“What. What is it?” She sits up and about drops her false teeth.
“Lucy! Your white as a ghost. I should have known better than to let you go outside. Get yourself some juice and grab the thermometer too.” Concerned, she gets up to feel my forehead
My mouth is so dry, I can hardly get the words out. “It’s not that. I’m fine. But I thought you were dead.”
She rolls her eyes. “Thanks for the vote of confidence. I still think you need your temperature taken.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll use the forehead thermometer before I shower. Don’t suppose we’ve got another curtain that doesn’t look like a canyon was shot through the center of it?”
“As a matter of fact we do. My friend, Dex—” Mom starts.
“He’s your friend now?” I ask, hanging the love glove in the closet.
“Why not? He’s a good listener and a good fixer. Shower’s back up and running, thanks to him. Said he had an extra shower curtain, but I secretly think he walked down to the Ace Hardware and bought one just for us. Make sure you thank him the next time you see him.”
I think of his averted eyes. The way he just avoided me. From now on, I’m avoiding him at all costs.
“Sure Ma.”
I’m rinsing shampoo from my hair when the bathroom door bangs open. “Just a sec.”
"Mom. A little privacy please?” I call out.
Too late, the toilet lids already up. "What do you want me to do? Pee in the planter. Privacy, she says, a little late for that.” After the flush, I’m shivering against the tile waiting for the hot water to return.
But now Mom’s washing her hands and the water returns, lava hot.
That’s it. I pull the curtain to the side. “Mom, I’m trying to shower here.”
“Sorry, sorry,” she says, drying her hands.
As a hint, I look towards the open door, but the only things she takes is a seat. “You know. While you were out, your computer kept dinging. Seemed like every couple of minutes, ding. Ding. Ding. Listening to it, I could feel one of my migraines coming on.”
I blink back steam. “Noted. The minute I’m out of the shower, I’ll mute my alerts. Can you close the door behind you?” I gently prod.
“No need. Dex took care of it.”
The soap slips out of my hand. “What?”
“Don’t look at me that way, Lucy. You know I’m no good with electronics. I couldn’t even hear myself think, let alone carry on a conversation. Dex was nice enough to take care of it.” Somehow, she makes it sound like she did me a favor.
"Out. Give me that towel first please. Now out.”
Without bothering to dry, I run across the hall and grab my computer. Chewing my thumbnail, I wait for the screen to power up. The minute it turns on, all my worst fears are confirmed. I fell asleep last night and left my Glytter account open. All those unsolicited dick pics. It's a regular fourth of July picnic complete with a whole lot of Oscar Meyer wieners.
OMG, no wonder he looked at me like some pervo. According to this. I am.
It’s a wonder the maintenance guy didn’t call the police on me.
7
Over dinner, Mom asks, “You’re very quiet, Lucy. Sure you’re not coming down with something?”
“Mom it was one jog and I was pretty much vacuum sealed.”
“Still. Are you sure you didn’t get overheated? Your cheeks are all red.”
“That’s not sunstroke mom. It’s shame.”
“Oh Lucy. So Dex saw a few pictures on your computer. Big deal.”
“Dirty pictures, Ma,” I interrupt.
“Dex is a big boy. Nothing to be embarrassed about.”
I raise my wine glass. “Embarrassed was two hours ago. Now I’m scarred for life.”
“Again?” The old bat smirks.
I choose not to engage. Instead I spear a meatball and shove it into my mouth whole.
“Would it make you feel better to know Dex was very surprised to see that on your computer?”
“I’m sure he was.”
“Worried, he even asked. ‘Why does a nice girl like Lucy have to use this site?’
Dex is such a gentleman.”
“Mom. If you say Dex one more time, I'm hiding your dentures.”
She holds her hands up but she’s not ready to give up yet. “One more thing and then I’ll be quiet. I don't think he has a girlfriend. Now I’ll shut up.”
I snort.
"What? What'd I miss?"
"Guys like him don't have girlfriends, Ma. They've got girls they uh, nevermind. I’m going to turn in. Goodnight."
I shouldn’t have drank all that wine. My head keeps buzzing as I drift off to sleep.
Fitful, my dream’s feature a certain maintenance man. Standing under our pelting shower with a huge wrench gripped in his hand. Coveralls plastered to his body.
Dreamy Dex turns when he sees me. “Like what you see Lucy?”
“Hmmm. Lose the shirt.”
“My pleasure.” Tanned, every muscle in his back flexes as he pulls the wet T-shirt over his head. Holy smokes, he’s stripping just for me.
Coveralls tied around his waist, for some reason he starts dancing a Meringue and invites me to join in.
Before I do, I’ve gotta know. "Did mom call you to fix me?”
“No, to break you in. Come on in, the waters fine.”
The dream skips. Back against the cool tile, I’m pressed between a wall and a hard guy. It’s obvious what the maintenance man’s Glytter profile would read—Guy with a big dick.
Droplets cling to his bare chest. Smells so good, makes me want to slap my momma.
He opens his mouth, but it’s Ma’s voice I hear. At Defcon5.
“Lucy. Wake up, time to start your day.”
Confused, I open my eyes and sunlight streams in. Standing at the door, mom’s not satisfied until she sees the whites of my eyes. “Good morning Lucy! It’s a beautiful day!”
“Ugh. Why’d you wake me? I was having a great dream.”
“Because it’s noon! Come on, sleepyhead. I left eggs on the stove for you.”
“Thanks Ma. Close the door, please.” I mumble and pull the pillow over my head.
What’s going on with me? Dreaming about the fucking maintenance guy? Have I been in lockdown too long? Possibly.
One thing’s for sure. I’ve got to get this virginity out of me.
Feeling around on the nightstand, I reach for my laptop.
On a mission, I scroll past the weirdo’s with dick picks for their profile. I swipe right on the first normal guy I see. Windswept sandy blonde hair. Wearing a baby blue windbreaker and a big smile. “Tastywaves718, will you be the man to cure my disease?”
Looks pretty normal. Only problem is he speaks in emojis.
,
and a gardening leaf.
"Wanna get away? Come surf my backseat.”
The next picture is him in boardshorts. Surfboard in hand, staring out at Rockaway Beach.
Wow, he’s close. Oh, it's been forever since I felt the coastal winds blowing in my hair. I don’t give myself time to think.
"The beach sounds great. And the backseat too," I add.
Before I think it to death, I quickly type. "I'm free this afternoon."
Drumming my nails, I wait for a response. Just in case I go missing, I snap a shot of his profile and send it to mom.
8
"A bikini Lucy? You’re bound to get covered in glitter walking out the door in an outfit like that."
“Not that kind of glitter, mom. Besides, I’m wearing my coverup. We’re just going to the beach.” Sounds heavenly.
"Still wouldn’t hurt to wear your Love Glove. Hosed it off, got that little bit of mold off you were so concerned about.”
“Thanks, but that was the least of my concerns with that outfit.” I bend down to hug her and she takes my face in her hands.
“Make an old lady feel better and protect yourself, Lucy.”
“Sure Mom.
Love you.”
Excited, I slide into the homemade raincoat she retrieves and grab my beach bag. Almost out the door, as usual, mom’s gotta have the last word.
"Lucy, please tell me he’s going to at least buy you a chalupa first.”
I stop in my tracks.
“I know I’m old fashioned, but remember I was married to your father-God rest his soul-for fifty years.” Mom pushes the coke bottle glasses up. I can tell she’s nervous for me. I am too.
I take a deep breath and remember, she’s only looking out for me. “I'm giving up my virginity. I'd say a chalupa is in order. Night, Ma. Don’t wait up."
Heading down the stairs I start to wonder.
How does this work?
Will there be formal introductions before he jumps on me?
Should've checked back in on that first-time forum. But it's all a bunch of teens in braces fawning over Justin Bieber. Like I told mom, virginity would be a good theme for prom.
At the bottom step, I’m surprised to see the maintenance man blocking my exit. Hands on his hips, he glares out the glass doors. "Some asshole’s out front, laying on the horn. Bout to kick his ass if he doesn’t knock it off.”
Curious, I try to see around him. “Don’t kill him. That’s my date.”
“Date?” He looks at me like I’m crazy. To prove his point, the horn blats again.
“Nice guy,” Dex sneers. “Can’t even get out of the car and meet your mom? Lucy, did you bring your mace?”
I roll my eyes as Dex crosses the entryway towards me. Yanking on the loose ends of my belt, he bundles me in with a square knot. “You look nice.”
I hold my arms wide. “Under all mom’s protection? How can you tell?”
He steps back. “Be lucky I'm not your dad. You’d never leave the house dressed in anything as sexy as that.”
What am I supposed to say? I’ve got an impatient date out front and now Dex wants to talk to me? What happened to the attitude from yesterday? “Excuse me. Gotta go.”
Grumbling about strangers, Dex holds open the entry door. "Try not to get murdered, it would devastate your poor mother.”
“Thanks?” I cringe, but Dex has already closed the door.
Idling at the curb, a beat to shit Uber awaits. It’s obvious Tastywaves718 didn't splurge on the luxury ride.
Halfway to the car, the driver has the nerve to beep again. Waving, I call out. "Hey. I'm here."
Tastywaves718 sticks his head out the backseat window and gives me a lazy wave.
Looking all Hollywood grunge, but not like he's trying too hard. Blonde hair darkened with product. Perfect smile, dazzling white teeth. Better than his picture advertised, I was worried about getting catfished, try pussyfished.
Meow.
As long as he doesn’t smell funny, tonight’s the night. It’s happenin, Capt’n.
Mind made up, I return a hopefully sexy smile and wait for my date to open the door.
He slides across the bench seat. Not much of a gentlemen, he pops the lock and pushes the Ford Focus door open like it's a Ferrari.
The sweet smell of marijuana turns my stomach.
Please tell me the driver’s at least straight. I bend down and scan the interior. Looks kinda tight in there. Windows up for the hotbox effect and neither of them are wearing masks!
“Uber didn't have a bigger car?" I ask.
Tasty waves me away like I demanded a limo. "Uber? I don't use fancy shit like that. Sides, you need a major credit card. Me and my road-dog are trying to stay off the grid.”
Serial killers do that.
Frugal people do too. “Just to clarify, what’s a road-dog?” I ask sweetly.
He nods towards the bleary eyed driver. “My brother. Big Ben, say hi to my Glytter girl.”
Am I being Punk'd? “Is your brother coming with us on our date?”
“Date?” the driver jeers. “Next thing you know, she’s going to be asking for a motel room.”
Indulgent chuckles fill the car.
“We don’t got money for that kind of luxury. Who do you think is gonna be doing the driving?” Tasty asks.
The shaggy haired driver is still yucking it up. “Don’t worry. Just got my license back, no way I’m fucking that up again. But I can’t guarantee I won't steal a peek in the rearview. Can't blame a guy for looking. But no videotaping this time. I promise."
This time? I look between the leering driver and “my date” now stretched out on a cramped backseat. Beckoning to me.
My blood starts to boil.
This guy. Shows up with a borrowed backseat for my first time? Brings along some perv that may or may not be blood-related. I didn't stay a virgin this long by taking stupid chances. Whisper quiet, my hand slides down the plastic into my mace pocket. Without a “Mother, may I,” I take one giant step backward.
The stoned driver snickers. "Looks like your ‘date’ ain’t feeling it, bro."
Unfazed, all Tasty wants to know is, “Well? Are we fucking or what?”
Can of mace gripped in front of me, I yell. “Or what!”
Blasting Beck on the radio the driver peels out and that asshole, Tasty has the nerve to call me a "Cock tease!"
I blew out my hair for this? Used the last of my makeup crumbs too.
Why even maintenance thought I was sexy. Despite my fucked up situation, a slow smile spreads.
Oh my God, was Dex watching all that? Must he be an ever present witness to every shamble that my life has become?
Adrenaline floods my system. Whirling towards the front of the building, I shade my eyes. The reflective glass makes it hard to tell, but the lobby looks empty.
Not ready for an “I told you so,” I slink away from my building.
There’s still mom to deal with though. There's no way I'm going back upstairs to admit the best I could up come with just showed up hitching a ride from his brother.
Forget the Love Glove. She'd start crocheting me a body condom.
The absurdity of it all has me doubled over laughing. Talking a walk to clear my head, I head towards my favorite fast food restaurant and join the back of the line
At least I'm getting a chalupa out of this.
While I wait, I scroll down my phone and uninstall the worthless Glytter app. So much for losing my virginity during these trying times. Maybe next pandemic.
9
Forget about sneaking in. I cringe against the wall when a door opens on the landing above me. "Nice talking to you, Miss Hazel. I’ll let my dad know you asked about him when he calls later.”
Dex, again?
Good grief, what the hell did Ma need fixed? I was only gone for an hour.
Heavy footsteps draw closer. Dex is coming down the stairs?
I look back at the exit. Oh well, my walk of shame is just another shamble to add to the heap. Weak smile affixed, I trudge up the stairs kinda hoping he’s back to ignoring me.
Surprised to see me, Dex doesn’t even try to hide the smirk. Leaning on the bannister, his eyes crawl over my body and land on the knot still tied around my waist. Now he’s grinning like a Cheshire cat. “Lucy. Back so soon? That sure was a quickie.”
Over today, I’m ready to rehash. “Well Dex, that’s what happens when the Uber driver turns out to be his brother who just happens to be something of an amateur film maker. Apparently, the law was involved at one point.”
Two long strides and he’s past me. Glaring over the bannister at the lobby. Fists clenched at his sides, he’s not fucking around. “Whose ass do I need to kick?”
“No need. I had my mace. But I’m touched.” Blushing, I wave thoughts of Tasty to the past.
Searching my face, his pissed off eyes find mine.
Smiling wide, I do my best to reassure him.
“Well, as long as you’re okay. Lot of other fish in the sea, Lucy. You’ll get your date, I’m sure. Night.” Hands shoved deep in his pockets, he turns to go.
How touched am I exactly?
My mouth opens bef
ore my brain knows what I’m about to say. “Hey Dex?”
Hopeful he turns all the way around. “Yeah, Luce?”
Dex makes me sound exotic by rhyming my name with juice. I’ve never had a pet name before. Pent up tension I didn’t even know was there, rolls off my shoulders. Feeling buoyant, I stretch the loosening muscles in my neck.
Dex watches every move with dark interest. One boot lands on a stair. Then the other. Little sparks go off all over my body the closer he gets.
Emboldened, I shrug. “That wasn’t a real date.”
Two steps below, when we’re at eye level. Dex raises a sardonic brow. “I know. Your mother told me.”
Dammit Ma! Stop telling everyone my business.
Whistling, he turns to leave. I’m caught checking out his ass again when he looks back. Caught red-handed, there’s no denying where I’m looking. “And Lucy? If you wanted to get fucked. All you had to do was ask. I’m in 101.”
Boom! My pussy explodes. Did he just say what I think he did?
“Free all night,” he confirms from the lobby below.
Yep. He did.
Fairy wings alight in my stomach. I think I’m gonna puke.
Do that later, he’s getting away.
My legs are shaking as I hurry down the stairs. Standing in front of his door, head cocked. Dexx waits for me to make the next move.
I suck in a breath and shake my hair back. Filled with false bravado, I inquire. “How does that work Dex? Do I call the front office to set up an appointment or are you on Glytter?”
Walking to meet me, his hand reaching for the knot he tied. His voice is casual, but his grip is firm. “Lucy, I like things done a certain way, I don’t mess with that Glytter shit. But because you do? I’ll give you a little taste of what my profile might look like.”
His dark eyes latch onto mine. “I don’t want to oversell myself, but here goes. I don't take myself too seriously, I try to smile every day. My car’s paid for. Job’s pretty decent.”
My eyes travel across his chest up to his bobbing Adam’s Apple. Soft lips pressed close to my ear, my skin sparks with every word. “I’m not the type to include a picture of my junk, but if you want. I'll fuck you so good, you'll be begging for an autographed eight by ten."
Love Glove Page 3