by Huss, JA
He turns and gives me a weird look. "It's not a vacation. She's addicted to heroin. She doesn't even know you. She's sick and she doesn't want to see anyone but us. "
"You, you mean, right? Because Antoine and Elise are already there. So she just wants to see you."
He leans down and kisses me on the cheek. The fucking cheek. "I'll be back tomorrow morning and we'll drive up to Fort Collins together, OK?"
And he turns and walks away.
I swear, I'm so stunned I can't even move. I don't even know how long I sit there out on the swing before I go lie down under the tree. And after that, I have no idea how long I lie there alone, staring up into the canopy of leaves and branches, before Ford is suddenly standing next to me.
"What?" I ask.
"There's a camera in the trees."
"So you heard all that."
"Just agree with him, Rook. I don't care if you ignore me. Don't fight over something so stupid."
I sit up and shield my eyes from the sun so I can see his face. "He thinks you're some creeper, Ford. And you're OK with that assumption?"
He shrugs. "Yes."
And then he turns and walks off. His steps even and emotionless as he crosses the terrace and makes his way inside.
I laugh a little under my breath. This contract was a mistake, but fuck it. I'm making bank right now. When this is over I'll have enough to go to California if I want. Just move to LA and fight for my dream. Because in the last twenty-four hours I've thought about breaking up with Ronin twice and that's not a good sign as far as potential long-term relationships go.
Chapter Twenty-Three - Rook
Ford is sitting outside promptly at five minutes to five the next morning.
For half a second I consider not going. But I'm already dressed in the stupid athletic shorts and tight-ass top. As soon as I go out he stands and walks to the studio door and holds it open for me. "You surprise me, Rook," he says matter-of-factly as I walk through, mumbling out a thank you.
"Why? Because I keep my promises?"
"No, because even though you're smart and capable of a whole lot more than posing naked and accepting your fate as Ronin's project, you choose this life and let people walk all over you."
I snort but I do not even dignify that with a response. Fuck him. He says nothing else the entire walk over and when we get inside he waits for me to choose top or bottom stairs.
I head through the door that leads to the bottom seats because I prefer to start at the top and go down. As soon as we get inside the stadium he takes off and leaves me there. I watch him as I shuffle down my section of stairs. He starts off at a faster pace than usual, like he's turning it up a notch. I shake myself out of this fog Ford has draped over me and concentrate on my own workout. It's not as difficult as it was the first day and when I get to the bottom and start to climb the next section I make a little bit of an effort.
Just a little.
I decide to see how fast I can go and for how long, so I take off booking it up the stairs. At first it feels good to exert myself like this because I've been angry since yesterday morning and I need to burn it off. I run hard all the way up to the top, then dash down the aisle to the next set of stairs and go down as fast as I can and repeat the mad dash over to the next set. I climb again, fully exerting myself, but soon my thighs are burning and about three-quarters of the way up I have to slow down because they are on fire. I stop and look behind me and let off a little smile. Maybe I'm a total stadium-running loser compared to Ford, but this is a challenging exercise and I didn't do too bad.
I look over to find Ford and to my surprise he's not running. He's watching me. I walk up the remaining steps and he starts heading my direction.
My stomach flips a little at this change-up in our routine.
"What are you doing?" I ask when he gets close enough so I don't have to yell.
"You're ready now?"
"Ready for what?"
"To work."
I'm tired of his cryptic messages. "Whatever, Ford. I just wanted to see how fast I could go for how long. Don't get excited, I'm not about to morph into some health nut. I come here because we made a deal. If you want the deal to be over, stop fucking showing up outside my apartment at five AM. It's real simple. If you're not there, I don't go." He smiles that hidden smile again, and it confuses me for a second. Why is he smiling now? "Are we done for today or what?"
"Do you want to be done?"
"It's up to you, Ford."
"No, Rook, it's up to you. I'm not done, but you're free to go if you wish."
More psychology bullshit from him. "Why are you so weird? What kind of game are you playing with me?"
"Just run the stadiums, Rook. Is that what you want me to tell you? Give you orders? Are you waiting for orders?"
Am I?
I turn and walk away.
Because I might be. I might actually be waiting for him to tell me what to do. It makes me sick when I think about it.
A hand grasps my upper arm and I whirl around.
"OK, wait," Ford says as he looks down at me. "Just answer this, Rook. Do you want to come here with me in the mornings?"
Silence from me.
"Well? It's either yes or no."
I laugh at that. Because it's not that easy. If I say yes and mean it, then I'd have to start asking myself a whole bunch of other questions. If I say no, well, that's just a lie. Because the fact is, I do want to come here with him. I sorta like it. I like the fact that he's outside every morning. He's weirdly reliable. And strangely persistent. "Yes."
He smiles that smile again and my whole stomach flutters. "OK, so get busy then. If you're going to spend time here, don't waste it. Make it count."
And then he turns around and starts running again.
I turn as well and start down my set of stairs at a faster clip. Going down isn't easy at a run because the steps are not even, it's like you have to take two steps forward and then step down. It's an odd rhythm. My legs hurt when I get to the bottom, but not in the same way as when I go back up. I'm slower this time, my muscles more strained, but I have to admit, when I get to the top I feel pretty exhilarated. I continue this way, and with each set I get slower and slower. By the time Ford turns to head back my way I'm sitting down leaning up against the cinder-block wall.
He leans over and lets the sweat drip as he catches his breath.
"So you gonna tell me who you're chasing? Or are you the only one who gets to ask questions?" Two can play this game.
He straightens, just like he did yesterday, but instead of turning away he slides down the wall and sits next to me. "You have no idea who Ronin is, Rook."
Everything inside me does a little flip. "What?"
"It's not a disparaging remark. Just a fact."
"But you do? That's what you're saying?"
"I do," he says matter-of-factly. "I've watched him in some very stressful situations, and he's seen me under the same circumstances. We know each other well."
"So when he tells me you're fucked in the head, then that's just as true as you telling me he's only using me to play out his hero fantasy."
That smile again. I have to look away and wait for his answer.
"My father was a famous psychiatrist. I was a weird kid, I liked reading and computers and I wanted to be like my dad, so I read all his books on human behavior and psychology and I used to freak people out in school by diagnosing them with clinical disorders and fucking with their school records online."
He laughs and when I look over at him I can't help myself, I smile at his huge grin.
It's the first personal thing he's ever told me. "Are you using that psych bullshit on me right now? By confiding in me with this sincere admission of childhood nerdiness?"
He grins again and this time his smile lights up his brown eyes. "You know, you're very smart. You don't belong here. And I might've come across a little strange back in school, so I can't blame Ronin for his opinion, plus I pulled a fucked-u
p prank on him once. It was stupid and childish, and not something he'd forget easily. But I'm not trying to make your life difficult, Rook. I'm just trying to make you stronger."
"So I won't need Ronin."
He turns to look at me and now the smile is gone. My stomach knots up as I meet his gaze. "Yes. That's why. I have a disadvantage here because I don't want people to need me like Ronin does. I don't want to slow down for someone, Rook. I want someone to keep up with me."
"But that's selfish."
"Why?"
"Because if you like someone you should want to help them."
"I am helping you."
I roll my eyes at him. "Not me, specifically. I just think that if you like someone you'd be willing to give up a little piece of yourself to keep them. If you really liked someone, you'd be OK with slowing down."
"All right, then why did you insist on taking this contract when Ronin was against it? Why not give up that choice to please Ronin?"
"Because I like making my own choices, Ford. So if I want to model nude for a butt-load of money, so what? I'm allowed to do that and it's no one's business but mine. "
"Just because you can make that choice doesn't mean you should. There's a big difference between being in control of your future and making bad decisions."
I shrug. "So?" But I laugh a little because I sound like a two-year-old.
"OK," he sighs. "Would you like my childhood psycho-babble interpretation of what you're doing right now?"
I swallow. Do I? Not really, but this conversation with Ford is oddly compelling. "Go for it."
"You resist Ronin's advice because you're not ready for it yet. But at the same time you need someone slow and controlling very badly right now. Just like I need someone free and fast. Whatever it was that happened to you, you're looking for someone to make it better, but for some reason you're having a hard time admitting that to yourself. So you're in this weird in-between stage that justifies mistakes in the name of freedom. And whatever it is you're trying to fix, I'd just like to say Ronin's not the answer. Because there's only one person who can fix that mistake you made, Rook."
"Me?" I ask in a whisper as I watch his eyes.
"You," he answers softly. "I'm not trying to fix you, I'm just trying to give you the tools to fix yourself."
"I actually already knew all that stuff, Ford. And besides, I've already saved myself."
He chuckles under his breath. "Not quite, Rook. You're like Clare right now. In treatment but resisting. It's a long road to recovery."
He gets up and offers me his hand. I accept it and he pulls me to my feet. We skip breakfast and walk back across the street and despite the very personal nature of our conversation today, we part ways in silence when he gets to his car.
Ford is one weird guy.
I go home and climb back into bed, tired and relaxed from the morning exercise.
Chapter Twenty-Four - Rook
"Hey," Ronin whispers in my ear as he settles against my body later. "You awake?"
I roll over and look at him. "Yeah, how's Clare?"
He sucks in a long breath. "She's iffy."
"She can't kick the heroin? Or what? I don't understand what's going on."
"It's not an easy habit to kick, Gidge. It's got something to do with brain chemistry, she thinks she's dying but it's the withdrawal symptoms. We're just trying to get her over the worst of it." He pulls me into his chest. "What'd you do while I was gone?"
"Ran with Ford, slept, moped." I look up at him and smile. "Waited for you to come back."
"How is Ford?"
"He's weird, Ronin. He's a weird guy."
His whole body stiffens underneath me for a second, then relaxes. "What'd he say?" He sounds worried.
I sit up and look down at him. "He said I like being told what to do."
This makes Ronin pull away. "What?"
"Yeah, some crap about waiting for orders."
"That guy is unbelievable."
"Why?"
"Never mind, Gidge. But if you're interested in taking orders, then take mine. Stay away from him. He's not a nice guy."
I say nothing.
"Let me guess, he said the same thing about me?"
"Yeah, sorta. He said you like broken girls so you can fix them. Do you think I'm broken?"
He nuzzles into my neck. "You're so strong, Rook. You're the farthest thing from broken I've ever seen. Please stop running with him. He's a mind-fuck. He does it on purpose. His father was some big-shot psychiatrist, just as nasty as Ford before he died. Ford is one fucked-up dude. And you wanna know why I hate his fucking guts? Because when I was in the tenth grade and he was a senior, he looked up the police report about my father, made copies of it, and then plastered it all over school. Antoine went ballistic, but Ford's father donated a bunch of money to the school and nothing ever happened to him. He's a total asshole."
But this revelation has lost its shock value because Ford preemptively confessed all this. "Then why do this project, Ronin?"
"Antoine and Elise wanted the contract and I'm only one-third partner. They're socking money away like crazy for something they're not sharing with me. So there was nothing I could do. It's not Ford's money, anyway, it's the Biker Channel people. But enough about Ford. I missed you and I'm sorry I just walked off like that. Antoine's desperate to make things right with Clare. This is our last chance, you know? She's just a total mess."
I snuggle into him. I really want to love Ronin and I'm not sure Ford knows what he's talking about. He hasn't seen Ronin in a long time. So even if Ronin used to be looking for a girl to save, that doesn't mean he's still like that now.
His hands slide up my t-shirt and I gasp as he pokes my ribs. "What," he asks innocently, "is the problem, ma'am?"
I twist and squirm as he continues to poke me, giggling as I try and get away from his tickling touch.
"Ma'am, are you resisting arrest?" He leans down to sniff me. "Have you been drinking? I might have to taste you to find out." He kisses me, just a little tease to see if I'm interested. My mouth opens and our tongues tangle and tumble together.
Oh, I am so interested.
He nuzzles into my neck, then bites my earlobe gently and kisses his way down my throat, cups one breast while he sucks gently on the other.
"Wait! I have to confess something."
"Ma'am, I'm gonna have to ask you to remain silent." He tips his head up as he slides down the bed then positions himself between my legs.
"But I have a confession."
He looks up at me and grins. "I'll use it against you, ya know."
"I understand."
"OK, confess."
"I'm hiding drugs," I say with a stupid grin.
"Really?" His eyebrows waggle at me.
I bust out a laugh and nod. "Yes."
His hands go for my shorts. "I'm gonna have to strip-search you then. Sorry, ma'am. Just following procedures." He pulls down my shorts, taking my panties at the same time. "Take off your shirt, Rook." He breaks character and it comes out as a command.
But it's pretty hot the way he says it so I sit up and pull my t-shirt over my head. His gaze falls to my breasts and then he leans forward and sucks on my nipple again, using his fingertips and tongue at the same time to make it bunch up and get hard.
"I love that," he says as he drags himself back down my body, sitting up slightly to grab my legs under the knees and push them forward. His tongue teases little circles around my nub and then dips inside me, twisting and tasting. His hands slide up my ribcage and he palms both breasts, hard, then softly. My hands go to his hair and I fist it and push his mouth into me. His hot breath on my most tender parts is about to push me over the edge.
He pulls back just as the intensity starts to build and I moan. He slides back up and kisses my mouth. I draw my legs up and grind against his erection through his boxer briefs.
"Take those off," I say. If he can command, then so can I.
He grins and laces his
fingers through my left hand. I'm just about to think that's totally sweet when he lifts it slowly over my head, gently lets go and wraps my palm around the wrought iron bars of the headboard. He repeats this exact same move with my other hand until both are above my head grasping hold of the bars.
"Stay still, Rook."
I know what he's doing and even though it sorta ticks me off that he's pulling this dominant shit with me, it also sorta turns me on. So I do stay still. I watch him as he gets up and rummages through my drawers until he comes up with a silk scarf.
"Ronin—"
"Shhh. Just quiet now," he says as he comes back over to the bed. "You're not being restrained, Rook. You wanna take it off, just take it off." He waits to see what I'll say. "OK?"
He's waiting for me to give him permission. I've modeled with him enough to know if he asks me a sexual question like that he wants an answer. "OK."
His grin is immediate. "Lift your head up a little." I do and he ties the scarf around my eyes. The scarf is yellow, so it's not dark. I think he did this on purpose because I know for a fact there are black scarves in that drawer. He picked a yellow one so while my sight will be restricted, it won't be dark.
When he joins me in bed he's missing his boxer briefs. He slides between my legs and I feel his firm erection against my thigh. My heart rate kicks up a few notches as the excitement begins to build.
I'm definitely turned on and that surprises me because I just handed him control. I suck in a sharp breath between my teeth as he starts with kisses. This time they are hard and desperate. My breathing gets all ragged and I push myself against him, rubbing a little. He enters me and we find our rhythm. There is nothing scary about this at all.
"Rook," he whispers into my neck. "I want you in my bed every night." He thrusts into me and I gasp and buckle my back, holding onto the iron bars so tight it almost hurts. He repeats that move over and over—our bodies hard and fast one moment, then still, or slow the next. He pulls out, almost completely out, then slides back inside me. And again, he varies the rhythm so just as I'm getting used to his motion, it changes and the new sensations demand my attention.