by Huss, JA
"Yes," I reply as his mouth dips down to my neck, sending a tingle all the way up my body.
"What're you thinking about, if you don't mind me asking?"
I sigh. "Just how funny life can be. How things can change in a moment and how you never know when that moment will come. It's occurred to me over the past few days that I'm not really in control of very much. I mean, I can make a decision to get on a bus and move to a new city completely alone. And I can make the decision to walk out of a job where I was being falsely accused of stealing. And I can make the decision to spend my last ten dollars on a coffee where a bunch of models fling a little white card at my face and I end up with an invitation to sit in front of Antoine Chaput."
I turn my body so I'm facing him. I wonder what he thinks of that little revelation? That I wasn't invited, but stole an opportunity to test for Antoine from another girl. He eases up to let me turn, but as soon as I'm settled he presses against me again, only this time his chest is touching my breasts instead of my back, and his hands slip under my hair and begin to caress my neck. If he has an opinion on the invitation, he holds it back.
"But everything after that was luck," I continue. "I can't control other people. I couldn't make Elise take me into the studio, or Antoine like the way I look, or get offered a fake job shampooing hair just so I'd stick around."
He grins at that last remark.
"And I have no control over how you feel about me or why you want to let me stay here." I stare into his eyes and shrug. "I'm totally at the mercy of the universe for these parts. And it's a little bit scary not to be in control, don't you think?"
He pulls my face closer to his and my heart pounds with the thought of another kiss. But he doesn't kiss me, at least not where I expect him to. He brings his lips to my forehead and crushes himself to me, breathing in deeply. And his hands play with my hair, still stringy and damp from my shampoo.
"It's very scary," he whispers as his mouth travels down to my ear. "And I don't know the whole story with you but if you really did all that then I'm in awe of your courage, Rook."
"I think you overestimate me, Ronin. It wasn't courage, it was desperation and fear."
He pulls me all the way into him then, pressing me up against his chest, his hands wrapped tightly around my head and neck in a protective embrace. "Even so. You came up with a plan, and that is courage. Because if this guy you're running from did the things I think he did, then I know first-hand how scary that is."
I push back and stare up at him. "How?" I ask.
He smiles but it's sad. "Because my father used to beat the shit out of my mom back when Elise and I were kids. And one day he hit her with a baseball bat and she never got back up. Elise was eighteen and I was ten when they took my dad to prison. He's still there, I think. I have no idea really. When Antoine showed up and wanted to date Elise and take me in, we stopped being those tragic kids and just went back to being us again. It was scary as fuck those first few years, having to trust that Antoine was good and that he'd stick around. He and Elise never married and this bothered me for a very long time. I always felt that my new life was a rug that was about to be pulled out from under me at any moment. But then, slowly, things started to change. Antoine is a good guy, he loves Elise, and yeah, I'd like him to marry her and give her more security—but if what they have is good enough for Elise, then I just have to accept it."
It's my turn to wrap my hands around his neck and pull him close. I can't reach his forehead so I kiss his chin instead and he laughs. "Sorry," I say with a smile. "I can't reach your forehead but I wanted to kiss you."
He leans down and takes my lips this time, a soft, slow kiss that makes my toes feel warm. The heat climbs up my body as his mouth opens a little and I'm throbbing between my legs in seconds.
I pull back.
"Ronin Flynn, you might undo me."
"I'm already undone, Gidge. I'm just hoping you'll stick around long enough to put me back together."
Chapter Nineteen - Ronin
We go back inside and get our food. I got her another burger. Since I flapped my mouth about picking something she likes, and I know she likes burgers and salads with chicken on them, I got the burger again. She laughs and calls me a cheat, but eats every bite and this makes me so happy I can't stand it.
Even though my general rule is no models in the bedroom, I've dated them before and I know each and every one of them has an eating disorder. Maybe it never gets serious, maybe it only manifests as small, barely noticeable rationing, but we all know that if the girls get too big, they can't wear the clothes. And if they can't wear the clothes, they're out of a job.
Rook doesn't know this yet, but it won't take her long to figure it out. And I like her the way she is—her body is fucking hot. And I think it might break my heart if she traded those curves in for bones.
"So what movie are we watching?" I ask.
"The Last Samurai," she says with a coy grin.
"You think you're clever, don't you, Gidget? Got it all figured out?" She plops down on the couch and I sit just far enough away to make her wonder what my intentions are. I have no intentions. Well, maybe I do, but they are fairly innocent right now.
"I have no idea what you're talking about. This movie has Tom I-have-no-shirt-on-and-I-kill-people-with-swords Cruise in it."
She's got me here. "So you have no idea what my name means?"
"Hmmm," she says. "Larue, that's French, right?"
I laugh. "Really? You have no idea?"
She smiles and leans back into the couch, her cute little bare feet doing a dance as they rest on the coffee table. "Everything I do is done with purpose, Ronin. The waitress wrote your name on the ticket that first night I ate at Cookie's, so I knew right then it wasn't Irish, even though your last name is Flynn and that is Irish. But I didn't choose this movie to impress you with my knowledge of your name."
I laugh again. Like hell she didn't.
"I chose it because it's got cherry trees, is deeply philosophical, and is cinematically beautiful."
I just stare at her.
"And because Tom Cruise gets to kick ass with a stick."
"Bokken," I correct her as I smile with satisfaction. I kick my feet up on the coffee table next to hers and click play on the remote. Every time she opens her mouth she surprises me. "So tomorrow, you have any questions about tomorrow?"
"Just wash the heads, right? And do them like I did you?"
My grin is so big now I have to hide it with my hand as I look over at her. "You're bad."
"No," she says as she lies down and rests her head on my thigh. "I'm good, I swear. I'm Gidget, remember? Not tragic."
I play with her hair and watch the movie and before I know it, we're curled up together on the couch, her back pressing against my chest and my arm tucked around her middle, breathing deeply and falling asleep.
Chapter Twenty - Rook
I've always been a deep sleeper but how Ronin got his hand under my shirt and cupping my breast is a little beyond the scope of any past sleeping experiences I've ever had with an almost complete stranger. I'm not sure what to do. Besides his hold on one of my girls, he's got his other hand very low down on my belly. Pretty much slipped inside the waistband of my jeans, it's dangerously close to descending past a point of no return.
And I'm basically lying here with a racing heart from these simple touches. I cannot even imagine how turned on I'd be if his fingers slid between my legs.
I'd be undone for sure.
He's also pressing himself up against my ass, making it hard to ignore a feature of men in the morning the world over. The wood.
I giggle a little at my thoughts and he stirs awake.
Oh, shit! Now he's gonna wonder why I didn't move his hands!
I'm saved by a loud knock on the door.
"Shit," Ronin says, obviously awake because that was not a husky I-just-woke-up voice. He disentangles himself from me and makes his way to the door.
It's
Elise. I can sorta hear them, but not really because they talk low. I do catch something about me being here and then it sounds like Elise is asking a bunch of questions. I sit up on the couch and straighten out my shirt, feeling a little bit like an intruder as I wait for the conversation to be over.
The door closes with a quiet little click and then Ronin comes around the corner and smiles. "Sorry, didn't mean to wake you."
"What time is it? I can't believe I slept here on your couch."
"It's five thirty, and I enjoyed you sleeping here. I hope you'll do it again tonight, actually."
"Oh," is all I can say to that.
He shoots me a grin. "But right now I'm gonna walk you back to the garden apartment so you can sleep in. Mondays are crazy busy and Elise just excused you from shampoo duty. She says for you to come by the salon around two o'clock. That sound cool?"
I make a face. "So I have to spend the whole day in my apartment?"
He shrugs. "You can spend it here if you want, but it's gonna get noisy."
"No, I didn't mean that, I just meant…" What the hell did I mean? "Never mind, yeah, it's better to go back to my apartment. I need to hang up all those clothes anyway. What should I wear when I show up for Elise?"
"Jeans, whatever. She'll tell you what she wants you to wear."
"Oh," I say again. "I thought you ran the clothes?"
"I do, but I have to take care of something today. That's what Elise came to tell me. So I'll miss your big debut and we'll do those cherry tree pics tomorrow."
I shrug on the outside, but inside I'm wondering just what this is all about. He's got to leave for an entire day? I slip my Converse on and he opens the front door for me. I feel a little cheap as I make my way down the stairs and then when he says goodbye at the terrace door, holding it open for me so I can pass through alone, I almost feel dirty.
I'm not even sure where this feeling is coming from, I mean I didn't sleep with him or anything. I just feel like he's trying to get rid of me before anyone figures out I spent the night at his house.
I turn to say goodbye, but the door is already swinging closed. So I pad over to my own place, let myself in, and flop down on the couch, trying very hard not to feel used.
But Rook, the internal monologue starts, you know he's a player. He's a male model for Pete's sake. His job is 'running the girls' at a major photography studio.
Maybe I should take the money I make today and leave?
I can get on the bus and go to Vegas like I planned. Denver was never my original stop anyway. I was on the bus to Vegas but—well, it's a long story but I never intended to stay here in Denver. I mean who lives in Denver anyway? Not that it will be any better in Vegas, but I feel like my life is out of control right now. Like I'm not in charge of myself. And the last time I felt this way it was because my ex was the one controlling me.
I don't want to be controlled so if I made the decision to leave, then I could take that control back. If I stay here, then Ronin and Antoine and Elise have control over me, no matter how subtle.
Ughhh. Why can't life be simple?
I start picking through my new clothes, hanging up the ones that need hanging and folding the ones that need to get put away in drawers. It occurs to me pretty quickly that I have one pair of shoes and that's it. My Converse will not cut it if I want to go somewhere in a skirt.
After I hang stuff I tackle the dresser drawers. I open up the top drawer to put the underwear away and get a surprise.
This drawer is full.
Of underwear.
What the fuck?
I mean, I realize Elise said another girl used to live here, but she left her underwear? And that explains the make-up in the bathroom. And all the shampoo and soaps and stuff. Yeah, another girl lived here, but she left so fast she didn't even bother to take her very expensive-looking undergarments?
Wait a minute. These underwear are all brand new, they have tags on them.
I sit down on the bed and shake my head. What the hell can that mean? They stock this place with new underwear and makeup for… what? What reason could they have?
Maybe they have so many girls come through here I'm just another temporary occupant?
I am so confused. I mean, when Ronin is around everything feels right about this place. I feel comfortable around him, he makes me laugh, I make him laugh. We have what appears to be an easy friendship.
But every time I get away from him, all these things that might seem cozy and comfortable start to make me claustrophobic and paranoid. And I'm not really in a good place right now to be able to distinguish between the two. I can't really trust myself to see the difference between what is normal and what isn't because I've lived with abnormal for too long.
The only thing I really do know is that I need this job. No matter what's going on here, I need this job. And then once I get some money I'll bail and head west like I planned and forget all about Ronin the rogue samurai and the whole Antoine Chaput debacle. Maybe I'll go to LA, that's where people who want to go to film school live, right? I'll find a cheap apartment, get a roommate, live there for the required year to get in-state tuition, and then get my ass into some community college and finally get my life on track.
Ronin Flynn might be hot, he might have manners, and he might have a soft side—but he's definitely not settle-down material and he certainly seems to have a problem with letting a woman make her own decisions. And I'm not ready to hand that back over again.
I'd rather spend the rest of my life alone and lonely than give up my freedom again. I need to keep my eye on the prize. And that means no more flirting with Ronin, no matter what.
Chapter Twenty-One - Rook
I lie in my new comfortable bed for a while and then let myself doze for a few hours before I have to go meet Elise. When I get up I take a bath but don't wash my hair because I figure I'll get the whole hair treatment in the salon. Plus, the same claw-foot tub that looked vintage and charming when I first saw it now looks old and dingy.
It's not charming, it's a major pain in the ass.
When I'm clean and dressed I head out to the terrace and steady myself for the day.
It's only one, so I have an hour before Elise needs me, but I figure I can get acclimated to whatever it is that's going on in the studio. I pull the doors open and I'm immediately assaulted with the bustle of people. There is laughing, talking, cameras going crazy, lights being moved, a few squeals from the girls, frantic rushing into and out of the dressing room and pretty much every degree of chaos you can think of crammed into this one room.
There are several photographers and that surprises me. I expected that Antoine was the only one who worked here because of how quiet it was last week. But today there are no fewer than four people taking pictures as I stand there.
There are also girls, in various stages of dress, everywhere. Two are naked. Granted, the naked ones are all in the middle of a session with their respective photographers, but still.
Naked.
I am not doing anything naked.
A few of the girls look over at me and point, then whisper to each other. I look around, then down. Not sure what to do.
"Rook!" Elise's voice bellows out of the cacophony of noise. "I'm ready, sweetie, come in here!" She disappears behind the salon wall and I follow her.
"Did you sleep well?" Elise asks as she takes me by the arm and leads me over to the shampoo station, then pushes me into the chair.
That question sounds loaded, but I choose to ignore that and answer honestly. "Yes, great, thanks."
If she's interested in that answer she doesn't show it because the water is streaming down my head and she's busy doing her job. It's not relaxing like it was last time, it's tense. My whole neck is tense, even as she does a little scalp massage.
"Ronin won't be back until tonight. He asked me to tell you."
"OK, thanks," I manage to say as she rinses and then applies some conditioner to my long tresses.
"I'm going
to have Josie trim your hair. You need it badly."
"OK." I agree because what am I gonna say? I figure that was not really a question, just a statement of facts. Rook, I control you now, so I'm going to have someone cut your hair.
"Then you'll sit for Roger. Antoine has to do some retakes, so he can't shoot you today. Roger is good, though. That's one thing you can count on here—everyone does their job well or they are asked to leave."
This sounds like a warning, but maybe I should be thankful? It gives me some control back. If I do my job well I can stay. If I don't, then I can go. It's up to me really. I'm not exactly sure what's all entailed in doing a good job at modeling, but I imagine it has a lot to do with following directions.
And that rubs me wrong too. Because that takes away the control I'm trying to talk myself into thinking I have.
Who am I kidding? I'm not in control at all.
Elise is done with my hair so she pushes on me to sit up. The water drips all over my t-shirt and she rubs the towel over my head, but my hair is so long it spills out and drags the water along with it.
"I like your shirt. I have one like that too, we did a shoot for them a few months ago."
I look up at her to see if she's joking, but she's not paying attention to me, she's calling for Josie to come do my trim. "It came from your closet, Ronin said I could have it," I confess.
She looks back at me and smiles. "Oh good. We have hundreds of them left. I like it but shit, ya know? A hundred of them is too many. All the girls took what they wanted, you take as many as you like."
She introduces Josie and I don't even bother contradicting the fact that Elise just told her to remove four freaking inches off the length of my hair. I just sit still and let them control me because all I can think about is how Ronin picked this shirt for me, so maybe he knew they had so many no one would care? I thought it was nice until I learned it was unwanted.