With my hands under the table, I dug a fingernail into the palm of my hand to steel myself against his response. He had to have gotten married and had bopplis. The women had far outnumbered the young menner back then; that was one thing I clearly remembered.
He looked down into his coffee then set his eyes back on me. “I married. I married a wunderbaar woman. Jane, that was her name, and she went to be with the Lord two years ago.”
I instinctively laid my hand on his. “Oh, Jazeel, I’m so sorry.” I was ashamed of myself for hoping he wasn’t married. I certainly was sad that his fraa was no longer with him.
He covered my hand as it rested lightly on his, blanketing it with the warmth of his other hand. “We had a gut life. Five kinner and three grosskinner so far, to show for it.”
I wondered, is that how life is measured, by those we leave behind? If that’s so, was my life all for naught since I leave no one behind?
“What are you thinking, Molly, with that faraway look in your eyes? You regretting turning me down all those years ago and running away from me?”
I studied his face; he was being humorous. I could tell by the twinkle in his eyes, even though his face remained deadpan. Did he guess I regretted my youthful ambitions? Most likely he did. He could always read me as easily as one would read a book: it appeared not too much had changed. I figured I should not play a game, as I would have done in my youth.
The young Molly would have replied, Of course not, I’ve had a wunderbaar life. As the old Molly, I said, “Yes, I regret not marrying you.” There I’d said it. I not only said it to him, I admitted it to myself. I didn’t know when I was young that I would grow old. Sure, I knew it: I knew that everyone gets old, but I didn’t really believe it would happen to me.
He raised his eyebrows and shook his head at me. “You robbed me.”
“Robbed you?” Was he serious now? I wondered.
“Robbed me of having a life with you,” he said.
I withdrew my hand and leaned back as far as I could. I did not expect him to be so honest right back at me. For the first time, I realized that my bold and self-centered decision had affected someone I loved. It made me regret my decision that much more. It was a bold move in those days for an Amish woman to leave the community for a career. Careers don’t last forever, but familye does. I could have put my effort into a familye, could have taught our own children. The career I’d left him and the community for was gone now, and I was left with only memories. If I’d married Jazeel, I would have had so much more.
I straightened my back and held my head up high. Regrets were useless and did nobody any good. What was done was done. Besides, I’d been a good teacher and I hoped I’d enriched my students lives, showing them love and kindness as I guided their young minds to appreciate learning and live a good life.
No words were necessary as Jazeel and I stared into each other’s eyes, much as we'd done when we were teens. I knew that he still loved me; his gaze tugged at my very soul.
I took for granted the connection that we had. Surely only people truly in love can affect each other so.
He was the first to speak. “Where do we go from here?”
I laughed. Where do we go from here? Marriage was for the young. I was old and too independent now for my own good. Something had pulled me back here, though, to where I’d grown up. He was still looking at me; I had to say something. “Let’s pick up where we left off.” It could have been taken as a joke, but Jazeel did not laugh.
He leaned toward me. “I would like nothing more.”
His blue eyes were drowning me; I couldn’t breathe. “Oh, it’s hot in here.” I shed my jacket, draping it over the back of my chair. Was it too late for us? Could we take up where we had left off? It wouldn’t be the same as it was before. It couldn’t be the same as when we were young and carefree.
“I don’t want to upset you, Molly.”
I shook my head. “I’m not upset.”
He took hold of my hand. “I want to see you again.”
“You do?” That made me happy, but what if I got my hopes too high? What if we weren’t as compatible now as we had been in our youth? Surely it was better to keep the memories pure rather than muddy them with a failed attempt at reconciliation. Or would we become two old fools in love?
Jazeel let go of my hand and laughed at me.
I waited for him to stop laughing. When he didn’t, I said, “What’s so funny?”
“You are.”
I frowned at him, waiting for him to explain himself.
“You were so impulsive when you were younger and now you’re scared to do anything; even something as simple as see me again. Are you scared you’ll enjoy yourself?”
I snapped back, “I’m not scared.” I wasn’t scared to move back near the place in which I’d grown up. I wasn’t scared to buy a house on my own and live on my own for all those years. “Are you trying to trick me into saying I’ll see you again, to prove that I’m not scared?”
He nodded and chuckled again.
I’d missed his laughter. I figured we could be friends, if nothing else. He always brightened me up. “Yes, I’d like to see you again.”
We talked a lot more while we sat in the coffee shop. We caught up on everyone we knew in the community. He told me about his kinner and what they were doing.
“Oh, Molly, I missed you so much.”
I knew he meant it. I knew that he loved me dearly when we were young. It must have hurt him deeply when I left. I'd had to put all thoughts of him and the community out of my head and concentrate on my teaching. I told no one that I had grown up Amish for fear of being treated differently.
“So have you left the community?” I asked him about the community again, hoping this time he would give me more information.
“I haven’t been to a gathering since Jane went home to Gott.”
“I see.” I went to take another sip of my coffee, but hesitated when I noticed it had grown cold.
Jazeel must have seen my hesitation. “Another coffee?”
I nodded. “Please.”
As he rose to his feet and turned to order the coffee, I no longer felt alone. My bond with Jazeel had never been broken. I recalled that I had prayed to Gott to take my loneliness away. Was Jazeel an answer to my prayer? Maybe Gott was still watching over me. I sent a silent prayer of thanks, just in case.
Jazeel placed two cups of coffee on the table. I looked around to see that the surrounding tables were starting to fill, as it was nearly midday.
“Do you remember when we first met?” he asked.
I smiled. I remembered the first time I saw him. It was at his mudder’s second wedding. Her first husband and Jazeel’s daed had died, and it was her second marriage. Jazeel wore a black suit and he couldn’t have been more than ten years old and I would have been eight.
“Let’s not speak of the past today,” I said. If we were to have some sort of relationship, I wanted it to be based in the present and not the past.
“You’re as bossy as ever, Molly Miller.”
I smiled while I slowly turned the spoon in my coffee, making a circular motion. “I suppose I am. Years of being a school teacher has probably made me even worse.”
He chuckled, then rested his chin on his knuckles. “I want to show you my haus.”
I pressed my lips together. I did not want to see his home where he’d had a life full of memories—memories without me.
As if reading my mind, he said, “It’s a new place. I built it myself. I gave my old haus to my eldest son, John, and his fraa, Julie.”
Again, he knew what I’d been thinking. “You built a house? I’d love to see it.” The defenses I had tried to build against this man were wearing down.
I wondered; could our love exist outside the haven of this small coffee shop? I gazed into the distance and asked myself what I wanted to happen with Jazeel and me. A life with him, I told myself. I wanted to know love and the closeness of a husband before G
od took me home.
“Coffee gone cold again?”
I looked at him and then looked at my coffee. I couldn’t have another. More than two cups in one day would be far too many, but I did not want this time with Jazeel to end.
“C’mon.” He stood and held out his hand.
A light inside me beamed with happiness. I could only imagine the look of delight on my face as I put my hand in his.
“Let’s get out of this place.” He led me outside. “Where were you off to today?” he asked.
“I was going to the hardware store.”
His eyes twinkled. “So was I.”
I smiled as I looked up at his still-handsome face. Nothing had changed. In my heart, I knew that Gott, after all this time, was still watching over me and wanted me to be happy.
Jazeel and I walked arm in arm, down the road and we’re together until this day.
Chapter 3
“That’s a lovely story, Molly,” Ettie said, wiping a tear from her eye.
“And on a coming Sunday, Jazeel and I are rededicating our lives to Gott.”
Molly and Ettie turned as one to look at Elsa-May when they heard a loud snore.
“I’m sorry about that, Molly. Elsa-May hasn’t been sleeping well lately. It wasn’t your story that put her to sleep.”
Elsa-May slowly opened her eyes. “Did someone say my name?” She straightened her white prayer kapp, and then sneezed.
Ettie shook her head. “Never mind.”
“And that’s why Tom and I came to see you,” Molly said to Ettie, ignoring Elsa-May.
“Why’s that?” Ettie asked, frowning.
“As I just told you, Jazeel and I were going to start a life together, and now he’s gone missing. And I’m fearful something bad has happened to him.”
“You and Jazeel? Who are going to start a life together?” Elsa-May asked. “I must’ve missed something good.”
“I’ll tell you about it later,” Ettie said, a hint of annoyance in her voice.
“Jazeel Graber,” Molly told Elsa-May.
Elsa-May raised her eyebrows on hearing the news, and then leaned forward and picked up her teacup. “We don’t have to find a man for you?”
Ettie shook her head again at her sister. At least Elsa-May could’ve pretended she’d heard some of what Molly had said. “Nee. Molly told us that she met Jazeel again some weeks ago. He’d proposed to her when they were teens and Molly went teaching instead and left the community.”
“What a lovely story,” Elsa-May said with a smile.
“We both talked about it, Jazeel and I, and I was coming back to the community and he was going to start attending all the meetings again.”
“You said he’s missing?” Ettie asked.
“Jah, and I’m dreadfully worried.”
“When did you see him last?” Elsa-May asked.
“At his house a few days ago. He was supposed to be coming to lunch in town with me yesterday, and he didn’t meet me there. When he never showed, I went to his house and nobody was home.”
“The logical thing to do is to ask Jazeel’s kinner if they know where he is,” Ettie said.
“I don’t know where they are. Jazeel was going to introduce me to them soon. I only know a few people in the community. I suppose I’ll get to meet everyone soon on a Sunday when I rededicate my life to Gott.”
“Why don’t you go home and not worry about anything. Ettie and I’ll will find the phone numbers of Jazeel’s sons and ask them where he is. We know where John and Jacob live, so if they don’t have a phone in a shanty or their barns, we’ll stop by their homes.”
Molly nodded. “That would be good. Denke.”
“More tea?” Elsa-May asked, looking down into her teacup. “This one has gone cold.”
“Yes please,” Molly said. "I'd love some more, too."
“And what about Tom? Would he like a saucer of milk?” Ettie asked.
“Nee, he’s lactose intolerant. Many things disagree with him.”
“Something must agree with him because he’s quite a big cat.” Ettie laughed.
“Tom’s not overweight. It’s just he’s got a large frame and bushy fur. When I give him a bath you can see how slim he is. Tom only eats fresh meat, and he won’t eat the cat food from the store.”
Tom came out from under the couch and Molly leaned down to pick him up. He hissed and swiped at her before he ran away.
“Did he scratch you again?” Ettie asked, trying not to laugh at the cat’s antics.
“It’s nothing.” Molly said looking down at her arm.
“Well, it looks like something to me,” Elsa-May said. “The cat’s wild.”
“Nee, he’s not! He’s just a bit scared.” Molly stood up and called to the cat. “Here, kitty kitty.” When he ignored her, she sat back down. “I do hope Jazeel’s okay.”
“I’m sure there’s nothing to worry about,” Ettie said.
“We’ll soon find out.” Elsa-May said with a sharp nod of her head.
“Weren’t you getting the tea, Elsa-May?”
“Jah, coming up.” Elsa-May pushed herself to her feet and headed to the kitchen.
"We were going to have a future together, he and I."
"Has he met Tom yet?” Ettie asked.
As if hearing his name, the cat ran like a rocket into the kitchen and a squeal of fright was heard from Elsa-May. The cat ran from the kitchen just as fast, and headed back under the couch.
"I wonder where he's going. I should take him home." Molly stood up. “I might have to forget about that second cup, Elsa-May, but denke,” Molly called out loud enough to be heard in the kitchen.
Ettie stood as well. "Do you need some help to get Tom into the basket?" Ettie asked.
Tom ran back into the kitchen.
"I'll be fine." Molly picked up the cat-carrier and headed into the kitchen.
Once they were all in the same room, Elsa-May and Ettie looked on as Molly tried to coax Tom out from under the table.
Elsa-May pulled her mouth to one side. "Are you okay there, Molly?"
There was no answer just a loud crash as one of the chairs tipped over and the cat ran back into the living room followed closely by Molly. After which, Snowy barked and scratched at the back door.
Ettie and Elsa-May hurried back out to the living room to see Molly lying on her back. They both helped her to her feet.
“What happened?” Ettie asked.
“I overbalanced. Poor Tom, he’s so frightened of your dog. Where’s he gone?”
“Back under the couch. Is he wild or something?” Elsa-May asked.
“Nee. It’s your barking dog that frightened him.”
“Snowy didn’t start—,”
Ettie dug Elsa-May in the ribs to keep her quiet.
“Why don’t you open the basket and I’ll get him in for you,” Ettie suggested to Molly.
“Tom doesn’t take well to strangers. If one of you can hold the basket open, I’ll pop him in.”
Molly carried the basket into the living room and Elsa-May and Ettie held it open while Molly somehow got the cat in.
“Now, how are you getting home?” Elsa-May asked.
“I sold my car and I go everywhere by taxi until I buy a buggy. Jazeel is helping me with that next week. Well, that is, if he ever comes back.”
Ettie saw the look of utter hopelessness in Molly’s face. “We’ll find him. He can’t have gone far.”
“Leave it to us, Molly,” Elsa-May said.
“Where are you living now?”
“I’ll write down my address for you.”
Ettie took down Molly’s information in her address book.
“Denke. I noticed a shanty down the road not too far. I’ll call a taxi from there.”
“Do you want us to wait with you?”
“Nee, it’s okay. Tom and I will keep each other company.”
“Very good,” Elsa-May said.
Molly, carrying Tom in the cat carrier, walked o
ut the door and Ettie and Elsa-May stood at the front door and watched her go. When she got to the front gate she turned and waved.
“Say goodbye, Tom,” Molly said to her cat.
Tom did not respond.
When Molly was out of sight, Elsa-May rushed to let Snowy in and Ettie collapsed onto the couch. Snowy ran around sniffing everywhere the cat had been, and Elsa-May sat down and picked up the knitting from her bag by her feet.
“That cat was wild and disagreeable,” Elsa-May said shaking her head. “I nearly opened the front door to set it free.”
Ettie giggled. “Molly would never have forgiven you. She loves that cat for some reason. I can’t see why. It doesn’t seem to like her. Do you think the cat likes her?”
“Well, he tried to attack her every chance he got.” As she knitted, Elsa-May said, “We should get going and do what we promised. We’ll have to ask around and find the phone numbers for Jazeel’s kinner.”
“Just wait awhile to give the taxi enough time to arrive. We can’t go down to the phone now. I’ve had enough of that cat for one day.”
Elsa-May nodded and continued to knit.
“It’s strange he would disappear without a word to Molly,” Ettie said.
“Maybe Molly told Jazeel that the cat was part of the deal. Love me, love my cat. No wonder he disappeared.” Elsa-May chortled.
“If Jazeel and Molly started a relationship like she thinks. then why wouldn’t he tell her he was going somewhere? It just doesn’t make sense.”
“Do you think it’s all in her head?”
“I suppose not.” Ettie pushed herself to her feet. “The best thing I can do is find where I put my address book. I just had it.”
“In the bureau drawer. Second one from the top. I saw you put it there.”
Ettie scratched through the drawer. “Got it!” she said holding it up. Once she flipped through it, she saw she had no phone numbers for John or his brother Jacob.
“We’ll have to stop by John’s house. He’s closer than Jacob.”
“Jah, we'll leave in half an hour, and then we’ll go to see John first.”
Ettie Smith Amish Mysteries Box Set 4 Page 13