‘But I want—’
‘Becky.’ A little bit of the sternness leaves his face, and he must sense the hot tears pricking at the back of my eyes, because his voice thaws and he rests his hand briefly on my arm, and squeezes. ‘I’m sorry but you’re more of a hindrance up there than a help, you’ll slow us down.’ He pauses and looks me straight in the eye. ‘And I’ll be worried you’ll fall and hurt yourself.’
It’s the caring look that does me in – unleashes all the pent-up feelings of panic, fear. Failure. ‘This is all my fault!’ I wail. He puts his arm round my shoulders and pulls me in and I blub. ‘And I thought, when her lead had gone, I thought, you, and…’ I am aware I am hiccupping and not making any sense.
‘Shh.’ He pulls me in tighter, until my feet lift off the ground, and kisses the top of my head. Then he very firmly plants me on my own two feet.
With the gentlest of touches he wipes my cheek with his thumb, and I catch hold of his wrist.
‘You will find her, Ash?’
‘Promise.’
I watch man and dog as they work their way up the path, until they disappear from view and I just hear the occasional whistle.
Then silence.
For ages.
I’m getting stiff, the water is seeping through my cheap jacket at the seams and dripping off the hood down my face and into my eyes but I daren’t move from the spot.
I daren’t do anything. I just stand and shiver, and hug myself, and promise I’ll be a better person and try harder if only he finds her.
I’m concentrating so hard on the path he took, that at first the sound of his whistle is disorientating.
I turn, blinking. Off to my right there’s a tall figure heading towards me, and it has to be Ash. A spaniel is casting round in large circles, heading down the bank and being whistled back.
He’s done a circle, is coming back at me from a different direction.
Ash shakes his head in frustration when they get back to me, and he clips Sam’s leash on. ‘Bloody dog wants to head down there—’ he points ‘—and head back up the beck, he must have picked up an old scent or something.’
‘Are you sure?’ I try not to, but I can’t help the shiver.
He glances up at the dark skies. ‘Maybe we need a break anyway.’ His sigh is so heavy it breaks something inside me, I feel like I’m crumbling, falling apart. He runs his fingers through his hair. Dirty hands, caked with mud from where he’s climbed. Spattered boots and legs. ‘He’s only young, they make mistakes, but he’s tried hard, haven’t you mate? Can’t blame him.’ He ruffles the hair on the top of Sam’s head.
‘You can’t give up! We can’t—’
‘I’m not giving up.’
‘You are!’ I’m biting back the tears and begging him to carry on, but a part of me wants to reach out, touch him, tell him it will be okay. Wipe the smear from his cheek. But I can’t. I can’t, because what if it isn’t okay?
‘I’d never give up. But you need a break, Becky, we all do. Even Sam, it’s not fair on him. It’s just too dark and he’s not much more than a pup. Come on, I’ll get you home. We’ll come out first thing in the morning, I promise.’
‘I can’t leave her out all night.’
‘And you can’t find her either. It’s too dangerous in the dark, Becky. You know I love her. Trust me. Please?’ He ruffles the wispy hairs on Sam’s head, then the dog jumps up and he catches him, holding him close. ‘Let’s at least get back and give this one some food, then make a plan?’
Bella is licking my face, and Ash is holding me, cuddling me, leaning in and kissing me.
He’s so warm, the bed is so cosy, I snuggle in deeper.
‘Beck?’
I open my eyes.
He’s not in bed with me, he’s fully dressed and leaning over me, shaking my shoulder. Ash isn’t in bed with me because he doesn’t want that. Ever. I’m not his kind of girl.
Another lick stops me feeling sorry for myself. It isn’t Bella – it is Sam nudging and licking at my face. Which makes me want to cry again. I wanted it to be Bella so much it hurts.
‘Come on, it’s getting light. I’ve made some bacon sandwiches and packed a thermos.’
‘What?’ It takes a second, then yesterday floods back and I roll out of bed and look round in panic for my clothes.
‘Your stuff is at the bottom of the bed, I put it in the drier for you.’
‘Anybody ever tell you you’d make a brilliant wife?’ I yell back, trying to sound brighter than I feel.
Bella has been out all night. All night, while I’ve been curled up in bed and Ash has warmed my cold damp clothes up.
She’ll be freezing and damp, and dirty.
I should have trusted my instincts, gone with my heart, not some stupid agreement with Georgina. I should have let him have her. He’d have kept her safe.
But Georgina needs her as well. Georgina needs to find her own kind of closure – which she can’t if we don’t find Bella.
Ash is already in the car, engine running when I get out there.
It’s a stunning morning. Even in my current state I can appreciate that, stop for a second to take a deep breath.
Daybreak has to be one of the nicest hours of the day. It’s so still and quiet, with a perfect soft glow of light that holds so much promise. Yesterday’s rainstorm is a distant memory, this morning there is only the dampness of dew.
Yesterday’s nightmare isn’t distant though. I stare out of the window and blink back the threatening tears, trying to concentrate on the beauty and not the nightmare scenarios that are dancing around in my head.
‘You know what, I’m not sure,’ Ash says as we park up and climb out, Sam poised at the foot of the track.
‘What?’ I blink at him.
‘You asked last night if I was sure, about Sam following an old scent? But look at him.’
I look at Sam, who’s pointing in the same way the stream flows, his tail wagging crazily.
Ash gives him the word to go, and we follow him up the track, over the bridge. He pauses again at the beck, then looks back, as though asking permission.
‘Maybe you should trust him. I know I don’t know anything about dogs, Ash. But doing it your way isn’t working.’
He studies me, assessing eyes travelling slowly over every inch of my face. Then he nods decisively.
‘Okay. We’ll follow Sam. At least we can grab a drink where he’s heading.’
‘Out here?’
‘Out here.’ He nods, a grim hint of a smile on his face.
We walk along the bank of the stream for what feels like miles. Mainly because I have several rather painful blisters on my feet. There is no big-enough, soft-enough plaster in the world to make them feel better.
Sam never lifts his nose; he just zigzags along making little ‘wiffle’ sounds. ‘He’s taking in the scent,’ says Ash, when I throw him a look.
He resists the pull of the water and keeps on at his job, and soon the path, muddy from yesterday’s downpour, widens and becomes stonier.
It’s a relief not to be slipping and sliding about as much, as I jog to keep up with Ash’s long purposeful stride. Sam seems to be happier as well as he speeds up and is soon galloping along.
‘Oh hell.’ I have visions of losing a second dog. But Ash puts a steadying hand on my arm before I can shout at Sam.
‘It’s okay, I know where he’s going.’
‘You do?’
He nods. A small smile plays at the corners of his mouth. ‘I do. You were right, I should have trusted him.’ The path snakes away from the stream, drying out under the shelter of the trees, becomes a proper track and then opens out into a glade.
I slow, letting my eyes accustom to the softer light, and am just picking up pace again when there’s a yelp. Sam suddenly zooms back past us at high speed, leaping over fallen logs, his tail between his legs, and nearly cannoning into Ash. He circles, and I take my gaze off him for a second and realise he’s being chase
d.
There’s a bark, a loud ecstatic bark and it dawns on me. It’s Bella!
‘Oh my God!’ My sight blurs with tears, and I put my hands over my mouth as she leaps up at Ash, then fawns at his feet, wriggling and squirming and rolling in the leaf mould.
Sam jumps up at me, his tail wagging as though he’s telling me he’s clever. ‘You are clever, you did it, Sam, good boy. You’re so clever!’ I grab him, kiss him and leap around as madly as he is. I realise that I’m crying, that my hands on his ears are wet because my face is damp. But I don’t care.
Ash is grinning. He’s standing up, Bella in his arms, and the smile on his face is the biggest I’ve ever seen. He buries his face in her fur. She turns to lick his face, nibble his nose, then wriggles to be put down again. So that she can dash round with Sam.
She’s dirty and bedraggled but looks unbelievably happy that we’ve found her.
She can’t stay still. She leaps over Sam, then she’s in front of Ash again, she’s squirming onto her back, then back on her front. She leaps up at me, then dashes off, running around and around the opening in the trees with Sam, and then nearly bowling both of us over.
‘I think she’s pleased to see us.’
‘That is the understatement of the century,’ I say, crouching down. ‘Oh Bella.’ My voice is croaky, hoarse with emotion, but I couldn’t care less. ‘I am so pleased to see you too. You can’t believe how pleased.’ I look up at Ash and wipe the tears off my face with my forearm. ‘You found her; Sam found her.’
‘Teamwork.’ He smiles. ‘You told me to trust Sam so how could I not?’ His gaze holds mine, his voice soft. ‘I reckon we make quite a good team, the four of us. Right, coffee?’ He rests his hand briefly on my shoulder, warm, strong.
‘What do you mean, coffee? We drank it!’
He grins, takes a step further into the clearing and holds his hand out for me to slip mine into.
There is a camper van, a bright orange old-fashioned VW camper van. To one side there’s what looks like a fire, with a pot hung over it. Either side of the doorway are pots filled with herbs.
‘This is where she came?’ I laugh weakly, relief and exhaustion mingle together.
‘Yup, this is where she came. She probably slept underneath it, and—’ he gives a wry grin and points ‘—emptied the bin of scraps.’ He shakes his head. ‘I don’t expect any cockapoo ever died of starvation.’
‘What is this place?’ I’m dying to look inside. It is unbelievably cute.
‘This, Becky, is the place I call home at the moment.’ His face is serious.
‘You live in a camper van? But…’ I look him up and down, and grin. He just looks too big to live in a tiny van like this!
‘It’s temporary.’ He smiles back. ‘My secret hideaway.’ His eyes twinkle.
‘Ahh, this is where David came to find you yesterday!’
‘It is, he’s one of the few in the know. Shame Bella hadn’t already got here, would have saved us a sleepless night.’
‘You didn’t sleep?’ I ask guiltily. I slept – for those few hours between crashing out and being woken up at daybreak. I was totally knackered.
I want to hug him.
‘I’m used to it. Some of us are tough, you know.’ Laughter dances in his beautiful face. I never thought I’d call a man’s face beautiful, but right now, his is.
‘How long are you here for?’ I blab on, trying not to give in to temptation and grab him for a kiss.
‘Until the stuff going on at my place is sorted.’
Which doesn’t tell me anything. I wonder where his place is. I wonder if I’ll get a chance to see it before I have to go home.
If I knew where it was, maybe it would be okay for him to have Bella there with him. I don’t think there’s room for a dog in the camper as well as him!
‘Sometimes I prefer it here though! I might just stay.’
‘What?’ I’m so surprised my hold on Bella slackens and she wriggles free from me, dashes past him and waits at the door, barking. Laughter bubbles up inside me. ‘Stay?’ Oh my God, he’s a real-life Crocodile Dundee or Robinson Crusoe – but with a camper.
‘It’s a long story.’ He wags a finger at me. ‘I hope you’re not laughing!’
‘Never.’ I grin back. ‘I think you need to tell me.’
‘Another time.’ He motions towards one of the chairs, and I sit down, Bella leaping onto my knee, and I don’t care if she’s dirty and smelly, or is trying to French kiss me. He strides over and gently strokes her head. ‘I’ve not brought her here before though, she must have picked up my scent, or Sam’s.’
‘Yours. It’s you she was looking for,’ I say. ‘Definitely.’ She knew she’d be safe if she followed Ash’s scent. The thought brings a lump to my throat, and hot tears prick at my eyelids.
I’m overtired. Emotional. That must be what it is.
The morning sunlight edges through the tree canopy and I put my head back and close my eyes.
I’m knackered. With mental relief as much as anything physical.
Bella snores softly, Ash clatters about in the van and Sam is lying on my feet.
The amazing aroma of coffee drifts from the van, along with the even more amazing smell of bacon.
‘Here you go, don’t say I never give you anything!’
I inhale. It smells heavenly. ‘Oh my God, Ash. I love you!’
I didn’t mean it like that. He knows it, but when I open my eyes, he’s staring straight at me. We hold eye contact for a second, and then he winks and passes me a mug of coffee.
‘A girl with simple needs?’ He’s studying me intently; it is a bit unnerving.
‘Too true.’ He smiles and breaks off the look. I wrap my mouth around the bacon sandwich. ‘Now shut up and let me eat.’
He does shut up, watching in silence as I take a bite. I can’t drag my gaze away from his face, his eyes. He’s got the gentlest smile on his face, a hint of tiredness around his eyes, a stillness I’ve grown to love. It should be unnerving, being watched so intently, but it isn’t. It is like the moment you see in the movies, that shared moment in bed when you wake in the morning. Face to face.
Not like any moment I’ve ever believed existed away from the big screen.
‘That brown sauce on your nose is incredibly sexy, you know.’ He breaks the spell.
‘Tip I picked up online, how to catch a man.’
He chuckles, sending ripples of want swirling round in my stomach. ‘Winner!’
‘I know, now will you be quiet so I can eat this?’
‘Didn’t anybody ever tell you not to talk with your mouth full?’
‘Not really. Oh my God, this is bliss.’ I talk through the crumbs, and push Bella away gently with my foot. ‘As good as sex, orgasmic, the best thing you’ve ever done.’
He chuckles. ‘Guess I need to try harder in some areas then!’
Normally I’d blush, but right now I’m too busy wiping sauce off my chin and licking my fingers. Then wondering exactly what he means.
‘Haha.’ I knock back the rest of the coffee and sigh with contentment. Even with all the looks and suggestive comments, all I really want to do is curl up and go to sleep right now. Is that wrong?
‘Come on, we should get you and the ragamuffin home.’
‘You’ve read my mind.’
‘Or the fact you’re struggling to keep your eyes open!’ He hauls me out of my seat. ‘There’s a shortcut back to the car. Can you make it, or do you need carrying?’
I’d love to be carried, but to be honest I reckon he must be at least as knackered as me. And I am totally and utterly knackered. I could sleep for a week. After I’ve bathed Bella and taken a long shower.
‘You don’t need to come.’
‘I do. I want to check you’re safe.’
We walk in companionable silence. Sam casting ahead then running back, his tail wagging all the time. Bella staying at our heels, between the two of us – occasionally glancing up, never
straying far, and at some point along the way our swinging hands meet and our fingers entwine. And it feels right. Normal.
I’m almost sad when we turn a corner and I can see my little car.
‘I can drive, if that’s okay with you?’ Ash’s voice breaks the silence. ‘Don’t want you falling asleep and ending up in a ditch.’
I nod as I clamber into the passenger seat. Bella jumps onto my knee, rests her head on my chest and gazes up at me. Totally relaxed.
It was nice to see Ash’s camper van; it feels like a shared secret. Our place.
I ruffle Bella’s ears and gaze back into her gorgeous eyes. She’s watching me steadily, knowingly and it makes me smile as I draw her warm body in closer.
‘Did you plan this?’ I whisper into her soft fur. ‘Did you take us there on purpose?’ She wriggles and licks my nose.
Okay, I’m being fanciful. Bella has no interest in bringing us together. She’s just a dog.
She groans and sinks down on my lap.
‘Okay?’ Ash leans in and ruffles the fur on the top of her head, and I don’t know if he’s asking me or her. But I nod, share a smile with him. ‘Ready to go?’
‘Sure!’ I think I’ll just have forty winks on the way.
Chapter Twenty-Two
‘Surprise!’
Oh hell. It is Saturday. How did I forget it was Saturday?
I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. Whatever I expected when we got back with Bella, it wasn’t a welcome party.
I stare and laugh slightly hysterically, clinging on to Ash’s hand. And then I burst into tears.
‘Oh, Becky, what’s happened?’ Mum rushes up, ignoring the very muddy Bella and wraps me in a big hug – which makes me blub even more.
I can’t stop the steady stream. I wipe my face with the back of a very dirty hand and sniffle.
‘Darling, are you okay?’ She alternates between holding me at arm’s length to study my face and wrapping me up in her arms.
‘They’re happy tears.’ I hiccup.
‘Happy? But you look…’
‘The dog got lost,’ says Ash, the master of understatement. ‘We’ve been out looking for her.’
The Dog Sitter: The new feel-good romantic comedy of 2021 from the bestselling author of The Wedding Date! Page 25