‘I live here, you live in London… I dragged Georgie out here and look what happened!’
‘Oh God, it was just fun, Ash! I don’t want anything.’ Or at least that’s what it was at the time. But boy, have I missed him. I’ve been moping about waiting for a text or call; I’ve not been able to get him out of my head. ‘I like being on my own, doing my own thing.’ I do, I’m getting used to it. ‘I don’t want some heavy relationship; I want to have some fun.’ But even if I do, he obviously doesn’t so that’s fine. I’ll cry into my pinot grigio and head back to ‘my world’ soon. But another shag before I go would be quite nice. I might never get the chance again, and boy, was it good. Too much to ask?
‘Oh. Fine.’ He looks a bit taken aback. ‘I just…’
‘I’m not Georgina, Ash. And even if I did want this to be more and I came back here—’ which I won’t, or will I? I do love it here, thinking about leaving is horrible ‘—I wouldn’t expect you to be responsible for me being happy. I’d be doing it for me.’
He blinks. ‘Woah, say it like it is!’
‘But one person shouldn’t be held responsible for the other one being happy! Don’t you get that, Ash?’ I don’t know why I’m suddenly so definite about this, it’s only just occurred to me. But it’s true. Ending things with Teddy, stopping relying on him is letting me finally move on. ‘I’m happier without Teddy, I just had to let go, and that’s what Georgina will do when she’s ready. No way do I ever intend repeating my mistake with Teddy, and whatever happened between you and Georgie doesn’t have to happen again!’
‘So, this was just…’ He waves a hand in the air. I think he’s referring to the snogs and sex.
‘Fun!’
‘Oh.’ There’s a long pause. Silence apart from the sound of water splashing against the side of the boat. ‘I wish Georgie was more like you, independent, brave. It would make it easier for her.’
I’m independent and brave? I am!
So why doesn’t he want me? Uh-uh, I am not going to go down that road. ‘She will be, in her own way, in time.’
‘I don’t think she knows what she wants.’
‘Maybe not, but she’ll figure it out. It took me ages to realise I could be me, not the people-pleasing arse-licking idiot I’ve been the past few years, because of people like bloody Teddy!’
‘I can’t believe you were ever one of those!’ He finishes off his beer and puts the empty down. Having Ash around makes me feel better, makes me surer that I’m going in the right direction. I will be really, really sorry to say goodbye to him. I’ll miss him like crazy.
‘Ash, change isn’t always bad. Maybe coming here for Georgie was actually good for her in some way, she just doesn’t know how yet. If I hadn’t done the work I did with Teddy, if we hadn’t split, if I hadn’t come here…’ I shrug my shoulders. ‘For a start I would never have had the joy of a dog party!’ Or met a man like you.
‘How the hell did this convo get so heavy! I told you I could be a moody git!’
‘The black clouds of Cumbria suit you!’ I grin and stroke Bella on the head, knowing they will blow over. ‘Look, I’m not in the market for happy ever afters right now, Ash. But I do like being with you, so…’ I leave it open. ‘I should get back.’
‘Sure. Sorry Becky, I, er…’
‘You should have Bella.’ I am so tempted to just hand her over to him. It seems wrong to keep her, she seems so much his, and it’s irrelevant what any ownership papers say. And then I could just row away, out of all this mess, and go back to my own mess.
But I can’t. I still feel responsible, and I haven’t seen her really with Georgina.
And much as I’d love to be, I’m not one of those people that can just walk away without a second glance if there are any doubts at all.
What if she’s as much hers as well?
‘I will have her,’ he pauses, ‘when the time’s right. And hey, I like you too. It’d be good to show you more of the sights, or…’ The wrinkles settle round his eyes. ‘Put you through your paces again!’
‘Oh no! I am not going there again!’
‘Let me know if you change your mind.’
He gives my boat a gentle shove, and when I’ve gathered my oars and look back, he’s already rowing away in the opposite direction. Sam stares back at us, wagging his tail.
‘Never!’
He waves a hand lazily. ‘Never say never!’
My boat drifts gently back to the shore, and the second we reach it Bella leaps out and runs to the picnic blanket to polish off the rest of the food. I haven’t got the energy to shout at her.
Chapter Twenty
Had confirmation that HappyDogzDinnerzzz will be there at 10 a.m. G
How I love waking up to messages from Georgina. Especially weird mind-boggling ones that make no sense at all.
I also now know better than to ignore them until after my first coffee, when my brain cells might kick into action. That tactic leads to repeated messages culminating in a video call.
I don’t want anybody to see me before I get out of bed. Not even my family, and definitely not IG-ready Georgina. Video calls require preparation.
Sorry? Confirmation?
I can almost hear her sigh.
Can you please check the diary? It is booked in. On Saturday.
I have to remember that this is important to Georgina, her way of controlling her life. Focusing on work has definitely helped me, it’s just a shame that focusing on Bella probably isn’t the long-term solution for her. Maybe I need to help her find something different to concentrate on?
Sure, thanks!
Phew, thank heavens for that. For a moment I thought there would be somebody knocking on the door before I’d even had time to brush my teeth and hair. I’ve got until Saturday.
My God, this dog has got a better social life than me. Is this normal? I’m sure when we’ve had dogs before they’ve only expected daily walks, feeding and the exciting annual highlight of a vet visit for a vaccination or squeeze of their anal glands.
They never had their own diary or personal appointments.
Not even a birthday sausage, let alone a birthday party. With fake friends.
Do I need to do anything?
* * *
Make her presentable, if it isn’t too much trouble.
Do I detect a hint of sarcasm?
You’ve got all day. A bath, fluff her up properly, and trim her eyes – I could hardly see them on her birthday. G
Saturday does ring a bell though, I’m sure there’s something going on. Maybe I did know about this after all, subconsciously.
Oh flip, no. Saturday is when my parents are coming. No, correction. MY WHOLE FAMILY is descending for an engagement party.
I am now fully awake.
Shock does that to a person.
What does she mean, I’ve got all day? Buggering hell, it is Friday! How did Friday creep up on me like that? It’s tomorrow. Saturday is tomorrow, it follows Friday.
And what does she mean ‘trim her eyes’? My phone beeps again.
Email.
Dear Becky,
* * *
Hope this finds you well? Our author is thrilled with your interpretation of Mischief! You’ll be thrilled to know that pre-sales are exceeding expectation with international interest being shown, and so publication of ARCs is being brought forward pre book fair. It would be enormously helpful if we could agree to bring your deadline forward by two weeks.
* * *
Hope this works for you!
* * *
Regards.
Works for me? How can this work for me?
I have a dog diary to maintain, eyes to trim and a bloody family party!
It’s all well and good Mum saying she’ll bring the food, but I have to tidy up, wash my hair, pluck my eyebrows (Abby will look perfect) and provide nibbles. And booze. Plenty of booze. I need bubbly, do they sell champagne in the little shop, or do I need to go into town? Have I got time t
o go into the nearest town, which isn’t near at all?
Sugar! I want to show them me at my best, I want to be at my best. I mean yeah, I know they love me as I am, but I want them to be proud, and happy for me. Because things definitely are on the up, people LOVE my work!
Fantastic news! No problem at all. Thrilled to be a part of this!
I hit send.
Did I actually say, ‘no problem at all’? I am doomed.
But book fair. Concentrate on book fair, international interest. My name in the book. Great pre-sales. This was what my gamble was all about. Doing what I really want to do, following my path. I should be over the moon it’s panning out.
Argh. It’s just the timing though! Why now?
And breathe. Breathe…
I can do this. It is easy. I just need to be organised. I need a schedule.
I will get up early tomorrow to prepare Bella and tidy.
I will ring Ash and beg him to source some champagne and wine and give him extra visiting rights. No, no, I won’t. I will do late-night shopping this evening. I’ve got a whole day ahead of me. Then I will work all day Sunday on the illustrations. Then I will work in the evenings on the paintings I’m doing for David.
Easy peasy. Piece of piss.
I will pluck my eyebrows now, after I’ve had a gallon of coffee. Then shop. Then walk Bella and ‘trim eyes’. Going to have to google that one.
Who do I bathe first in the morning? Bella, as that will make me hot and sweaty, but the later I can do her the better, or she’ll be all un-fluffy and possibly muddy by the time her visitor arrives.
I might have to have my own shower after Bella’s visitors have gone. Before I get stuff ready for my family.
I google HappyDogzDinnerzzz to discover they are organic, grain-free, additive-free, cruelty-free, full of vitamins and practically guarantee fresh breath, zing and sweet-smelling poos. I think I might be a convert.
I might serve their food as nibbles to my family.
Meantime, I might need to hide away all the crap-filled treats I have bought for Bella and for me.
They are definitely not on-brand.
I’m exhausted just thinking about it. So I sit down and drink coffee.
My email pings again.
Hi Becky,
* * *
Bad news I’m afraid, marketing team have decided may need complete rebrand so have a new cover brief to market test. Will get back to you ASAP. May have to shelve this one.
* * *
Ben
Great. I think my head might explode.
It’s going to be like Piccadilly Circus here tomorrow with Bella’s visitors and my parents, and I’ve now got an extra piece of work. Or not.
Maybe I’ve blown it. This could mean that Teddy was right. I have got it completely wrong and have now lost my one big client.
Has Ben just realised that I didn’t smash the changes, well, not in a good way? Shit, is he going to dump me now as well?
I do some short sharp yoga breaths out.
Calm, must be calm.
I can do this. I have made my decision; I am going to stick to my guns even if it kills me. Which it might. And even if it doesn’t, I might still be skint. And if I’m living on the street, how do I work? I don’t buy the whole penniless artist thing, you need a laptop, internet connection and expensive software, plus all the other ‘artistic paraphernalia’ as Teddy used to term it.
I must be brave. I am brave. Ash said so. I have told Teddy to piss off, and now I can draw a line under my relationship with Ben and move on.
Wow, I’ve just realised! Bella is Georgie’s Ben! Yes, that’s it! We’re both hanging on to a link with our past that we really shouldn’t.
But argh. Oh God, when I leave here, where am I going to live if I can’t afford the rent on my flat? My situation is loads worse than hers, at least she’s got a lovely home.
I am NOT going to go and stay with Mum, and Abby is far too busy getting married, and buying a new, posh, proper couples house in Tappleton, and living with my brother Daniel would be like living with an alien being, who doesn’t approve of me. And Kate’s place is even smaller than mine.
I’d always known Abby was a step or two ahead of me, but the gap is widening by the minute. She’s got the life, got it all. Soon she’ll have adorable toddlers (mine would be screaming banshees, hers will be adorable) and well-behaved Labradors pottering around the garden – and not digging up the shrubs, or peeing on them, or pulling the lawn out by the roots. A career. A husband with a career.
Am I as mad as Teddy told me, trying to be an idealist and throwing away the real things? The things I could actually succeed at. ‘Not many people can afford ideals, Becky,’ he’d sniped at me (in one form or another) many times, before grabbing his red pen and setting out to destroy the dreams of yet another of his authors.
But if we’ve not got ideals, not got dreams, what have we got? Ten hours a day of drudgery so that we can afford a nice kitchen, sexy high heels, the latest lippy, but no joy?
Much as I love my lippy, I don’t think it’s the path to total fulfilment.
Bugger, bugger, bugger. I was relying on Ben to be my backstop. Enough work to mean I could survive, with anything else being a bonus.
I need Mischief to turn out to be totally magical. Like, the next Harry Potter. But more quickly.
Bella plonks her paw on my knee, so I move the chair slightly away from the table and she jumps up and licks my nose, gazing adoringly into my eyes. ‘Oh Bella, you’re right.’ I give her a hug. ‘We can do this, can’t we?’ She barks. Talk about positivity, it is practically oozing out of her as she wags her tail with enthusiasm. ‘You know what I think?’ She blows up my nose, then leans her head against me under my chin. ‘I think we need a good long walk to clear our heads.’ One thing that Bella has taught me, is that you can’t beat a good run. A good run (and squirrel chase and pee by a tree – not that I’m going to do these last two) is guaranteed to clear my head and solve any situation. ‘How about that one that promises “spectacular views on a sunny day, a tarn, the perfect waterfall, peregrine falcons and red deer”?’ She barks, jumps down and takes a step back, waiting for me to get up. ‘I’ll have to get changed, put some decent shoes on.’
Sometimes you need to take a moment. Recharge.
This is easy! I don’t know why all these hiking websites and books make such a fuss about walking, I think they just want to put normal people off and keep the best bits for themselves.
It’s the perfect antidote to all the stress and hassle though. My head already feels lighter, and I actually feel free. Like nothing else matters. I am striding out into my new life!
I’ve brought my mobile phone (fully charged of course – but also on mute). I took a photo of the walk instructions, plus I’ve got the Ordnance Survey app thingy so I know exactly where I am. I’ve also got a rucksack with water for Bella and me, a supply of Kendal mint cake (any excuse), lots of dog treats, a long-sleeved top and waterproof in case the weather suddenly changes (haha, how likely is that?) and some plasters. I packed all this before I realised that conditions were massively exaggerated. I’m bloody glad I didn’t go all the way and pack a compass, tent and emergency flares.
‘Isn’t it fab, Bella?’ She gives a tug on her lead, as though to say, ‘Well, it would be if you’d let go!’, so I do. I unclip her lead. I mean, what’s the harm? We’ve just walked across a very photogenic bridge that straddles a small beck and are plodding up a slightly inclined stony path that slices across fields of rough grass.
Not even Ash could stalk us here without me spotting him miles away. Not even he can hide on open ground like this. Unless he disguises himself as a sheep.
We come to an old, wooden wobbly stile, but Bella leaps over it easily and waits on the other side as I start to clamber over trying not to catch a foot and fall flat on my face.
Sitting on top of the stile I can see for miles.
Talk about inspiration! A lu
mp forms in my throat, I am going to miss this place so much when it’s time to go home. Whatever happens, I’m going to find time to come back and visit.
The sky is startlingly clear, apart from the hint of thin white clouds that lurks along the sharp edges of the mountains, blending and softening.
Below my feet, the muted greys of the stone path lead my eye across the brown-green of sunburned grass, to the patchwork walls that criss-cross the landscape, disappearing into the distance.
If I’d brought my sketch pad I could just stay here for a couple of hours, but instead I make do with taking photos.
I wish I could stay here forever. Is that running away, or just starting over? Is it just the scenery, the space or the man who has taken up such an important part of it? The man who is always on the horizon, the one I’m always looking out for, the one who is in more dreams than any man should be.
Shaking my head, I turn away. I don’t know where that thought came from. Except he always does seem to be in my head. And it isn’t just the fact that I fancy him like mad, he’s a bit like Bella, he makes me feel good about life, about myself. He makes me feel like I can do anything, try anything – and it doesn’t matter if it doesn’t work out.
Bella barks and I glance up at her, and the long, rough track that stretches over the other side. For miles. Getting steeper. ‘Come on then Bella, this had better be bloody worth it!’
Cotton-wool clouds bubble over the summits of the crags ahead, but above them the sky is a glorious clear blue that would look false if I tried to recreate it on a canvas.
The track narrows to become a bridleway, the stones slipping under my feet as I plod on. Bella hares off after a rabbit, then comes lolloping back when I whistle. She’s panting, her tongue hanging out, but she is still bouncing about full of energy, which is more than I am. I am staggering, one foot in front of the other, but determined to do it.
The Dog Sitter: The new feel-good romantic comedy of 2021 from the bestselling author of The Wedding Date! Page 23