Of course, years back I had all kinds of fantasies about “waking up”/“enlightenment,” or whatever we want to call it. I have come to learn that it hasn’t anything to do with those fantasies at all. So, in a way, I could even say that “nothing has changed,” while in another way “everything has changed.” Strange, and, at the same time, not strange. I know that you understand. Oh, damn! I still have to pay taxes! So, this proves that I’m not enlightened yet—I need to work harder. LOL!
So, thank you, Ilona, you did a magnificent job! Or should I say, life, through the appearance of you, did a magnificent job? Hugging you right back, with a warm, thankful hug!
Ilona: I had tears of joy in my eyes reading this. What a journey! I’m truly delighted to hear the laughter! I am laughing with you!
Joyful, for no reason—that describes it, being, seeing, feeling love.
Thanks for the hug!
Much love.
Friederich:
I had tears of joy in my eyes reading this.
May I gently dry them? Thank you, Ilona. Yes, for sure it has been “quite a journey”! And then, has it really? LOL!
Ah, do you remember, Ilona, during our session on Skype, the situation with my dad? Well, I guess it was two or three days later, I actually called my dad and told him how much I loved him, and his reaction was very “touched,” like, maybe surprised, or uncomfortable, and he said, “I love you too.” It was very touching for me also, very important to have been able to let him know that (again), and I felt very joyful during and after that! So, I’m so thankful that that came up in our session, and that it opened up so beautifully!
I just thought that you may like to know that!
Ilona: That is wonderful! I’m very, very happy about this, heart opening.
Some time later, I asked Friederich how everything was going, and he told me that he had moved into a beautiful, nice and quiet place with the lovely sounds of birds chirping. Here is his response.
Dear Ilona,
Thank you for writing me, and, I’m doing wonderful! How did I get so wonderfully lucky?!
How it all looks for me now? The same, and not the same. A lot more appreciation and gratitude for whatever is, even the so-called bad stuff. I’m just no longer willing to separate life into good and bad. I have developed an appreciation for everything! And, of course, and as you well know, this is a lot of the time easier said than done. So what! I mean, it’s in my awareness anyway, so why not appreciate it? Whatever bothers me may not go away (at least not always instantaneously—although in the end “This too will pass”). At least it’s more enjoyable and, for whatever good it is, “it makes more sense to appreciate than to hate or plainly reject.”
I keep reading, even the Law of Attraction stuff, and I’ve learned that while we consciously are only aware of fifteen bits of information per second, our unconsciousness is aware of fifteen million bits of information, so, in my “humility” (please don’t laugh—LOL), I choose to acknowledge that maybe, just maybe (LOL), I don’t have the full picture, and maybe, just maybe, there is something wiser and more intelligent and more all-knowing going on. I mean, it’s really just a matter of “having it easier, being easier with myself, others, and life as such.” One could even say that I have become wiser. Who would have thought that! Lol!
Definitely much more loving, humorous, and patient—except when not! Like this afternoon: I just burst out, “Shut up!” Did it hurt? Yes! Even my sincere apology was being rejected, but it definitely doesn’t last for so long.
Curiously enough, having discovered my nonexistence hasn’t made me less accountable or responsible. Quite the opposite! There is suddenly a power present that loves to be accountable and responsible. This is, at least for me, especially surprising, since when I first started getting interested in non-duality, I felt immediately powerless, and got to know quite a few “non-duality people” who were just plain mean, reckless, and heartless. The way I see it now, those people, like myself at that time, had a twisted mental concept.
Health is greatly improving, I’m even feeling quite confident that my health will be fully restored, in time. I have found a new passion for life which had been gone for several years (with occasional flickering ups, just to disappear again). With the passion having returned, there is also a broader interest in life—curiosity!
I’m still aware of a lot of anger, hatred, judgment, resentment, mistrust, and frustration somewhere deep down but, for whatever reason, it doesn’t much bother me; it’s like “No big deal!” I’m feeling rather confident that this too will pass!
A strange fear of beautiful women is also still present, but it’s the same with the above-mentioned emotions—an attitude of “So be it,” until it is.
Any advice for a reader? Not to buy this book! You, of course, know that I am just kidding. What comes to my mind is:
Dear Reader,
You can trust the loving guidance of Ilona. Everybody’s experience is different, but this has been my experience. I was even so angry and full of hatred and frustration that I didn’t want to live anymore. Ilona didn’t talk me out of it, or invite me to change my beliefs about life, myself, or others. And, I may say that she is, in a truly lovely but firm way, relentless! She didn’t give up on me, and believed in the truth (of no “me”). For this, I’m truly grateful!
How did I get so wonderfully lucky?
Ah, I’m now doing ho‘oponopono and find it truly beneficial!
Love and peace!
And please, let me know if you see some other ways to support you and your possible readers!
Friederich
Marty
I’ll let Marty introduce himself with this account he wrote, early in our correspondence, of how the seven steps (which I’ll describe in the next chapter) worked for him and his wife.
My discovery of Liberation Unleashed (LU) came through a recommendation by a friend, during a telephone call. My friend hadn’t yet been on the site for himself, but was told it was worth checking it out. Following that lead, I went onto the site and had a browse around. I was so impressed that I decided to buy the Gateless Gatecrashers book. I became engaged very quickly with the guiding encounters as they unfolded, becoming fascinated with how differently people responded to their tasks.
After reading quite a few accounts, I felt that I was beginning to get the hang of the process, and I began to look for my own responses before reading the responses the seekers gave. Over the days, I began to feel that I was beginning to get it. I was beginning to see for myself that there was no self, only a story, assumptions, and labeling. Often I would just stop whatever I was doing and just break out into a big smile. There was a growing sense of lightness and fun along with a keen engagement with the process of looking. It became the central feature of my life.
I remember sitting in a deck chair by the lakeside at Coniston, reading, looking, and responding. In one of the accounts, the seeker was nearly there, but was stuck on seeing there was no one in charge. He needed one last push. The push was something like, Imagine that there is no one in charge, and live your day like that.
That struck a chord with me, and as the day unfolded, it became clear to me that such indeed was the case. There is no one in charge. It all runs by itself.
Meanwhile, I had begun to share my impressions of the LU site, the Gateless Gatecrashers book, and the Direct Pointing process with my wife.
As Meg and I walked along the shore of Lake Coniston and up onto Torver Common, we talked about the LU site. Meg particularly wanted to explore the place of ethics and compassion in this Direct Pointing process.
Meg decided to get the book on her Kindle and read the accounts of the guided gate crashing. As she read, she began to take notes on what the guide had to say. In fact, she had only gone partway into the second account when she stopped reading.
In one of our discussions, usually sitting after breakfast, I had said that there was more work still to be done. Meg’s response was to quest
ion that if things were unfolding after seeing no self, why did I feel there was work to be done? It was a question asked in all innocence, but it showed me that the Gate wasn’t completely crashed. Something had snagged! Maybe the next step was to go on the LU site for help.
However, I had noted in the articles that Ilona had written a self-help guide: “Seven Steps to Liberation” [see the chapter “Seven Steps” later in this book]. I printed these off and suggested to Meg that we go through the steps together. I wanted to go through again, as I felt that something had snagged on the Gate. I wasn’t there yet. I would be both a guide and a buddy on the mission to crash the Gate.
It so happened that we had a week free of grandparenting and other duties. We would do our intensive inquiry, taking as long as needed. We would give a day or more to each step, and proceed to the next step when we felt ready.
Each morning, after breakfast, we would read through Ilona’s pointers and inquiry tasks, discuss and clarify them, and then set off on a long walk. We took the appropriate page with us, and often stopped to reread and further clarify.
These walks were largely silent, except for stopping to discuss a point or to share a new insight. At some point, later in the day, usually after the evening meal, we reviewed the current step and decided whether we were ready to move on or devote another day, maybe absorbing or looking some more. We both reported that our mental states felt similar to being on retreat—expansive and positive.
And now, our Direct Pointing session:
Marty: Hi, My name is Marty, and I came through the Gate a month ago using Ilona’s seven-step guide. I waited a while to feel settled into this new way of being, and to be certain I wasn’t kidding myself. I would like to know my next steps. Is there anyone I can correspond with?
With much gratitude for the Liberation Unleashed, wonderful work.
Ilona: Hi Marty. Thank you so much for your e-mail. It is great to hear that the seven steps were what got you to look. We usually ask a few questions and invite those that cross the Gate to join the LU community on Facebook for continuous support and friendship.
Marty: Hi Ilona, I was delighted to get a reply from you in person. I am so grateful for what you do. This is a fantastic, amazing, uncomplicated gift of freedom you have made possible. What you have made possible has been the biggest thing in my sixty-seven years on the planet. In my years of searching, I have been a Catholic cleric and a Buddhist cleric without finding what I was looking for. Until now. So, yes please to questions. I’d really like to help others. A friend of mine (who is in the Buddhist order I used to be in) is in a care home with multiple sclerosis, and asked me to help him crash the Gate. He is really impressed with LU, and is ready to go. However, he finds it very hard to type; he feels he can’t go for it on the LU site. I started looking at the seven steps with him, but thought I’d better check in with you first.
PS: I had started an account of how the seven steps worked for me and my wife!
At this point, Marty sent me the account he’d written.
Ilona: Hi Marty, I’m delighted to hear that the seven steps were helpful for you and your wife. What a joy to share this journey with your loved one! Let’s see if you are through with both legs. Here are the questions that we usually ask.
Please answer in full, when you’re ready. Once you answer I will see if there are any sticky points. So take your time. As for your friend, you can guide him! There are also a few guides in LU that do that over Skype.
Sending love.
Marty: Hi Ilona, Thank you very much for getting back with the questions.
Yes, it was great to follow the seven steps with my wife—even when she sailed through while I snagged and got scared!
Thank you again so much for this gift.
1. Is there a separate entity “self,” “me,” “I” at all, anywhere, in any way, shape, or form? Was there ever?
No, nowhere. There is no self to be found in my experience, and I have looked and looked. I have looked. What I find is a big bundle of tendencies, thoughts, urges, all competing for attention. Yes, there is attention too, but that isn’t an entity. There still arises a desire to control, to manage, but that’s all it is, a desire—even an urgent desire at times. But that’s all it is. There is no self, and what a relief! I am so happy to be rid of the burden created by that belief. No one to defend, even though the thought, the wish to defend, comes up. There is no one to promote and show off, even though the wish to be admired still shows up. There is no “I,” even though I use the word all the time. I know that the “I” that I refer to is just the way we talk, because that’s how language works. There is no self in anyone else either, and that’s so fascinating. We are all big bundles of urges and tendencies, and anything can happen! It’s so much more relaxed with my grandchildren, and kids I teach art to in school. No need to be so heavy about behavior, no one’s setting out to do anything on purpose. It all just happens in the moment. A kid gets a bit excited, he or she needs reminding, but it just happens, and it’s nobody’s fault. No big deal.
There never was a self here in me or in anybody else. The creating of the self that we all have done is nobody’s fault either. That’s just what happens.
2. Explain in detail what the illusion of a separate self is, when it starts, and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
The illusion is an act of creating that we all do as we grow up in families, in school, in society. Maybe there is no other way for people to learn how to get what they want and to fit in with family and society at the same time. My grandchildren are home educated and are hardly ever sanctioned, but they still create a clamoring self in order to compete with siblings. So, I’m thinking that it’s pretty much inevitable that children learn to do that. Especially when they start to say “I want…”
I can’t remember early childhood, but I do remember having the desire to be accepted along with the desire to keep myself separate. I think maybe that’s the dynamic that creates the sense of self.
Looking to my experience now, I can see how that desire to defend, to promote myself, to look out for my advantage is still there as a default bunch of impulses that pop up quick as a flash. Now, those impulses don’t have anything to hang on to. I see them, and they just drift off. I certainly recognize that as a falling away of stuff of its own accord.
My wife tells me that I’m not reactive now. She doesn’t have to worry about upsetting me. She can tell me challenging things in a straightforward way. That’s my feeling too.
3. How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
It feels so different and at the same time so ordinary and matter of fact. As it’s been about five weeks since I saw there was no self, I’ve had time to absorb and to check out my experience. At first, I felt I couldn’t really be sure. Had it really happened? Was I kidding myself? Were things any different at all? But then, things began to fall away. First of all, a heavy sense of guilt that had been dogging me for over twenty years just evaporated. That was the guilt about breaking up from my wife and kids and starting another relationship. I thought I was going to take that to my grave and now it’s gone. The next thing I noticed was that a habit of mentally picking on my adopted daughter, for all sorts of things, just started to fall off. I just began to leave her be, she’s just her own bundle of tendencies. No need to try to control any of that. Then my obsessive eBay habit of looking for windsurfing stuff began to fall off too. I would log on and look lots of times a day, every spare moment I had. And that just started falling off. What I have now is just more internal space, where I am happy with a strong sense of, this is just right, here and now.
I did spend quite a lot of energy looking at Buddhism again, and I wondered if my seeking compulsion was still there, and that I hadn’t crashed the Gate after all. But that seems to have found its level now.
What I do find is that unpleasant feelin
gs such as anger, anxiety, and fear are so much more visceral, so it’s not like it’s all happy-clappy. Nevertheless, there is a sense of deep peace and confidence that the way forward will just show itself.
4. What was the last bit that pushed you over? What made you look?
I had found the LU site through a friend, bought the book and raved about it to my wife. She began to read the book. I found your steps on the site, and we decided to have a go.
Following the seven steps with my wife was great fun…until step five. When it came to looking to find if there was a separate self, I began to become really frightened. Meanwhile, my wife (who is pragmatic, and had no expectations) just saw, with some tears, that there was no separate self. When I felt stuck and upset that evening, she remembered what you said about going back to expectations if you get stuck. So, I went back to look at my expectations and saw that I had big “Buddhist Insight” type expectations about the death of self. However, I still felt stuck in being too frightened to go on. I realized I needed just to be honest and honor the fear, bow to it, trust it, and just stay with the process. I still felt really disappointed. Next morning, I woke up with the simple certainty that the self is just a myth. No big feelings, just that simple truth. The self is a myth. It’s just a story.
So, what pushed me over was seeing that I needed to honor my fear and acknowledge my unhelpful expectations. Then seeing just happened by itself, no effort, maybe when I was asleep!
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