by Huss, JA
“It’s not your fault, Ronin. I tried to forget about it, to pretend it never happened.” She looks up at me again. “But it did happen. And I can’t be over it yet because I never took the time to just… experience it. But I’m gonna do that now. I’m gonna make an appointment with a counselor. And one day…” She stops to sniff and wipe her face, taking her time until every last tear is dry and her breathing is slow and calm. She turns those bright blue eyes up at me and nods. “One day, I’ll be ready.”
At that same moment I give her what she needs, I tell her what she wants to hear and what I need her to understand. “I’ll be here waiting. I will wait forever. If that’s what it takes. I’ll wait for you until the end of time.”
She takes the picture and places it gently on her bedside table and then snuggles down into my chest. “You saved me, Ronin.”
“And you saved me, Rook.”
“So I guess we’re even.”
“I guess we are.”
“And I’m still Shrek because I’m the one who thought of it.”
I laugh and kiss her on the head.
My world will never be the same. This girl blew in like the spring wind and whipped me around like a hurricane. She took over my life, she got Spencer to commit to her, and she made Ford feel things. Antoine and Elise love her so much they want us to be godparents and she got an entire city to cheer for her and set me free.
She is a force.
And she’s not done yet, I can feel it.
Hurricane Rook is just picking up speed.
Epilogue - Ford
The Chaput New Year’s Eve party is famous in Denver. I’m not a party person and for me New Year’s Eve is a time to be alone, so I’ve only ever been once besides this year. I wouldn’t even be here tonight if we weren’t filming for the season finale of Shrike Bikes, but Rook disappeared almost the entire month of December with Ronin. First the GIDGET runway show in LA, then a week in Cancun, then Christmas.
So, here I am, trying to pin her ass down and get this over with.
I’d rather be anywhere but here. I’d rather talk to anyone but her.
The entire studio has been cleared of equipment and replaced with tables and a dance floor. The band is playing, the lighting is moody and atmospheric, and there are almost three hundred people here all dressed in black. I’ve finished the exit interviews for everyone except Rook, but she’s conveniently made herself scarce.
A waitress walks by with a tray and I tap her on the shoulder as she passes. “Have you seen Miss Corvus?” I ask politely. I creep her out, I can tell, because she immediately pulls away from me and then points wordlessly over the crowd to Antoine’s office.
She’s gone before I can thank her.
It’s quite difficult to be polite and when I’m handed rudeness in return, it makes me want to morph back into the old me.
I drop that thought as I make my way through the throngs of people and spy Rook standing just inside the door with Veronica. They are thick as thieves these days. If I were Spencer I’d watch out. They will be into trouble soon, if they’re not already.
Ronnie is wearing a short black dress with very high heels. Her look says she takes her fun seriously.
Rook, on the other hand, is dressed like a dark princess. Her dress is not a dress. It’s a gown. A long midnight-blue gown that breaks the black only rule, but no one cares because she is stunning. The dress has a tight strapless bodice and elaborate skirts that touch the ground. Her hair is flowing down her back in long waves and atop her head is a shiny blue cardboard tiara.
Just as she turns and spies me, the light catches the blue of her eyes and her crown at the same time. It’s like a flashbulb and my mind takes a picture.
“Rook,” I say loudly and with a smile. She winces and it’s official. She’s been avoiding me. “It’s your turn, let’s go.” Veronica pats her on the shoulder like she needs her sympathy and that makes me angry. But I strike through that emotion and beckon my friend with a finger.
“Ford,” she starts. “I’m not in the mood. I’m tired of talking. I’m sorta drunk. I’m not ready for this. I’m—”
She goes on and on like that but she follows like a good girl and I just tune it out. We exit the studio and walk down the hallway to the room where I’ve set up the camera. When I wave her through the doorway she’s still talking about waiting guests and Ronin missing her if she stays too long.
I nod. Yes, yes, yes, I get it, that nod says. I motion for her to sit. She sits. She always does as she’s told when I’m the one asking.
It should make me feel good, that I have this control over her. But it doesn’t.
I sit across from her and sigh.
And it’s only then that she notices. I’m surprised it took her so long, her skills at reading body language are astute.
“What?” she asks. “What’s going on? Did something happen?”
“I’m not going to tape an exit interview of you, Rook. We have so much footage of you from the news, there’s no need.”
She smiles and the knife slips in. She gathers her dress in her fingertips and rises out of the chair. “Good, then I’m not needed here and I’ll just be going,” she says, twisting the knife just a little.
“I’m leaving,” I say quickly.
“What?” she asks, halting her fleeing feet mid-stride. “But it’s not midnight yet.”
“I just want you to know I did it all for you,” I say, ignoring her statement. “And I’d do it again if that’s what makes you happy. I only ever wanted what’s best for you.”
Her whole body softens at my words. “Ford…”
“And I understand why you wanted to stay in community college and finish your general ed classes and not transfer into Boulder just yet. Online classes are better. The weirdoes and haters are thinning, but they’re still out there, so that keeps you safe. I’m proud of you, I want you to know that. Whatever makes you happy makes me happy.”
She sits back down, rests her elbows on her knees and props her chin up in her hands. Surely she knew this would have to end eventually.
“If it were anyone else, anyone but you who wanted me to give them so much for so little in return, I would’ve walked away and never looked back a long time ago. But you make it so, so difficult to turn away. And I couldn’t let the sadness and pain touch you. It drives me mad when you’re unhappy. I lie awake at night wishing I could bring Jon back to life and torture him myself. I wanted to kill that Abelli asshole for even entertaining the thought of selling you. I want to pull you into my chest right now and keep you for myself. Because, Rook, I just want you.” I stop to study the shock on her face for a moment before continuing.
“I. Fucking. Want. You,” I say, my voice a deep rumble in my throat. “If I’d found you first instead of Ronin, you’d be mine right now. And I’d never let you go. I know what you think of me, of the girls I have, of my”—I look away for a fraction of a second, then drag my heated stare back to her slumped shoulders and sad face—“idiosyncrasies. But I am nothing like Jon. I have never been anything like those men on that list.”
“I know that, Ford,” she says softly as she reaches out to touch my arm.
“Don’t.” I pull away before she makes contact with my suit coat. “You cannot touch me. If you touch me…” I shake my head, unable to continue.
“If I touch you what?” she asks with an air of challenge.
My own mother hasn’t even touched me as many times as Rook has, so this probably does deserve an explanation. “If you touch me I’ll touch you back. I’ll cup your face and kiss your mouth. I’ll hold you close and make you choose me.” I stop and swallow hard and then lean into her space and whisper, “I’ll ruin everything if you touch me. I’ll ruin us. I’ll ruin this. I’ll ruin you, just like you said. I’ll ruin you and I’ll ruin your life. And I love you too much to ruin you. So I’m leaving.”
Her shoulders slump a little more. “I don’t want you to leave, Ford. I’m not sure life
without you is possible.”
“And I’m not sure life with you is possible. I can’t watch you with him, Rook. I’m seething with jealousy. It infuriates me that time and time again he gets what he wants. Ronin pulls love towards him like he’s gravity.” I stop to laugh. “He only has to ask and love appears in his life. And me? I beg for it. I want love more than anything, yet everyone thinks I’m insufferable.” I kneel down in front of her and shake my head. “Everyone but you, Rook. You are the only person on this entire Earth I care about. And you belong to someone else. And if it were anyone but him I’d just take you and say fuck the consequences. But you chose one of two people who will stand by me no matter what I do. And even though these days I count Ronin as a friend, and I would never betray him, I’m so fucking jealous. His life since Antoine has been one long string of lucky breaks. And every day I ask myself, why? Why does he get you? Why does he deserve this luck and I’m always left with nothing?”
I shrug and stand up and her eyes follow me, making her head tilt.
It takes every ounce of willpower not to slip my hand across the milky white skin on her throat, grasp the back of her neck, pull her towards me, and claim her mouth. “This isn’t even me talking right now. I don’t feel these things, Rook. Ever. When did I become capable of jealousy?” I huff out some air. “Well, it’s not really a mystery. It was the day I met you, that’s when. You’ve changed me, Rook. You make me weak, you make me stumble, you make me fall, and even though I know you’ll pick me up if I ask you to, it’s not enough. I want you to make me stronger, just like I made you. I want it all or I want nothing. And since I can’t have it all, I’ll take nothing.”
She stares up at me in silence, the shock of my words displayed on her face.
I can’t stand to see the hurt in her eyes. I can’t stand to see her fear and sadness as the realization of what’s happening finally sinks in.
So I do what I have to do. I make it worse.
So she’s left with no more doubts about what kind of man I am. So she will release her hold on me. So she will stop looking at me like she cares.
So I can let go and move on.
I turn away.
I walk out.
And I never look back.
CONTINUE THE JOURNEY WITH FORD! (2 BOOKS IN ONE!)
END OF BOOK SHIT
Welcome to the EOBS. If you’re reading through this series then you already know that this is the brand new End of Book Shit edition with the new covers. :) And you already know that I don’t edit these final thoughts, so you will excuse any typos. And you already know that I’ll pretty much say anything I want.
So… I remember the reactions when this book came out. The twist at the end was… nope, it wasn’t Jon. I mean, yeah, he counts as a twist since he was supposed to be in jail. But the twist at the end was learning that Rook was full-term when she lost her baby. People… really reacted to that. And I don’t think I knew how much it would affect them until I started looking at people’s updates on Goodreads. (Which should tell you how long ago that was, since those assholes banned me in 2015 and I haven’t looked at that site since!)
There were comments like, “No, no, no, no…” And “OMG, I’m a crying mess right now.” Stuff like that. So it wasn’t until then that I realized what I had done. And I say “done” meaning, written. I didn’t know it was going to be powerful like that. I didn’t expect it, either. I mean, I know losing a baby at any stage in pregnancy is traumatic and horrible. I’ve had several miscarriages in my life.
But losing one at full-term is quite a bit worse than that. It changes you in ways you might never imagine. And for Rook, this was both bad and good. It devastated her but also gave her strength. She would’ve stayed with Jon a lot longer—possibly forever—if she had not lost that baby. She saw her pregnancy for what it was. Both the good and the bad. A child. A beautiful little human she would love. And a death sentence. A trap that would hold her in this bad relationship until one of them died.
And no. For Rook getting out of Jon’s hold wasn’t worth the life of her baby. She would’ve stayed and found some kind of happiness, even if it was only through her child. But it happened. And she realized there was a gift given when the baby died. The gift of a second chance.
The other twist, was of course, Ford. Learning that he was in love with Rook was shocking. To her, to me—even though I wrote it—to him, even though he knew. And to you, the readers.
That epilogue in Ford’s point of view changed my life even more than the release of the first two books. Ford is the character who propelled me onto the scene of “big time” romance authors. It was Ford who brought in my first fans. It was Ford who captured hearts and minds and yes, quite a few of you told me about how much you wanted a Ford of your own.
My fan group on Facebook (Shrike Bikes) was formed just before the release of Taut and that’s where you can still find me every single day hanging out with my fans. So Ford the character was a major turning point for me. My whole life really.
The other surprises are typical of what you find in a romantic suspense novel. And by this time I had fully embraced my genre. If I couldn’t write SF thrillers and pay the bills, then romantic suspense was my new thing. I love it. This one was plenty suspenseful. The FBI on Ronin’s tail. Rook taking off to get that file. The Team finally coming together to get Ronin out of jail. Yes. I had the suspense down.
But there was plenty of romance too. Ford, again, was awfully romantic even though it wasn’t his romance. And now Rook & Ronin knew—they were meant for each other. And they would prove it.
In the last EOBS I mentioned a book called Braving The Wilderness by Brené Brown and I talked about how art touches people and changes them. Well, that book was really about belonging. And finding your way to the place you fit in.
This was the entire trilogy, in my opinion. This theme of belonging. Even though the guys were a team once, they’d drifted apart after they messed up and almost went to prison. Each went their separate ways, doing their best to leave each other behind and move on into something new. So it’s almost ironic that this one lost girl, with enough regrets for all three of them combined, would be the overpowering force that actually brought them all back to where they belonged.
Knowing where you belong, and how you fit into your “team” is something you can’t just go get, ya know? You can’t buy belonging. You can’t even go search for it. It’s something that just happens, or doesn’t, and it’s all beyond your control. You can either go out and look for your people or stay home and hope they find you instead. And even though Rook wasn’t looking for anyone when she met Ronin, she took a risk. The took that business card, showed up for a modeling job that wasn’t hers, and she let others into her life at a time when she was just about done with belonging to anyone.
So… ironic? That she belongs to Ronin now? :)
Maybe. Or maybe it’s just fate.
I think belonging is what brought people to this story in the first place. The desire to read about people who are so fiercely loyal, they would give their life for their team. Loyalty, as a virtue, is undervalued I think. People might think a kind heart has more value. Or generosity. Or love.
But to me loyalty is everything. It’s all those things, and more, because to be loyal is to be generous, to be kind, and to love those you are loyal to.
So if you’re still looking for that place of belonging… take a moment and ask yourself… Who is loyal to me? And if you’ve got one or two people in your life that you would call loyal, there… that is where you belong. No need to look further.
I hope you go on to read the rest of the story. Because the journey isn’t over yet. Not even close. Ford will be back, and Spencer will be back, and a whole bunch of new characters will join them and spin off, taking you on new romantic adventures and into new sexy stories.
There’s more lessons to be learned.
More regrets to get over.
More good times coming.
&
nbsp; Books four and five in this series are called Slack and Taut, respectively. They’re about Ford Aston. And books six and seven are called Bomb and Guns and they’re about Spencer and Veronica.
Guns is the complete ending of the story arc of Rook, Ronin, Ford, Spencer, and Veronica. And a few new characters too—Ashleigh, Sasha, James, and Merc. All of whom intersect in the book called The Company and standalones called Meet Me In The Dark and Wasted Lust.
So if you’re looking to enter a WORLD. If you’re looking to meet characters so real, you feel like you know them. If you’re looking to go on the ride of your life with Rook and her friends, keep reading, bitches.
I got you.
CONTINUE THE JOURNEY WITH FORD! (2 BOOKS IN ONE!)
Ford
Edited by RJ Locksley
Cover Design: JA Huss
Copyright © 2018 by J. A. Huss
All rights reserved.
ISBN-978-1-936413-46-1
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
Slack
A Ford Aston Novella
Description
Ford Aston is not too picky—
—about what he wants out of Christmas. He’s not into this holiday—like at all. He doesn’t do presents, or family dinners, or parties, or church.
He does pets. And he’s got one lined up for Christmas Eve. In fact, it’s the highlight of his day. And if he can get through drop-in visits, nosy twelve year olds, an inappropriate conversation with his best friend’s girlfriend, dinner with a family that’s not his, and a party at his mother’s house—well, he might just get home in time to enjoy himself with a stranger and make it all OK.