Bobby braced my shoulders. “Lil. Go back to the motel. Get a room. I'll be back.”
“No. No!” I shouted.
“Let me take care of my brother. It's my turn. This is my fault.” Bobby took a breath, softening his tone. “Lil, I need to see him. He needs his brother and he needs to understand some things. Sometimes you need your brother to hug you. Other times you need your brother to set you straight.”
“Then I have to come with you.”
“No. I need to see him. Alone. Brother to brother.”
“I keep feeling like something terrible is going to happen.”
“It already has,” Bobby lamented. He pushed my hair back and kissed me fiercely, pressing his forehead to mine. “I'm never letting you go again. You understand? I am never making that mistake. You and I were always supposed to be together. I will never leave you. I don't care anymore about anything but that.”
I nodded. Bobby was kind, he was loving, but he was a man who did things when he made up his mind and I couldn't stop him.
“I promise I'll be back,” he said, sliding into his pickup and driving towards the house. I watched as the lights of his truck disappeared into the distance.
I think Bobby knew I would follow him anyway. He hoped I wouldn't, but he knew. Because Bobby promised he wouldn't leave me again. Well, I wasn't going to leave him either.
I trailed behind just enough so that Bobby wouldn't spot me behind him on the dark road. When I pulled up to the house. Bobby's truck was parked, and a single light was on upstairs. The front door was unlocked, and as soon as I opened it, I heard a crash upstairs.
“Bobby?” I called out, slamming the front door behind me.
I raced upstairs to the bedroom and found Bobby pressing his forearm against Rory’s neck, pinning his brother against the wall.
“. . . Never touching her again.” —The end of the sentence I walked in on.
Rory twisted and grunted under Bobby's hold. Rory had a fresh cut under his eye where I assume Bobby hit him.
“Stop it!” I cried. I didn't want Bobby to do this. I didn't want him to become ugly for me.
Bobby did a double take at the door. “Lilly, dammit. Why didn't you just go back?”
“I'm not leaving you,” I replied. “Just let him go. You proved your point. Look at him.”
Bobby looked back at his brother, studying him for a moment, and then released him. Rory collapsed, still drunk and now beaten up.
“Get whatever you need from here,” Bobby panted.
Rory rolled onto all fours and let out a few hacking coughs. “Where are you going? She's my wife . . . you can't take her.”
“It's over Rory,” I said.
“You're helping her?” Rory asked. Still oblivious to the betrayal. His trust for Bobby so deep, he couldn't even conceive it.
Bobby looked down. “She's coming with me. For good.”
“For good . . .?” Rory's voice trailed. His bloodshot green eyes grew in disbelief. “Wait . . . wait . . . you have to be fucking kidding me.” He got up to one knee.
“Stay down,” Bobby commanded.
Rory labored his way to his feet. “My wife? My fucking wife!” Rory shouted.
“She's Lilly. She doesn't belong to you. You and I knew her way before she ever had a title. But you forgot that. You forgot who she was.”
“You're my blood,” Rory sneered.
“I'm sorry, but you had your chance. And you blew it. Many times,” Bobby replied. “How about Barbie? Did you think about your wife then?”
I raced through my closet as the brothers battled. I wanted to leave as quickly as we could. I didn't want to stay around for any more arguing. I felt like the countdown was still ticking. That things weren't over yet.
Rory sniggered to himself. “Oh god. You guys were fucking those two weeks at the lake house? When you said you would be up there fixing it, huh? I fucking trusted you! How long? Huh? How fucking long?” He looked over Bobby's shoulder, his gaze fixed on me. “Lilly? Tell me!”
I stopped packing and in took a deep inhale. “A long time.”
I watched Rory struggle with the mental math. “Before he left?” he asked me, as if Bobby wasn't in the room.
I nodded.
Rory laughed incredulously to himself. “Before we married?”
I nodded.
“Oh my god,” he crouched down and buried his hands in his head. “How the hell was I so blind? You two. Always at each other. I wondered why you were so angry when he left. Why I could find a way to forgive him and you were still so bitter. Is this why you never wanted me after we married?”
I looked down shamefully at my belongings. If there was a way I could have done this without hurting Rory, I would. Even after learning of his affair with Barbie, I didn’t enjoy this feeling. This wasn’t a competition to see who could hurt the other more.
Rory stood up tall and lurched towards me, but Bobby stood in his way. “My brother, Lilly? My fucking brother. The only family I have left!”
The tears flowed as he said those final words. Because I wasn't just taking Rory's brother away from him. I was taking Bobby's too.
“I'm sorry,” I cried. “I tried. I tried to make us work.”
He spit on the floor. “You both can go to hell.”
Bobby looked down to the floor as he took the blow of those words. Then he forced himself to look towards Rory’s raging brow. “You'll always be my brother,” Bobby promised.
“Well, I'd hate to see what happens to your enemies if this is how you treat your brother, you son of a bitch.”
I latched my suitcase shut. “Let's go.”
“So just like that? You're just leaving me here? No car. On my own?”
“I'm leaving my car here, but we won't help you with Barbie. Take some responsibility for what you did. Turn yourself in,” I implored.
Rory looked back at Bobby. “And you. You fucking snake. You fucking left, you let us think you were dead. You came back and disrupted our lives. I never questioned you. I just welcomed you back with open arms. And you took everything! You took everything!”
Rory's rage resurfaced as he jumped on Bobby.
“Stop!” I called out. But the brothers were wrestling in the upturned bedroom. It wasn't long before Bobby was on top of Rory, pinning him down. “You fucking killed a woman today. You held your wife captive. You hurt her. You are lucky that all I did was punch you in the face,” he snarled. “If I stand up, and you come for me again. I'm going to have to drop you, Rory.”
Rory wrangled under his grip. But against his sober, and more battle-experienced brother, he was no match.
“Fine,” he submitted through gritted teeth.
Bobby stood cautiously. “I'm giving you 24 hours to find an attorney and get your affairs in order. If you haven't turned yourself in . . . we will. You can't run away from this one. It's only a matter of time before they discover it was you.”
Rory grimaced and gripped the back of his neck as he nodded, agreeing to the terms.
“Ready?” Bobby asked, as he half-turned to me, keeping an eye on his brother.
“Yes.”
Bobby stepped aside for me to exit first. I looked over at Rory, my puffy eyes saturated with tears. Even when you want to leave the past behind, even when you want to run from it and never look back, it hurts to look it in the eyes and say goodbye. “Take care of yourself,” I said, pulling my bag off the bed to head to the door.
I walked through the slim space between the bed and the Lightly men when a hand clenched around my ankle and stopped me in my tracks. “Don't go Lilly. I'm sorry. You're right. I was an ass. I'll do better. Don't leave me alone here. Haven't I always taken care of you? Bobby doesn't know how to stay in one place.”
I looked up at Bobby, whose glare had grown as hard as steel. I looked back down at Rory, weak, sloppy, desperate. “Maybe you tried, but it was never supposed to be us.” I kicked my leg away and marched out of the room without looking back, th
e tears I had saved for Rory finally swimming down my cheeks.
Bobby didn't follow me directly. I waited just outside the room.
“You are one selfish son of a bitch, you know that, Bobby? You broke mom and dad's hearts when you dropped out of school, and then just up and left, sending them a letter here and there if they were lucky. You think I didn't want to drop everything and travel? You think I wanted all the responsibility? But one of us had to be here. One of us had to grow up! We all can't just run away from our responsibilities! You just do whatever you want. Take whatever you want. Do whatever makes you feel good. Everyone else be damned!”
Rory snickered to himself, before continuing. “When people would ask about you, I would defend you. Tell them, ‘That's just Bobby. He's a great guy. He just does things differently.’ But you only care about yourself. You do what you want to do . . . everyone else is left to deal with the consequences.”
I waited impatiently, hoping Bobby would just let the words slide off his back and leave. But he wouldn't go so quietly.
“You'll always be a victim of your circumstances, Rory. For once, just take responsibility for the mess you're in. Don't blame Lilly or Barbie or me. Just look around you and see that you chose this life.”
“We can't all choose the easy way out,” Rory sniped.
Bobby snickered incredulously. “The easy way? You think leaving everything I knew behind was easy? You think I wanted to go the way I did? I did it so that you and Lilly could be free of me. I stood there and watched the woman I loved marry you. My insides ripped apart and I stood there with a smile because I wanted you to be happy! So did Lil!” He took a deep breath. “I was alone out there. I couldn't look at mom and dad knowing what I had done. And I have paid for my sins, Rory. You have no idea the things I have seen out there.”
“You didn't do me any favors,” Rory muttered.
There was lull. Though silent, regret, and sadness blared through the walls.
“I love you, brother. Even when it doesn't seem like it,” Bobby said. Pained was laced through his words.
“I know, you bastard. But don't ever come back,” Rory replied. “We're done.”
“I know,” Bobby answered.
Bobby emerged from the bedroom solemnly. He placed a hand on the small of my back. “Let's go, Lil,” he uttered.
We stepped out of the house that had been my prison for seven years, and into the unknown, unlimited world. Together.
The drive to the motel was not a great celebration. It was still; somber. A great sacrifice had been made. We had to slaughter the living to get to the feast. The carcasses of our principles, loyalty, and familial bonds lay bloodied on the altar. There were no cheerful hugs, or jumping for joy. Our drive was moments of silence, stringed together, in honor of the things we surrendered to get what we needed.
Bobby pulled into the motel parking lot.
“We should get you to a hospital.”
“No, I'm fine. I don't want to see another person today. It's been 24 hours. I'm still here. I'm fine.”
“Lil . . .”
“Please, I just want to get inside. I'm exhausted.”
Bobby sighed in concession. I think he used all his fight in the bedroom with Rory. “Fine. Stay here while I get the room.”
Bobby came back in minutes with the key, and we entered our small, dimly lit motel room. It didn't have the trappings of my beautiful two-story house, but it was a palace. Because I was free. I was the master of my life now. And I had the perfect accomplice at my side.
I slipped off my dress, wrinkled, damp and bloody from the past 24 hours, as Bobby brought in our bags. I stood there in my slip, watching him. His white t-shirt, wet with sweat as it stuck to his shoulders and chest. His knuckles cut and swollen from his battle with Rory, his hair a tousled mess, his cheeks flush with heat and untapped energy.
It wasn't real. I didn't have him. I was destined to pine for him. To live a life incomplete.
I closed my eyes, drawing in a long breath as I leaned against the wall behind me. Grounding myself to this spot. I pulled the pins out of my disheveled hair and let it collapse around me.
Everything ached. My spirit and bones were weary.
The door to the motel room shutting forced my eyes open. Bobby stood there, watching me in taut silence. I knew he was hurting. No matter how he reasoned this to himself. No matter how much this result justified the means, he had to leave his brother behind.
We stood there for a while, just eyes on eyes. Taking in the other. The reality of this new world. The one we had dreamed of for so long that we had begun to think we had never deserved it. That our punishment for even wanting it was that we would never have it.
Bobby walked up to me trepidatiously, like I might startle if he moved too fast. Then he was there, his long shadow blanketing me.
He looked me up and down, pushing the hair off my shoulder, kissing it. Then, his lips found the bruise on my forehead. “I'm never gonna let anything like that happen to you ever again.”
“I know,” I choked out against his chest.
My slip clung to me in this muggy motel room. Bobby had seen me in every state, but I felt dirty.
“I should shower.”
“You're perfect,” he breathed against my ear, the words sending a chill down my neck. “How are you feeling?” he asked tenderly.
“A little sore. I fell running out of the house.”
Bobby ran his finger underneath the straps of my slip and peeled it away from my body. He ran his bruised and bloodied fingers along the slopes and divots, the slim bones and the soft crests. I watched him, mesmerized by his gentleness after such a brutal display of protection.
Small bruises had begun to develop from the fall and he came to his knees to softly kiss each one. I bit my lip to fight back the swell of tears. I was so full after being empty for so long, I couldn't bottle all the emotions his tenderness awakened in me.
Bobby stood up against me as I leaned back on the wall. He buried his nose into my neck and rasped, “I can't believe I get to have you.”
We had been in the shadows so long. Though there was nothing truer than how we felt about each other, it had been relegated to a dirty secret. A lie.
But now we could bask in the sun. In the light of a love so pure, it existed before we ever understood it. Before the world could ever taint it.
A tear escaped my eye as he grazed his lips along my neck, jawline and to my mouth. The kiss was so soft, I wasn't sure if our lips even touched.
“Lil, the girl who was beautiful even when she tried hard not to be,” he recited wistfully.
I smiled through the tears. Those words that had squeezed the joy from my heart years ago now filled it like a cornucopia.
“Let me make the pain go away,” my lover murmured as he flitted kisses along my glistening collarbone. I wondered if he meant mine, or his.
The pale orange light glowed against him as I reached for the bottom of his shirt and pulled it away from his sun-drenched body. Shadows settled in the vales of his muscles, glossy with perspiration as his lips traced a path down my breasts, my tummy, to the inside of my thigh.
He moaned as he tasted me. Any insecurities I had about the state I was in melted away with the heat of his mouth latched to me. Bobby slid one leg over his shoulder as his tongue drew trails along the sensitive, ripe softness.
I gripped his messy, silky hair in my fingers as my hips snaked against his mouth, lost in the pleasures of the flesh. Bobby's lips and tongue could make me forget a house was burning down around me.
Sweat trickled from my temple, along the peaks of my bust and down the underside of my breast—a collection of the external and internal heat meeting, turning me into searing flames. Bobby was the accelerant.
My hips snaked faster against his tongue, as he used it to slip in and out of me; sex with his mouth.
He moaned as if he was drinking from a flute of the sweetest champagne.
One of my hands lef
t his hair and looked for an anchor as my legs grew weak from the pulsing thrill that ran along them. I felt around, only finding the lampshade and gripping it. The light around us shifted as the shade tilted, leaving us in darkness.
Bobby pulled away for a moment. “You taste so good.” He lapped his tongue all the way up the engorged lips, tasting the cream, and let the tip of his tongue swirl along the swollen bud.
I let out a weak cry.
He slid two of his thick fingers inside of me, curving them and caressing me. While his lips and tongue did the devil's work just outside of it. The pleasure was too carnal to be from god.
Like his mouth was the trigger, a bomb exploded inside of me, taking me down all at once. My supporting leg gave out from under me, but his strong shoulders and hand held me up. The lamp I used for leverage slipped sideways and fell to the floor, beaming unfiltered light on us. I reached for the wall behind me, looking for something to remind me I was still on this planet. That I hadn't died and gone to heaven or hell or wherever something this bad could feel this spectacular.
I called out echoes of Bobby's name. Each one weaker and more distant than the last as he fed from me unrelentingly, drawing out every last pulse of the orgasm.
Utterly spent, my leg slipped off Bobby's shoulder. He stood up as I used the wall to prop myself up, panting, my head pounding from the intensity of it all.
I could see Bobby raging through his pants, and I wanted to please him, but I had nothing left.
“Use me,” I begged. “Just do whatever you want. Take it all,” I panted breathlessly.
Bobby grunted as he scooped me off the floor and threw me on the bed. The pain had been stripped away. I could feel nothing, I could hear nothing, but Bobby.
He ripped his pants open savagely. Underneath he was bare. Like an animal hidden under cloth. His tight, angry erection peaked out from the pelt of hair that climbed up faintly to the lower part of his abdomen. Where faint lines beckoned the eyes to look below. I remember catching glimpses of those muscles peeking out from his swim trunks, when we were teens, and the uncomfortable feeling they solicited. They still gave me that sensation, a swirling in the pit of my stomach that roused an awakening through my core.
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