
“Are you sure?” I asked, looking up at him.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” He straightened and smiled at the receptionist.
She held out her arm toward a door to the right of her desk. “This way, sir.”
Sir. My stomach felt as if it dropped like a stone.
The women at that clinic back in New York had used that word. All of the women at Covet, the fashion magazine where Luc had worked when I’d met him, had called both Luc and his brother Gio sir. Many of them, I knew now, had been sexual submissives trained by their depraved House.
Luc disappeared through the doorway with the blonde, and the door closed behind them with a clap that sounded like a gunshot in my ears.
Drawing in a breath, I closed my eyes and told myself Felicity would not have sent us to a place like that, with women whose only purpose was to sexually serve the men around them.
But even as I reassured myself of that fact, I remembered that box of sex toys Felicity had given me. And I heard her words by the car. “Until he can regain control of his sexuality, he can’t heal. And if he can’t heal, he can’t get past what they did to him. And we need him to get past it. The future is perched on a ledge, waiting for Luc to become the man he was always supposed to be.”
Bile rose in my throat, and I swallowed it back. If I couldn’t help him sexually, would Felicity have sent him to someone who could? To women who were trained to completely submit in a way I never would?
“Mrs. Salvatici. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
My eyes shot open at the sound of the cultured British voice coming toward me. I jerked to my feet, shaken by the fact I hadn’t heard a door open, hadn’t heard footsteps across the hardwood floor, hadn’t heard anything but my own neurotic fears spinning a million miles per hour in my head.
“Um. Hello.”
I stared wide-eyed at the woman who stopped in front of me. She was several inches taller than me, with wide blue eyes, silky blonde hair that fell in soft waves to the middle of her back, and a slim, perfect body that could’ve just stepped off a catwalk.
She held out her hand. “I’m Abigail Stanton. You can call me Abby.”
Her fingers were long and slim, her nails perfectly manicured, and when her hand closed around mine, she pulled me in and kissed both of my cheeks before I could stop her.
She even smelled perfect—like lilacs.
As she released me and I took in the slim, fitted purple sweater dress that hugged her curves and showed off her breasts and kneehigh black stiletto boots, I couldn’t help but wonder what kind of doctor looked and dressed and acted like this. Or if she was even a doctor at all.
“I see Eve has already taken Mr. Salvatici back for his exam.”
“Exam?” Alarm bells rang in my head, and I glanced toward the door Luc and that blonde had disappeared through.
“Don’t worry. It’s not something he can fail. Height, weight, a quick health questionnaire, that’s all.”
Her words didn’t calm my anxiety any. I remembered all too well the questionnaire I’d been told to fill out at that medical exam in New York, all the personal, sexual questions I’d refused to answer. And I couldn’t help but notice the blonde’s name was Eve. Just like the woman who’d tempted Adam in the Garden of Eden.
I swallowed hard and crossed my arms over my chest, wishing I’d worn something sexy now instead of the long black skirt, flats, and chunky sweater. Next to this goddess I looked frumpy and plain.
“You’re a doctor?” I asked, knowing I sounded like a bitch but unable to keep the bite from my voice. “This doesn’t look like any medical office I’ve ever been in.”
“Yes.” She smiled. “I’ve been practicing for nearly ten years. All my clients are thoroughly satisfied.”
Oh holy hell, she had not just said that. I could literally feel the sickness rising in my belly.
Her smile faded. “I should make one thing very clear to you, Mrs. Salvatici. My methods are a bit unorthodox. And while I am able and willing to treat all members of the Entente, I do remain loyal to House Merrick. I’m treating Mr. Salvatici today as a favor to Ms. Merrick.”
Fucking Felicity. Anger welled inside me. She’d known exactly what she’d been doing when she’d given Luc this name. “You know Felicity?”
“Yes.” Abigail’s smile returned. “We’ve been friends for years. I went to university with her at—”
The door near the receptionist’s desk opened, and Luc and the blonde moved back into the room.
Relief whipped through me when he shot me a tight smile. All I wanted to do was grab him and run, but before I could, Abigail said, “Ah, there you are.”
She reached for Luc’s hand, and it was all I could do not to rip her fingers from his the moment they touched.
“I’m Abigail Stanton.”
“Hi.” Luc’s voice was tight, and I could tell he was nervous as he shook the woman’s hand. Luckily, she didn’t try to kiss his cheeks the way she’d kissed mine. Either she sensed his nerves or she felt the death stare I was drilling into her. “Thanks for seeing us on such short notice.”
“I’m glad it worked with my schedule.” Glancing past Luc as he released her hand, she said, “Eve, hold my calls for the remainder of the afternoon. We’re not to be disturbed.”
The remainder of the afternoon? I did not like the sound of that.
Abigail stepped back and held out her arm toward the arched door. “This way, both of you.”
I was relieved I was being included. As Luc reached for my hand and drew me up against him, I told myself nothing bad was going to happen because I wasn’t letting him get away from me in this weird place again.
Abigail’s office didn’t settle my nerves any. I glanced around the vast room as she closed the door behind us, thinking it looked more like a place where ancient rituals were performed than an office, a thought that made me sick to my stomach all over again.
The space was round, with a raised platform on the far side and slim, tall arched stained-glass windows all around. A giant chandelier hung from the peaked ceiling over a wide, mahogany desk set up in front of the windows on the platform. The desk was so big it look
ed more like an altar than a piece of functional furniture, and I couldn’t look at it because it brought back all kinds of memories I didn’t want to see.
Averting my gaze, I looked to my left, where floor-to-ceiling bookshelves lined the walls, then to the small sitting area with a leather couch and two plush side chairs around a circular stone coffee table.
Abigail motioned toward the couch. “Can I get you both anything? Coffee, tea, water?”
I was relieved when she didn’t say “me” and sat in the middle of the couch, tugging Luc beside me. “No, thank you.”
“Nothing for me either.”
Luc let go of my fingers and placed his large, warm hand on my leg, lightly tracing a pattern on my inner knee. Desperate to keep touching him, I wrapped both of my arms around his at my side and looked toward Abigail as she sat in one of the plush chairs facing us, making it clear to her we were a team and that I wasn’t about to put up with any of her unorthodox methods.
She crossed one slim leg over the other and folded her hands primly in her lap. “I thought we’d get started with a little history. I understand you two have only been married a few weeks.”
Everything she said set me on edge, but I worked to keep my voice calm when I answered. “Depends on how you look at it. We kind of had two weddings.”
Luc squeezed my knee and looked down at me with a nervous half smile. “I think we count from the second one.”
I was willing to count from the first to convince this chick he was mine and that meant hands off.
“Tell me about your wedding,” Abigail said. “The second one, since that’s what we’re counting.”
I really wanted to put my fist through this woman’s face.
“It was small,” Luc said, rubbing his hand against my knee again. “Intimate. Just a few family and friends. We got married at a chapel on a friend’s property in Italy.”
“It sounds nice.”
The Price (House of Sin Book 5) Page 15