It Ain't Me, Babe

by Tillie Cole

“Your mother? What happened to her? Who was she?”

  I let out a single laugh. “Club slut. L-left my old m-man for the Di-Diablo scum.”

  “Diablo?” she questioned, confused.

  “M-Mexican MC. Rivals. Been at war ever s-since. My old man k-killed my mother wh-when I was ten. Sanchez, their P-Prez, killed my old man l-last year. I killed Sanchez t-two days later.”

  Propping herself on my shoulder with her hand, Mae’s expression was sad. “You have led such a turbulent life. Surrounded by so much death. I have always wondered why you had Hades as your emblem, the devil. I saw the mural when I arrived. It is such a strange thing to worship.”

  “Not in th-this l-life.”

  She raised her ebony eyebrows and my lips twitched. Rolling her to the side, I moved off the bed and kicked my legs over the side.

  “Where are you going? You need rest. You are still injured, remember!” she protested.

  I waved my hand in dismissal. I reached for her black robe and threw it at her. “P-put it on.”

  She eyed me curiously as I slipped on my jeans. I stood and held out my hand, leading her down the back staircase to the yard.

  I led her out of the door and into the summer night’s breeze, the crickets singing and not much else about. Her eyes resembled a deer’s in headlights as she scoped the outside of the clubhouse. Too much shit’d happened of late to make Mae feel safe out here. A large fence kept us in, barbed wire lining the top, cameras perched on every corner post for protection. The bike shop sat on the corner, brothers’ Harley’s and Choppers lined up in front.

  I pulled gently on Mae’s arm. “Th-this way.”

  She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and let me lead her to the west side of the yard. I felt her falter in her step when she saw the mural again.

  Bringing her back to my chest, I placed my hands on her shoulders and leaned in to her ear. “I want y-you to meet H-Hades and P-Persephone, his w-w-wife.”

  A small sigh escaped her lips and she treaded forward on light feet, neck bent back, staring up at the painting, in awe—no, at the goddess in awe. I stepped back, giving her space, and folded my arms across my chest unable to stop watching her.

  Mae lifted her hand and ran her fingers across Persephone’s pale face. “We were not allowed pictures or paintings in commune. They were regarded to be false idols, yet I have never seen anything more beautiful than this portrait of her. Persephone is beautiful.” Mae looked back at me and smiled a wide smile showcasing perfect teeth. She turned back to trace the outline of the goddess’s long black hair.

  Fuck. I was pussy-whipped.

  Mae turned once more, looking at me from under the shade of her lashes. She had a confused expression on her face. “The goddess looks like me. She has my color eyes.”

  I stepped forward to stand beside Mae. “That day, wh-when I saw you, you re-reminded me of her. St-stuck with me all th-these years.”

  Mae’s silence spoke volumes. I shuffled my feet, feeling nervous all of a sudden. “You kn-know who the r-rest of the p-people are on this p-painting?”

  She pointed at the central figure, all soulless eyes and dark robes, a slight tremor to her voice. “Hades. I know him to be Satan.” Her lips pursed and that adorable scowl of hers was back. “He looks just like how the devil is described in scripture.”

  I signaled in the direction of the brown bench across the yard.

  “Sit.”

  Mae followed my instruction and we headed to my favorite spot—opposite the mural, a place I liked to sit, smoke, and think. ’Course it used to be to think of her. Didn’t tell her that, though, or how fuckin’ weird it was that she was now sitting beside me.

  Tiredly, Mae sat down, checking her robe was in place, her legs primly bent, and her hands on her knees before leaning into me.

  “You h-heard of the Gr-Greeks?”

  “Yes, a small amount. I imagine now that it is not much. I have realized of late that what little we were taught in commune about life outside the fence was false.”

  Smirking, I answered, “Th-the ancient Greeks d-didn’t just believe in one g-god. They b-believed in m-many.”

  She gasped and placed her hand on her heart. “Blasphemy! There is only one true God.”

  I shrugged and pulled out a smoke from the back pocket of my jeans and lit it. Religion didn’t play any part in my life, and I couldn’t give a shit who I offended. Bikers weren’t exactly the kind to conform to what society wants. In fact, it’s the fuckin’ polar opposite.

  Mae coughed. “Why do you inhale those things?”

  “It… it…” I paused and cleared my throat. “Calms me,” I answered tensely.

  Seeing her wrinkled nose, I couldn’t help but smile.

  “They smell,” Mae exclaimed.

  I laughed. “You th-think so, b-babe?”

  She nodded with certainty, her beautiful face comical. I threw the stogie to the ground and turned back and tapped the end of her nose. “And that’s why you’ll n-never start smoking this shit. R-right?”

  I was being nice… playful. Shit! Ky would rip me a new asshole for this.

  “Right.” Mae agreed and watched me for several seconds before inching back along the bench, shifting closer to my outstretched arm. “You were talking about the Greeks, Styx.”

  Taking a deep breath again, I began. “Ac-according to the ancient G-Greeks, there were th-three god brothers: Zeus, P-Poseidon, and H-Hades. They overthrew their f-father, the ruling g-god Cr-Cronus, in a battle. They d-drew lots to decide what domains th-they would each take ch-charge of, now that Cronus’d b-been ex-exiled.”

  Mae nestled closer. “What happened next?”

  “Z-Zeus got the p-power of the sky, P-Poseidon of the water, and H-Hades of the underworld—not the j-job any of them r-really w-wanted.” I pointed to the picture of the underworld: dark rivers, fire-ridden levels, morbid as fuck pictures of demons.

  “So the underworld is like Hell? Hades was given Hell? How unfortunate.”

  I huffed a silent laugh at the way she spoke, like some old-world novel shit with a slight edge of good ol’ Texan twang. “Yes and n-no.”

  “How is it different?”

  “Underworld h-holds the entrance to ev-everything, all the r-routes that the soul can take at d-death. When a p-person dies, they g-go to the underworld where they’ll b-be judged on their lives and s-s-sent to either the Elysian F-Fields, which is like h-heaven, I sup-suppose. The river of for-forgetfulness, Lethe, where a soul d-drinks to forget their l-life, enabling them to be re-reborn. Or if a soul has l-lived a b-bad life, they’d be sent to T-Tartarus, which is like what y-you think of as Hell, the worst p-place p-possible. Hades r-rules over the whole thing, m-making sure it all g-goes r-right.”

  Mae was quiet. I wondered if it was all too much for her to understand again, when she said, “That river on the picture is called the River Styx, yes? It is your club name.”

  “That’s right.”

  She sat up, studied the large river, then her wolf eyes bored into mine. “If Lethe is the river of forgetfulness, what is the river Styx for?”

  I blew out a pent-up breath. “Hate.”

  Mae ran her finger over my injured cheek, sorrow in her expression. “They represent such sad things.”

  I placed my hand on top of hers, stilling them on my cheeks. “Yeah, b-babe, they d-do. Life’s h-hard. D-Death’s even harder. No use su-sugar coatin’ that sh-shit.”

  “Why would your club want to be named after the sorrowful part of the story, the misfortunate—why not after the sky god or water god?”

  Her face grew excited, then hopeful. Thought she’d found us a better path, found us redemption—it was foreign to anything I’d heard in a long fuckin’ time. No use though.

  “The m-mother chapter—the f-first cl-club—of Hades Hangmen was f-founded h-here in Austin. My granddaddy was f-founding member. He f-fought in Vee-Vietnam. The war f-fucked him up g-good. Couldn’t c-cope with life wh-when he came b-
back. Only th-thing he knew was killing and r-riding H-Harleys. Couldn’t hold a j-job for shit. H-he and more vets l-like him created this MC. Been my f-family’s way ever s-since. D-don’t know no different.”

  I could see in her face she still didn’t get it. “B-babe, the vets saw sh-shit in that war that k-kept them from sleeping at n-night. Th-they did things that h-had them dreading d-death. No sky god, w-water god, or any god coulda p-pulled them outta that living h-hell. They w-were seen as murderers, r-r-rapists, kid k-killers when they came back to the US. When f-folks h-heard what the war made ’em d-do, they were cast out, r-rejected. Just like H-Hades was. You l-live in hell long enough, b-babe, you b-become a sinner too. Why try and b-be good when f-folks already decided you’re too f-far gone to b-be saved?”

  She sighed and placed her hand on my bare chest. “You are not as evil as you think, Styx. You are a good man.”

  I wanted to believe it, to agree, but she deserved the truth. “Yeah, b-babe, I’m evil. I’ve s-sinned more than you’d b-believe.” I ran my hands down my face. “Truth t-time. I’m bad… p-p-poisoned to my fuckin’ damned s-soul.”

  Mae’s expression went blank and she pulled away from my arm. Abruptly, she stood up and I thought she was gonna run. My jaw clenched, bracing for it but instead she stared at the picture, her back to me, her black long black hair blowing in the breeze.

  Goddamn beautiful.

  Turning, Mae stepped in between my legs and stared down. I saw her fingers twitch as she chewed on her full bottom lip, then she raised her hand and gently ran her fingers through my hair.

  I leaned into her hand. Twenty-six years old and a single touch was gonna make me blow in my jeans. “B-babe—”

  “You should not be named after hate, Styx.”

  “I-I’ve done some f-fucked-up shit. Honestly, I a-ain’t gonna change. I’m d-damned. I’ve made p-peace with it.”

  Mae just stared at me and kept running that tiny hand through my long hair. “You have been nothing but kind to me.”

  Swallowing, I rasped, “Only you.”

  “Why only me?” she asked, frowning.

  I shrugged, reached for her hand, and threaded it through mine. As I looked up at her twitchin’ nose, I pressed a kiss on the center of her palm. “C-can’t be askin’ sh-shit like th-that.”

  “Why not?” she whispered as she watched me caress her hand.

  “B-because I don’t have a f-fuckin’ an-answer. Never like th-this with n-no one… but I am with y-you.”

  With a sigh, I let my head fall to her flat stomach. Dropping her hand, I gripped her tightly around the waist. I kept a tight hold. The way that felt floored me, fuckin’ first round knockout floored me. I felt her relax into my hold and her fingers touched my head.

  “I’ll l-lay it on th-the line for you, Mae. I k-kill people. I-I even like it, a-and”—here comes the final death blow—”I’ll d-do it a-again and again. Have to in th-this life.”

  Her breath grew faster and she gripped my wrist so damn tight. On shaky legs, Mae stood up and I dropped my hands from her face. She walked to the mural again, leaving me on the bench and ran her hand over Persephone’s face.

  “I already know many things about you, Styx. I have neither been deaf nor blind to the goings-on here. But you cannot drive me away.”

  She walked back over and straddled my thighs, pressing her forehead to mine as I gripped her ass. “Persephone, the goddess, lived with Hades, did she not? She supported him even when others thought she was wrong to do so?”

  I nodded slowly.

  Her long lashes met her cheeks, then fluttered up. “She fell in love with the dark lord, even though it did not seem right, did she not?”

  I nodded again. Where the hell is she going with this?

  She sighed happily and blushed. “Just like I have done with you.”

  I stilled and, putting my hand on her face, thrust her back, catching the blush creeping up her pale cheeks. Was she saying she loved me? Fuck. She was saying she fuckin’ loved me. I slammed my lips to hers and shifted her up on my hardening cock.

  Breaking away with a gasp, Mae asked shakily, “Did Hades love Persephone in return? Against the complaints of others, did he want her to stay by his side too?”

  Exhaling hard, I replied, “Yeah… yeah, he d-did… a wh-whole fuckin’ lot.” Her responding huge smile knocked the goddamn air from my lungs, and this time, her mouth crashed to mine, only to break away and lick up my jaw to my ear, whispering, “I want you again…”

  Keeping hold of her tight ass, and not giving a shit if I popped a stitch, I stood with her legs wrapped around my waist. Spurred on by her surprised yelp, I headed for the back stairs to my apartment, Mae’s small hands already pushing down my zipper and fisting my cock.

  I stilled.

  I weren’t gonna make it to my room.

  Spreading her out on her back on the wooden stairs, I hitched up her robe, put my cock at her entrance… then the door at the top of the stairs burst open.

  “Shit! Styx! I—”

  Ky.

  Mae squealed in embarrassment, wrapping her arms around my back, her bare tits to my chest as I shielded her with my body. Looking up at my VP, I had the fuckin’ threat of death set in my glare.

  “G-get the f-fuck out!” I ordered.

  Ky shut the door but left it open a crack so he could shout, “Prez, we got business to handle.”

  “Later! I’m f-fuckin’ b-busy!”

  “Prez! We need to act now.” I could hear the hardness in his voice. The seriousness of his tone told me something was going down.

  I groaned in exasperation, my cock throbbing in pain. I was still half in Mae’s warm pussy when my head fell to her chest. “Mae, g-go to bed. I got cl-club b-business,” I mumbled into her full tits, sucking on her nipple one last time.

  Moaning, she lifted my face, disappointment in her eyes, and pressed a long kiss on my lips. She then made her way upstairs. I zipped up my fly jeans and leapt up the stairs where I slammed the fuckin’ door in Ky’s face.

  He stumbled backward holding his nose. “Fuck, Styx! What the hell?”

  “In-interrupt me and m-my w-woman again and I’ll sc-scalp you with my B-Bowie!”

  Wiping a spatter of blood off his chin, Ky’s face hardened. I knew that look all too well.

  “Then brace yourself for more blood, Prez,” Ky warned through gritted teeth. “Because we just caught ourselves a rat.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  Styx

  “Wh-what?” I growled, my jaw already locking down and the python ’round my throat taking my voice. I’d be signing from now on, no more speech to give when fuckin’ rage set in my bones.

  Ky finished wiping his sleeve across his bloodied face. “That Nazi shit weren’t sitting right with me. Couldn’t get it all from my head.”

  Why? We’ve had enemies at our gates before.

  He began to shake his head back and forth until his back hit the wall of the stairwell. “You went after the fuckin’ Neos alone.” He pointed and looked right at me. “Which I’m still gonna kick your ass for by the way. But when Mae came pounding in my room and told me what you’d done, I checked the security tapes.”

  Yeah. And? I signed.

  Ky ran his hand across his neck in a cutting motion. “Dead. The lotta ’em. Some fucker wiped the tapes. Couldn’t get a visual on the truck, on the men. Nothing.”

  Fuck!

  “The tapes cut out an hour before you took off after the Klan.” His head shook back and forth again. “It was a fuckin’ inside job. And I found out who.”

  My hands fidgeted at my sides and I began rolling my lip ring ’round with my tongue. My new scars began throbbing from the tension suddenly wracking my body.

  A rat. A motherfuckin’ rat. I knew it.

  Don’t just stand there looking pretty. Who the fuck is it?

  Ky sighed before he flicked his narrowed eyes to me. “Pit.”

  Shit.

  “I fucki
n’ vetted him myself, Styx. Brothers all like the kid. Bit too skinny, bit too short, but the brother has balls of steel when on the road and the hand of God with a wrench. My baby never ran so good as when she’d been serviced by him. Would’ve been patched in the next couple of months, no doubt. Probably would’ve given him a full-time gig at the bike shop too.”

  Ky began pulling something from his pocket. “But when I get suspicious, I go searching, you know that. And everyone’s rooms were clean. All but his.”

  Ky passed over a small disc and a black cell phone. “Disc is the missing footage, along with messages on that cell, telling some unknown private number the location and times of the Russian deal, the ride out, and when you’d be here at the compound. He didn’t count on you going riding with Mae and getting the Klan first. The cunt even reported that we took out the Neo who killed Lois.”

  My hands fisted, cracking the thin silver disc in my hand. Ky snatched the cell away before that became dust too.

  Where is he? I signed in rapid fire.

  “Just called him in. ETA ten minutes. All the rest are in the bar. They know nothing yet.”

  Walking over, I slapped Ky on the back in thanks.

  Gripping the tops of my arms, he pushed me back. “You good?”

  I nodded. Explains why the rat was outside the shed that night acting shady, and he was always behind the bar… listening to everything being discussed. Fuck!

  “What the fuck happened with the skinheads?”

  Took out seven with my Uzis. Then got caught, carved up. I managed to get my Bowie from my cut, plucked out the last two fuckers’ eyes and made them eat that shit. Then I smashed up their skulls just to be sure, slit throats and stabbed hearts.”

  “Shit, Styx,” Ky said in a tight voice and swallowed back bile. “You’re one sick motherfucker. Effective, but sick.”

  I know.

  “So… you and Mae…” He nudged me and his eyebrows danced. “She look after you good? You finally get up in that pilgrim pussy?”

  Grabbing him by the collar of his Zeppelin shirt, I threw him up against the wall, my hands in his face. Never talk of her like that again unless you wanna lose your fuckin’ tongue. Right, brother?