by Huss, JA
He takes the sponge from me and starts washing my back and I just stand there and let him. When he's done he thrusts it at me until I take it from him. "You can finish now, right? I'll be in the hallway."
He walks out and leaves me standing there. I snap back to my senses and wash the rest of the paint off, then wrap myself up in a towel and go out to meet him. We walk upstairs together and then he drops me off in front of Ronin's door.
"Be ready in an hour, we're having dinner, remember?"
Right, dinner. I nod and go inside, ready to be alone so I can begin to process this day.
Chapter Fifteen - Rook
Dinner with Billy and Antoine wasn't terrible, but I spent most of the time just listening to them talk about sports. It was pretty boring. And now that I'm back home in my apartment, I'm simply exhausted. I can't imagine working like this every day. My phone buzzes and I smile at Ronin's face on my screen.
"Geez," I say after answering, "I figured you forgot about me."
"Nah, I knew you were eating with Antoine, remember? How'd it go today?"
I hesitate. "Well, it was… weird, confusing, exciting, long, demanding, and… weird."
"Why weird twice?"
I thought about this conversation all through dinner. I need to get this out in the open, because if Ronin is gonna break it off with me over this contract, I might as well understand that now. "When you model with other girls, does it…"
"Does it what?"
"Feel good?"
He lets out a small laugh but I'm not convinced that it's a happy one. "Did it feel good today with Billy and Spencer?"
"You knew I was modeling with them?"
"Rook, I'm your manager. I know what every painting looks like, we're not making this shit up as we go. This has all been planned. So yes, I know what you did today. And my question is, did it feel good?"
I swallow. "It did. I can't help it, when they're asking me to kiss them for the photo shoot it got personal. I felt turned on."
He says nothing for several long seconds.
"Do you get turned on when you're with other girls?"
"Yeah, I do."
"So, what I'm feeling is… normal?"
"It is."
"So you're OK with it?"
"Would you be OK with it? If it was me doing a contract like this?"
Oh God. He's totally breaking up with me.
"Rook? Would you?"
What do I say? No, I'd break up with you. Or, Yes, I would, so you should be OK with this too.
"Rook, it's not a hard question."
I take a deep breath and then let it out. "No, I wouldn't be OK with it."
"I'm not either, but it's too late for that. You signed, I decided to stand by you and wait it out, and this is what that looks like."
"Are you mad at me?"
"Yeah. I am, I'm not gonna lie, Rook. It pisses me off and it's even worse knowing I'm not there. Antoine isn't paying attention during the artwork, is he?"
"No, he's upstairs the whole time."
"So who's in there? Ford?"
"Yes."
"Spencer, obviously. Camera crews?"
"Yes, and the director people."
"Billy?"
"No, but he walks me to and from the studio and he's in charge of helping me wash the paint off." He grunts at this. "That was Antoine's call, Ronin. Not me. It was him or Spencer, and Antoine said Billy. And if it makes you feel any better, I'd prefer Billy because Billy knows exactly what he's doing and he keeps it professional."
"So Spencer tried something with you?"
"No! That's not what I said. It's just Billy understands this is pretend."
He lets out a long controlled breath but stays silent for a while. I have nothing to add, so I just let him think it through. "Well, I told you, Rook. I warned you and now it's all playing out exactly as I feared."
"What's that mean? I'm not interested in Spencer, Ronin. And I don't know what his deal is, but he's been one hundred percent professional with me during the painting. It's really only the photo shoots that bother me, because he wants me to kiss him and stuff."
Silence.
"Did you hear me?"
More silence.
"So we're fighting? That's what's happening?"
"What do you want me to say, Rook? It bothers me, but I'll get over it? Is that what you want to hear?"
"Well, yeah. That's perfect actually. But I know you're messing with me, so it's also pretty fucked up."
Silence again.
"So I'll see you Sunday, then?"
"Sunday, yeah. We'll be home late afternoon probably."
"I miss you. And you didn't even give me a chance to say anything when you said you loved me earlier."
"It just slipped out. Sorry."
Long, dreadful, agonizing silence.
Now what the hell am I supposed to do with that? "I'm tired, exhausted really, and Ford will be here at five to make me run stadiums with him, so I—"
"What?"
"Ford. I made a deal with him so I can use your apartment to shower and get some privacy. I hope that's OK."
"Which part," he growls, "the fact that you're running with Ford in the morning or using my apartment while I'm gone?"
"OK, I'm hanging up now." I press end on my phone and lie back on my bed. He's got every right to be mad but I don't have to listen to that shit.
My phone buzzes.
"What?"
"I'm sorry."
"Look, Ronin, let's just break up then, OK? Because as you pointed out to me the other night, I'm stuck. This job needs to get done. I'm committed to it, and there's nothing I can do. So let's just call it off and maybe we can try again later or maybe we just say fuck it. You can take care of Clare for the rest of your life and I can move on and go to school."
"Is that what you want?"
"Yes. Because I spent the whole fucking day worried about you, Ronin. I worried about every single thing I did, and even though Spencer told me I was being ridiculous and Billy assured me you would understand, I couldn't stop thinking about how mad you were gonna be. And I can't live like that. So, I won't use your apartment, OK? And you just take your time coming home. Bye."
I end the call and then look up and realize every single bit of this was just caught on camera. I stow my tears away until I make it outside and then I go sit under the cherry trees and cry.
It's one of those poor-me, silent and tearful, pity cries. And it gives me a headache. But this day has been too much for me all of a sudden and I can't hold it in. And the last thing I want is for Director Larry and his people to watch me fall apart after that stupid conversation.
I'm not sure how long I've been lying out here when the studio door opens. I listen to the click of expensive shoes across the concrete. "What now?" I say, annoyed.
Ford stops and looks down on me. "What are you doing?"
"Crying. What does it look like I'm doing? And I'm sure you guys got all that on camera, so don't waste my time with your feigned innocence, Ford. I'm not in the mood."
He smiles and sits down on a nearby picnic table. "See, feigned, that's another one. Most drop-outs don't use feigned, either."
"Go away."
"We were listening to the conversation, Rook."
I turn away from him and close my tired eyes. "Go away."
"Your phone's been buzzing since you hung up on him, so why not just go answer it?"
"I'm not running with you tomorrow, I don't need to take a shower up there anymore."
"You're just being bratty, Rook, he's jealous, that's all. Go inside or I'll have a technician come down and hang a camera." He gets up and walks away. "I'm dead serious about that, you have five minutes."
I wait until he goes back inside, then I count to sixty and get up to go back to my apartment. My phone has seven missed calls and no voicemail messages. I figure that means he's not interested in a call back, so I just turn the ringer off and slip into bed, fully clothed.
Chapter Sixteen - Rook
Someone is rocking me back and forth. "Whaaaaaat?"
"It's almost five, Rook."
"Grrrr… Ford, I told you I'm not running with you because I'm not going to be using Ronin's shower."
"Right, but I have another offer you might be interested in."
I pull the covers over my head.
"I'll take the camera out of your bedroom."
I slide the cover back down. "Why? Why do you want me to run with you? It's weird. I know this is some sordid plot to make Ronin jealous and hate me even more. Go away."
He laughs. "Sordid, that's three. Where did you get that one?"
I open my eyes and stare up at him. Ford is a strange guy, but I have a good answer for him, so I say it. "Sordid Lives. Ever seen it? That movie is hi-lar-ious. I didn't actually know what sordid meant before that movie, but I looked it up."
"Sordid Lives?" he says with a little question mark at the end. "Unusual choice of movie for a girl your age."
He sits down at the end of my bed and waits to see if I'll tell him anything else. I wasn't planning on it, but then I remember what his job actually is. He's a producer, he's into this stuff, he might, in fact, understand why I'm a movie freak. "I like comedies. They… always made me feel better." And this one is about white trash, and that's me in a nutshell. But I leave that part out.
His mouth makes an O, like that explains everything. "Come running, Rook. It's good for you."
"I'd rather pout."
He smiles and a chin dimple appears. "Yes, that's always fun for children, but you're a grownup, Rook. So get up and come running with me."
"That won't work, you know."
"What won't work?"
"That reverse psychology bullshit you're trying to pull on me. Call me a child, tell me I'm childish so I'll do what you ask. Run your ass off up and down those stairs to make me feel lazy so I'll put in more effort. It won't work, I'm not stupid."
"Well, I'll tell you what. Get up and mope along with me and tomorrow I'll show up with all kinds of statistics that will convince you this is good for you."
I pull the covers back over my head. "I'm too tired today. Yesterday was hard and long. I want to go back to sleep."
"Today will be quick, Rook. Antoine told Spencer just one outfit today, he's going up to see Clare and won't be back until Sunday. So you can take a nap after work."
"What? He's going up there and didn't even invite me?" That last word barely makes it out of my mouth before I'm crying. "Ronin never even said anything about Antoine going up today!"
"Rook, it's not a vacation, his niece is addicted to heroin, she's not doing well, he's sick with worry. It's got nothing to do with you."
I try to stop my crying because it's so embarrassing, but once I start holding it in I make weird noises. Ford drags the covers off me. "What the hell are you wearing?"
"Clothes."
"To bed?" He asks this with a weird cock-eyed look on this face.
I point up at the camera.
"OK." He pulls me by the feet and drags me until I fall off the bed. "Run with me every day and I'll take out all your apartment cameras."
"You will?"
"Yes," he says nodding. "You're not adjusting very well, Rook. Go change, I'll be outside."
He walks out and leaves me there on the floor. Not adjusting well, my ass. I'm the queen of adjusting.
I get up, find another sporty outfit, tug it on, then step outside and walk over to Ford. He's sitting at the picnic table over by the cherry trees, holding out a box to me as I approach.
"What's that?"
"Running shoes. You can't wear those things, Rook. They're unacceptable."
I look down at my Converse. Then peek in the box. And change shoes. Might as well look the complete part. We walk over to the stadium, minus the camera crew. I guess they figure they'll sleep in if they can't follow us inside. We start at the same place we did yesterday, Ford trucking up and down those stairs like a pro, me dragging my feet up while expending as little effort as possible.
I watch him to take my mind off Ronin. He runs hard, like he's really racing someone, or like he's running for his life. I make it almost nine rows before he stops, checks his watch, and then turns and heads back my way at the same break-neck pace. When he's only one row away I stop and wait.
He's breathing hard again, sweat dripping off his body. He takes off his shirt and starts wiping himself off.
"You need a towel, Ford."
He smiles. "Hungry?"
I shrug. "Not so much this morning."
"Well, you might change your mind once you smell the food."
I follow him inside and this is a repeat from yesterday as well. Two breakfast burritos, two OJ's. We eat in complete silence and he doesn't make any move to start a conversation with me or even look uncomfortable because we're so quiet.
I think this is more of his reverse psychology, so I forbid my mouth from saying anything. He's not gonna win this, he won't. When I'm done with my burrito, which did hit the spot even though I didn't think I was hungry, he simply picks up my trash, throws it away, then waits for me to get up and join him by the trashcan.
We walk back to the studio in silence and then he gives me a half-hearted goodbye at his car.
I go inside and go straight to Ronin's apartment to take a shower. I'm feeling like a creeper because I'm really not supposed to be in here today, but that's not enough to stop me from starting the water and taking off my clothes. I look at myself in the mirror and wonder if this mistake will ruin my life.
I press a bunch of random buttons on the shower control panel and wait to see if any good jets will come on. I don't like the rain shower, but I'm not really sure which button works that one, so sometimes it comes on and I have to press more random buttons until it stops. But this morning I get the steamy mist and two hard streams that come out of the corners and meet together to make one blaring jet of water. I stand underneath it and let it pound against my neck and upper back.
It feels good so I close my eyes.
A hand touches my shoulder and I whirl around. "AHHHHH!"
"Rook! It's me!" Ronin grabs me and pulls me towards him.
"You scared me!" The sudden rush of adrenaline has my heart pounding like a jackhammer and I really have to try hard not to cry. I put my hand over my face and take a few deep breaths.
"I'm sorry." He wraps his arms around me and holds me against his chest. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."
"What're you doing here?"
"It's my house, silly."
I pull away and enjoy his naked body for a second. God, Ronin has a terrific body. "But you never said you were coming home."
"I left in the middle of the night. I shouldn't have been an ass on the phone. Antoine is leaving this afternoon to see Clare, then coming home with Elise on Sunday. I told them I had to come home because I'm not at all interested in breaking up with you over this contract. I'm not happy about it, I'm not happy about Ford, or Spencer, or Billy or any of it, actually. But I'm not ready to say goodbye over something so temporary."
I hug him. "I'm so glad you're here. I don't want to break up with you, either. I just feel so guilty for what I have to do in those shoots."
"We'll get through it, OK?"
I nod into his chest.
He pries me from his body and grabs the soap. "We gotta get an early start, it's the sexy Elvis painting today. I'm gonna take over from here, if that's OK."
"Take over how?" I say as he lathers my arm with the soap.
"In the shoots. I called Spencer and told him I'd model with you, no pay."
"What—" His soapy hands move to my breasts and I lose track of my words.
"I don't need the money, believe me. It's not a big deal to work for free and I have to be around all day with you anyway, to keep an eye out. Besides," he says, rubbing my other breast now. "I'm not sure any man would call what I'm doing a job."
I look up at him and he
leans down and kisses me gently. He drops the soap and pulls me right up against his full erection, still gently caressing my lips. My hands slip around his waist and then up his muscular back. I drag them back down his arms and then up his chest. He pulls me with him as he steps back a few paces, then sits down on the tiled bench on the far side of the shower, away from the punishing jets and right into the thick mist of steam coming from the ceiling.
He leans back against the wall and I climb into his lap, positioning my hips over his thickness, then easing down until he fills me up. We stay still like that for a few seconds, me leaning against him, my head on his shoulder, him dragging his hand down my wet hair, and then we start rocking. Just a little at first.
I close my eyes and tug on his hair a little, making him groan. He reaches up and fondles my breast, gently rolling my nipple between his fingertips. I pull my head back and look down, deep into his eyes. "Do you love me?"
He smiles. "I do."
"I wanted to tell you back, but you hung up."
"You scare me, Rook."
"Why?" I ask, puzzled.
"Because your future is making itself right now, this very moment. And you have no idea it's happening. I want you so completely it hurts. But you and I are in two totally different places."
My whole body shivers with a chill as I absorb his words. I swallow. "That sounds like the beginning of a break-up speech. Are you breaking up with me?"
He scoots my bottom closer, thrusting himself inside me a little more. "I love you, Rook. I'm not breaking up with you. But it's all bad timing, you know?"
I shake my head. "No, not really."
"My career started when I was seventeen. I've done everything you're just getting a taste of now. I've traveled all over the world, I've made a shitload of money, I have pretty much everything I want."
"But—"
"Except the only thing I really want."
I wait for it, but he lets out a long sigh and holds it in. "Is it a secret?"
He lets out a soft laugh and rocks himself into me again. "No, it's not. I already told you that night we went to the zoo."