My heart thuds against my ribcage. I’m frozen in the place Cash left me, searching around for anyone suspicious when Cash storms up to me from collecting his winnings.
“Get in the fucking car,” he snaps, his tone sharp and slicing though me. I debate turning around and running. It’s a weak move, but feels easier than dealing with the wrath, seeing the disappointment. “Get in the fucking car, Luna!”
I shudder at his tone, anger seeping from his words, and do as he says. I’m barely in before he takes off, swerving to avoid hitting a bystander, his tires spinning as he takes off down the dark alley. I open my mouth to say something a million times over, but end up shutting it. What is there to say? He has to hate me.
“I—”
“Not a word,” he snaps.
I sit back in my seat, my entire body shaking. I fucked up. Bad. I should have gone to him, said something. He’s going to make me leave.
We make it back to the hotel, breaking so many traffic violations I lose count. He parks and gets out, the slamming of his door causing me to jump. He doesn’t wait for me and storms off into the hotel to the elevator, so I slowly follow. Maybe it’s better I give him some space. Maybe give him a head start so he can gather my shit and have it ready when I make it to the room. When I do, instead of tossing my things at me, I find him pacing the suite’s living room.
“You gonna let me get my things, or should I just leave?” He spins around, the fury in his eyes sinking the pit in my belly even further.
“That’s what you have to say to me?” His lethal stare has me cowering. I should surrender to his anger. I’m guilty of so many things. But I’m a coward and my defensive walls go up.
“What do you want me to say? I fucked up, you hate me now. I’ll leave—”
A crystal glass sitting on the table goes flying across the room. “Don’t you dare,” he growls. “Don’t you act like this is my fault or turn this around on me. This is about you. And you lying to me!”
“I didn’t lie to you.”
“You weren’t truthful either! Is this what you’ve been hiding? What, do you owe money to someone? Do you do this illegally? What? What’s got you so spooked that you can’t even tell me? Instead of trusting me to help you, you steal my fucking car in the middle of the night to street race!”
I shudder at his harsh tone. His anger is something I’ve never experienced before and it’s not a good feeling. I want to break down and cry, tell him how sorry I am, but I’m not sure what good it would do. The fury in his eyes tells me one thing: he’s done with me. “I did what I had to do. I’m sorry I’m not entitled like you. I never lied to you about where I came from. I do what I have to do to survive.”
“So, stealing and lying is how you survive?”
It’s like a knife stabbing me with each accusation. “Yes.”
“And tonight? Yesterday? Since the day I met you? Has it all been a lie? To scam me?”
If there’s been one honest thing in my life, it’s been the way I’ve felt about Cash. My life didn’t require hand-holding or understanding. That’s not what I needed to get by. It required a hard shell and skewed morals. Until Cash changed that. He showed me that just a little affection could change my whole world. Simple words and simple kisses could fill me more than a first meal in days. He showed me I had a chance at something better. I could be better.
But in typical fashion, karma bit me in the ass and everything I had crumbled right before me.
“You know what? I don’t have to prove anything to you.”
He jumps at me, causing me to stumble back. “You don’t? You sure about that? Because I’m pretty damn sure the past couple weeks say otherwise. I’m pretty damn fucking sure what we have confirms you do owe me something!” Fury smolders in the creases of his eyes. His heavy breathing and tense jaw tear away at my nerves.
I want to cower. Cry. Fight him. Walk away. Run until this becomes a bad memory. But I can’t. I can’t stand the way his angered eyes linger with disappointment over me. With nothing left to lose, I break. “How about I hate you.” Finally opening up the floodgate, tears begin to cascade down my cheeks. “I hate you for coming into my life and making me believe I could have something better.”
His chest heaves, but my words set him back. “And why can’t you?”
“Because that’s not in the cards I was dealt. I’m not meant to have nice things. I’ve gone my whole life being alone, not understanding what it felt like to have someone to care enough to stick around. Affection?” I accentuate the joke of a word. “I don’t even know what that is. And when I finally get the chance to feel whole and loved, I fuck it up—it doesn’t matter. I have to go.” I turn on my heel, my heart hammering out of my chest as I wipe the pool of tears from my face.
Cash grabs for me, his grip tight. “You’re not going anywhere.”
I tug against him, but he’s stronger. “Let me go.”
“No.”
I become angry and lash out. “Why? Are you gonna call the cops on me? Have me arrested? Go ahead. I don’t fucking—”
He tugs at me hard, and I stumble into him. “Are you kidding me right now? You think this is about me calling the fucking cops?”
“What else is it about?”
“Jesus.” He releases me, shoving his hands through his hair. “Can you not see? Do you not see what…you don’t, do you…?” He turns his back to me, pacing the room until he spins around to face me, that one expression I wish I never saw on his face: disappointment. “You think, after everything between us, I’d fucking do that?”
I can’t answer him. I just don’t know. I don’t know how it feels to trust someone. And I’m too afraid to admit I was beginning to trust him.
“I asked you a fucking question!” His loud tone startles me.
“I don’t know what to think! I don’t know what we are. I know what we’re doing is a bad idea. It won’t last.”
“And why the fuck not?”
“Because! Look at us! Look at you! You’re this great, intelligent, amazing guy who has his entire career ahead of him. God, you have this talent I wish I had. And I admire that. You’re everything…and I’m…I’m nothing.”
He’s on me, his hand gripping the back of my neck, pulling me into him. “You’re not nothing.”
“I am.” My lower lip quivers, and I’m ashamed of the endless tears starting to soak my cheeks. “I don’t belong here, and I don’t deserve you.” I finally break, falling into his embrace and sobbing into the warmth of his chest. It feels like the rug symbolizing my life is finally being pulled from under me. Everything I’ve endured, fought for, lost. The tragedy, battle, and failures. I cry harder as he holds me, wishing it all would go away.
“Shhh,” he hums, caressing the back of my head. “Stop this. Stop trying to convince yourself you don’t deserve something better. You’re fucking perfect. Brilliant. Resilient. Ever since you showed up, you’ve changed my life. You can’t say we’re nothing. You’re becoming everything to me.”
I pull away, my glistening eyes finding his. “I fucked up. I don’t know how to fix this, and I can’t drag you into my mess.”
He dips down, offering me a quick kiss. “I don’t know what mess you’re in, but I’m not letting you do this alone.”
My chest breaks open even wider, and I choke out a sob. “You need to. I won’t ruin your life the same way I’ve ruined mine. Let me go, please.”
He brings me to his chest, hugging me tight. “Not a chance. I know you’re not used to someone caring, but that’s going to change right now, okay? We’ll figure this out together. I’m not going to let anyone hurt you, I promise.”
I wrap my arms around him, holding him with all my strength as I soak his shirt. I cry for all the times I’ve felt so alone, scared, betrayed. “You can’t say that without knowing what I’ve done. You’ll leave. I know you will.”
I’m up in his arms and being carried to the bed. Once I’m against the mattress, he undresses me, placi
ng me into one of his t-shirts. He strips down to his boxers and lies beside me, cradling me to his chest. “I know all this is happening super fast. It’s crazy. Insane, even. But it’s right. This feels right.” He brushes his fingers through my hair, placing a gentle kiss to the top of my head. “You’re not alone anymore, Luna. Let me carry some of this weight. You’re scared. I’m scared too. But I’m here. I’m ready to fight this fight with you. Trust me. Let me in.”
His words swim around in my head, my heart, my soul. Guilt and regret weigh heavily, not believing I could trust him sooner. How much pain would I have avoided if I’d just let him in? I lift myself off him, wiping at my face. “No judgement. There’s just us. Will you let me in? Let me help you like you helped me?”
I want to trust him. I want to fight this with him. I want to feel free of these demons. With a deep breath, I confess, “I killed someone.”
Cash
I didn’t expect that to come out of her mouth. I’m silent, allowing her to talk, wishing I heard her wrong. What have you done, Luna?
“I didn’t pull the trigger, but I might as well have. I fucked up. I fucked up and got someone killed.” She begins to cry again, and I sit up, holding her against my chest. Her words are like drums banging against my ears. Please tell me I heard her wrong. Fighting out of my hold, she jumps off the bed and begins to pace. “I’m not a bad person. I did what I had to do to survive. I had nothing.” She whips around to face me. “Nothing. It’s what I did to survive.”
“Okay,” I say, giving her the courage to go on.
“I’ve loved racing since I was little. Henry…all that was true. He showed me how much passion and drive there was in racing, and since that day, I wanted nothing more. It’s just…for me…the right way to make that dream happen was never the conventional way. I was a foster kid, homeless and on my own. I ran with the wrong crowd. Did things I’m not proud of. But I did it because I didn’t know any better.” She takes a deep breath, and I do the same, needing it.
“I got into street racing three years ago. I got into a car one day, realized I had a talent and never looked back. Then I was introduced to races that could make me a ton of money—money I could use to eat, find a warm place to sleep, clothes that didn’t have holes in them.” I want to vomit thinking about the minimal things she’s had since we met. The times I’ve caught her washing the small stack of clothes she has, the only things she owns. How did I not notice earlier? How did I not help sooner? “But to race, I needed a car.” A fresh wave of tears rolls down her flushed cheeks. “So, I stole cars. I would search out the rich, and when they would park their fancy cars, I would steal them and race.”
“A while back, I lost a race. It was my first. I bet everything on it and lost it all. And I never lose. So you can imagine how desperate I was. I needed to find a new one and make my money back. It was too soon. I was too desperate. I fucked up.” She covers her face as she cries.
“How did you fuck up?” I ask, keeping my voice calm.
“The car I hijacked belonged to a high-profile drug dealer. Little did I know, they had God knows how much money’s worth of heroin stashed in the engine. I took the car and entered the race. Jerad…he was the one who robbed me—”
“What do you mean robbed you?”
“Robbed me of that win. He cheated. Cut me off. I blew a tire and lost. I tried to get my money back, but when I showed up at his place, he was drunk and…” Her words trail off, and she shakes her head. “We were paired up that night to race. I was going to win, I felt it. He had the lead, and all I needed was to brake right and throttle past him…but…”
“But what?” If she doesn’t tell me what happened, I’m going to flip out. I want to kill this fucking guy for cheating her out of her race, and I have a feeling the night she tried to collect doesn’t have a good ending either. She explains what happened in graphic detail, her cries making it hard to understand at times, but I get the gist.
“They found me. I got a text today, threatening me. I needed to enter the race and win the payout or they would kill you.”
Jesus. What has she gotten herself into? “Well, we have the money. We’ll pay them and be done with it.”
Her head shakes back and forth in a panic. “You don’t understand. The money you just won? It’s nowhere near what I lost them. Brick after brick after brick…” She shoves her fingers through her hair.
“Luna, calm down—”
“No. It’s not the end. I’m not foolish enough to think they’re done with me. That’s why I have to leave. Go somewhere they won’t find me. I thought I was being careful. I thought…”
“Luna, if they found you here, they’ll find you wherever you go.” I jump off the bed, grabbing her shoulders. “You are not leaving. Not running. You are staying right here. We’re going to figure this out. Do you hear me?”
“I can’t bring you into this. This is my problem—”
“And you’re mine. What happens to you, happens to me.”
“Cash, no. I can’t—”
“You will. I’m done letting you bear all this shit on your own. I’m not letting you leave. And no one is going to hurt you.” No one is going to lay a hand on her. Ever fucking again. Her story makes me shudder. Watching people die right in front of her—deaths that should not have landed on her shoulders… “Now, listen to me. The shit that went down was not your fault. Those mob thugs are responsible. You did not shoot your friend. And what happened next is not on you—”
“I stole the car—”
“Yeah, stole a car. You didn’t kill anyone, Luna. Look at me.” She struggles in my arms, trying to run. I grab her chin and force her tortured eyes to mine. “We. Will. Fix. This. Do you hear me?”
“How?” It’s a question I have no fucking answer for.
“I don’t know, but we’ll figure it out. I know someone who may have some connections in Ohio. I’ll reach out tomorrow. Until then, we wait until they contact you again. Offer him the money and maybe we’ll be done.” She shakes her head, tears flowing down her cheeks. I hug her to my chest and hold her tight while another round of sobs wrack through her.
Fuck! I squeeze my eyes shut, my head spinning. “We’ll just…” Just what? Hand over pennies compared to the millions she lost them and tell them to go on their merry way? Not gonna happen. Her body still trembles in my grip. I want to find these motherfuckers and gut them for what they’ve put her through. I grip her tighter. “I won’t let them touch you. I promise you that, okay? We’ll figure this out.”
At Mid-Ohio last year, I remember Jimmy meeting up with some friends. Maybe he can help. “Hey.” I tilt my head to kiss the top of hers. “Give me a second. I think I know where to start.” She pulls away, and I grab my phone and make a call. “Jimmy. Yeah—no, I’m fine. I know what fucking time it is.” Fuck, it’s almost four in the morning. I have to meet Becks in an hour. “Listen, need a favor. You have some friends in Ohio, right?”
Without giving him too much information or setting off any alarms, I ask him to dig around with some information Luna gave me. I tell him I’ll see him in an hour before he has the chance to quiz me on why I’m asking about a fucking drug cartel and hang up.
Before I even end the call, she’s shooting out questions. “What did he say? Does he know anything?” She’s overcome with panic, and every second that passes that I don’t answer her, she falls into a deeper hole of hysteria. “Oh my god, it’s bad, isn’t it? Fuck!”
I bring her back into my arms, needing to hide my own alarm etched across my face. “Calm down. He’s going to make some calls. It’ll be fine,” I start, unsure where to go from here. “We wait ’til whoever it is calls back and go from there. Why don’t you try to get some sleep?”
She pulls away sharply. “I can’t. What if—if they followed us here—they could be watching us! You have the race. Shit, I never should have told you. You shouldn’t be wrapped up in this. And now…look what I’ve done—”
Lifting he
r up, I carry her to the bathroom, turn on the shower, and walk us both in, not bothering to take our clothes off. I need the hot spray to snap her out of her hysteria. We need to stay levelheaded. If not, this doesn’t end well. “Princess, I need you to calm down.”
She struggles to inhale. “I can’t. I fucked up. I should never have stayed…” Her breathing turns into strangled hiccups, and I step under the spray.
“If you dare leave, I will find you. Remember, I’m faster.” I try to distract her in hopes of getting her to calm down. Over the spraying water, we hear the sound of my phone ringing. I fail at hiding my own anxious jolt, and we both turn our attention to the table it’s resting on. “It’s probably Jimmy. Let’s get out.”
We waste no time shutting the water off and stepping out. Luna grabs for a towel as I head toward my phone, dripping on the hotel carpet as I cross the room.
“What did you find out?” I rush out, accepting the call.
“Cash Huntington.”
Chills skate down my arms. The voice on the other line is not Jimmy. “Who the fuck is this?” I pull the phone away from my ear, staring at the Caller ID. Unknown.
“I think you know who it is. Consider me your current lifeline. How’s that thieving bitch doing?” I fight not to make eye contact with Luna as her impatient stare burns into me. I walk farther into the room, turning away from her.
“What do you want? We have your money. Just tell us where to dump it and you’re done with her.”
His laughter is the sound of the devil himself. “Ahhh, Prince Charming. How noble. If you think one measly race is going to save her, you’re as foolish as she is.”
“She did what you said. Now take the money.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, lover boy. She didn’t race. You did. And may I add how entertaining it was to watch. I’ve learned a lot about the little cunt who robbed me. Quite a diamond in the rough. Once I finally found her and saw the company she kept, my plans changed. It wasn’t to see what she could do for me anymore. It was to see what you could do. Didn’t realize my little prey found herself a hawk to keep her safe. And then I started to ponder, why bother with small winnings when I now have access to the real jackpot?”
Junkie: A Driven World Novel (The Driven World) Page 17