He’d even closed his eyes, preparing to finally let go, give in and let her bring him over, until he felt it.
A soft caress, not a finger.
He opened his eyes and watched as she brushed her chin over the head of his cock. Beautiful, gorgeous, and terrified.
He felt it.
Part of him wanted to tell her what a good girl she was, but he didn’t know if that would help or hurt. He sensed she balanced on the edge of fight or flight.
Slowly, her hand stroking him fell still as she touched her lips to the head of his cock. Her tongue flicked out and tasted the condom, and he had to fight the urge to crow in triumph as she started working her lips around the head.
Then her hand started moving again, stroking him, harder, faster, and he gave in to the sensations with her lips pursed just around the tip of his cock.
His back arched as his balls tightened, pumping, his orgasm exploding and pulling a satisfied moan from him, her hand finally falling still as he gasped and caught his breath.
He reached down and curled his fingers around her wrist, the one cupping his balls, and gently tugged. Rolling onto his side, he nestled her against him, one leg draped over hers.
“Good girl,” he whispered, nuzzling her nose with his. “My very, very good girl.”
She broke down crying in his arms.
He removed the blindfold and held her, rocking her as she reached an arm around him and held on to him as if she were drowning. These weren’t bad tears. He knew that for certain.
These were tears of relief, catharsis.
He buried his face in her hair, whispering to her, pouring energy into her, until she finally settled, sniffling.
He pressed his lips against her forehead. “I love you, baby.”
“I love you, too, Sir.”
“I’m very proud of you.”
She nodded.
“I know how scared you were.”
She nodded.
He struggled not to feel disappointed about bumping up against that resistance. He wouldn’t ask her.
Would.
Not.
But they were one step closer. She’d trusted him, hadn’t freaked out.
Most important—she’d pushed herself. She’d willingly tried to stretch her own hard limit.
Was she “cured”? Of course not. There was no such thing, for starters. And he didn’t magically think that her touching his cock with her lips through a condom had healed all her old traumas, either.
But it meant she trusted him. Really, deeply trusted him. At least that much.
And it was a start.
“Thank you for trusting me.”
She tipped her head up, looking into his eyes. “I’m sorry I couldn’t—”
He silenced her with a kiss before touching his forehead to hers. “New rule,” he said. “You never apologize for anything relating to sex,” he said. “Well, I mean, if you accidentally whack me in the balls or something, yeah, a ‘sorry’ would be appropriate.”
She let out a cute little snort, and he continued. “But never apologize to me for giving yourself to me like this. Ever. It is what it is, and I’m grateful for everything that you do give me. It doesn’t have to be perfect, and it won’t always be perfect. I don’t expect it to be. All I care about is making you feel as safe and as good as I can without violating your trust. Understand?”
“Yes, Sir.”
He waited a moment to ask this. “You don’t have to answer this if you don’t want to. I gave you permission to do whatever you wanted to, and I’m very proud of you. But why did you do that when you said you didn’t like to?”
She seemed to be thinking about it, so he didn’t rush her. Maybe she didn’t even know why she had. She still sounded a little subspacey, it might have been she was so caught up in the moment she couldn’t tell him why. Another reason he hadn’t wanted to guide her.
Maybe one day she’d reach a point where he could fist her hair and fuck her mouth the way he’d love to, but if not, that was okay, too.
Her answer was prefaced by a deep breath. “I knew it was safe,” she simply said. Then she nodded. “I knew if I couldn’t, that it was okay. And he never used a condom.”
He kissed her forehead again, unsure if she even realized what she’d said at the end. Instinctively, he knew the “he” she referred to in the last part of her comment didn’t mean Leo.
But it also threw him back into “do not ask” territory.
It was almost midnight now. He kissed her before getting out of bed to take care of the condom and clean up. When he returned, he grabbed the TV remote before snuggling with her. “Let’s watch the ball drop.”
“And then what?”
He smiled down at her. “And then whatever you want to do.”
She chewed on her lower lip. “Can we bring the Hitachi in here, Sir?”
He grinned. “I have an extension cord that will work perfectly.”
Chapter Fourteen
Eva awoke the next morning tightly snuggled against Nate’s side, his body wrapped around hers.
After the ball had dropped, he’d spent another hour building her up and edging her with the Hitachi before finally letting her orgasm.
And then he’d kept her coming for another twenty minutes, until she finally safeworded, worn out from it.
He had more of the flavored condoms. When he once again offered her, her choice, of how to make him come, she took one of them and rolled it down his shaft, making eye contact with him as she stroked him with her hand and licked and sucked his cock through the chocolate-flavored latex.
None of the bad memories came back to trouble her then. It was so different—Nate was so different—it didn’t trigger the nasty, dark panic that would threaten to gag her like it had with Leo.
I need to stop thinking about Leo.
But she couldn’t help it. Not that she wanted to be with him, but comparing herself now to herself with Leo carried thoughts of him by default.
She could see it clearly now, everything.
She could see herself, and how far she’d traveled in her emotional journey…
And how far she still had to go. A distant point still shrouded in the fog of the future, but she instinctively knew Nate would be there, patiently waiting for her.
He woke up and kissed the side of her neck. “Morning, sweetheart.”
“Good morning, Sir.”
“Are you still okay?”
“Yes, Sir.” She was better than okay.
She was fantastic.
How appropriate it was New Year’s Day.
She stared into his eyes. “I don’t want to talk about it all today. And I’m not telling you this because I want to try to talk you into intercourse,” she added. “But…” She took a deep breath. “Leo is a good man. He did the best he could under the circumstances. I wouldn’t have made it this far in my life if it wasn’t for him. Seriously.”
Nate nodded but didn’t interrupt.
“When I refer to ‘him’ doing things…it’s not Leo I’m talking about. Or Jesse,” she quickly added, just in case.
“I suspected,” Nate said. “Leo and Jesse both have good energy. Protective.”
“They are. In the good ways.” She pushed herself a little more. “Something…did happen. In my past.”
He nodded again.
“It was bad,” she whispered. “So when we talk about it…when I can finally think about it…we’ll need…time. Alone time.”
“I understand.”
She knew from his tone that he did.
Sucking in a breath, she forced a smile. “Sorry. I don’t want to ruin our day together thinking about it.”
“I do need to ask one thing, though.”
She nodded.
“Is Laurel safe?”
“As long as we keep her away from him, yes.”
“Leo knows this?”
“Jesse does, too.”
“Don’t ever let me accidentally put her in
a position of not being—”
“No, she said. “I wouldn’t. I would tell you before then.”
* * * *
Nate didn’t press for more. Honestly? He couldn’t believe she’d revealed that much. No, he knew she wasn’t doing it trying to bump the timeline up.
She was doing it out of trust.
Normally, he would steer clear of someone if he thought they were a massive emotional DIY project. Except he had seen and felt her energy and the way it called and played with his own.
He enjoyed the way he felt with her.
Tilly had no idea what Eva had been through. He suspected even Leo and Jesse might not know everything. Then again, maybe they did. It would explain the unusual living arrangement.
Especially if Laurel’s safety was an issue.
Eva didn’t have a brother. Not one she was raised with or had ever met. He knew that.
If her secret wasn’t about her adopted father, it would shock him. Maybe her grandfather, but he didn’t know much about him. She loved her grandmother and was close to her. He’d actually gone up to St. Pete once with her and Laurel to visit her. Charming woman.
But Laurel’s parents hadn’t been there. In fact, when Laurel had asked Eva on the way if she was going to call her parents and tell them they were going to visit, Eva flatly said no and ended the discussion.
More circumstantial evidence that he suspected most juries would accept as proof.
Meanwhile, he would be patient.
Very patient.
He wasn’t going anywhere, and he knew Eva wasn’t, either. He’d rather sit there quietly and let her come to him, building her solid trust in him, than recklessly destroy the tenuous new bond they now had, one he felt strengthening by the day.
* * * *
As January faded into February and Leo’s recovery progressed, he regained his independence. It loosened up schedules even more to allow Nate and Eva more overnights together. Leo and Jesse tried to ensure that Nate and Eva got at least one overnight per week, usually a Friday or Saturday night.
And Nate and Eva would take Laurel out one night a week, giving the two men time alone at the house to do whatever they wanted to do.
The five of them did things as a family, sometimes even with Cherise and Wade, when Wade’s work schedule allowed.
Week after week, Nate slowly built layer upon layer of trust over the foundation he’d laid. Eva hadn’t brought up “him” again, and she’d started taking more risks. During their encounters, she’d gone from tentatively exploring his cock with her lips to wholeheartedly engulfing him. Always with one of the flavored condoms covering him, and never with him reaching down and holding onto her or her positioned in such a way that she didn’t have freedom to move or stop if she wanted.
He also started introducing her to anal play, Eva more surprised than him to find out it made her come even harder when he had a butt plug filling her while he did forced orgasm play on her in conjunction with the painful acupressure.
Her body enjoyed the conditioning so much that all he had to do was show her a butt plug and her pussy would get wet.
Which, of course, satisfied his inner sadist to no end.
For Valentine’s Day, Jesse and Leo went out to dinner while Nate and Eva took Laurel out for dinner at a fondue restaurant, something she loved even more than sushi, especially since it was a rare treat. The men then spent the night in a hotel while Nate and Eva took Laurel home, put her to bed, and then snuggled in front of the TV. Nate spent the night, but both of them slept in PJs and didn’t fool around, just in case.
Their first overnight with Nate sleeping there at Eva’s house.
It had been Eva’s suggestion, wanting Laurel to get used to Nate being there more.
Nate knew it was only a matter of time before Eva would be ready to finally open up to him.
The next day, when he walked into work after skipping his morning run because of being at Eva’s, Cherise grinned at him.
“What?”
She handed him his coffee mug. “Don’t what me, bro. Well?”
“Well what?”
She followed him down the hall to his office. “Big night last night. V-Day. How’d it go?”
“We took Laurel out for fondue, snuggled, and went to bed.”
She frowned. “Wow. That’s…boring.”
“We will get our ‘crazy’ overnight this weekend. Jesse and Leo got a hotel room last night. Only fair, since we had an alone overnight at New Year’s. So when is your big day?”
She leaned against the doorway. “I’m thinking early next November. Maybe even Halloween.” A thoughtful look crossed her face. “You’re going to give me away, right?”
He smiled. “Of course. How big a shindig are we talking?”
“Oh, not. Kel and Derrick said they won’t take my money to rent the club, either. That whenever I want to do it, as long as it’s not during regular hours, the club is ours, free.” She grinned. “So no, I won’t be hitting you up as the family of the bride to pay for it.”
“That wasn’t my concern and you know it.”
“I know, but I like teasing you.” She stared at her ring. “How do I know it’s right and that I’m not rushing it?”
“You’ve been living with him over a year now. You should have a hint.”
“I’m serious.”
“So am I. Do you love him?”
“Yeah.”
“Can you see yourself spending the rest of your life with him? Seriously?”
Her expression took on a faraway look. In it, hints of the child he raised, the sad girl, the angry, suffering teenager, the more confident young woman who finally took control of her life.
She met his gaze. “I can’t imagine myself not spending the rest of my life with him,” she softly said.
He set his coffee mug on his desk and walked over to her, his hands on her arms. “Then I think you’d be dumb not to marry him.”
“What about you? Can you see yourself spending the rest of your life with Eva?”
“If she’ll have me, yes.”
“She’d be dumb not to marry you.”
“I’ll settle for her reaching a point of emotional healing where she’ll ask to wear my collar. If she’ll do that, then that’s all I care about. The ring, at that point, is simply a bonus.”
“And if she doesn’t? How long do you wait?”
He thought about it. “That’s up to her, because I’m not going anywhere. If she wants me out of her life, she’ll have to tell me that, too. I won’t play games with her. I trust her, and I hope she trusts me.”
She tipped her head back against the doorframe. “I got pissed off at one of my vanilla friends a couple of weeks ago. She started that kind of teasing where you know it’s not really teasing. She was like, ‘Wow, how do I train my guys to be like Wade. You have him sooo well-trained.’ I wanted to smack her. For starters, yes, she said ‘guys,’ plural. Then I thought dammit, why is Wade being the way he is with me something to make fun of?”
“It’s not. She’s jealous.”
“I mean, okay, yeah, I can’t talk to some of my friends about things the way I can to our Suncoast Society friends. I can’t go out with them and say, ‘Hey, hot damn, you should see the new strap-on I just got, Wade fucking loves it and so do I.’”
He snorted. “Why not? That would be an interesting conversation, I should think.”
She scowled at him. “Because some of those women are the girlfriends and partners and wives of people Wade either works with or knows, dumbass.”
He grinned. “You silly git, I was joking and you bloody well know it. Don’t be a pillock.”
She waggled a finger at him. “Don’t deflect by going Brit, buddy.”
“Bollocks. Why not?”
She rolled her eyes and pushed away from the doorframe, ducking under his arms. “Thanks for the heart-to-heart, bro.”
“Cheerio!” he called after her as she walked down the hall toward her desk.<
br />
She flipped him off before rounding the corner.
Chapter Fifteen
Nate had gone home for the evening and Eva sat on the couch, watching TV. Jesse and Leo went to bed shortly after dinner. Jesse would have to be up before dawn in the morning for work.
Eva had channel surfed and ended up on a news magazine show doing a story about global warming. When that segment ended, they started their next one on women who were surrogates.
It was almost May, and she still couldn’t bring herself, despite Nate’s patient nurturing, to tell him the whole, ugly story.
Her counselor insisted it was normal to hit a recovery stasis like this. She was comfortable, there were no outward forces propelling her in one direction or another, and were there any arbitrary timetables she had to meet?
No.
Maybe this was what had been holding her back.
She’d always wanted another baby. And Jesse had wanted kids of his own.
Why couldn’t she be his surrogate?
Nate, Cherise, and Wade had come to the house to help celebrate Laurel’s seventh birthday. It had felt like a real family affair, the first one Eva could ever remember, since being with Leo, that had felt easy and totally fun.
Mostly because her parents hadn’t been there.
Her father had never gotten along with Leo, had always thought less of him even though Leo was a welder with a successful business and made decent money.
Because he hadn’t had a college degree, her father had always looked down his nose at Leo—and her—over that. One more way she didn’t measure up.
Not to mention Leo was never intimidated by her father and refused to let her father push her around.
Then again, she really didn’t give a shit what her father thought. Not anymore. And the fact that Leo was a self-made businessman who didn’t feel the slightest bit intimidated by her father didn’t add any warm fuzzies between them, either.
After the show ended, she turned the TV off and headed for bed, still deep in thought.
She was still thinking about it when she awoke early the next morning. In fact, she heard Jesse moving around in the kitchen.
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