“It’s too bad you’ve been under the weather,” Lukas said in a way that sounded like he thought it was a lie. “We’re taking your idea and running with it. As a partnership with Titus Media.” The dramatic pause after his announcement was clearly meant for me to play the role of emotional female, but I wasn’t biting.
How fitting that my idea, my brainchild would benefit the man who thought so little of me. I might be dying on the inside, but I trusted my brothers in business, and I knew Peak Adventures would benefit as much as he would.
“Sounds like you guys have it under control. I’m sorry I couldn’t make KBBM work.” It would be nice if I could blame this on Walker too, but it was on me. Probably. I didn’t want to let Blake down, but I had. Now I could only hope the podcast thing was a sufficient consolation prize.
“You did your best, Lace. They just aren’t ready to sell.” I knew Blake wanted me to believe him, but I could tell by the disappointed set of his shoulders and that slightly angry crinkle between his brows that he didn’t believe it.
“Thanks for dinner.” There really wasn’t anything more to say, so I finished my lasagna and listened with half an ear as they talked about the details. I should have been grateful to salvage what I could of this deal but all I could think was that they’d made the whole deal behind my back. The Walker factor wasn’t as bad as the fact that they’d used my absence to keep me out of the loop.
Lukas ate his food like his plate was on fire, as usual. If he weren’t good looking, he would never get laid with those table manners. He piled more on his plate but he didn’t eat, instead he just stared. At me.
“What’s going on with you and Walker? You’ve been sick for weeks and he’s just being an asshole.”
I dropped my fork and glared at him. “None of your business.”
Lukas sighed, but he wore his determined look. “Come on, Lacey, he looks worse than you do. He doesn’t want to go out, and he won’t talk about it. What happened?”
Even though I felt a measure of satisfaction that our separation had impacted him, I didn’t want to hear that he was struggling. “I’m not talking about this with you, dammit.” Walker wasn’t my business anymore.
“Let it go, Luke,” Blake admonished, always the father figure. “If Lacey wants to talk about it she knows she can talk to us. Or Poppy,” he added smoothly, shooting me a wink that was completely out of character for him.
“How are you coping with a pregnant Poppy?” I knew that would keep the conversation going for a while because Poppy texted me regular updates on everything from her itchy nipples to weird cravings she wanted to make into a ‘thing’.
“For the most part it’s great, watching her body change with our kid but everything makes her emotional. A commercial for a season finale made her cry, and the news sent her on a fifteen minute rage tangent about corruption and the shrinking middle class. It’s a land mine.” It sounded horrible to me, but the smile on my big brother’s face said he was enjoying every moment of it.
“Yeah, you sound like you’re real miserable, Blake,” Lukas scoffed.
They went back and forth teasing and I appreciated their attempts to cheer me up but it wasn’t necessary. I would be fine. “Thanks for dinner guys but I don’t need a babysitter.” Before they could object, I went on. “You have a pregnant wife, who I’m sure is thinking up something awful like peaches and tuna.”
Blake smiled, but shook his head. “She’s not my wife yet. And don’t get me started. On Monday she had to have tofu and cucumber sandwiches.”
“That doesn’t sound so bad,” I told him, holding back a smile.
“Drizzled in chocolate.”
It was a combination of his deadpan delivery and the thought of those awful sandwiches that had me doubled over with laughter. That’s exactly why Poppy was perfect for Blake. She was strong and capable like him, but she was also completely insane, which forced him to take life a little less seriously. “Okay now you’ve succeeded in cheering me up, get on out. Lukas has to go pick up his date for the evening.”
Lukas laughed. “And if she’s lucky, for breakfast too.”
“Get out of here you animal!” he laughed as I shoved him out.
“Feel better, Lace,” he called out as he jogged down the stairs.
“Yeah thanks.” I accepted Blake’s hug, another thing to thank Poppy for, and locked up before stumbling to the sofa for a quick nap.
When I woke up the next day, I was still on the sofa. And sicker than ever.
* * *
A few days later I went back to work, low energy and slightly melancholy, ready to jump into something creative. I worked two twelve hours days until everything was caught up, figuring I’d put my sleepless nights to good use. So, of course the universe decided to reward me on the third day with a meeting to finalize the partnership with Titus media.
“Did you hear me, Lacey?” Lukas sounded annoyed as he stood in my office, practically growling at me.
“I’m not deaf.”
He gave a sharp nod. “Conference room B, thirty minutes.”
“I said I heard you.” He smiled and shrugged, a move he’d done since we were kids, meant to use his charm to get him out of trouble.
“And I thought you’d be a little more excited about this since you’re always complaining that no one ever takes you seriously.” And that’s what it always came down to, wasn’t it?
“You don’t need me there, since you didn’t need me to commit to the deal. I have some calls to make, but if I finish them in time, I’ll stop in.”
Lukas stared me down for a long time, doing that twin thing where he tells me what a fool he thinks I’m being and I use my eyes to tell him to ‘fuck off’. “Thirty minutes, twenty five now. Be there or I’ll send Blake for you.”
“Ass.”
“Just be there.”
I knew Lukas would make good on this threat to involve Blake, so I took the twenty-three minutes to ready myself for seeing Walker again. I sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly, the same way I remembered from the last yoga class I took. About two years ago. I just needed to appear unaffected, and not to react to anything that anyone in the room said. Lukas would try to rile me up just to make some ridiculous point, and Walker might do it out of cruelty. Or simply for revenge.
I slicked fuchsia lipstick across my lips and pinched my cheeks, fixed a cool semi-smile on my face and grabbed a tablet just to have something to distract me. Don’t react was my mantra as I headed up to the conference room, repeating it over and over in my head until I entered the room and laid eyes on Walker and Lukas.
“Morning.” It came out barely a squeak but it was the best I could do.
Lukas frowned, probably waiting for one of us to at least pretend things were normal. I didn’t have the energy for it, so we were silent. Painfully silent. “It’s like a fucking funeral in here,” Lukas grumbled. “Good morning, Lacey.”
“Morning,” I grunted again just to annoy him. I could feel Walker’s gaze on me while I distracted myself by powering up my tablet, and it took all the energy I had not to look at him. I didn’t care that he had dark purple crescents under his eyes or that it looked like he’d forgotten to comb his hair before he left the house. The truth was more likely he’d rushed to the meeting from some woman’s bed. Dick.
“Good morning, Lacey.” His voice slid over me like a caress, but I shook it off, reminding myself that I was a late bloomer before my gaze met his.
“Morning.”
“Sorry I’m late. Have we started?” Blake rushed in, unaware of the tension building in the room.
He knew damn well we hadn’t started, but I couldn’t even bring myself to be angry with him. I just wanted this to be over, and when they started talking about contract sections and subsections I pretended to listen while doodling on my tablet. They talked percentages and combined resources while I looked up thirty minute meals for one.
“Do you have anything to add, Lacey?” Blake�
�s frown was half annoyed and half concerned.
“Not a thing.” I wasn’t consulted on the deal, or any changes to the original proposal, so I had nothing to add. The room fell momentarily silent before they all started talking again, clarifying the tiniest points just to make sure one side didn’t get more than the other. Eventually, they were done and we could stop pretending I was an integral part of the company.
Blake flew from the room with Lukas hot on his trail, leaving me alone with Walker. I jumped up determined to get out before he decided he needed to say something else shitty to me.
“How have you been?” His words hit me just as I reached for the handle on the glass door. My shoulders fell.
I was so close. “Fine.”
“You look good.”
“What are you doing Walker? You made your feelings loud and clear so please just…stop. I don’t need you to check in with me, or make sure I’m all right.”
“I just want to fucking talk, Lacey. Can we do that?”
“No.” I crossed my arms and glared at him, trying to figure out what kind of game he was playing. “We’re not friends, Walker. You and Lukas are, and I have no plans to get in the middle of that. Take care of yourself,” I told him and rushed out before he could try to sway me, get me to see things his way.
I had to be strong if for no other reason than pride. Walker had done the one thing I didn’t think I could forgive, even though my stupid heart wanted to, he’d hit me where it hurt for the sole purpose of hurting me. When I stepped onto the elevator and closed my eyes, I forced myself to relive those hateful words, the green in his eyes charred and blackened with hate and disgust.
“You’ve always been a bit of a late bloomer haven’t you, Lacey?”
“I’m sorry.” Walker had slid in before the doors closed and he was now invading my space. That’s what I get for closing my eyes in public. His green eyes looked tired and sad, and I had to steel myself against the desire to reach out to him, to caress the stubble covering his jaw or wipe away the tension between his brows. “I was a jackass and I said shit to you that you didn’t deserve. I never wanted to hurt you.”
“That’s funny because it looks to me that was exactly your goal.” Dammit, I promised myself I wouldn’t engage.
“You’re right, I was just so fucked up in the head that day. No, not just that day. My head hasn’t been right since San Diego.”
Yeah, I noticed too but I figured we were at our expiration date to explain his sudden inattentiveness. After trying to reach out for a few days I took the hint and worked on forgetting Walker.
“What do you want me to say, Walker? I never asked you for more. All I did was enjoy our time together, but you’re so determined to make me pay for someone else’s sins that I don’t think you noticed.” It was time to be brave, to say what I had to directly to his face. “You don’t want me, fine. But you don’t get to be cruel to me, and you don’t get to pretend like we’re friends. You made it clear that we’re nothing. Loud and fucking clear.” The doors opened and I darted out, leaving Walker with the assistants who were going up to prep the conference rooms for the next round of meetings.
“Lacey!”
I picked up speed and made a few turns inside the cubicle farm to dodge Walker if he decided to follow me, though I couldn’t imagine why on earth he would. He’d been the one to burn us to the ground with his words. There was nothing to be gained by being kind to me now.
Walker
“Dude, you’re starting to piss me off. Get off your ass and at least go take a fucking shower.” Lukas kicked my sneaker clad feet until they fell off the sofa and I groaned.
“I don’t recall asking you to come over.” One arm was flung over my face to shield it from the overhead lights. Maybe if I hadn’t gotten shit-faced on sixty year old scotch last night I would have anticipated the pitcher of cold water that splashed all over me. “What the fuck, man?”
“Get. Up. This shit has gone on long enough, and you’re such a sad fucking bastard that I can’t even be pissed at you for treating my sister the way you did!” He sounded disgusted and one look up at him confirmed that.
“Go ahead and punch me if it’ll make you feel better.” I deserved it, and I wouldn’t even fight back because I’d broken the bro code by hooking up with Lacey. “I shouldn’t have done it.”
“Why did you?” His words were tense, but not angry and when I looked up at Lukas again, his expression was sympathetic. I didn’t fucking deserve his sympathy, not after the shit I said to Lacey.
“I wanted her so bad. She was all sexy and funny and completely unimpressed by me. And then she did something I thought impossible, Luke. She impressed me.” She was beautiful, powerful and privileged, but she was nice to everyone from the assistants, wait staff, children and old people. She smiled at people and listened when they talked. She was good. Too damn good for me. “I fucked up. I hurt her and I did it on purpose. Hit me.”
“I want to, more than anything, but it wouldn’t be a fair fight since I’m pretty sure you’re still drunk. Also, I have a feeling my sister might not want me to rearrange your pretty mug.”
I laughed at that, unable to keep the bitterness from creeping in. “She’d probably line up to do the rearranging.”
Lukas turned to the kitchen. “You smell like ass and stale booze. Go take a shower so we can have a normal conversation.” He didn’t wait for my agreement, just went to the kitchen, probably to brew some coffee the way I had for him plenty of times over the years.
I took a quick shower, my thoughts once again drifting to Lacey and the way she looked at that meeting. She’d been pale and she’d lost weight, but the most gutting sight of all was the lack of spark in her brown gaze. I’d done that to her, and I hated myself for it. By the time I stepped from the hot steamy shower, I felt energized. Still hungover and dehydrated, but also ready to try something else, anything else to get Lacey to talk to me.
“I needed that.”
“Drink this.” Lukas slid a cup of black coffee my way and I picked it up, letting the lot liquid burn my throat and get rid of the last of the booze.
“Thanks.”
“Right.” He looked at me for a long time, expression as blank as his sister’s had been a few days ago. Carefully blank while he assessed me, decided if I was good enough for his sister. “Just help me understand something, Walker.”
“I already told you, I couldn’t resist. I wanted her and I went for her, end of story.”
“Finished?” I nodded, arms crossed defensively. “Good. Now what I need help understanding is why. Why is it that you’re at home getting drunk when you clearly have feelings for Lacey.”
“You’re wrong,” I insisted automatically, though I should have censored myself when I caught his nasty look.
“Lie to yourself Walker. I saw photos of you in San Diego, bodies wrapped all around each other and you with that goofy fucking grin on your face.” He shook his head, disgusted. “Look at how you’re acting, like a lovesick fool. You weren’t even gone like this over Eve.”
Eve. Shit. “She said the same thing.” Before his dark look could turn murderous again, I gave him a quick rundown of my run-in with Eve. “Shit, she was right.” The last words she’d hurled at me had been right. I’d stood there feeling smug and self-righteous when she stormed off, confident I hadn’t punished her for anyone else’s wrongdoing, only I had. Even tried to rope me into taking care of her with a false paternity claim and I’d instantly turned Lacey’s illness into morning sickness. “Fuck, I’m an idiot.”
“I’m not going to argue that point, because you are. And I appreciate you sparing me most of the details.” I didn’t bother to tell him the lack of disclosure was more for my sake than his. “But I am going to help you.”
“You are?” I was grateful because I had a feeling if left to my own devices I’d be at this forgiveness thing for a long fucking time.
“Yep. I just need one thing in return.”
&nb
sp; “Name it.”
He smiled and took a long sip from the heart patterned coffee mug Lacey had left behind. “Tell me how you feel about her.”
“I don’t know.”
“Bullshit,” he spat. “You’re miserable without her?”
“I am.” Sometimes I woke up at night and reached out to pull her against me, only to end up disappointed and angry.
“You can’t stop thinking about her?”
“What gave it away, the five thousand dollars’ worth of scotch I drank last night?” Because the bottle was nearly empty and just looking at the amber liquid made my gut churn. It hadn’t helped erase thoughts, sounds or images of Lacey. “Nothing fucking helps.”
“You love her. You know you do, so don’t bother denying it.” He set his mug in the sink before dropping an envelope on the table. “This is where she’ll be tomorrow night, if you figure out what she means to you and if you’re ready to give her what she deserves. If you don’t know, don’t come.” It was advice as much as it was a threat and I nodded.
“Thanks, Luke.”
“Don’t make me regret it.”
I wouldn’t. Tomorrow meant I had about eighteen hours to get my shit in order. I scrambled eggs and toasted bread while I finished the pot of coffee, making plans for all the things I needed to do before tomorrow.
In less than eighteen hours I would be face to face with Lacey and she deserved a man who had a vision for the future, a plan for a future with her. I didn’t know if commitment was in my skillset but for Lacey I was willing to try.
Lacey
Why in the hell did Poppy insist we dress up to do a simple tasting menu for her bridal shower? It would likely be me, Maple and Talia along with a very pregnant bride-to-be, there was no need to go all out just to pick out food. But I had on a sexy red dress that was leather and lace, and ten thousand percent badass. It was part of the bolder new me, dressing more stylishly and taking more chances with my wardrobe.
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