by J. L. Leslie
“That’ll work,” I tell him. “Drinks or nachos. I’m good with either one.”
Our date has been going well so far. Alex is pretty laid back and I like that. He didn’t mind that I wanted to stand at the fence and cheer my friend on and he also didn’t mind when I spilled a beer on his jeans.
I’ve learned that he actually works at Wade’s Construction with Tauren and knew he would be racing tonight. He occasionally races as well, but his car is out of commission this week.
“Let’s go down to the pit and congratulate him and then we’ll head out,” Alex suggests and takes my hand.
Of course, there’s a lot of celebrating going on in the pit area. Kaler and Kipton are both there as well as several local girls. Helene is not there, but I doubt Pastor Jacobs would let her come to Down ‘n’ Dirty for race night.
Tauren climbs out of his car and pulls his helmet off. He grabs a beer from one of the girls and pulls her into a kiss. I guess he isn’t so hung up on Helene after all. Then again, Tauren is not exactly the type to be pinned down to one woman. At least, he wasn’t in high school.
Alex pushes us through the crowd and slaps Tauren on the back, telling him congratulations. “Next time, you won’t have it so easy!”
“We’ll see about that!” Tauren laughs, the woman he kissed clinging to his side. “Jenna Winston! It’s been years, girl! Glad to see you back at the track!”
“Just like old times!” I tell him and give him a hug, ignoring the dirty look I get from his friend.
“You’re here with this asshole?” Tauren asks me, pointing at Alex. “And here I was thinking you and my brother had something going on!”
“Me and Kaler?” I blush, feeling both Alex’s and Kaler’s eyes on me.
“No,” Kaler answers for the both of us.
“Hmm, guess Alex here lucks out!” Tauren says, eyeing me up and down. “You sure have matured since high school.”
My mouth drops open. “Tauren!”
“Legs for days and a nice rack too! Kaler, you’re missing out!”
“I’m not missing out anything!” Kaler argues, a scowl on his handsome face. “I have no damn desire to date Jenna!”
The harshness of his words stuns me and make my eyes fill with tears. I quickly blink them back and plaster a smile on my face. I will not allow him to see that his words have bothered me.
“We came down to congratulate you on your win and now we’re headed to Happy’s. You ready, Alex?”
“Yep, let’s get out of here.”
I cross my arms as I walk, breathing in the warm August air. I hate rushing off, but I had to get out of there. I have known that Kaler and I are just friends. I know that because he hasn’t made another move to kiss me. But to hear him tell his own brother he has no desire to date me hurt like a bitch. It would hurt any woman to hear that an attractive man didn’t want to date her.
My question is, why not? Other than Brynn, of course, we have fun together. We get along just fine. I’m not beautiful, but I’m not a dog either. I have a good job and I occasionally work out, so I’m fit. Somewhat. What’s not to like?
I’m tempted to call it a night, but I won’t give Kaler the satisfaction. I don’t care if I have to fake having a good time or not. I get in Alex’s car and plaster a smile on my face. Unfortunately, when we make it to Happy’s, not even nachos can put me in a better mood at this point. Still, I smile and play pool with Alex, doing my best to enjoy the remainder of our date. I make it a good hour before I decide to bail on him.
“I’m actually not feeling so well. I think I’ve had one beer too many. Do you mind taking me home?”
“As long as you promise to make it up to me with another date,” he smiles softly.
I agree and he pays the tab. I rest my head against the cool leather of his seat once I’m in his car again. When he stops at my house, he walks me to my door and gives me a gentle kiss on my cheek. It was a great date with a great guy.
What I don’t understand is, why did I ruin it?
Chapter Fifteen
Kaler
I spot Jenna across the parking lot and quickly make my way over to her. I had planned to talk to her before church, but she slipped in a few minutes late and joined her grandparents.
I approach her, seeing that she’s talking to the jerk that ditched her at Happy’s. She’s actually smiling at him. This guy left her sitting alone and stuck her with the bill and she’s smiling at him as though they’re old friends.
“Jenna?” I interrupt and don’t miss the surprised look on her face. “Can we talk a minute?”
“Um, okay. Ben, I’ll give you a call later. Thanks, I’m so glad we talked.”
He leans over and gives her a kiss on the cheek before heading off. “Isn’t that the guy who ditched you?”
“Yeah, but I’m a forgiving person,” she shrugs, starting in the direction of the church. “What’s up?”
“I’m sorry about what I said,” I blurt out.
“What exactly did you say?” she asks me. “That you have no desire to date me? Yeah, that was a pretty crappy thing to say right to my face. It’s fine though. I heard that you were seeing someone, but I knew that when we were hanging out, so I’m happy for you.”
“I’m not seeing anyone and I didn’t mean for it to sound like that,” I assure her. “Tauren was making insinuations and I needed him to know that we ain’t together.”
“Now he knows,” she says, exasperated. “Really, Kaler, it’s not a big deal at all. We didn’t even kiss, remember? Disaster avoided. You don’t want to date me, and I don’t want to date you, so it’s all good.”
Her words are like a kick to my nuts. “You don’t want to date me?”
I can tell she believes I’m joking because she laughs. “Kaler, I ‒”
“I told Tauren I didn’t have any desire to date you because I would never hear the end of it from him. Kipton already insinuated that I had a thing for you. Me dating my ex-wife’s best friend? That would go over really well,” I tell her. “But if that weren’t the case, if we didn’t have this complicated history between us and I didn’t cherish our friendship, I would definitely date you. Hell, Jenna, I’d be doing a lot of things to you. Things I’ve dreamed about doing since I saw you in that tiny red bikini.”
She parts her mouth in surprise and my eyes are instantly drawn to it. I lick my lips and fight the urge to kiss her. Just because I said what I did, doesn’t mean anything has changed. She is still Jenna Winston, best friend to my ex-wife and now my friend. She was there when we were married. There when my daughter was born.
When Brynn remarries, she will be there. When Brynn has another kid, she will be there then too. Her friendship is with Brynn more than me. It always has been. I was just the boyfriend. The husband.
“But we do have this complicated history between us,” she replies, quietly. “And we can’t change that or give it a different story. It’s already been written.”
“That’s right,” I admit. “We can’t change the past.”
What would I change if I could? Any small thing being different would alter my life as it is. I may be a single dad working as a mechanic at a small shop, but I’m happy. I have the decisions I made in my past to thank for that.
“Friends?” Jenna offers.
“Friends.”
It’s agreed. We are friends and will remain friends. We can have small talk when I pick up Willow from school and be polite in passing at church. I won’t pop in unexpected again. No more fishing and no more walks.
She doesn’t have to know how hard that will be for me.
Jenna
Kaler and I agreed to be friends. Both of us not speaking out loud about the attraction that we obviously have for each other. Well, he did admit he would date me, but only if the complications from our past didn’t exist. That’s not exactly possible, so friendship is what we agreed upon.
I didn’t know that meant we would basically be strangers. Since our conver
sation on Sunday, we’ve barely spoken to each other. He brings Willow to school each morning and picks her up each afternoon. Each time we’ve seen each other he’s been polite with a “morning” or “see you tomorrow” but that’s it. We don’t talk about Willow’s day or joke about how badly I out-fished him. There’s no mention of another trip. There hasn’t been any more walks.
We are simply existing around each other.
I miss him.
It’s horrible that I’m thinking this while I’m seeing a movie with Alex. It’s a romantic comedy and although I’m laughing at the appropriate times, I keep thinking of how Kaler would react to these scenes. Would he laugh? Would he be smiling?
I’m so damn screwed it’s not even funny.
“You want popcorn?” Alex whispers.
“I’ll get it,” I tell him. “Bathroom break.”
I don’t really have to go to the bathroom, but I need a break. Just a moment to clear my mind and remind myself of why I’m here. I’m here because the man I want is off limits. It’s really that simple.
Alex hands me some money and I ease out of my seat, making my way down the aisle and doing my best not to disturb any other patrons. I go to the bathroom first, discovering that once I stood up and moved around, I actually did have to go. Then I get in line for popcorn.
I browse over the candy in the display case and chuckle at the Swedish fish, wondering if Willow would get a kick out of those, considering how much she loves fish. I think about buying her a package of them but decide against it. I probably shouldn’t use Alex’s money to buy them. I decide on Reese’s Pieces, a large popcorn, and a couple of sodas.
Alex takes the popcorn and his soda from me when I return, accepting his change as I sit down. We reach for the popcorn at the same time and he flashes me a smile, letting me get the first handful.
He really is a good-looking guy. I should focus my attention on him, on seeing where this relationship can go, instead of wondering about a relationship that will never happen. I shouldn’t deny myself the opportunity at happiness.
I relax and enjoy the rest of the movie, not minding the occasional times my hand brushes against Alex’s in the popcorn bowl. He walks me to my car when the movie is over and I find that I don’t mind when he lingers.
“Thanks for meeting me,” he tells me. “I know it was last minute.”
He texted me earlier today and asked about meeting up with him tonight. I had time to run home and change clothes before driving the one-hour trip to the theater in Westmont. Chapelwood is not yet blessed with a movie theater.
“I enjoyed the movie,” I assure him. “And the drive was nice. I thought you lived in Chapelwood though.”
“Nope, right here in Westmont,” he replies, and I nod. “But I do know Chapelwood has their big strawberry festival next weekend.”
“Yep. It’s a pretty big deal. Live music, games, and stuff.”
“I’m asking when I can see you again, Jenna,” Alex clarifies with a smile. “Maybe at the strawberry festival.”
“I, um, I don’t ‒”
Before I can finish, he closes his mouth over mine. I wait for sparks, and maybe there’s a small ember, but no fireworks. The kiss is short and sweet, so maybe there will be fireworks next time. I’ve always waited for that explosive moment I’ve read about, but I’ve never experienced it.
“Sorry,” he grins, sheepishly, breaking our kiss. “I’ve been wanting to do that since I first laid eyes on you.”
“Okay,” I answer, unsure of what to say really. He sort of planted a kiss on me out of the blue. “Um, just call me I guess.”
He laughs a little. “I’ll call you, Jenna. Have a good night.”
He opens the door for me, and I slip inside my car. On my way home, I scold myself for wondering if the fireworks would’ve been there had Kaler kissed me.
Like I said, I’m screwed.
Chapter Sixteen
Kaler
I knew this would be hard, but I had no idea exactly how hard. I miss Jenna. I can lie to myself and say that I don’t, but I would be full of shit. I’ve barely spoken to her since our agreement to be friends. I borderline ignore her when I drop off and pick up Willow. It’s the only way I know how to be around her.
“You hear me?” Tauren asks, leaning out of his window.
I’m working on his car and he’s just told me Jenna’s dating that Alex guy. I suppose I should’ve expected that. She has no reason to sit around waiting on me to make a move when I clearly told her I wasn’t going to do that. What did I expect?
I should’ve kissed her and said fuck everyone in this town. Only I didn’t do that and now I’ve missed my opportunity. That’s life though, right?
“Yep.”
My tone is short and clipped. I don’t want to talk about Jenna and the fact another man is doing what I should’ve done. What I want to do. Damn it.
“Look, if you want Jenna, make a fucking move, man.”
I ignore him. “Try it.”
“It’s not like people in this town won’t talk about it whether the two of you are fucking or not. Might as well be fucking if you’re going to get accused of it.”
“If I wanted to make a move, I’ve had the opportunity,” I let him know. “Now shut the fuck up about it.”
“Oh, she turned you down,” he rips on me. “I get it now. Can’t have ‘em all.”
I slam the hood down. “She didn’t turn me down! Let’s get that shit straight!”
He turns the car off and gets out. “So, what’s the problem then? Don’t try to give me some bullshit story about how it’ll never work or that you’re not interested. I’ve seen you not be interested for the past five years and you’re clearly interested.”
I’m frustrated that I let him get to me. I was better off ignoring him and letting him come to his own conclusions. Instead, I took the bait and let him know that I am interested in Jenna. I’ll never hear the fucking end of it now.
“Just drop it, okay? She’s dating Alex and I’m good with that.”
He shrugs. “He’s kind of a douchebag, but whatever.”
He says this kind of shit to goad me. To get me to ask why he says he’s a douchebag. I am curious, but I’m not falling for his shit again. Jenna’s a smart girl. If he’s a douchebag, she’ll figure it out. Right?
“But since you don’t care that Jenna’s dating a douchebag like Alex, let’s talk about another douchebag. Why aren’t you letting Brynn see Willow?”
“Are you fucking serious right now?” I ask him. “I’m a douchebag because I’m protecting my daughter?”
“You know as well as I do that you don’t have to protect her from Brynn. Whatever happened between the two of you has nothing to do with Willow. She left you, man, not Willow.”
“Funny you say that when I recall Brynn telling me that wasn’t the life she wanted anymore. That life included Willow,” I remark. “If she felt differently after she left, she should’ve talked to me about it. I gave her plenty of opportunities and she didn’t take any of them.”
“You could start with asking her why,” Tauren suggests.
“I could? Why in the hell should I be the one asking her questions?”
“Because if you don’t forgive her pretty soon, you won’t be able to be happy yourself,” he says. “And I’m pretty fucking sure you’ve found who you want to be happy with.”
I glare at him, giving him a look that dares him to say another damn word on the matter, and tell him to try to start his car again.
I am happy. I have my daughter. I don’t need another female in my life to be happy.
Jenna
I sit beside Willow and help her trace her name. It’s almost time for Kaler to arrive to pick her up so I figured I could help her with her homework while we wait. He does a fairly good job with her on it, but I think I’ve figured out why he struggles to help her with it.
“Willow, you ready?” Kaler asks, walking into the room.
This
is his new routine. He comes inside and asks if she’s ready to go. If she has toys to pick up, he gets her to pick them up. He rarely speaks to me anymore unless it’s to tell me goodbye.
“Hey, we were working on her homework and ‒”
“You didn’t have to do that. We always do her homework,” he cuts me off, but I go ahead and finish.
“I think Willow is a lefty. If you’re right handed, you might have difficulty helping her trace the letters, which could be why it’s a little messy and why she might not want to work on it.”
I see his jaw clench just a little and I’m sure it’s because I called her homework messy, but it is what it is. Most right-handed people can’t write left handed so if he’s trying to get her to use her right hand, she just isn’t comfortable doing that.
“I’ve noticed when she picks up crayons to color, she picks them up with her left hand and uses her left hand to color with. It’s the same when she does any assisted tracing here in class. She picks up the pencil with her left hand. I don’t write the best left handed but I can do it, so we’ve been tracing as a lefty and it’s much neater. She also cooperates better too.”
“That’s good to know. We’ll figure it out at home.”
I nod and turn back to Willow to help her pick her things up and put them in her backpack. She goes to Kaler as I’m zipping it up.
“How are things with you and Alex?” he asks me and I’m a little caught off guard. We don’t talk like this anymore, hell, we don’t talk at all anymore, so I have no idea why he’s asking me this.
“Good, I guess.”
“Just be careful,” he warns, picking up Willow. “I heard he’s not a good guy.”
He walks to my door and I stand there in shock. My shock quickly turns into anger though. How dare he warn me about a guy when he won’t make a move?
“You’ve basically cut all ties with me, but the moment I show interest in another man, you’re warning me away from him?” I accuse and he stops in my doorway, turning back to face me.
“I heard he was a douchebag from a reliable source, so I didn’t want you to get hurt. I was trying to be a good friend to you.”