by Tillie Cole
My head snapped to meet Ky’s gaze. He left the room, cell pressed to his ear. He’d be calling Tank to gather more intel.
Dropping the knife to the floor, I signaled for Flame to take the reins and left him to do what he did best. Viking and AK stayed to watch the fucked-up show. I burst outta the door into the warm summer air and breathed deep, only to find Pit next to the shed, ear pressed to the wood. He jumped when he caught my movement. My eyes narrowed.
What you doing out here? I signed.
Pit swallowed and couldn’t meet my eyes. “I… I was t-taking out the trash.” I stared down the prospect and he ran like lightning through the door to the club bar. What the fuck was that all that about?
Rubbing my hands down my face, I leaned against the hard wood of the shed.
Fuck. I need Mae.
I’d fucked up. Big time. She was all I was thinking about when I was sticking my knife in that Nazi, cuttin’ into his flesh, and I couldn’t get focused. I badly wanted the shit who took Lois—who tried to take Mae from me—dead, sent to the boatman and on into Hades. I wanted revenge for Lois’s death. Didn’t give her much in this life; the bitch deserved that much from me now. It would come. The fucker wasn’t leaving that shed alive. Then it was on to take out the rest of his crew.
With one final sobering breath, I made my way to the bar. When I stepped in, most of the men were back from their rooms and Pit was back serving behind the bar, the brother still avoiding my eyes. My teeth clenched with suspicion, but I decided to leave it for now. Too much shit went on tonight and the brothers needed a break. I scanned the crowd looking for Mae, when Beauty’s blond hair and Letti’s big build caught my eye.
Making my way over, Ky fell into step beside me. “Tank’s still on the road. Gonna contact the payroll inside the senator’s office, see what he can scope out.”
I gave a curt nod and Ky headed for the bar. His favorite slut, Tiff, almost creamed when he approached. I couldn’t help but smirk. He sure had no problems finding pussy.
Letti nudged Beauty when I reached their table and she smiled. Something was off.
Thought you were pissed at me? I signed.
Her fake-ass smile dropped. “I am.”
Yeah? Then why the smiles? I deliberately glanced around the room. And where’s Mae?
Yup, there was her weird smile again.
What? I signed to Beauty, my jaw beginning to tick.
Ky slung his arm around my neck from behind, slammed my beer on the table, and asked, “Why does everyone look so damn pissed?”
I gripped Beauty’s arm and signed again, What you acting fuckin’ weird for? Where’s Mae?
“She’s with Rider,” Beauty whispered nervously.
I swear it was like the movies when the music cuts and everything stops. Rider?
Ah, shit!
“We went to check if he was okay. He let us stay. Then they started spouting some Christian shit at each other and she refused to leave. They seem pretty damn close.”
I squeezed my eyes shut. Close?
Snapping my eyes back open, I asked, Why’d she refuse to leave?
“‘Cause she don’t wanna see you!”
“Christ, you sure know how to fuck things up!” Ky laughed.
Pushing Ky aside, I powered through the bar in the direction of Rider’s room. Beauty tried to pull me back. “Styx, wait. It won’t do no good, you bustin’ in there like that!”
I pulled back my arm and barged into the room, the pair of them sitting on the couch, side by side, laughing at some shitty movie… and, fuck, Rider was half naked.
As I stumbled in, Mae and Rider sat up straight, staring in disbelief at me as I thundered toward them. What the fuck is this? I signed, pointing at them both on the couch. Rider translated for Mae, which just fuckin’ pissed me off.
“Not what you think, brother,” Rider said quickly. Too quickly. Mae’s ice-blue eyes burned. At that moment, she looked so fuckin’ beautiful my chest ached.
But when I noticed his clothes on her body, fury instantly possessed me. Yeah, then why is she here with your shit on, in your fuckin’ room… Alone! The about-to-become-dead brother translated again.
Mae shot to her feet and screamed, “Because… I… do… not… want… to… see… you!”
Shocked, I ran my fingers through my hair a couple times. So… what? You gonna be Rider’s bitch now?” Mae looked to Beauty, who reluctantly relayed what I’d signed.
“It is not like that,” she snapped. “I just cannot see you right now. You hurt me, Styx. I need space.”
Fine. But you’re in my room. If you’re in my fuckin’ club, you’re in my fuckin’ room. That’s the way it is. Let’s go!
On hearing my orders voiced by Beauty, I stabbed out my hand. Mae didn’t take it. I watched her cast a shocked look at Rider. Well, that just pissed me off even more.
Now, Mae! I ordered again, no translation required. I knew I was being a possessive dick… but I didn’t like the way she was looking at Rider and him at her.
We got a problem, brother? I signed to Rider.
“No problem,” he replied.
“I want to stay in here,” Mae announced quietly.
Not fuckin’ happening. Rider again translated, looking more like a dead man by the minute.
“Then I shall leave!”
I froze. Much to my annoyance, so did Rider. For the first time in a long time, I didn’t know what the fuck to do. I could see in her eyes that she meant it. Sure as hell, I didn’t want her to leave.
Fuckin’ classic. A Mexican standoff!
“She can have the bed. I’ll take the couch until I can get back home,” Rider offered.
Like fuck she can. I fumed.
“What did he say, Rider?” Mae asked, measured menace in her voice. She had more edge to her than I’d given her credit for.
“He don’t want you staying with me,” Rider replied neutrally.
Her ice-blue eyes narrowed. “Agree to it or I leave. I mean it, Styx. I cannot stay with you right now. You must take responsibility for what you have done!”
I laughed to myself. Karma’s a bitch, ain’t it? You know what, Mae? Do what the fuck you like. I then pointed at Rider. You touch her, I kill you.
Threat made, I turned sharply.
“You hurt me!” Mae blurted, her voice breaking.
I froze.
“You made me feel ashamed of myself… my past… things that I had no control over.” I slowly turned around and saw the fuckin’ shredding pain on her face, in her stance. Christ. Mae folded her arms across her chest, dropped her gaze from mine, and moved to sit next to Rider on the couch… right next Rider.
My jaw clenched as her head fell on his shoulder. The brother looked shocked, but I watched that shock turn to a whole lot more. I walked forward and placed my hand on her shoulder.
She tensed and shrugged my hand away.
“Just go, Styx…” she whispered, and my heart fuckin’ sank.
I was such a dumb fuck.
With that, I left, intent on drowning my sorrows in my room with my buddy Jim Beam…
…Far, far away from any club sluts called Dyson who wanted to suck my cock.
Chapter Fifteen
Styx
Lois was buried five days later: black-and-chrome casket, dimes on her eyes, and laid to rest next to her folks in our compound’s cemetery—too many bodies filling that space of late.
Every brother and their old lady attended… and so did Mae. She linked arms with Rider, propping the brother up and fussing over him like a goddamn nurse. It took everything I had not to launch over the open grave and empty a 9mm into Rider’s skull. But even a sinner like me can respect the funeral service of a sister. Mae was stoic throughout the whole thing, Rider’s eyes constantly watching her and me always watching him.
I was finding it really fuckin’ hard to deal with his wandering attentions on my bitch. That’s right, I reminded myself. Mae is mine. Just had to convince her
of it somehow. ’Cause if she chose Rider over me, blood would be shed… and it ain’t gonna to be mine.
Two hours later, dusk settled in. We all gathered in the yard of the compound for the wake, grill lit, Black Sabbath’s “Heaven and Hell” blaring from the speakers, and liquor on free flow.
Mae stayed next to Beauty and Letti on the only patch of grass in the entire yard. The three of them were tight as sisters now. I was glad. She needed friends outside of Rider, fuckin’ far, far outside.
Time to time, Mae would throw me a glance. Her eyes would bore into mine, but the warmth she’d always had for me was gone. The lust was still shining through as she checked me out, but the happiness and the softness had died.
She was fuckin’ all smiles for Rider though, the brother looking kinda different now his hair was loose down his back and his trademark bandana was free from his head. Fuck knows what inspired his change in appearance, but we all noticed him changing before our eyes. He was talking more, socializing more, honing in on my fuckin’ property.
Five days. Five damn days of watching Mae grow closer to the club doc while he recovered from his injury. Five days of sitting in the hallway like a fuckin’ stalker, fighting back nausea when he made her laugh. And five days of blue balls and hangovers and not one fuck. Christ, I hadn’t even jacked off. But there’d been one hell of a lot of bourbon.
I’d watched her last night in the brother’s room as she and Rider sat next to one another on the floor, playing some lame-ass board game. A fuckin’ biker playing a board game. Hades himself would be laughing his ass off at the thought. But I wasn’t. Rider was teaching her the rules, guiding her through each play. Her face became more animated as she began to work that shit out on her own, achievement and victory in her expression. One thing was clear: she looked happy.
Now, I felt like killing myself every time she flashed him a perfect smile. The smile she used to throw at me. The smile I’d chased away trying to be fuckin’ noble. The smile I’d chased away getting drunk off my ass, fuckin’ things up with Dyson the cum vacuum.
To make matters worse, the Nazis’d vanished. They knew one of their own had been caught. They knew he’d spill his guts about their location. The Hangmen had stormed that joint, fully loaded, to take the fuckers out, but the place was a ghost town: overturned tables, drawers emptied, and tire marks on the broken asphalt road. One thing was for sure, with a bid on my head, we had to find the skinhead base before they came at us again. I had too much going for me now. Weren’t ready to burn in Hell just yet.
The beer flowed.
Tributes to Lois were made.
The wake rolled on.
The brothers slipped from paying respects to a fallen sister to an outlaw’s usual acts of debauchery. Ky and the psycho trio led the whoring and drinking.
Taking a beer, I walked to the other side of the yard and hunkered down on the ground, leaning against a bale of hay beside the barrel fire. I grabbed my Fender, lit a smoke, and let my fingers take a lyrical walk. Willie Nelson’s “Blue Eyes Cryin’ in the Rain” hummed on the strings. Lost in the music, my eyes glazed by the orange glow of the flames, the words slipped out of my mouth.
“Someday when we meet up yonder
We’ll stroll hand in hand again
In land that knows no parting
Blue eyes cryin’ in the rain…”
With a final strum, the song played off. Casting a quick glimpse around to check I weren’t puling in a crowd, I relaxed. The brothers were now clustered in small groups ’round the yard, some gone home with their families, others fucked off their face, the trio taking target practice at a can perched on Pit’s head.
Fuckin’ chaos.
As I searched around the yard, Mae was nowhere to be seen. Rider stood beside Smiler, the two of them cutting a fuckin’ miserable picture, all long hair and sullen expressions. But Rider’s attention was fixed firmly behind me, his eyebrows drawn and his teeth worrying his bottom lip. Only knew one thing to make him act like that of late. Or one person, should I say.
Turning my head, I froze when a flow of long black hair whipped in the wind ’round the side of the garage wall. A second later, Mae’s blue eyes peeped around the corner, that small sweet smile on her pink lips.
She’d listened to me play… again.
But she didn’t want me to know she was there.
Leaning forward, I saw Mae’s full face come into view. Her small smile froze when she realized she’d been caught.
As she braced to run, I jerked my chin, ordering her to come to me. Her chest rose high in her skintight, floor-length black dress and perfectly fitted leather jacket. Beauty had kitted her out good. With a deep breath, Mae reluctantly, cautiously, came to me.
She stood awkwardly at my side, playing with her hands and her eyes were lowered in nerves. Christ, she was stunning—all small in height, perfect tight figure, long black hair, and those huge red lips and crystal-blue eyes…
No. Fuckin’. Flaws.
Making sure no one was in earshot, I tapped the bale. Mae, flicking her eyes in Rider’s direction, sagged her shoulders and dropped down onto the bale next to me. She sighed a defeated sigh.
We sat in silence for a while, Mae looking out into the trees, me pretty much looking up at her. I was trying to plan how I could make up for being such a prick with Dyson. My jaw had locked, my throat clenched tight. I tried to calm, but shit, I was fuckin’ slammed by nerves.
With a heaving sigh, Mae flickered her eyes to me, then back to the fire. Then she broke the awkward tension.
“The service today was beautiful, Styx. I have not seen a funeral like that before, the words by the pastor, so considerate of who Lois was. You did well informing him about all her good attributes. I think I would have liked to have known her better.”
I could only nod. I weren’t even thinking ’bout Lois right now as cold as that sounded. It was all Mae. Mae next to me. Mae looking hot as all hell.
“When people died in commune, they were anointed with oil and buried, no ceremony. We believed they were with the Lord, so no grieving was necessary. But I believe Lois would have been happy if she could have seen her service. She was honored properly, as every human being should be.”
I closed my eyes for a moment, savoring the fact she was done giving me the cold shoulder. Nodding, I reached up and ran my finger along her pale hand. She stilled and watched the action, her eyes fluttering to meet mine.
“I-I f-fucked up, Mae. Real b-bad.”
Her sharp inhale of breath made me look up. Her blue eyes glistened, fixed back on the fire, her lips tight and white.
“Mae, l-look at m-me.”
Subtly wiping the tears from under her eyes, she did as I asked.
“I fucked up.”
Mae took in another deep breath and pressed her fingers to my lips. “Your speech is better.”
Rearing back in shock, I asked, “Is it?”
“Mm-hmm. You sound less… strained. Your eyes do not twitch as much and your words come quicker.”
Raking back my dark hair, my other hand still flush with hers, I smirked. “M-missed talking to you. Missed h-having you watching me. Maybe th-that’s why.”
A blush raced up her pale skin and she whispered, “I have missed you too.” She sighed. “Very much. I feel like all I do is miss you: as a child after our first meeting, when you went on your run for a month… when you took another woman instead of me…”
“I f-fucked up, Mae. I r-really f-fucked up,” I said again.
Her hand squeezed mine and she whispered, “You hurt me. I am so tired of being hurt by men.”
Shifting closer, I smoothed back her heavy curtain of hair and brought her hand to my lips. I carefully kissed the back. “You f-forgive me, babe?”
Closing her eyes, she laid her head on my shoulder. Christ, did it feel right.
“I forgive you. I shall always forgive you.”
“Babe,” I whispered. My heart pounded against my ribs. “
I n-never touched D-Dyson. She put on a show, but I c-couldn’t do it. I-I was dr-drunk off my ass, and I—”
“I know. Beauty and Letti explained it to me,” Mae interrupted.
“Mae. That n-night…” I closed my eyes and breathed deeply. “The s-scars…” Her eyes were huge and so fuckin’ blue. I was making her nervous. “I d-didn’t know how to d-deal. I felt like a… a… r-rapist, p-pouncing on you like I did. Lois dead. You were n-nearly killed. I weren’t d-dealin’ with shit like a Prez shoulda.”
Rubbing my hand along my throat, I said, “I-I just g-got you. I t-tried to stay away, do the right thing. B-because I ain’t no good for you. But fuck, I want you so b-bad I feel like I-I c-can’t breathe. Can’t p-push you away n-no more. Need to have you c-close.”
We stayed silent for a fuckin’ age before Mae spoke, her hand gripping mine tightly. “I was eight when I met you that day, you know.”
I jerked in shock. We hadn’t talked much about the past. Shit, we hadn’t talked much about anything. My fault for pushing her away. Knew she’d escaped some cult behind that fence. Didn’t know why or how, but I could guess it was bad by the way she never brought it up… and those fuckin’ rape scars…
Mae stared unseeing into the fire, then slipped slowly to the ground beside me. She leaned back against the bale. I pulled her closer between my legs, her back right to my chest. I had a feeling she’d need me for this shit.
She was breathing so hard, so I rolled back her long black hair and kissed up the side of her neck. She trembled in my arms, then a long exhale seemed to calm her right down.
“I-I g-guessed you were around that age. I was el-eleven.” I finally replied.
Relaxing back against my chest, she sighed. “I… I had just taken part in my first brother-sister sharing. I was stupid to resist the act. But I was so young and terrified. I tried to fight back when they forced me on the mattress and ripped off my dress. I had the bladed trap forced between my legs… to…”—her timid eyes flashed up to mine in embarrassment before once again dipping to the ground—“keep my legs… wide open to the chosen disciple. His name was Jacob. From that day on, it was almost always him who selected me. He was in his thirties at the time. That first day, my ‘Awakening’ as they called it, I resisted until I was broken in. As I grew older, I just grew… desensitized to it all.”