She stepped to the side of the cot and bathed Freckles’s face. Taking his hand in hers, she gave the word to start. She told the men to ask every able-bodied man they met to join them so that they could change carriers often and make good time.
The Bird Woman insisted upon taking the Angel into the carriage and following the cot, but she refused to leave Freckles, and suggested that the Bird Woman drive ahead, pack them some clothing, and be at the station ready to accompany them to Chicago. All the way the Angel walked beside the cot, shading Freckles’s face with a branch, and holding his hand. At every pause to change carriers she moistened his face and lips and watched each breath with heart-breaking anxiety.
She scarcely knew when her father joined them, and taking the branch from her, slipped an arm around her waist and almost carried her. To the city streets and the swarm of curious, staring faces she paid no more attention than she had to the trees of the Limberlost. When the train came and the gang placed Freckles aboard, big Duncan made a place for the Angel beside the cot.
With the best physician to be found, and with the Bird Woman and McLean in attendance, the four-hours’ run to Chicago began. The Angel constantly watched over Freckles; bathed his face, stroked his hand, and gently fanned him. Not for an instant would she yield her place, or allow anyone else to do anything for him. The Bird Woman and McLean regarded her in amazement. There seemed to be no end to her resources and courage. The only time she spoke was to ask McLean if he were sure the special would be ready on the Pittsburgh road. He replied that it was made up and waiting.
At five o’clock Freckles lay stretched on the operating-table of Lake View Hospital, while three of the greatest surgeons in Chicago bent over him. At their command, McLean picked up the unwilling Angel and carried her to the nurses to be bathed, have her bruises attended, and to be put to bed.
In a place where it is difficult to surprise people, they were astonished women as they removed the Angel’s dainty stained and torn clothing, drew off hose muck-baked to her limbs, soaked the dried loam from her silken hair, and washed the beautiful scratched, bruised, dirt-covered body. The Angel fell fast asleep long before they had finished, and lay deeply unconscious, while the fight for Freckles’s life was being waged.
Three days later she was the same Angel as of old, except that Freckles was constantly in her thoughts. The anxiety and responsibility that she felt for his condition had bred in her a touch of womanliness and authority that was new. That morning she arose early and hovered near Freckles’s door. She had been allowed to remain with him constantly, for the nurses and surgeons had learned, with his returning consciousness, that for her alone would the active, highly strung, pain-racked sufferer be quiet and obey orders. When she was dropping from loss of sleep, the threat that she would fall ill had to be used to send her to bed. Then by telling Freckles that the Angel was asleep and they would waken her the moment he moved, they were able to control him for a short time.
The surgeon was with Freckles. The Angel had been told that the word he brought that morning would be final, so she curled in a window seat, dropped the curtains behind her, and in dire anxiety, waited the opening of the door.
Just as it unclosed, McLean came hurrying down the hall and to the surgeon, but with one glance at his face he stepped back in dismay; while the Angel, who had arisen, sank to the seat again, too dazed to come forward. The men faced each other. The Angel, with parted lips and frightened eyes, bent forward in tense anxiety.
“I—I thought he was doing nicely?” faltered McLean.
“He bore the operation well,” replied the surgeon, “and his wounds are not necessarily fatal. I told you that yesterday, but I did not tell you that something else probably would kill him; and it will. He need not die from the accident, but he will not live the day out.”
“But why? What is it?” asked McLean hurriedly. “We all dearly love the boy. We have millions among us to do anything that money can accomplish. Why must he die, if those broken bones are not the cause?”
“That is what I am going to give you the opportunity to tell me,” replied the surgeon. “He need not die from the accident, yet he is dying as fast as his splendid physical condition will permit, and it is because he so evidently prefers death to life. If he were full of hope and ambition to live, my work would be easy. If all of you love him as you prove you do, and there is unlimited means to give him anything he wants, why should he desire death?”
“Is he dying?” demanded McLean.
“He is,” said the surgeon. “He will not live this day out, unless some strong reaction sets in at once. He is so low, that preferring death to life, nature cannot overcome his inertia. If he is to live, he must be made to desire life. Now he undoubtedly wishes for death, and that it come quickly.”
“Then he must die,” said McLean.
His broad shoulders shook convulsively. His strong hands opened and closed mechanically.
“Does that mean that you know what he desires and cannot, or will not, supply it?”
McLean groaned in misery.
“It means,” he said desperately, “that I know what he wants, but it is as far removed from my power to help him as it would be to give him a star. The thing for which he will die, he can never have.”
“Then you must prepare for the end very shortly,” said the surgeon, turning abruptly away.
McLean caught his arm roughly.
“You look here!” he cried in desperation. “You say that as if I could do something if I would. I tell you the boy is dear to me past expression. I would do anything—spend any sum. You have noticed and repeatedly commented on the young girl with me. It is that child that he wants! He worships her to adoration, and knowing he can never be anything to her, he prefers death to life. In God’s name, what can I do about it?”
“Barring that missing hand, I never examined a finer man,” said the surgeon, “and she seemed perfectly devoted to him; why cannot he have her?”
“Why?” echoed McLean. “Why? Well, for many reasons! I told you he was my son. You probably knew that he was not. A little over a year ago I never had seen him. He joined one of my lumber gangs from the road. He is a stray, left at one of your homes for the friendless here in Chicago. When he grew up the superintendent bound him to a brutal man. He ran away and landed in one of my lumber camps. He has no name or knowledge of legal birth. The Angel—we have talked of her. You see what she is, physically and mentally. She has ancestors reaching back to Plymouth Rock, and across the sea for generations before that. She is an idolized, petted only child, and there is great wealth. Life holds everything for her, nothing for him. He sees it more plainly than anyone else could. There is nothing for the boy but death, if it is the Angel that is required to save him.”
The Angel stood between them.
“Well, I just guess not!” she cried. “If Freckles wants me, all he has to do is to say so, and he can have me!”
The amazed men stepped back, staring at her.
“That he will never say,” said McLean at last, “and you don’t understand, Angel. I don’t know how you came here. I wouldn’t have had you hear that for the world, but since you have, dear girl, you must be told that it isn’t your friendship or your kindness Freckles wants; it is your love.”
The Angel looked straight into the great surgeon’s eyes with her clear, steady orbs of blue, and then into McLean’s with unwavering frankness.
“Well, I do love him,” she said simply.
McLean’s arms dropped helplessly.
“You don’t understand,” he reiterated patiently. “It isn’t the love of a friend, or a comrade, or a sister, that Freckles wants from you; it is the love of a sweetheart. And if to save the life he has offered for you, you are thinking of being generous and impulsive enough to sacrifice your future—in the absence of your father, it will become my plain duty, as the protector in whose hands he has placed you, to prevent such rashness. The very words you speak, and the manner in which y
ou say them, prove that you are a mere child, and have not dreamed what love is.”
Then the Angel grew splendid. A rosy flush swept the pallor of fear from her face. Her big eyes widened and dilated with intense lights. She seemed to leap to the height and the dignity of superb womanhood before their wondering gaze.
“I never have had to dream of love,” she said proudly. “I never have known anything else, in all my life, but to love everyone and to have everyone love me. And there never has been anyone so dear as Freckles. If you will remember, we have been through a good deal together. I do love Freckles, just as I say I do. I don’t know anything about the love of sweethearts, but I love him with all the love in my heart, and I think that will satisfy him.”
“Surely it should!” muttered the man of knives and lancets.
McLean reached to take hold of the Angel, but she saw the movement and swiftly stepped back.
“As for my father,” she continued, “he at once told me what he learned from you about Freckles. I’ve known all you know for several weeks. That knowledge didn’t change your love for him a particle. I think the Bird Woman loved him more. Why should you two have all the fine perceptions there are? Can’t I see how brave, trustworthy, and splendid he is? Can’t I see how his soul vibrates with his music, his love of beautiful things and the pangs of loneliness and heart hunger? Must you two love him with all the love there is, and I give him none? My father is never unreasonable. He won’t expect me not to love Freckles, or not to tell him so, if the telling will save him.”
She darted past McLean into Freckles’s room, closed the door, and turned the key.
Chapter 18
Wherein Freckles Refuses Love without Knowledge of Honorable Birth, and the Angel Goes in Quest of it
Freckles lay on a flat pillow, his body immovable in a plaster cast, his maimed arm, as always, hidden. His greedy gaze fastened at once on the Angel’s face. She crossed to him with light step and bent over him with infinite tenderness. Her heart ached at the change in his appearance. He seemed so weak, heart hungry, so utterly hopeless, so alone. She could see that the night had been one long terror.
For the first time she tried putting herself in Freckles’s place. What would it mean to have no parents, no home, no name? No name! That was the worst of all. That was to be lost—indeed—utterly and hopelessly lost. The Angel lifted her hands to her dazed head and reeled, as she tried to face that proposition. She dropped on her knees beside the bed, slipped her arm under the pillow, and leaning over Freckles, set her lips on his forehead. He smiled faintly, but his wistful face appeared worse for it. It hurt the Angel to the heart.
“Dear Freckles,” she said, “there is a story in your eyes this morning, tell me?”
Freckles drew a long, wavering breath.
“Angel,” he begged, “be generous! Be thinking of me a little. I’m so homesick and worn out, dear Angel, be giving me back me promise. Let me go?”
“Why Freckles!” faltered the Angel. “You don’t know what you are asking. ‘Let you go!’ I cannot! I love you better than anyone, Freckles. I think you are the very finest person I ever knew. I have our lives all planned. I want you to be educated and learn all there is to know about singing, just as soon as you are well enough. By the time you have completed your education I will have finished college, and then I want,” she choked a second, “I want you to be my real knight, Freckles, and come to me and tell me that you—like me—a little. I have been counting on you for my sweetheart from the very first, Freckles. I can’t give you up, unless you don’t like me. But you do like me—just a little—don’t you, Freckles?”
Freckles lay whiter than the coverlet, his staring eyes on the ceiling and his breath wheezing between dry lips. The Angel awaited his answer a second, and when none came, she dropped her crimsoning face beside him on the pillow and whispered in his ear:
“Freckles, I—I’m trying to make love to you. Oh, can’t you help me only a little bit? It’s awful hard all alone! I don’t know how, when I really mean it, but Freckles, I love you. I must have you, and now I guess—I guess maybe I’d better kiss you next.”
She lifted her shamed face and bravely laid her feverish, quivering lips on his. Her breath, like clover-bloom, was in his nostrils, and her hair touched his face. Then she looked into his eyes with reproach.
“Freckles,” she panted, “Freckles! I didn’t think it was in you to be mean!”
“Mean, Angel! Mean to you?” gasped Freckles.
“Yes,” said the Angel. “Downright mean. When I kiss you, if you had any mercy at all you’d kiss back, just a little bit.”
Freckles’s sinewy fist knotted into the coverlet. His chin pointed ceilingward while his head rocked on the pillow.
“Oh, Jesus!” burst from him in agony. “You ain’t the only one that was crucified!”
The Angel caught Freckles’s hand and carried it to her breast.
“Freckles!” she wailed in terror, “Freckles! It is a mistake? Is it that you don’t want me?”
Freckles’s head rolled on in wordless suffering.
“Wait a bit, Angel?” he panted at last. “Be giving me a little time!”
The Angel arose with controlled features. She bathed his face, straightened his hair, and held water to his lips. It seemed a long time before he reached toward her. Instantly she knelt again, carried his hand to her breast, and leaned her cheek upon it.
“Tell me, Freckles,” she whispered softly.
“If I can,” said Freckles in agony. “It’s just this. Angels are from above. Outcasts are from below. You’ve a sound body and you’re beautifulest of all. You have everything that loving, careful raising and money can give you. I have so much less than nothing that I don’t suppose I had any right to be born. It’s a sure thing—nobody wanted me afterward, so of course, they didn’t before. Some of them should have been telling you long ago.”
“If that’s all you have to say, Freckles, I’ve known that quite a while,” said the Angel stoutly. “Mr. McLean told my father, and he told me. That only makes me love you more, to pay for all you’ve missed.”
“Then I’m wondering at you,” said Freckles in a voice of awe. “Can’t you see that if you were willing and your father would come and offer you to me, I couldn’t be touching the soles of your feet, in love—me, whose people brawled over me, cut off me hand, and throwed me away to freeze and to die! Me, who has no name just as much because I’ve no right to any, as because I don’t know it. When I was little, I planned to find me father and mother when I grew up. Now I know me mother deserted me, and me father was maybe a thief and surely a liar. The pity for me suffering and the watching over me have gone to your head, dear Angel, and it’s me must be thinking for you. If you could be forgetting me lost hand, where I was raised, and that I had no name to give you, and if you would be taking me as I am, some day people such as mine must be, might come upon you. I used to pray ivery night and morning and many times the day to see me mother. Now I only pray to die quickly and never risk the sight of her. ’Tain’t no ways possible, Angel! It’s a wildness of your dear head. Oh, do for mercy sake, kiss me once more and be letting me go!”
“Not for a minute!” cried the Angel. “Not for a minute, if those are all the reasons you have. It’s you who are wild in your head, but I can understand just how it happened. Being shut in that Home most of your life, and seeing children every day whose parents did neglect and desert them, makes you sure yours did the same; and yet there are so many other things that could have happened so much more easily than that. There are thousands of young couples who come to this country and start a family with none of their relatives here. Chicago is a big, wicked city, and grown people could disappear in many ways, and who would there ever be to find to whom their little children belonged? The minute my father told me how you felt, I began to study this thing over, and I’ve made up my mind you are dead wrong. I meant to ask my father or the Bird Woman to talk to you before you went away to s
chool, but as matters are right now I guess I’ll just do it myself. It’s all so plain to me. Oh, if I could only make you see!”
She buried her face in the pillow and presently lifted it, transfigured.
“Now I have it!” she cried. “Oh, dear heart! I can make it so plain! Freckles, can you imagine you see the old Limberlost trail? Well when we followed it, you know there were places where ugly, prickly thistles overgrew the path, and you went ahead with your club and bent them back to keep them from stinging through my clothing. Other places there were big shining pools where lovely, snow-white lilies grew, and you waded in and gathered them for me. Oh dear heart, don’t you see? It’s this! Everywhere the wind carried that thistledown, other thistles sprang up and grew prickles; and wherever those lily seeds sank to the mire, the pure white of other lilies bloomed. But, Freckles, there was never a place anywhere in the Limberlost, or in the whole world, where the thistledown floated and sprang up and blossomed into white lilies! Thistles grow from thistles, and lilies from other lilies. Dear Freckles, think hard! You must see it! You are a lily, straight through. You never, never could have drifted from the thistle-patch.
“Where did you find the courage to go into the Limberlost and face its terrors? You inherited it from the blood of a brave father, dear heart. Where did you get the pluck to hold for over a year a job that few men would have taken at all? You got it from a plucky mother, you bravest of boys. You attacked single-handed a man almost twice your size, and fought as a demon, merely at the suggestion that you be deceptive and dishonest. Could your mother or your father have been untruthful? Here you are, so hungry and starved that you are dying for love. Where did you get all that capacity for loving? You didn’t inherit it from hardened, heartless people, who would disfigure you and purposely leave you to die, that’s one sure thing. You once told me of saving your big bullfrog from a rattlesnake. You knew you risked a horrible death when you did it. Yet you will spend miserable years torturing yourself with the idea that your own mother might have cut off that hand. Shame on you, Freckles! Your mother would have done this—”
The Best of Gene Stratton-Porter Page 21