by A. K. DuBoff
“Are you okay, Kira?”
She finished securing her shipsuit and then slumped against her locker. “I messed up again. That’s two major fok-ups in two months—all since this foking Robus thing.”
“You’re being too hard on yourself,” her friend responded. “Not to sound like a dick, but you were far from perfect before.”
“Yeah, thanks.” She scoffed and shook her head.
“I mean that you’re hyper-aware of everything now,” he continued. “All of us have made plenty of mistakes and wrong calls on ops over the years, but now you’re scrutinizing every action because you’ve undergone this change. Are you honestly saying that Sandren never gave you any reprimands before this transformation?”
Kira thought for a moment. “I guess he did.”
Jasmine was silent for a moment.
She returned her attention to Kyle. “You’re right. I’ve always been worried about letting my team down, but I worry about it more now. While I’m figuring out this new self, I have to hold myself to a higher standard.”
“There’s being cautious, and then there’s crippling yourself with self-doubt,” Kyle replied. “After you showed the Trols who was boss, you seemed so confident.”
“And then I remembered that cockiness gets people killed, so I adjusted my attitude.” Kira crossed her arms. “But maybe I swung too far in the other direction.”
“No one is perfect, Kira.” Kyle stepped over to her and placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “Robus or not, you’re still a person. No one expects you to always be right.”
“But I’m expected to not pull alarms in buildings where we’re not supposed to be, apparently,” Kira muttered.
“Hey, it got us out of there. I thought it was—”
The lights cut out.
“Shite!” Kira groped in the dark for the emergency kit next to the lockers.
“Why aren’t they coming back on?” Kyle asked. His question was followed by a bang on the locker doors as his hand found them for spatial reference.
“Your guess is as good as mine.”
Kira’s fingers finally located the latch to the emergency kit, and she opened it. Inside, she felt around for the cool, metal cylinder of a flashlight.
“Watch your eyes,” she warned, then clicked on the device.
Red light flooded the washroom.
“We still have gravity,” Kyle observed. “What might—”
The main lights flickered on again.
Kira blinked rapidly as her eyes adjusted. “This whole being-in-the-middle-of-nowhere-on-a-malfunctioning-spaceship thing isn’t working for me.”
“That makes two of us.”
“Attention,” Rodrick, the Raven’s captain, announced over the central comm system. “You’ve no doubt noticed the power fluctuations over the past five minutes. We have reset the central command modules, and all systems appear to be functioning properly. We will alert you if we detect any further anomalous activity. In the meantime, please proceed as normal. Thank you.”
Kira and Kyle looked at each other.
“Uh, that makes it even weirder, yeah?” she said.
He nodded. “What aren’t they telling us?”
She shook her head. “I have no idea, but I can’t wait to be back home.”
— — —
After the second flicker of the overhead lights and the touch-surface desk, Colonel Terence Kaen was certain something at Orion Station was amiss.
He rose from his desk and jogged to the office door, peeking out into the hallway. Sure enough, the flickering extended everywhere he could see from his vantage. What’s going on?
Kaen returned to his desk and activated the comm. “Major, are you seeing this?” he asked.
“If you mean the power fluctuations that aren’t showing up in any of the system performance dashboard, then yes,” Major Deanna Olvera, the security chief, replied.
“Is it internal or an external attack?” Kaen questioned.
“I’d tell you if I knew. We’re trying to figure it out.” Olvera paused. “Excuse me, sir, General Lucian is calling.”
“I’ll be standing by if you need me,” Kaen said.
“Yes, sir.”
The comm link ended.
If General Lucian is calling the chief of security, then something is definitely going on. Kaen frowned.
He hated having to sit back and wait for instructions, but he could offer no assistance or insights to the technical specialists. All the same, he felt like he needed to do something.
Unexpected anxiety gripped his chest. He hadn’t experienced that feeling since—
No, it’s not possible… He froze in the middle of his office, on his way back to his desk. The disquiet tickling the back of his mind was the same unease he’d felt when Nox had jumped into Jared—when the Trols were close and attempting to exert their control.
He dismissed it. No, they’re gone. And they controlled people, not computers.
Such flashes of panic hit him occasionally, when something seemed amiss. He would think he had come to terms with his experience of being possessed by an alien captor, but then he’d have a random reaction like this and be reminded that he wasn’t over it at all.
Traces of the trauma lingered, and would continue to linger. He’d been through an ordeal that had changed him.
Separate the anxiety from the facts, he told himself.
In this case, the facts were that Orion Station was experiencing a computer glitch. There was nothing to point to the Trols, or any other foe. More likely, it was a bad connection at one of the power relay nodes—or whatever it had been when the same thing happened a year prior. Machines were fallible, but they’d fix this issue just like they’d fixed every other malfunction.
With his mind set at ease, Kaen settled back behind his desk. The lights hadn’t shuddered for two minutes. If there was cause for future concern, they’d let him know.
— — —
Home at last. Kira breathed a sigh of relief.
Returning from a mission had always been rewarding, but it was even more special now that Leon was a permanent resident at Orion Station. Though they’d only been together for two months on this second go-around, their history together as teenagers had allowed them to quickly fall into the routine of an established couple.
In that tradition, Kira was pleased to find him waiting for her outside the door to her quarters.
“Hey, you,” he greeted with a warm smile that lit up his violet eyes.
Her heart melted in spite of herself. “Hey.”
She had learned many years before that a sense of ‘home’ was more about the company she kept than any particular physical location. And Leon had become part of that home. Being with both him and her Guard family completed her world.
Leon drew her in for a kiss as soon as she was within arm’s reach. “I missed you.”
“Missed you, too.” Kira palmed open her door using the biometric lock. She ushered Leon inside.
“How did the op go?” he asked, following her direction.
“We got what we needed, but we made a bit of a scene.”
He chuckled. “That’s becoming a trademark of yours.”
“Yeah, it is.” She closed the door and dropped her travel bag on the ground. “Problem is, we’re supposed to be covert ops.”
“
No offense, but your new abilities don’t exactly help you blend in.”
“Honestly, I think that’s part of my problem.”
Kira collapsed on her bed, and Leon sat down next to her.
“Did you want to talk about it?” he asked.
“Not right now, but thanks.” She smiled weakly. “I had hoped things would get back to normal as soon as I had Jasmine to help regulate my transformations, but the new ‘normal’ isn’t quite what I’d thought it’d be.”
Leon tilted his head. “What were you expecting?”
“I dunno.” She looked down. “I didn’t think I’d have to keep proving myself.”
His brow knitted. “You don’t have to prove yourself to anyone.”
“I do. Constantly. I had wanted to show that I’m not a liability after these changes, but instead, I keep finding evidence that maybe I am.”
“Try to talk some sense into her, Leon,” Jasmine chimed in over the audible comms. “I’ve been attempting to get her to hear reason for the past six hours, but she won’t snap out of this funk.”
“I’ve been careless and impulsive since I got these nanites,” Kira insisted. “That’s reason to be concerned—especially since you’re supposed to be the one keeping an eye on me, but you keep saying everything is okay.”
“Isn’t the fact that I’m telling you you’re fine the reassurance you need? I do question you when I feel it’s prudent,” Jasmine replied.
Concern flitted across Leon’s face. “I’m not sure if I should get involved in this or not…”
“Jasmine is butting in on personal time when she shouldn’t.” Kira glared at the AI in her mind.
“Sometimes I feel like I have two girlfriends now.” He laughed.
Kira snorted. “Oh, stars! Right! Don’t say that to Jasmine when she’s not under explicit instructions to stay quiet.”
Leon eyed her. “Do I detect a hint of jealousy?”
“That would require me to have a concern about her taking you away from me. Since we share this body, she wouldn’t get very far.”
“I also know better than to date other scientist-types,” Leon said. “Get two biologists together, and you can really overanalyze a relationship in the wrong ways.”
“Speaking from experience?”
“Second-hand. I watched it play out several times while I was in grad school. Wasn’t pretty.”
Kira winced. “Yikes.”
“I’ll take this complementary thing we have going on. It works.” He took her hand.
“Well, good, because I don’t particularly want to share you.”
“Stars, you are jealous!” Leon laughed.
She blushed. “I can’t help it! You got me started down the mental path of someone trying to take you away from me, and—”
Leon looked her in the eyes. “Kira, I love you, but you’re being crazy right now. And I mean that in the nicest way possible.”
“I am, aren’t I?” She sighed.
He stroked the side of her face. “You seem off. Did something happen?”
“Nothing that should have me acting like this.” She thought about it. “I dunno, there’s just this… feeling.”
“That doesn’t give me a lot to go on.”
She groaned. “I know. Just…” She stood up from the bed and paced in front of him. “This is going to sound even more nuts, but I’ve been fighting this feeling of impending doom.”
“Kira…”
“I know! I know. But you asked, so there it is. I keep fearing I’m going to do something that’s going to get people hurt. So whenever there’s a little glitch, or whatever, my first thought is, ‘This is the thing that’s going to bring my new world crashing down.’ ”
Leon stood up and wrapped his arms around her. “You’re driving yourself crazy over nothing.”
“Is it nothing? I sounded an alarm today as an exit strategy for a covert op.”
“That actually sounds like a great way to get out of a building.”
She frowned. “Yeah, see, that’s what I thought. Sandren disagrees.”
“If that’s the only thing that’s bothering you, then you are really making a bigger deal out of it than you should.” Leon caught her gaze. “We all do things that, in retrospect, we would have done differently. Learn from the experience and move on.”
“I know. That’s what Jasmine has been saying.”
“So listen to us.” He smiled. “What’s the point of surrounding yourself with smart people if you ignore everything they have to say?”
“Okay, okay.” She returned his smile. “Sorry I was acting weird. I think it’s just one of those days where a bunch of little things have added up, you know?”
“I’ve been there. Don’t worry about it.” He gave her a light kiss.
She kissed him back, then pulled away to retrieve her travel bag from the floor. “I need to take a quick shower. I didn’t get one on the Raven because of this weird power fluctuation. Didn’t want to be without my suit in the event it turned into a bigger issue.”
Leon’s face dropped. “When was that?”
“Right when we were leaving Dakar. Six hours ago, maybe. Why?”
“We had some flickering light action here at the base right around then,” Leon revealed.
“This is not helping the paranoia I’m trying to keep at bay.”
Leon placed his hands on her upper arms. “They didn’t make an announcement, there was no alarm, and we’re still alive. It’s probably nothing. Forget I said anything.”
Kira nodded. “Right, coincidence.” She forced a smile. “I’ll get cleaned up, and then maybe we can grab dinner later?”
“Sounds great. I have a couple things to finish up at the lab, but then I’m free for the rest of the night.”
“Okay, I’ll message you in a bit.” Kira kissed him. “Thanks again for talking some sense into me. You’re much better at it than Jasmine.”
“I’ve also known you a lot longer.”
“You do know me well. Maybe too well.” She narrowed her eyes playfully.
Leon smiled back. “Ah, the gift of history—being able to use your own arguments against you.”
“Watch it, mister. That goes both ways!”
“A fact I know all too well. See you soon.” With a parting hug, Leon went to attend to his remaining tasks.
The AI laughed in her mind.
Kira paused.
Jasmine replied.
Kira chuckled.
her stubbornness was too engrained. A lively discussion was part of the fun.
CHAPTER 3
I wish Kira weren’t so hard on herself, Leon thought while he made his way back to the research lab. I’ve been here for less than two months. My external validation shouldn’t be necessary.
There was more to it than just the time together in recent weeks, though. The history that afforded them immediate comfort with one another also brought with it the potential to fall into old habits.
He was sure she didn’t realize it, but Leon suspected that her recent transformation—and her reconnection with him—had triggered Kira to reflect on her past, perhaps all the way back to her original decision to join the Guard. The validation she was seeking for her recent command decisions was likely rooted in a deeper desire to validate her career path; she wasn’t questioning a single decision, but rather every decision leading up to that recent moment. He’d been catching hints of it over the past six weeks, and seeing her ongoing evaluation of her own command decisions reinforced his hypothesis.
In his short time observing Kira in the Guard, he had no doubt that she was in her element. There was no reason for her to question her decision to join the Guard, because it was where she belonged. Somehow, he needed to help her recapture her self-assurance.
Tackling that challenge would take time, however. Confidence needed to be rebuilt from within. All he could do for now was be supportive in her moments of doubt, in the way he knew she would be for him. Mutual trust, respect, love—their foundation would see them through any future trials they may face.
Though it was nearing the end of the day, Leon found that Tess and Jack were still absorbed in their work when he arrived at the lab.
“Welcome back,” Tess greeted. The stickers around her monitor had continued to multiply over the past month, to the point that a rainbow space pony had become a permanent fixture on any document she happened to have open on the screen.
“Sorry to have ditched you in the middle of the analysis,” Leon replied.
“I know better than to ignore a girlfriend’s call. You’re good,” Jack said with a slight smile, glancing up from the monitor at his own immaculate workstation.