We were supposed to return to the cottage together. In that exact moment, I was supposed to be making love to Shenique, claiming her over and over with my cock, slipping inside of her heaven.
I squeezed my eyes.
I was supposed to travel with her to America, or Timbuktu, or wherever the fuck she wanted us to go – it had not mattered.
I gripped my hair and threw my head back so it slammed against the door.
Remi thought that Shenique was my mate. She had been, but my mark had disappeared, and it was all because she had selfishly and impulsively consumed that goddamn concoction. If she had only been upset with me because of the things Remi and Sasha had said, I could have navigated her anger. I would have spoken to her softly, reassured her with my heartfelt, honest confession, that no woman would ever take her place – that any flaw I exhibited, I would annihilate it, that I would strive, every day for the rest of my fucking life, to be enough. That nothing would ever hurt her again.
I would have touched her skin, using slow, tender strokes: her face and her arms; her thighs and the space in between them.
But she had taken Loveless and she had turned cold. She looked and felt it.
I had defeated Loveless. I knew this because I had seen it rising and evaporating whenever I made love to her. A part, deep inside of me, refused to believe that she could stop loving me. Our bond was instantaneous and it was strong. It was stronger than that black fucking magic.
But maybe I was wrong.
I tried to swallow a lump lodged in my throat.
‘Carina...’
I waited.
Two minutes.
No answer.
I inhaled. It was ragged. ‘Carina, I do not know if our super power works anymore, but I am going to try and reach you, wherever you are, because already it hurts so much and...’
I swallowed.
No answer.
‘I get it now’ I admitted. ‘I understand my brother and his bond. I know this because I am just like Remi. I would do anything to be with you, including put the family legacy on the backburner and address my flaws.’
Silence.
I continued, hopeful. ‘I know that you have ingested Loveless and I know this might mean you do not love me anymore, but I want you to know, there is no force in this realm or any other that will make me stop loving you. If there is a chance that you still love me, I will come for you...’ I choked. ‘Should I come, Carina? If you tell me to do it, I will. Is there a chance?’
I waited, and as each second passed, the weight pressed heavier, until I was certain my heart would disintegrate.
‘Shenique, can you still feel me?’
A flock of ravens shuttled through the night sky outside of my window, and I hung my head.
She was gone. And because I loved her so much, I would have to let her go. I had no fucking choice anyway.
But it hurt.
This was what Remi had felt being apart from his Sasha. I remembered him, sitting on the rooftop of the mansion in the pelting rain, howling at the moon like a werewolf; body shuddering and quaking.
This would be me. Loveless’s curse had bound my female, but it had also bound me, because for the rest of my life, I would never love anyone else.
Twenty-Six
Shenique
‘Still Feel Me’
‘...ALREADY IT HURTS SO much...’
I gritted my teeth and stomped through the meticulous vineyard, swiping at the grapes. Tears stung the back of my eyes. I was trying to hold them back, but my efforts seemed futile. I was a complete idiot for allowing myself to fall prey to Vince Moretti. What the hell had I been thinking?
That was the problem. I hadn’t been thinking, because if I had, I never would have given him the time of day. He would have saved me in the forest and tried to take me back to that goddamn brothel of a cottage, and I would have given him a ringing slap and said no thank you. No matter I was battered and bruised by a team of wolves, and no matter he had risked his life to save my ass, I still would have told him to get the fuck away from me.
But wait! The madness had started before then. It had started when I’d allowed him to kiss me in this very spot. I had given in to the lusts of the flesh and allowed him to touch my body in a way that others had tried to, but I hadn’t permitted.
This was my fault.
But thank God for Loveless.
I humphed and trudged ahead.
And thank God that my fate wasn’t written in stone, like Sasha’s; otherwise, I’d be bound to a selfish, deceitful man, who was hell-bent on wreaking havoc on his brother and destined to be like his father was. At first I hadn’t believed Remi, but in retrospect, it was a good thing he’d revealed the truth about his brother.
And good old Loveless – it had reversed the curse that love had cast. I had been momentarily blinded, but now the light was blinding me. And so was rage.
Julian had been right about many things, including the fact that nothing was written in stone. I had concocted Loveless, thinking that my purpose was to give it to Sasha, but all along, the potion had been for me. Now, unfiltered rage consumed me. Vince had tried to touch me, but his skin was like a branding iron. I couldn’t bear the feel of his hand on mine, when only hours ago, the opposite had been true.
Hours ago, I had craved him, needed him. Hours ago, I had believed there was no way I could live without him. I had imagined a future with him, but I’d caught myself – just in the nick of time.
‘I would do anything to be with you, including put the family legacy on the backburner and address my flaws.’
My eyes fluttered and I increased my pace.
I was going back to Chicago, and the first thing I’d do was contact Julian, because he had some goddamn explaining to do. He needed to tell me why, if he had seen even half the shit that had happened, he’d allowed me to come in the first damn place. And there was no way I would believe that he didn’t know. True friends didn’t set one another up for failure. Not only had I failed the mission, I had failed myself. I was as open as a clam, when before this ungodly experience, I’d been closed – and safe. Now, I felt everything.
Even remnants of Vince.
‘...there is no force in this realm or any other that will make me stop loving you...’
My chest heaved. I picked up the pace until I was almost running.
Now, the cottage was in view. When I arrived, there were no staff or attendants. The place was in total darkness, but as I stepped through the garden, a sharp pain, like I’d felt in the kitchen, crippled me, and I crumpled on the ground, gripping my abdomen. An intense wave of emotion pummeled me, and out of nowhere, I started to cry. Rivers of tears poured onto my face, and thick, unrelenting sadness choked me. When the cry of a wolf rang through the early morning sky, my eyes jerked ahead.
I would know that sound for the rest of my life. Another might have confused it with the howl of a common wolf, but not me. For a moment, I expected the hulking, gray-eyed animal to cut through the rose bushes, but it didn’t, and as the tears dried up, I heard the ghost of Vince’s voice in my head, for what would be the last time.
‘Shenique, can you still feel me?’
My jaw tightened. If I believed for a second that the connection was still there, I would have answered and informed Vince that there was no way in hell he should come, that there was no chance in hell I’d ever consider being with him, and that no, I couldn’t feel him.
But obviously, the connection was not real, because I had consumed Loveless almost an hour ago.
I stomped into the cottage and called a taxi. My luggage and belongings were still in the hotel room. I hadn’t been there in three days. It only took the taxi ten minutes to get to the edge of the Moretti estate. It only took me five minutes to book my flight out of Italy, but I knew, deep inside, it would take a lot longer for me to forget about Vince and the way he had once made me feel.
Twenty-Seven
Shenique
‘Riddles’
Two Weeks Later
“Miss Wilcox, there’s a man here to see you.” Dr. Sherman stuck his head into the nurse’s station and peered at me. I glanced at him, eyes narrow.
“Baby Jesus in a manger, Dr. Sherman, please don’t tell me it’s – ”
“No, it’s not the FBI,” he said quickly, assuaging my fears.
“Well in that case, I’m busy,” I said. “Please tell, whoever it is, I’ll call them later. I’m at work.” I snapped a latex glove onto my wrist and stretched my fingers wide, for added effect. Then I pushed the tip of the syringe I was about to administer, until clear liquid shot from the tip.
The teenaged girl lying on the bed swallowed.
Dr. Sherman didn’t leave. “ I can see that you’re busy, and I told the guy you were tending to a patient, but he seemed adamant.”
I frowned and wrapped a thick elastic band around the girl’s arm. I pulled one end with my teeth until a juicy vein popped up.
The girl’s lip trembled. “Um, Nurse Wilcox?” she whimpered.
I shot an agitated glare her way.
“I was just wondering if Dr. Sherman could ... do this part.”
My jaw jerked. “I’m Dr. Sherman’s nurse,” I reminded her, as if he wasn’t standing right there. “I went to nursing school and trained hard.” I adjusted my tone and smiled. “I know what I’m doing.” I jerked the elastic band again.
Dr. Sherman cleared his throat. “Nurse Shey?”
I clamped my bottom lip between my teeth and looked up at the ceiling.
“May I have a word with you? For just a second?”
I huffed and dropped the syringe onto the metal plate next to the examination bed.
Dr. Sherman walked to a corner of the room, and I stomped after him. “Shey, you seem a little tense,” he whispered.
I stretched my neck.
“In fact, you haven’t been the same since you returned from... vacation.”
I nodded, staring at the floor. “You’re right,” I mumbled. “I’ve been on edge the last couple of weeks. I’m not sure what it is, but... I’ll be fine.”
Dr. Sherman placed his hand on my shoulder and squeezed it tenderly. I tried to relax. I hadn’t seen Julian in over two weeks, but I was surrounded by supportive colleagues. I had worked for Dr. Sherman since graduating from my nursing program at twenty-five, and he was an amazing and understanding boss. Still, despite all the support, I was completely on edge. I was pissed off every day, all day. I had Loveless to thank for that.
But I was also horny. At first I wondered why, but the answer was clear. Loveless inhibited love, not lust; and I lusted after Vince every day and every night. I had been reduced to pleasuring myself, playing with my clit like I was a violinist in a goddamn orchestra, yet the satisfaction of the released paled in comparison to the earth shattering orgasms Vince had caused to rock my world.
And then there’d be flashbacks, and they were so intense, they almost felt real. It was as if I could hear his voice, feel his passion, pouring over me like steamy, erotic rain.
‘Merda, Carina...’
I fixed my focus back on Dr. Sherman, who was still talking.
“Listen, let Nurse Ally handle this patient, and you go talk to the guy in reception. It seems urgent.”
I conceded, peeling the gloves off. “Fine.”
Dr. Sherman returned to his office, as Ally replaced me in the examination room.
I shrugged out of my white lab coat, and hung it on a coat tree. When I stepped into the waiting area, both relief and irritation flooded me at the sight of Julian, sitting next to an elderly woman with an oxygen tank, reading a magazine. As soon as he saw me, he dropped it on the table and rose to his feet.
“Do you realize that in all the years of us being friends, I have never come to your place of employment?”
I glared at him. “There’s a reason for that,” I quipped pointing at his gothic apparel.
He rolled his eyes. “Whatever, Shey. We need to talk.”
“I’m working.”
Dr. Sherman stuck his head out of his office. “Take the afternoon off, Shenique.”
I frowned and cleared my throat, trying to take some of the bass out of it. “But I just got back,” I rationalized. “I need to stay at work, so I can get back into my routine.”
Dr. Sherman shook his head. The silver hair on his head didn’t move. “No negotiating,” he replied. “We’ve been together for ten years, and you’re one of my finest nurses. You’re friend...” he gave Julian a leery once-over, “is here to take you to lunch.”
“It’s only nine-thirty in the morning,” I argued.
“Brunch,” Dr. Sherman came back, and then he disappeared.
I pinched the bridge of my nose. There was no way I’d be getting out of this. I grunted and grabbed my purse from behind the nurses’ station before stomping past Julian and heading for the door.
“I’ll see you on Monday,” Dr. Sherman called out.
I froze. “Doctor, it’s Monday right now.”
He disappeared again.
I glared at Julian and stepped outside of the office.
“Wow, you must have worn Loveless the entire time you were in Tuscany,” he commented striding behind me. “Your anger is on another fucking level.”
“First of all, you know full well that I lost Loveless when those wolves attacked me, and then Vince went to retrieve it.”
I stopped walking and grabbed my temple. I squeezed my eyes together trying to make the ringing in my ears go away. “Julian, why are you here? Two weeks have passed. I’ve been trying to call your ass.”
“I know,” he admitted, “but you needed time.”
“Time for what?”
“Time to feel.”
“Baby Jesus in a manger, I am so sick of your riddles!”
Julian bent his neck so that his face was close to mine. “I’m not speaking in riddles, Shenique. You know exactly what I’m talking about.”
I huffed and stomped into the parking lot. When I reached my car, I ripped the door open and plopped into the driver’s seat. I threw my head back on the headrest and wrung my hands. “I don’t get it,” I murmured. “This isn’t what happened last time. I mean, I feel the irritation, I feel the rage...” My words trailed and I closed my eyes. I swallowed. “But I still feel... love...”
I opened my eyes and stared at my nails. My mouth bunched and I clamped my teeth.
Julian leaned on the hood of the car and hung his head, but he said nothing.
“I’m not supposed to be thinking about him,” I whispered. My eyes brimmed with tears. “I’m not supposed to be wanting him, missing him.” I swiped the corner of my eye. “I’m not supposed to be hearing him.”
“You can hear him?”
I nodded. “He called it our super power,” I muttered, smiling. “It started when he mated me, and it has grown stronger and stronger every minute. Every time we made love, I could hear his thoughts and read his mind like it was my own.”
“What was he thinking?”
My eyes fluttered. “That he couldn’t believe he had found me.” My voice was so low, I barely heard myself. “That I was perfect.”
Julian sniffed and opened the rear door. He sat down and rested his head on the headrest. “Why did you believe Remi Moretti?” he asked me.
“I don’t know,” I muttered, but Julian shook his head. Finally I shrugged. “Because I was afraid,” I admitted. My throat thickened. “I was afraid that Vince would hurt me in some way. All I’ve ever been is hurt by men, Jules. I gave my trust to Vince, and you know that’s something I never do! But I gave it to him, and to think there was a possibility he didn’t love me for real...” I shook my head, trying to get the hurtful thoughts out. “But Remi was trying to protect is brother. And me.”
Julian remained silent, and we sat in pristine quiet for a few minutes until I thought of something.
“Why didn’t Loveless work?” I asked him.
He chuckled, and I turned around in the seat, so I could see him face-on. “I’m serious, Jules. Loveless let me down. I took it to break the bond I created with Vince, and it didn’t work.”
“You’re wrong, Shey,” he countered. “Loveless did work.”
My brows drew. “What are you talking about? It was charged. I wore it over my heart, the way you told me to; granted, I didn’t have it on the entire time, but it shouldn’t have mattered. My heart is dark, you said it yourself. My natural anger should have stimulated the potion. It should have – ”
Julian leaned forward. “Shey, don’t you fucking get it?” he interrupted. “Your heart did charge Loveless. It charged it with love.”
My neck jerked back. “What?” I whispered.
“Your heart was never black, Shey. Sure, you thought it was because it had been hardened as a result of all the bullshit you’ve been through. But nobody who is truly loveless is so giving. No one who is truly loveless would risk their lives to save someone else.” He shrugged. “You met Vince and he mended your heart. He chiseled away at the fortress you’d erected around your emotions to protect yourself, and he healed your broken heart. Vince was the antidote.”
I drew in a sharp breath. “So when I drank Loveless, I actually fortified what was already there, what was meant to be.”
Julian raised an eyebrow. “Who’s talking in riddles now?” he said smiling. “And of course, the fated mate thing might have played a teeny-tiny role.”
“Vince doesn’t believe in that,” I said. “He thinks its bullshit.”
Julian laughed. “I’ll bet you a million dollars he’s had a change of heart on that. Pun intended, of course.”
Loveless: A BWWM Wolf Shifter Romance (The Alpha Series Book 2) Page 19