Charlie smiled at him, impressed. “You all are good.”
More Steve had to admire. He knew if Matt had had the chance to go to a real school, college too, he’d be the head of a huge company, or teaching in the finest university. The sky was the limit.
Charlie met with his colleagues to get the drone the following day so they could do a few practice runs with it. Dean and Matt were anxious to watch, so they went along, leaving Stacy and him at the house.
As much as he wanted to be left alone with his thoughts, Stacy wouldn’t allow it. She followed him to the porch, sipping her coffee for a few minutes before she started in, “When are you going to go for it with him?”
Letting out a guffaw, he yelped, “Go for it?”
“Yeah. Go for it. It’s so obvious you’re hung up on him, I don’t think you’ve looked away from him for a minute when he’s here.”
Groaning, he asked, “It’s obvious?”
Reaching her hand over to pat his knee, she assured, “Not to him. Unless you sat on his face, I doubt he’d know you were blatantly hitting on him. Let alone this puppy dog pining you’re doing.”
“Excuse me! You don’t know me well enough to know if I’m pining.”
“Yeah, I do. I’ve seen pining. Seen it in the mirror, and pretty recently. I just wish for you what Charlie and I fucked up having. Happiness. Peace.”
“If it makes you feel better, Charlie’s pining worse than you are. I’ve known him a long time, and the man can’t say what he means for shit. If he could, he’d tell you he wanted you back.”
More patting and more sipping, all to stall as she thought over a way to dismiss what he’d said. She’d find a way around it somehow, and he waited. “You think?”
“Yeah,” he said, surprised she hadn’t made an excuse. “I think he’d give just about anything to have you back. Anything except his career. Stacy, I know that feels like he’d be choosing you second after his job, I know that blows, but it’s not like that.”
“I know that now. I know how hard he worked to get where he is. I’m not stupid, I was just selfish as fuck.”
Something was happening in the short time they’d been in his home, Steve watched them grow and change, coming together as a group. When the others returned, Dean and Matt were laughing and Charlie ran up the stairs and went straight for Stacy to gush about the drone, the fun they’d had, and to tell her she missed out by not joining them.
“Next time, I swear. Did it work?”
“Well,” he started, breathless as he was practically bouncing, “we didn’t go to the exact rock, and we couldn’t find one with a hole, but we improvised, thanks to Dean!”
The other two came up the stairs, Dean proudly telling them, “I remember the size of the hole in the rock, about the same as a Starbucks venti cup. So, we stopped at Starbucks.”
“Yeah, Charlie popped for three coffees and we downed the coffee and put all three there, making the drone take the phone from one cup to the next. I’m better than the fed, here,” Matt bragged.
“He’s good with the damn drone,” Charlie admitted. “I’m no slouch.”
“I never had video games as a kid, so this was brand new to me!”
Steve hadn’t been happier since he’d met Matt. Seeing him enjoying himself instead of being sunken in fear and guilt, it was uplifting. “Well, this calls for a celebration. I think I have the ingredients for a cake.”
Matt went to him, leaning down to him, almost close enough to kiss him. “That would be awesome!”
His bruises could not mask his glow of cheer; his eyes, even the one where there was no white peeking through the blood red, was dancing. “Cake it is, then. Dinner first?”
“Dinner,” he groaned. “Yeah, dinner. Sounds great.”
He yanked Steve from the chair and when they were face to face again, Steve had to look away, fearing Matt would read his face, know that he wanted to lean in to kiss him. The urge to feel their lips pressed together was becoming overwhelming to him, and he knew if given the chance, he’d push too fast, too far.
They gathered in the kitchen while Steve and Stacy cooked. The other three talked over themselves as they relived their fun from the afternoon. Matt kept wincing as he laughed hard enough to hurt his ribs, but that didn’t stop him. More to admire. Not one bit of feeling sorry for himself, only enjoying what life he could before the serious stuff came back into play.
Stacy helped set the table in the dining room, the one that rarely got used. While he was alone, Steve decorated the cake. He found a set of wings he’d been given as a kid by the captain of an airplane during his first flight, setting that in one corner. He wrote, Congratulations Aviators, in green, the only icing he had, left over from his mother’s birthday cake the last time she’d visited.
He felt a little silly doing it, but he also figured Matt could use a lot more silliness in his life. If Steve could provide that, if even on this small scale, he was perfectly willing.
When he carried it into the dining room, everyone laughed, but his eyes were on Matt, whose smile was wide and childlike. Clapping, he told Steve, “I got my wings!”
“Yes, and well deserved.”
Stacy groaned, complaining, “I’m going to get so fat staying here.”
“I can start to cook badly,” he offered, winking at her.
“Don’t you dare, mister. I’m enjoying it. I don’t cook for myself, so it’s takeout and frozen vegetables all the time. This is a treat.” She heard what she had said, and deflated, shoulders slumping as she meekly stared over at Matt. “Sorry, I didn’t mean that.”
“Stop. It’s okay. It’s a treat for me too. My moms all cook great, but it’s pretty much all the same, too. Anything my dad likes, and he likes three meals. That’s it.”
Charlie asked before he chunked a huge piece of cake into his mouth, “What’re those?”
“Beef stew, meatloaf and goulash.”
“I swear not to cook any of those while you’re here,” Steve vowed, cringing. “My dad was like that too, until my mom put her foot down. He wanted nothing but pasta and mashed potatoes. My mom got sick to death of cooking the same things, so she took a few cooking classes to learn different cuisines. She’s great at Japanese now, excelling in sushi, her French is great, but she is still having trouble with her Mexican. She’s not a fan of chilis.”
Stacy pushed her half-eaten cake away, claiming she was full, and asked him, “Your parents are from Italy, aren’t they?”
“Yes.”
“So she can cook all of the authentic Italian dishes? Why would she ever want to stray from that? I’d be so fat…”
“When that’s all you’ve cooked all your life, you want a change. She loved doing American, but Dad thought it wasn’t American enough without mashed potatoes, so she gave up on it,” he laughed.
“Oh, but all that great food! I’ve been to Italy twice, and I ate everything I could get my hands on.”
“I remember,” Charlie mused. “The cheese alone had her complaining every night about indigestion, but the next day, she’d be right back at it.”
Steve saw her glance over at him, obviously remembering their time there. He quickly moved the subject along, “I’ve been there twelve times. I’m afraid I was much more enchanted with the wines and fresh fruits. I could eat bushels full of the grapes alone.”
As they listened, Dean added, “The only place I’ve been is to Mexico, but I loved it. It’s beautiful there. The people are nice, generous and always smiling.”
Steve had been to Mexico a few times. He looked over to Matt, who had stayed quiet throughout, wondering if he’d ever been far from New Mexico, let alone out of the country. He suspected he hadn’t, and the thoughts ran wild of taking him all over the world, showing him everything, letting him experience life that had been shielded from him.
Of course, until things were settled with his family, that would never happen. The man that Matt was wouldn’t allow himself much joy until his family
was free of danger and deception.
That evening, they made plans to make and mail the leaflet, then getting the phone in place the next day. Matt went to bed early in the smaller of the two guest rooms giving the bigger, nicer one to Stacy. The one he took served mainly as Steve’s computer room. The pullout sofa was uncomfortable, so he knocked on the door, again set to offer Matt his room.
He told Steve to enter, and once he was inside the room, he saw Matt sitting on the arm of the sofa, staring out the small window. “It’s pretty here,” he said quietly. “Peaceful.”
“That’s why I liked it right from the start. I love the city, but I couldn’t live there anymore.”
He finally looked over, asking, “Did you need something?”
“Just to ask you, again, to take my room.”
“I’m fine in here. Thanks, though. I’m sorry enough that we’ve taken over your house. I never meant for that.”
Dean was taking the sofa in the living room, and Charlie was in town at a motel again. “It’s kinda nice. I haven’t had a lot of company lately. My folks are getting older, don’t like to fly as much. My friends come now and then, but most of them are still working, so they don’t get a lot of time.”
“Don’t you get lonely? I can’t imagine all this space and no one to share it with.”
Steve sat on the sofa, sighing, “I’m sure you can’t. You have a big family, always other people around, but me, I was raised an only child. I’m used to my solitude, but, you’re right. It gets lonely.”
“Why aren’t you…I don’t know, married or anything? Or is that a weird question? I don’t know what to talk to other people about. I’ve only ever really been around the people in the compound.”
His heart broke again, thinking of how much Matt had already missed out on, the people he could have met and the experiences he could have had. “I think you’re doing fine, and that’s not a strange question. I’m cruising close to forty, and sure, I’d love to be in a relationship, but never found the right person. First, I was busy with my job, traveling a lot, and now…well, the solitude doesn’t help.”
“You’re gonna make someone a great boyfriend, or husband, or whatever.”
Steve felt like screaming, like touching him, something. He was terrified he’d scare Matt off, but since the moment he’d seen him, all he wanted in the world was to share his life and his home with him. “Thank you, Matt. You too.”
“Me? I have nothing to offer anyone.” He looked back out of the window and continued, “I’d want to give that person so much. And look at me! I’m homeless, jobless, very little school, nothing. I don’t have anything to give.”
Scaring him or not, Steve couldn’t allow him to speak about himself like that. He rose from the couch and stepped in front of him, holding back from grabbing him into an embrace. Instead, he touched his bruised cheek and whispered, “Whoever is lucky enough to have you in their life, they’d have everything.”
As he caressed his thumb tenderly on Matt’s cheek, he watched as his eyes closed, then a tear ran out of the corner. Steve brushed it away before he pulled his hand back, whispering, “I should get ready for bed. Big day tomorrow.”
“Yeah,” Matt croaked, turning his head more. “Big day.”
Not knowing how to take that, Steve wished he had the guts to say what he meant, that he was the one who wanted to have everything, give everything, be with Matt. Matt had to be the one who made the move, if he wanted that, though. And as it was, Matt had so much in his life to deal with, Steve knew he’d simply be another complication.
The following day, the wait began for Aaron to get the leaflet and their plan to begin to show action. The tension in the home was palpable, but Stacy was the one who showed it the most, snapping at everyone except Matt, any chance she got.
Charlie stayed his distance from her, Dean watched her like she was a bomb about to go off, and Steve contented himself in his self-pity at knowing Matt was out of reach.
When his mother called that evening, she could tell something was wrong. In her beautiful Napolitano accent, she asked, “What’s wrong, figlio?”
“Mama, I’m falling in love.”
“That’s beautiful, Stefano!”
Starting to disagree, he heard her words once more and thought about them. Smiling to himself, he said, “I guess it is, Mama.”
“Is he a nice man, figlio?”
Thinking over his face, his eyes, his soft but strong voice, Steve answered, “He’s perfect. I don’t have him, Mama. He doesn’t know how I feel, and he might not ever know. That was hurting me until you just reminded me that that doesn’t matter.”
“I don’t understand, Stefano.”
“You don’t have to, Mama. I finally do.”
Not realizing he was smiling as he walked into the kitchen to start something for dinner, Stacy teased, “Who was on the phone? Some hottie?”
“No, it was my mother, and before you start calling me a mama’s boy, she said something that made me feel better about something, and that’s why I’m smiling.”
“Not that I would tease you…okay I would, but what did she say?”
Steve sat next to her, thinking the best way to explain without confessing his feelings to her. “I…did you ever see a rosebush, and on it was this perfect rose? One that just took your breath away, and you wanted to pick it, take it home and put it in a vase so you could keep it?”
“Sure, yeah.”
“Well, you can’t always pick the rose. The bush isn’t yours. Just seeing it, though, experiencing that beauty, it’s enough. Feeling that joy is enough.”
Stacy eyed him for a long time, then surprised him. “What you’re saying is that it’s got to be enough to love someone, even if you never find out if they can love you back.”
Shocked that she’d seen right through him, he couldn’t come up with a single word to deny or confirm what she’d said.
She lay a hand over his, and the human touch was appreciated. They shared a moment, and for the first time in ages, he felt as if he had a true friend. There was no mocking, no unsolicited advice given. In fact, he thought she may understand better than anyone. The feelings she and Charlie had for one another, the fear that starting up another relationship with him was so prevalent that she thought it best to love him without saying it. Without going back there, where there was pain waiting.
Her next question sealed it, that the conversation, what little actual words there were, would be kept between them. “What the hell did you come in here to make, anyway? I’m starving.”
Chapter Nine
Charlie, impatient, asked several times a day how long it took the compound to receive mail, quizzing them on how sure they were about Aaron understanding their leaflet, badgering them until Matt was shocked to see Steve lose his temper with him.
“It’ll happen when it happens, Charlie! Do you think they have a psychic connection there and know more than we do? How the hell would they know if Aaron understood it or not? Shouldn’t you be thinking about plan B if you’re so all-fired worried?”
Instead of waiting on the response from the man, whose mouth hung open, Steve stormed from the house and let the screen door slam behind him. With the windows open, they all heard the conversation when Charlie went outside to apologize.
“It’s just that I am not here for much longer, Steve. I have a boss, and he’s waiting on something from me. I don’t have anything but the word of these men, and I believe them, damn straight. I have to prove things.”
“I’m sorry, Charlie. I know you’re worried. We all are.”
He laughed a little nervously as he took a seat next to Steve. “I never heard you yell before.”
“I yell. Don’t you think I have limits? The stress is a lot, you know? I want some kind of closure for him. For them, I mean.”
Stacy came to him, placing her hand on his shoulder as the conversation outside went on.
“For him. It’s no secret, Steve. We all see the way y
ou look at him.”
Their eyes met, and Stacy gave him a smile. Matt was confused, yet, he wasn’t.
“I care, yeah. He’s gotten a raw deal, and I want to help. That’s all.”
Matt pulled away, hurting from the last bit of what he’d overheard. He went to his borrowed room but didn’t close the door. Because of that, Stacy walked right in and sat on the sofa bed next to him. “You know, especially in cases of men in law enforcement, their guard is always up. They can’t be seen as weak, and in cases of the heart, that’s all weakness. It’s one reason I figure why Charlie didn’t try harder to stay with me.”
“What are you telling me this for?”
“Because it’s not weakness, no matter what they think. Caring for someone is just about the scariest thing there is. It’s why a lot of people try very hard not to. I don’t know him well, but Steve doesn’t strike me as weak at all. Quiet, wishing to keep his emotions to himself, possibly, but not weak. Don’t write him off because he doesn’t shout his feelings to the world.”
It wasn’t easy to understand the world outside the compound. Things were black and white there, good and bad, man and woman. Everything he felt inside conflicted with that, and yet he sometimes wished it didn’t. Being directed to be one thing, think one thing, live one way, it made things easier. Steve was simple, and yet his feelings for Steve were so complicated, he wished for the days when he didn’t know about anything, where life was planned for him.
There was one thing he did know. “Steve isn’t weak. Maybe he just doesn’t see me as anything more than a person who needs help.”
“Shoot, Matt, even I don’t see you that way. You needed medical help, and the people you care about need the help of law enforcement and probably a few thousand hours of therapy, you might need some of that too. But him seeing you as nothing more than a guy that needs help? Nah. For you, you just need some backup for the storm that you’re about to unleash on really bad people.”
The Principle (Legacy Book 2) Page 8