She’s ridiculously attractive and she knows it.
Gorgeous on the outside, corroded on the inside.
She’s a nasty bitch in a deceiving packaging.
She wrenches her nose up at my hoodie, sweatpants, and boots.
I don’t match, I look like a hobo, and I don’t give a damn. I don’t live to impress like she does.
Something she could never understand.
“Just because you’re staying in a house with a bunch of girls, doesn’t mean you need to dress like a lesbian.”
“Just because you’re a broke, judgmental bitch, doesn’t mean you need to dress like a slut.” I give a fake laugh. “Oh wait, it does, doesn’t it?”
“Watch your mouth, Raven.”
“Why you here?”
“Why else?” She looks to her nails, blowing a bubble with her gum.
“Who do you owe?”
“Rol’s guys.”
I scoff and her eyes fly back to mine. “What, they won’t take other means of payments anymore?”
They way her lip curls, it’s a clear no. “I need a couple thousand by Sunday night.”
I start laughing and she pushes off the car. “Fuck you. Hell no.”
“I said watch your mouth.” She steps forward with a sneer.
So do I.
“Or what, mother? What are you gonna do, huh? You gonna have your new pimp or whatever he is whoop my ass right here on the street where anyone could see? We both know, you no longer can.”
“Don’t sound so sure.”
“Prove me wrong.”
She grips my elbows, her long cokehead nails sinking into my skin, and she yanks me toward her right as I shove off her chest.
The move sends me stumbling back and has her flying against the car.
She pushes off right as I get my footing and we both dart forward, but before I can grab a hold of her and before her swing makes it all the way around, arms wrap around my waist and I’m lifted off my feet and she’s blocked, her fist caught mid-air.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. What the fuck is ...” Royce trails off when Captain steps back and he gets a look at my mom.
My muscles lock, Captain’s eyes are on her too.
No. No no, shit no. For so many reasons.
I force myself to glance up at Maddoc. His jaw’s locked tight above my head, I can only guess he’s staring too.
“Uh...” Royce starts again, his eyes slowly moving to mine.
I jerk in Maddoc’s hold and he lets go, but his body stays close.
I look to my mom.
Her eyes flare, in that sickening way they do. Hunger, for both money and more, has her skin flushing. She’s one of the sick ones who actually enjoys her “work.”
Her tongue comes out, slowly sliding across her lips with purpose and I groan.
“Give me a fucking break.”
Her stare snaps back to mine and hardens before she can brush it away, but the boys are perceptive. Not as perceptive as her it seems, because she doesn’t notice the half a foot closer they get – to me.
“Raven. Introduce me to your ... friends.”
“They’re not my friends.”
Maddoc’s muscles tighten behind me and in my peripheral, I see Royce’s head snap my way.
“Introduce me anyway.”
“No.”
She pries her eyes from Captain. “I come to see you and you act like this?” Her eyes float left as she deliberately bends her knee, letting her underwear show at the edge of her tiny skirt. “I missed you—”
“You’re lying.”
Her hand freezes in her hair, eyes snapping to Maddoc.
My stomach twists at the way she studies him, a thought I can’t grip flashing through her eyes. Her tightened expression snaps from one to the next and down the line until they lead back to Maddoc and a sardonic laugh escapes her.
She opens her mouth, but Maddoc doesn’t let her speak.
“You were ready to put your hands on her before we got here. You’re lucky we stopped her when we did or you’d be in even worse shape.”
My mother’s eyes widen, and my heart starts pounding in my chest.
And then it happens, worse than her looking for a client in these three, worse than whatever revelation she had just come to a moment ago, she sees this moment for what it is.
These boys, strong and dominant, smooth and valiant, standing with me.
One on each side, the strongest, largest of the trio at my back.
In the world she and I come from, showing protectiveness for something or someone is interpreted one way - to defend is to show your cards, creating a weakness in the place of strength.
Her smirk tells me I’m right, the light laugh confirms it.
If I don’t figure this out, she’ll find a way to use them too.
I’m not positive they’d care when push comes to shove, but I’ll be damned if I become indebted to anyone on her terms.
And besides, they don’t need to be sucked into the nightmare that is Ravina Carver. She’s my problem to deal with.
Which is why I say, “Fine.”
Her eyes cut to mine, suspicion tightening her features. “Fine?”
“Yeah, fine.”
She leers, her eyes moving over the three before she reaches for the door handle. “Don’t test the timeline, I can’t stay in this place too long. I need to get back.”
She slides in the front seat, leaning out the window once the door is closed with a disappointed look in her dilated eyes. “You know how fond of you they are, a couple hours of your time could clear—”
“Go.”
She smiles, looks to the boys with a wink, and the car takes off.
A normal girl would cry, her mother willing to trade her own daughter’s body for powder. But I’m not normal.
I start across the yard.
“Raven.”
I ignore them.
“Raven!”
I’m almost to the boys’ house when a hand lands in the same spot my mother’s did and I yank free, spinning around with a glare. My emotions are boiling and bad shit happens when they get too high.
“Don’t think about telling me what to do,” I tell Maddoc.
“I don’t want to be told it’s not a big deal,” I say to Captain.
“And not a single fucking joke,” I spit at Royce.
I look between the three. “Back the fuck off.”
“We’re not gonna say—”
Royce cuts off when I level him with a scowl.
“Okay, fine, we were gonna do ... all that.” He laughs. “It’s actually kind of freaky how you know how we’d each react.”
“Why you trying to get to the boys’ house?”
I look back to Maddoc and square my shoulders.
His nostrils flare and he steps into me. “No.”
“I said no demands.”
“I don’t give a shit what you said. I said no.”
“You can’t stop me.”
“Oh, shit RaeRae, don’t say that to the man. Damn,” Royce huffs.
“Fucking watch me,” Maddoc growls.
“Why?” comes from Captain.
“Why what?”
“Why the sudden urge to fight?” He stares.
Because I need to make some quick cash and I’m not about to give her all I have.
I give a half-lie, half-truth. “Did you not just walk up here at the hilt of an adrenaline rush? I need to blow off some steam.”
His eyes narrow. All of theirs do. They’re not sure if they should believe me or not.
Maddoc licks his lips and looks off. “You’re not fighting.”
I’m so pissed I’m shaking, and maybe feeling a little on edge and helpless and disgusted in everything.
My mother lets people control her. Lets people run her body and here Maddoc stands, trying to run mine.
It’s my fists, so completely different, but it’s not his decision nonetheless. This is why I don’t make friends or grow c
lose, because disappointing people sucks, but it’s in my nature.
So I don’t think. I do what I do and fuck shit up, purposely and out of spite.
He thinks he can govern me? I’ll show him how wrong he is and create a situation outside any of our control.
I casually turn back for the house where a few girls have pretended to have a sudden need of vitamin D.
There’s no urgency in my steps, so by the time it clicks in the boys’ pretty little heads, my fist is already slamming into the cheek of the unsuspecting, probably undeserving, Victoria.
She falls back with a scream, the others gasp and I go to jump on her, but again, arms wrap around me from behind.
I don’t let him hold on. I kick until I’m released.
“You stupid bitch!” Victoria shrieks, but Captain slides in front of her and she clamps her mouth shut.
At that same moment Maybell comes out the door.
I look to Maddoc, then the other two.
All three hold the same expression.
Shock and suspicion. Confusion. I ignore the worry that’s also clearly there.
I know what I did – purposely broke the main house rules in front of everyone, so it can’t be brushed under the rug.
I’ll be kicked out, but I don’t care.
I get sent home, and I’ll fight there, pay my mom’s debt while keeping the guys from being drug into my mess, and go back to my regular day to day.
Without them.
I ignore the ache the thought causes.
Maybell sighs and turns back inside. “Come on now, girls. Get your things and head for school. Raven, your things will be packed when you get back.”
I chance a glance at the boys.
The way their features harden, it’s clear they don’t understand my decision, not that they could.
How would they know if I didn’t clear her, they’d come for me?
Fuck my mom, fuck this place, and fuck them.
Most of all, fuck this life I was cursed into.
Vienna catches up with me once I step into the school hallway. “Why’d you do it?”
I ignore her, bypassing my locker on the way to English – no reason to pull out a book for a class I won’t be in tomorrow.
“Raven—”
I spin on my heel, leveling her with a bored stare. “Look, I get it. You want in on the gossip so you can spread it around and be the one in the know for once. Well, sorry to break it to you, there’s no juice to spread. I felt like fighting, Victoria was within range, and there you have it.” I start to spin around but turn back halfway. “Oh, and it’s Rae.”
“Wow,” she calls after me and still, for some ungodly reason, follows. “That was good, I’ll give you that. It’s all a bold faced lie, though. Maybe you forgot or didn’t care to notice, but my room faces the gap between the houses, Rae.”
I turn on my heels and she meets me in the middle, stepping right in front of me. “I don’t give a shit what you think you saw or understood. I don’t give a shit what you tell these people and I surely don’t give a shit what you think, Vienna, so give it up already.”
My chest is heaving, and rage is once again building ... and she laughs.
What the hell?
“Man, Raven.” She shakes her head, fighting a smile. “You really are more fucked up in the head than I thought.”
“What are you doing?”
“I was coming to tell you I was pissed at you for going and getting yourself kicked out. You’re the only one – well were the only one – in the house I could stand. Guess it’s back to convos with my radio.”
“That’s pathetic.”
She shrugs with a half grin. “It is what it is, right?”
I survey her, finding she really does seem uninterested.
Honest.
I relax some. “Sorry to kill your house vibe.”
“Sorry I won’t get a chance to use you to get to ride on the Rolls Royce.” She wiggles her ass.
I laugh lightly. “Yeah, bet if you asked, he’d let you use him.”
“Just like that, huh?” She grins.
I sigh for dramatic effect. “Unfortunately, yes.”
The bell rings and she glances down the hall then back to me. “Well, stay real, Raven.”
I offer her a half smile then stand there and watch her leave.
Annoyed with myself, I smack the closest locker and lean my head against it.
I hate knowing that I bummed her out. It’s one of the exact reasons I don’t like people or making friends. I don’t want to have to meet other’s expectations or consider other people’s thoughts or feelings. Shit, I didn’t even realize Vienna and I were some sort of, I don’t know, not friends but two people who are comfortable around each other, before now.
Not that it matters at this point.
“Raven.”
Ugh, shoot me. Why didn’t I go to class?
I turn. “Principal Perkins. Hi.”
“Everything all right?” He approaches me, his hands slipping from his pockets as he does.
I square my shoulders and rid my face of any feebleness I may have let slip. “Fine. Going to class.”
I go to step around him, but he blocks my path, now standing to his full height.
“You sure? You seem a bit ... distracted.”
“How the hell would you know?” I go on the offensive.
His jaw sets at my tone, but he fights to stay professional. “I only mean, you seem like you could use someone to talk to. Do you need someone to talk to Raven? Maybe about some of your classmates? Are any of them being overly... authoritative?”
I ignore the question he’s pretending to ask and give him the answer to the one he really wants to know. “The Brays and I are far from on the same level, Mr. Perkins. They wouldn’t waste time on little old me.”
His eyes narrow slightly before he nods. He doesn’t believe me.
“I have more eyes around than you realize, Ms. Carver.” He looks from my sweatpants I never got to change and my oversized hoodie. “I’d be careful if I were you.”
“Are you threatening me?”
“I’m simply letting you know someone, somewhere, is always watching. Even when we least expect it—”
His words die off when a large body steps in front of me.
The screeches of leather against the floor tells me Perkins has moved back a few feet.
“Stay away from her.”
“She’s my student.”
“Let’s not do a recap on what belongs to who right now, Perkins.” Maddoc steps forward, and I move so I can see the principal’s face. “Stay a full ten feet from her. Add that to the list of shit you’re not in control of at our hand. Wouldn’t wanna go forgetting.”
“One day, Brayshaw.”
“Damn fucking right, Perkins.”
Perkins walks away and the farther he gets, the more Maddoc starts to shake.
I glance from the man leaving to the one in front of me.
“Big man—”
He swiftly turns toward me, a deep frown in place and if I were any weaker of a person – at least on the outside – I’d cower in regret.
When did they get close enough to bring out things inside me no one else has ever seen?
I turn and walk away.
None of the boys are in class all day, but all are sitting at the usual table when lunch rolls around. Too bad not one of us speaks the entire time and when the bell rings, they’re quick to take off, so I do the same. But my feet drag a little more than they did this morning.
Chloe talks her shit in PE, but it’s petty shit like poor form and a few digs at my baggy gym clothes, so I ignore her, grinning when I remember I won’t have to deal with her anymore.
After school, the boys aren’t there waiting. It’s as bitter as it is relieving.
I hang around a bit so the rest of the house girls and guys are already long gone by the time I make the trudge back.
When I get inside, a few girls l
ook up from their homework tables, but none say a word.
I find Maybell in what just this morning was my assigned room but tomorrow could belong to someone new.
“Look, I’m ...” I trail off with a huff.
Maybell scoffs. “Can’t even fake an apology, can you dear?”
I shrug even though she can’t see me. “You really want one if it’s not real?”
She turns and sits on the edge of my bed, looking up at me. “No. I don’t. And I appreciate you not standing here making excuses for what you did. It was stupid. A bad choice. Impulsive. But you know all that already, which is why you did it.”
“What kind of place did you grow up in, Maybell?”
“A place where pride was both an honor and a curse. That sound familiar?”
I ignore the question. “Then you know I couldn’t allow them to think they had a say.”
“I do.” She crosses her arms and frowns at me. “But what ticks me off, girl, is you know as well as I do, you’d have figured out a way to do what you wanted anyhow. One way or another, whatever it was they were trying to stop you from, you’d have still done it. So why’d you self-sabotage so quick?”
“Because she’s poison.”
“And they’re strong.”
I open my mouth to speak but close it just as quick.
Shit.
“You need to learn how to stop and think before acting. I know, in your life, you’re accustomed to new people coming in and out, but maybe this is the first time you found some that you don’t completely hate being around. Those boys, they’re more than meets the eye. They need someone to care about and you fit more than you want to admit.”
“I don’t want it to be me.”
“Why?”
“Because I had no plan to stay around.”
“Had.” She nods her head.
“Look, all I want is to get away from everyone who knows what I am.”
“And what are you, Raven?”
“I’m the daughter of a whore, dirty by default. Guilty by association.”
“And you always will be. Leaving, disappearing when you turn eighteen and never looking back, won’t change that.” She stands.
“For what it’s worth,” I tell her after a moment. “I am sorry, but not for what I did or why I did it. Only for disrespecting you when you’ve done nothing to deserve that from me.”
Boys of Brayshaw High Page 21