Except he has spoiled it. He’s wound me up, taken the enjoyment away. Tried to reignite my doubts.
No way am I going to finish my beautiful picture with anger at him in my head.
This picture isn’t about hate, anger, regrets, bad decisions. And I’m not going to let his influence seep into it.
I type out a quick reply to the email because I need to get it out of my system, so I don’t waste even more time thinking about it. I don’t care if it’s rushed and not carefully worded. I just need to say what I think – just tell the truth.
Be more me! Oh my God, this place has a lot to answer for – in a good way.
T.
* * *
No confusion or mixed messages. Ben and I have agreed terms. No need for your intervention.
* * *
Becky.
Wow, I’m really chuffed with myself. Business-like, polite and to the point.
I did initially type ‘Thanks, Becky’ which is my normal way of signing off, then decided I wanted to make it unambiguous. I am not thanking him for anything. So I tried ‘best wishes’, then ‘best’, then ‘regards’, then decided that life was too short to faff about wasting time ending an email I shouldn’t even have to send and settled for my name.
Bella nudges my knee, then squeezes onto my lap so that I have to stretch around her to reach the keyboard. ‘Oh Bella, you are a funny one!’ She lifts her head so that she can lick my nose and makes me laugh. ‘You want me to stop work?’
I swear she nods her head.
With a smile on my face I add a final line to the email:
PS already got a therapist, called Bella.
Then hit send.
Bella is definitely as good as a therapist, any day. She’s made sure I get my daily dose of exercise and fresh air, forced me to get up early in the mornings, got me out of the house, given me the opportunity to talk to David, a complete stranger who I reckon would have passed by with barely a ‘hello’ if it hadn’t been for her, and now she’s making sure that I don’t let things (as in Teddy) get to me. No way will I be allowed to work too many hours or obsess about anything with Bella about.
She jumps down as I close the lid of my laptop, as though she knows it signals the end of work. I push the chair away from the table. I’m going to have a glass of wine, watch the bats and chill.
Tomorrow I will finish the work for Ben and tick that off my list. And I’ll block any correspondence from Teddy, who quite frankly has already taken up too much of my life and thoughts.
And as I am feeling on my toes, I think I will call Georgina tonight and give her an update. I also want to try out my ‘supervised access’ for Bella and Ash line, as I did ask him if he’d like to see the boathouse picture when I finish it. And I don’t like lying to Georgina, so think I need to come clean, or at least fudge the issue, about talking to him. And letting him in the house. And letting him touch Bella.
And kissing him.
I think maybe I have stepped over some of my house- and pet-sitting boundaries. Well, demolished rather than stepped over.
Maybe Teddy was right in at least one way. I have been selfish. I’ve put my own lust ahead of Georgina’s wishes, and been far too busy thinking about my own career and possible new avenues, rather than concentrating on my primary reason for being here.
Nope, it’s not working. Lecturing myself is not making me feel guilty. Just frustrated. Does it really matter what Ash gets up to? He’s her ex! And if Bella is happy – and I promise, promise, promise on my life not to put her at risk or have the slightest chance of her being dog-napped – then surely that’s fine?
It’s funny, the more I think about Georgina, the more I start to think there are similarities between us. I mean she is way more successful and polished than I am, a real career woman from the looks of her Insta account, and I’d love to be like that. Being honest, I know I’m never going to be. I mean, I can’t be bothered to constantly put the effort into looking my best or keeping my house super tidy. I just need to slob out a fair bit of the time. But it would be kind of cool to be that successful, that fab at what I do, and I was thinking I’d like to be that confident. But I’m starting to realise that maybe she isn’t all she appears to be, and maybe she has the same kind of worries as I do.
I guess she feels like she’s got more to lose, she doesn’t want to admit that she and Ash aren’t made for each other. She hasn’t been able to let go of him. She hates him because she still wants him. I more or less spotted that bit from day one. I mean if you break up with somebody that you’re not that keen on, you only hurl abuse for a few hours, don’t you? Whereas if you thought they were for keeps, that’s a whole different thing. That’s when you get into ‘slashing their suits and sticking prawns in their curtain rails before you go’ territory, isn’t it?
Ash hinted at it the other day. For Georgina, admitting it’s not working is like admitting she’s wrong, that her perfect life isn’t quite perfect. That she’s hit a glitch that she can’t fix.
Like I did.
Letting go of Teddy hasn’t been my problem since our breakup. Maybe I’m not the passionate kind that will ever fall that hard and feel like that. Oh my God, what if I’m not? What if I’m never going to fancy somebody so much that I need revenge? That’s a bit scary, and sad.
No, I mustn’t go down that route. I’ve just not found the right person yet. Teddy definitely wasn’t that person. The being dumped didn’t make me feel shit.
It’s been letting go of the idea I could design the cover of some Sunday Times bestselling book. Why has it taken me so long to admit that I’ve been hanging on to something that isn’t right for me? Teddy sacking me doesn’t reflect on the rest of my work, or on me. Teddy has done me a favour. He’s set me free, let me reset my clock and start remembering who the real me is. And Bella has helped. And so have Ash and Georgina. Everything about being here has helped.
I feel like I need to help Ash and Georgina.
I’ll keep it simple though. No need to go into all the why’s and wherefore’s. I will just make a case for him having access.
Just as I pick up my mobile, it rings.
Abby.
‘Oh my God, Bec, he did it!’
Abby never shrieks, or sounds totally excited, or shouts out before she’s even said hello. She has just done all those things.
‘Did what? Who?’
‘Ed, you noddle! Oh my God!’ She also doesn’t say that. ‘He proposed! Even though I kind of thought he might soon, it was still totally, like, unexpected! I welled up, I nearly cried, can you imagine?’
‘Not really.’ I laugh. Abby is not a crier. I am. ‘Oh wow, Abs, that’s brill! Congratulations.’ I am genuinely pleased for her. Even though this is yet another thing she has proved better at than I am. Surely, as older sister, I was supposed to get married first? ‘Er, you did say yes?’
‘Of course, I did!’
‘Because if you’re not sure, there’s some really hot guys out on the hills here…’
‘Becky!’ She giggles, and she’s all out of breath. She knows I’m kidding, but right now probably wouldn’t notice if I wasn’t.
‘I saw some of them fell running yesterday! I mean actually running up the bloody hill, I find it hard enough walking!’ Will I be able to do that after Ash has put me through my paces again tomorrow? Shit, it’s tomorrow. I should be in bed, or eating carbs for energy, or resting or something. Does wine count? I’m sure there are loads of carbs in wine.
Actually, thinking about wine, I’d much rather share a bottle of that with him than stomp up a hill. I must be mad for saying I’d go.
She laughs. ‘You should try it, you used to be ace at running, you were so fit! Go get them guys!’
I’ve not told her about Ash and my workout yet. How he nearly killed me.
‘That was when I was fifteen!’ I should at least tell her about our planned ‘stroll’. ‘But Ash has said he’ll put me through my paces tomorrow. Get me fell-ready!’
&
nbsp; She squeals. ‘Put you through your paces!’
‘It’s not like that, sadly!’ I can’t help laughing along with her though.
‘I bet it is! I knew it!’
‘It’s in return for me doing a picture for him, which he’s paying for as well, before you call him a cheapskate.’
‘Would I heck!’ she says indignantly.
‘Yes, you would!’
‘Okay I would. But it sounds good.’ I can hear the smile in her voice.
‘Certainly does, and I do want to be fit enough to clamber over—’ she sniggers, I ignore her ‘—some of these hills before I have to leave. Anyway, just let me know if you want me to throw a fell runner your way, you know, before you dash up the aisle, if you’re not one hundred per cent…’
She laughs again. ‘Oh my God, it doesn’t feel real!’
We talk about weddings, and when it might happen, and all stuff like that.
‘Mum’s insisting we have some kind of engagement party. I mean, I don’t know why, we’re not bothered, but you know what she’s like.’
‘I do.’ I shake my head affectionately. ‘She’s happy for you, just promise you won’t let her take over with the wedding – you’ll end up with his’n’hers thrones or something.’
‘Promise.’ She laughs again, I’ve never heard her so happy. ‘You will come if we have a party?’
‘Course I will.’ How can she think I wouldn’t?
‘It wouldn’t be the same if you didn’t.’
‘I will! How could I miss your engagement party?’ I actually feel quite upset that we’ve got to the stage that she thinks I might miss something as important to her as this.
‘So we’ll do it when you get back, what’s that, in two or three weeks? Oh my God, I can’t believe this is actually happening!’
Oh gawd, it feels like I’ve only been here a few days. I don’t even want to start thinking about the fact that at some point my dog-sitting duties will end and I’ll have to go home. That makes me feel sad. I’m nowhere near ready to leave this place yet. But I mustn’t feel sad, my little sis has just got engaged.
‘Sounds amazing, can’t wait to see you and celebrate in person!’
‘Me too! Better go Bec, I’ve got to ring Dan and tell him, I just wanted to make sure you were the first! Speak soon, love you.’
‘Abby?’ I stop her before she has a chance to put the phone down.
‘Yeah?’
I need to start making this right. ‘I’m happy for you, really happy, you know. He’s a good guy, you’ll make the dream team.’
‘Aww, thanks Becs, I’m happy too. In case you hadn’t guessed!’ She giggles. ‘And hey, I’m happy for you, you know. The old adventurous Bec is back, you used to be up for anything! I always envied you for doing what you really wanted to do and ignoring the easy way.’
‘Envied me?’ This is news.
‘Yeah, but it was cool to have a big sis like you when I was at school.’
I like that. Cool. I was cool. I still can be cool.
‘I mean, sometimes you were a bit weird, but most of the time you were cool.’
‘Watch it, pipsqueak!’
‘I’d better go I suppose.’
‘So had I, I’ve got to be up and ready for 6 a.m.’
‘Six a.m.? Bloody hell, he must be hot, you’re keen!’
‘It’s before it gets too sunny!’ I say a bit huffily.
‘Yeah, yeah, heard it all before. Speak soon?’ Then she blows a kiss and is gone.
‘So…’ I look at Bella. ‘We’d better talk to your mum, I suppose?’ She lies down, puts her chin on her paws, and I swear, she groans. ‘Or we could leave it and see how things go, and maybe mention it next time she calls?’
She wags her tail lazily.
‘I could message her?’
That’s the answer, if she’s anything like me she won’t want to be put on the spot, she’ll need time to think it over, cooling-down time after an initial reaction that is bound to be angry.
Hi Georgina, I was wondering if it would be good for Bella to see Ash just for an hour or so? She misses you and it might be nice for her? Becky x
A text pings back almost instantaneously.
No, he’s not having her G x
That’s a no then. ‘Hmm, that sounds pretty definite, doesn’t it eh, Bella? She said no, we thought she would, didn’t we?’
I put my phone down with a sigh. Talking to Georgina is never easy. ‘She hasn’t taken this well, has she? I think you need to give her plenty of cuddles when she comes home.’ Bella wags her tail and barks, then runs off and comes back with a ball for me. She drops it at my feet and waits.
I’ve only just thrown it when my phone rings again.
Teddy. Really? I honestly can’t be arsed. ‘Sod off!’ I cancel the call and switch my phone off and throw the ball again.
Then I turn some music on very, very loud, let Bella do zoomies over the couch, and top up my glass of wine.
Honestly, why the hell did I think this would be an ‘escape from it all’?
Chapter Fourteen
‘Good morning!’
Morning? This isn’t morning, this is the middle of the night. I don’t think there is anything good about it, and I don’t think I should have had that last glass of wine.
‘Let’s get this party started!’ Ash is as perky as a puppy; he’s bouncing about on his toes like a boxer warming up for a fight, and he looks like he has been awake for hours.
‘I don’t call getting up at this time a party.’ I wipe the sleep out of the corner of my eye. I must be mad. What did he say, he was doing this in return for the painting? This is for my benefit? ‘Remind me why you’ve got me out of bed at this time again?’
He grins, which helps a bit. ‘Well, well, who’s a grump in the mornings? I would never have guessed!’
‘I need three cups of coffee and no small talk for at least an hour before I become human.’
His chuckle makes me revise that to two cups of coffee and half an hour.
‘Good job I’ve come with peace offerings then.’
‘Gingerbread!’
‘No!’ He really does laugh then. ‘You’re addicted to it girl, that’s your Christmas and birthday presents sorted then.’
Oooh, I’m down to one coffee and fifteen minutes now. It might have been a careless comment, but I quite like the idea of him sending me a gingerbread box for my birthday.
‘But I have got a new antler for Bella to keep her busy while we’re out.’
‘We’re not taking her?’ This surprises me.
‘Nope, not really safe for her where we’re going.’
‘Safe?’ Oh my God, I am definitely going back to bed. If he’s planning on going somewhere that is dangerous for the dog, then no way am I tagging along. ‘I think I’m going off you.’
‘Good to hear you were on me.’ His eyes are twinkling.
I groan and blush. I am on him, but really? Okay, honesty, I’d much rather have a night in with a bottle of wine and the opportunity to climb all over him, than an early morning dangerous outing.
‘I’m kidding, it’s just we’d have to keep her on the lead a lot of the time which she hates, because of the livestock and the steep drop.’
Steep drop? I think I’ve gone even paler than my normal early-morning shade.
‘You’ll be safe, I’ll make sure. Promise! Trust me.’ He’s giving me that intense look that grabs at my insides and does strange things to me.
‘Okay,’ I say weakly.
‘She’s got no sense; she’d just jump off a cliff if you let her, but do what I say, and you’ll be fine.’
I’m really not sure again. One minute I feel up for anything, and the next I’m wondering who will miss me if I die on the Cumbrian fells.
‘Come on, I’m winding you up! I wouldn’t take you anywhere I thought you couldn’t cope with. Young kids go up there!’
‘I break more easily than young kids, my legs aren’t
as bendy.’
‘You’re funny.’ For a moment he looks serious, his voice softens. ‘I think you’ll love it, it’s an amazing place. But if you don’t…’ He straightens up and backs off slightly as though he’s overstepped that mark.
Now I feel like I have to go. This sounds like it’s a special place, somewhere he wants to share with me. If he thinks I’m worth showing it to, then I want to. I need to.
‘Sure! I want to, I really appreciate you taking time out to show me places I wouldn’t find on my own.’ Wow, that sounds a bit stilted and formal. But I’m taken aback and feel a bit awkward.
‘Great!’ His smile is back. I don’t feel awkward at all. ‘Anyway, this is for her—’ he fishes a chew out of one pocket ‘—and this is for you.’ He holds out a flask. Wow, how did he know? The man is a genius. ‘We’ll stop for a drink before we start the ascent.’
‘Ascent?’ I squeak. Don’t they use the word ascent when they’re talking about climbing Mount Everest and big, proper mountains like that?
‘You are so easy to wind up! Come on, let’s go, let’s see what you’re made of, Becky Havers.’
That sounds ominous.
I think I would rather run around the garden with Bella, drink a gallon of coffee and work.
But I can’t say no, can I? That would be wimpy, and I am not wimpy. I am a girl who is going to stand up for herself, who is not going to say no to anything, unless it’s illegal or very, very dangerous.
I also want to see this place. If it’s important to Ash, then in a strange way I feel like it’s important to me.
Weird.
It is a good job I have revised my view of Ash and no longer suspect him of being an axe murderer, because his Land Rover left the road some time ago, and we’ve been bouncing across the countryside for what feels like miles with not a soul in sight.
‘This route’s a bit inaccessible, but it keeps the tourists away.’ He grins at me as we bounce over a rock, then turns his attention forwards again. ‘There is a car park over that way.’ He waves and I want to squeak ‘Keep both hands on the steering wheel’ but I manage not to. ‘But I’ve got access up here, so it’s better. Quieter.’ He lifts an eyebrow in a way that makes me blush. Again. ‘Not far now and you can have your coffee!’
The Dog Sitter: The new feel-good romantic comedy of 2021 from the bestselling author of The Wedding Date! Page 15