Thinking she’d start off funny, she replied, “I don’t know a lot about how gay men do it, but I’m sure there are books, movies for certain.”
He laughed, though it faded off and ended with a growl. “That’s not what I mean.”
“Good, good. So, what do you mean?”
Another couple minutes passed, and her patience was waning considerably.
“I’m not unromantic. I always thought I was pretty good at it, for a gay man who didn’t really have a lot of long-term romantic type relationships. When I was younger, it was all about…D/s, you know.”
“I’ve heard, yeah.”
“Well, that is one thing, giving everything I could of myself to my guy. It’s different with Matt, though. He’s different. He’s dominant, damn. No training necessary there, he just is. I guess he was raised that way, to an extent, the male being the head of the home, but it’s more than that. He’s had to face the fact that everything he was taught and everything he knew, the people he was raised to look up to, well, they’re shit. And he faced it. Not only that, but he started fighting it right from that moment. That part is covered, but there’s the other side of him. Like the picnic and courting. Courting…it’s not making out while watching Netflix, it’s involved.”
The feminine part of her that was still that romantic little girl swooned at the thought. Jaded by the world and by men in general, she’d buried that kid deep, but Matt had brought her out more than once since she’d met him. “I, uh, thought you two were past that part.”
“I don’t know, I guess, but not completely. Wooing one another, as old fashioned as that sounds, it’s still part of it, I’m sure. I am at a loss, though. How does a guy woo another guy? Flowers seem…I don’t know. He’s not a girl, you know? Do I give him flowers? Set up a romantic dinner for the two of us? What exactly do I do?”
“You’re asking me? The most romantic a guy has ever been for me is not coming in my mouth.”
Steve groaned hard and then laughed, but mostly groaned. “That’s just fucked up, Stacy.”
Relenting, she said, “And not true. Charlie did some romantic things. A few others. I try to forget about them so I can continue hating most of the straight males I’ve known.”
“Then maybe, I don’t know, coach me a little?”
Before she knew she would, she smiled. Thinking on that, helping the two of them have the kind of romance that she’d always wanted, it seemed right. “Yeah, of course. First of all, flowers are nice for anyone to get, but not showing up at a door with a sad bouquet, and not buying seventy roses. That wouldn’t impress a guy like Matt. Find one. Just one, and make it pretty, make sure it smells good. I had a guy give me a bouquet of wild flowers once, and they stunk like ass.”
“You sure don’t sugar coat things, huh?”
“Why should I? Anyway, one flower, and give it to him when he’s not expecting it. Not after a fight, or after a fuck, just for the hell of it. That shit means a lot. To know that your person was thinking about you, even when you were nowhere around, that’s romance.”
Steve slid to the edge of the chair, growing excited. “That’s perfect. And true. I can’t spend a full minute without thinking about him.”
“Show that, and keep showing it, and you’ll have him for life.”
Chapter Twenty
Matt was missing. The moment Pat called to tell them he was on his way to the compound, Matt disappeared and Steve worried.
“He’s likely out at the little spot. Go find him,” Stacy urged, taking the coffee cup from his hand.
He watched the cup go, wishing he could hold it like a lucky penny, and in that be gifted instantly with what he’d say to his boyfriend.
He rose from the kitchen chair, standing for a long time as he faced the back of the house. He felt a push from behind as Stacy chuckled at him, and he knew he was being foolish. He wasn’t afraid of Matt, he was afraid of not saying or doing the right thing and making Matt’s stress worse.
That was when it hit him. Matt wanted to take his stress. Matt didn’t want Steve to worry, so in that way, he was doing the man a great disservice. With that thought springing to his feet, he started walking, heading right for the back door.
Sure enough, he was there, on the ground as he leaned back on a tree. His eyes were far away, and Steve didn’t think he’d heard his arrival until he said, “You found me.”
“I wondered if you wanted to be alone, so if you do, I can take off.”
Instead of answering, he lifted his hand, which Steve took, and he was pulled to sit with Matt. “I was thinking about all the nasty things my daddy is going to say about me today. How crazy he’s going to say I am.”
Steve didn’t have a response to that. It was true. “I’m…I’m sorry, honey. I wish I could make all this go away.”
“You have. At least as much as you can. You’ve kept me safe and helped me get better. For now, that’s about all you can do. The rest is on me.”
That hurt his heart, literally making a pain spread in his chest. “Matt, you have me, you have Stacy, Mac. It doesn’t have to all be on you.”
“You guys can all be there for me, but you can’t fix it. I can’t fix it either, but it’s mine. My family, my community.”
That was truer than it should be. “I guess, if it’s all I can do, I’ll be here, standing by you.”
It came to him, Stacy’s advice, and he leaned in to kiss Matt’s cheek. Matt chuckled and his smile was tender, childlike. “What was that for?”
“I thought you might need it, and I just love kissing you.”
“Good. I like being kissed by you.”
“Look, alone or not, I know you are going to insist on taking all this stress on yourself. I get that. I admire that, even if I don’t agree with it. At the very least, can you lean on me when you need to? I may be submissive in my relationship, but I’m not weak and I don’t need protection from your pain.”
Matt stared off into the woods, his face slack and blank. “I never thought you were weak. In fact, the first time I met you, I thought you were going to throw me out on my ass. You were like a rock. Your eyes were steel, man.”
“I didn’t mean to be so uninviting. I was angry hearing the story, and wary, of course, of hiding someone out when that wasn’t the function of my home. Charlie is a good man and a good agent, though, and if he said you needed this, you needed this. Then there was the fact that I wanted to hold you and make everything better.”
Matt snorted and faced him, his eyes wet but laughing. “Yeah, there’s that.”
“Yeah.”
Then, he attacked, pushing Steve to the ground, climbing over him in a second. His eyes were deadly serious before they closed and Steve’s mouth was devoured, shirt pulled up, and he felt himself melting into the earth under him.
For not having a lot of practice at it, Matt kissed like he’d been doing it for forty years. His tongue and lips were demanding yet soft in a way that blew Steve’s mind.
Matt’s mouth found his nipple, teasing, nipping at it, all while Steve lay there with the leaves dancing over his head, the vaporous clouds moving quickly above that. The breeze kissed his chest, drying the sweat that was already forming from the heated connection with Matt. He felt one with it all, he and Matt a part of something so much bigger than them.
Making out, they rolled around on the ground like animals, and it felt animal. No language, no civility, groping and grabbing one another, blunt nails being scratched down his chest, teeth biting into his neck, and all the while, the breeze blew over them, the birds sang in trees nearby. The world went on while they loved.
Matt’s eyes were slits when they did open, making him snakelike. Steve felt as though he’d been bitten, the venom warming his blood, addicting him to the pleasure and pain of this unexpected love. More than the sun or the moon, Matt was the giant in the sky, looming there, being his only light. And he was light. The only darkness in Matt was his fierce sexuality, dirty, erotic, and Steve c
ould hardly wait until they were married and making love as often as their bodies would allow.
Until then, the mindless foreplay would do, kissing and touching as a way to explore without taking that final step. His skin tasted like the earth they were lying on, and his breath like the breeze, all so natural and perfect. There was the God Steve was searching for in his young life. Not on the priest’s altar or in the pews, but there, on that solid ground, the rocks and trees to witness. The angel that Matt was, fierce and good, loyal and beautiful, he was part of that like no one else Steve had ever known. That loyalty, knowing in his heart that Matt would never cheat, never want another man, it was there in that. He’d seen so much of men’s selfish needs, more and more women and wives, all to satiate themselves and leave nothing for the women they claimed to love. Matt was far away from that, knowing that when he loved, he’d love forever and only that man. And Steve felt so lucky that it was him.
“Oh, God! Sorry!”
Matt hurried off him as they heard Stacy’s voice so close, and Steve sat up, yanking his shirt back over his torso. “Stacy! Really?”
“Well! I thought you two were waiting for marriage or some shit! I was looking for you to tell you to get back to the house. Pat called. He’s been to the compound.”
They scrambled up and followed her to the house, heading into the kitchen where Stacy’s phone sat waiting. She dialed Pat while Steve picked leaves and pine needles from Matt’s hair. He stared at Stacy, lips thin and eyes locked on the phone as Pat answered, Stacy set the speaker and placed the phone back on the table.
“Hello? Everyone there?”
“Yeah, what happened?” Matt asked him, hands in fists on top of the table.
Steve saw how tense he was, waiting for word from his former home. He set his hand over one of Matt’s fists.
“Okay, good. I’m heading to the airport now.”
“What?”
Steve held his hand a little tighter and asked Pat the same. “What? Why are you leaving?”
Stacy signaled them both to hush and told Pat, “Go on, tell them what you told me.”
“Yes. Of course. Gentlemen, they followed me. I went in, and as expected, everything looked like a Normal Rockwell painting. Kids dressed in their Sunday best, running around and playing, women humming hymns as they did their work or watched the kids playing. The men waving at me from their front porches, those that weren’t walking along with me. I got a good layout, Matt, from all you told me, saw where they were steering me away from, and you were right, the only places with basements in the compound.”
“What did my father say?”
“Also, as expected, that those that leave are liars and they were after all the young girls, wanting to mess around with them before marriage. All the same stories we hear from these people when confronted. About you personally, though, he was a little rougher. I don’t know if you want to hear it.”
Steve watched his eyes close as he said, “Yeah. I do.”
“Uh, well, he said you asked for duties that would take you off the compound so you could carouse with unsavory women. You were bringing back disease and immorality to the compound, therefore you had to be asked to leave. When I asked about your beating, he told me it must have been the boyfriend of some girl you were having relations with.”
A single tear slid down Matt’s face, one he swatted at, irritated. “Figured that.”
“I didn’t stay long, as we’d spoken about. I wanted to seem as unconcerned as possible, but it did give me a nice view of the inside, all the possible weapons caches, their fortifications. I’ll be able to give my team a good idea of where to point the cameras.”
Steve broke in, “You’re leaving to let them think it’s all over, then?”
“Yes. It wasn’t two miles before they pulled behind me and started following me. They are still parked across the street from my motel. I’ll leave, get on a plane, and my team will be here in a few hours to take over for me until I can give my report and get back here. I’ll see you all in a couple days. Until then, another agent will be taking over for me. I’ll send him to you in the morning to meet up and get a feel of things. Just be honest with him about things, like you were me, and we should get this started the right way now.”
“Why now? I mean, what made this cause for your bosses to let this happen with more than one agent?”
Steve felt his confusion, felt his pain over everything and moved closer, holding him around the shoulder while Pat answered, “They followed me. Innocent people don’t do that. The moment I left there, I expected it, and they didn’t disappoint.”
“That’s all it took?”
“We needed one more item. Their lies about you, that helped, believe me. You’re gay, so his saying they saw you carousing with women was an obvious lie, but then they followed me. Now they will be secure in thinking I’m gone, the investigation over and they can resume trafficking. It might take a while still, but I’m confident they’re going down.”
“And everyone else in the compound? The innocent people, men, women and kids, they’re gonna be okay, right?”
Pat didn’t hesitate when he said, “We’re hoping to arrest all of them as they step out of the compound. It might take months, but we will assure no one who didn’t have a part in this will be fine.”
Like he’d been held up by a thread that had just been cut, Matt fell into his arms, holding onto him for dear life. Steve held him, cradled him as he told Pat, “Thank you for all this.”
Stacy helped him take Matt to bed, and he was asleep before they both left the room.
“I was in the agency, and I know it’s sometimes little things that can spark a big investigation, but this does seem so small.”
Stacy simply smiled and said, “You also have two agents pushing the director hard on it.”
“Didn’t think of that,” he said, tiredly. “I thought he was going to pass out right here at the table.”
“Guess he hasn’t been sleeping well. Poor guy. I can’t imagine knowing this about my parents, my dad, and to think they wanted him to be a part of it? Wow.”
Steve got up and went to the drawer that held notepaper and pens. “I got an idea about the romance thing, too.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah. I could go to town every day and get a flower, being this is the wrong season for pickable wildflowers around here, or I could do something different.”
Laughing, she asked, “And you chose different?”
“Damn right. I hate that drive to town.”
He scribbled a note and sneaked into the bedroom, his heart pounding as he saw Matt, sleeping peacefully, probably for the first time in weeks.
“I love you,” he whispered as he set the note on the pillow by Matt’s head, then left the room, closing the door as quietly as the squeaking hinge would allow.
Chapter Twenty-One
When he woke, it was dark, and it disoriented him until he reached for and found the lamp’s switch, bathing the room in the soft white glow.
A piece of paper brushed his cheek and he grabbed it, taking the paper into his hands until his eyes adjusted. “What the…”
Matt,
I just wanted to let you know that I was thinking about you and I love you. I know how hard all this is, but I also know you can handle it. You are perfect to me, and always will be. When you’re ready, I’m ready to commit myself to you, only you, and be the better man for being all yours.
Faithfully,
Stefano
Matt felt his eyes welling with tears. Steve got it, at least he was pretty sure he did. Men could be pigs, it had been said for ages. One woman, or in this case, man, was never enough. There were plenty that fit that terrible bill, of course, but there were those that saw that and it made them more determined.
He sat up, folding the paper into a small square, closing his fist around it. All his. A person in the world that was all his, faithful. He’d went so far as to sign his note that way. Matt knew h
ow much he loved Steve, knew beyond a doubt that he wanted no one else but him.
A tear tickled his cheek, and he let it fall to his lap. He saw the tiny drop darkening his jeans, spreading out as far as the moisture could. That tear was a good one, one that meant he was happy enough to bring tears, instead of frustration, sadness, and longing bringing them.
For the first time in his life, he knew where he was going and how he was going to get there. No longer did the prophets and the compound loom so fully over his life that he couldn’t shake their presence. Steve was who he saw, who he felt. In every bit of him, it was Steve.
He found him on the couch, the television playing low. Stacy was on the chair, a half-eaten bowl of popcorn on the coffee table between them.
He grabbed a handful and sat on the floor, leaning back on the couch near Steve’s head. The remote was sitting there, right near the popcorn, greasy from the butter, and he wiped it on his jeans as he smiled.
That was the life he wanted. Greasy remote controls, his man falling asleep on the couch as he enjoyed an evening with friends. Seeing Steve’s face each morning, blurry-eyed, a little cranky, stumbling in the kitchen to make his coffee in that funny French press.
Each evening, just like that. His man, happy, content, relaxed. That was, except for those nights they made love for hours before finding sleep, no one else around. All of it sounded like heaven.
Staring across from him after he tired of channel surfing and turning the television off, he saw the wall that led to the outside of the home. It was done in a light green textured paint, rough, matching a lot of the rough wood around the place.
That wall, so different than the ones he’d grown up with, the walls of homes that held multiple wives, dozens of kids. He knew that beyond that wall he was staring at, there was nothing but woods and a road that led away and led back again. There was no wall, keeping out the things the people inside were so afraid of, and keeping those people inside that the leader didn’t want to escape.
Freedom of will, freedom of place, that was what he found with Steve, in Steve’s home. It had become a lonely place for Steve over the years, and that is something that Matt was only beginning to understand. He’d always been surrounded by family.
The Principle (Legacy Book 2) Page 20