Across the glass from me, the seat on the other side is empty. I hear an analog clock ticking loudly on the wall behind me and feel the presence of the armed prison guard breathing as we wait.
Will I recognize him when he’s finally in front of me, his face in flesh and bone instead of pixels through a computer screen? I silently ask the universe for a signal, some way to know it’s really him.
Then, as if by magic, he appears on the other side, wearing a white jumpsuit with short sleeves and a pointed collar, yellowed buttons fastened all the way to the top. He moves more slowly than I thought he would and sits down gently. His lips curl into a half smile. I feel a flutter in my chest and then tears welling up, as if someone has found my lost pet and I just have to prove I’m the owner by making the dog answer to its name when I call.
I study the patches of dark hair on his forearm, the patterns they make against his pale skin. He reaches for the telephone on his side—an identical smooth black handset on my side that looks heavy but feels light in my hand when I pick it up. I mirror his movements and bring the receiver to my lips.
Enough standing at the edge, peering down into the darkness below. It’s time to jump. My body breaks the water like a coin dropped into a fountain. I dive down, down, down, until I reach the bottom. I find the words, gather them in my arms, and come up for air at last.
“Hi, Dad.”
Dear Reader,
In the spring of 2010, when I first conceived of the themes in Girl at the Edge, an orca named Tilikum was in the news for fatally injuring a trainer at Sea World in Orlando. After the killing, Tilikum was separated from the other orcas and confined to a small isolation tank, the equivalent of a human forced to remain in a bathtub indefinitely. His story would eventually be detailed in the 2013 documentary Blackfish.
I started to research Tilikum and found that he had a daughter named Katina. I began to imagine a memoir written from Katina’s point of view, in which she attempts to make sense of her father’s violent act and subsequent isolation, which in my mind was reminiscent of solitary confinement in prison.
I’d read The Call of the Wild by Jack London in seventh grade, and it was one of my favorite childhood books. I revisited London’s work and other books written from the perspective of animals—Watership Down by Richard Adams and The White Bone by Barbara Gowdy. Ultimately, I felt that taking on the point of view of an animal was too daunting of a task for me as a first-time novelist, and so the animals became people, and I wrote the first chapter of Girl at the Edge, narrated by Evelyn, the daughter of a murderer on death row, grappling with her own identity and trying to figure out how to navigate the legacy her father has left through his violent act.
Whether human or animal, I think we’re all at the mercy of both nature and nurture. My hope is that Evelyn’s story inspires you to consider your own feelings about this complex topic and to explore how it affects us all.
Reading Group Guide
Questions and Answers with
Karen Dietrich
Q: What is your answer on the question of nature vs. nurture?
A: My thoughts are complex, but I think the main issue for me is this: our nature inevitably becomes a part of our nurture. When you grow up knowing a lot about the sins and flaws of your family, it has a dark impact. I wrote about Evelyn as a way to continue working through my own personal experiences of growing up in the shadow of trauma. In my case, it wasn’t a violent act but instead family dysfunction. I grew up being told that my maternal lineage was troubled, to put it mildly. For me, these facts loomed large in my psyche as a child as I worried that I was “doomed” to be a flawed person, to follow in the footsteps of my mother’s dysfunctional family. I often wondered how I could escape this fate, and while my real-life circumstances weren’t as dire as Evelyn’s, many of the anxieties she wrestles with are close to my own.
Q: You have also written a coming-of-age memoir. What do you have in common with Evelyn?
A: We are both quiet and observant. We are both prone to obsession and can easily become infatuated with certain ideas, objects, and people.
Q: When you sat down to write this novel, did you have a plot in mind or do you prefer to go wherever an idea takes you?
A: When I began writing, I only had the general premise in mind and the notion of Evelyn devising a test to see if she’s capable of murder. The rest happened as I wrote through multiple drafts. I like the feeling of making choices as a writer while my characters are also making choices within the story. We’re all just making it up as we go.
Q: What part of writing do you most enjoy, and what part fills you with angst and dread?
A: I most enjoy drafting, because it’s a process of discovery. I love immersing myself in the imaginary world I’ve created, exploring any idea that excites me. I get addicted to the feeling of infinite possibility that comes with facing a blank page and flashing cursor. Editing is the part I dread the most, because it forces me out of that space and into my logical and analytical side, which is important, but just not quite as fun.
Q: What did you edit out of this book?
A: In a very early version of this book, Evelyn’s grandmother, Emerald, was actually a character present in Evelyn’s life. Mira was more of a detached mother and Emerald did a lot of the raising of Evelyn. When my agent suggested taking Emerald out as a main character, I decided to make her estranged from Mira and Evelyn, which made Emerald a perfect target for Evelyn’s test.
Q: How has your master’s degree in poetry affected the writing of this book?
A: I wrote very short poems in graduate school, challenging myself to remove any unnecessary words. When you write with that type of economy in mind, you get very serious about word choice—not just any word will do, so you choose words that can do a lot of heavy lifting, so to speak. I kept that idea close to me while writing Girl at the Edge. I wanted to avoid extra words.
Q: You’re in an indie rock band with your family members. How does your interest in music influence your writing?
A: I’ve always had a deeply personal connection to music. Some of my most vivid early memories are coming home from kindergarten and watching MTV while my father slept on the couch. When I’m going through something difficult, I find the lyrics and melodies of favorite songs can talk me down from the ledge. Music is oxygen for me—a necessary ingredient of life—and so it affects everything I make.
Q: When you were growing up, what were your favorite books? Can you see how they have influenced your writing?
A: I had a few favorite young adult books growing up—Tiger Eyes by Judy Blume, The Outsiders by S. E. Hinton, Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH by Robert C. O’Brien, and the Ramona Quimby books by Beverly Cleary. I also read a lot of favorite adult books as a child: The Member of the Wedding by Carson McCullers, The Naked Face by Sidney Sheldon, Rosemary’s Baby by Ira Levin, In Cold Blood by Truman Capote, Carrie and Pet Sematary by Stephen King. When I remember these books, I don’t recall the stories in detail, but rather the emotions these writers made me feel while reading. These books influenced me because they made me want to replicate that—to make the readers feel something.
Q: Name a book not your own that you wish everyone would read.
A: I wish everyone would read Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury. If you last read it in high school, read it again. I think Bradbury mastered the art of the short novel with this book. You’ll be hard-pressed to find a passage that doesn’t feel urgent and necessary.
Q: What are you writing next?
A: I’m working on a novel about a woman who moves to Florida to escape the increasingly grim circumstances of her life in rural Pennsylvania. She soon discovers that although you can run from trouble, trouble will always find you. It’s a thriller, but I can’t reveal much more than that. I’m making it up as I go.
Discussion Questions
A critical question in Girl at the Edge is which influences a person more, nature or nurture? What is the answer in Evelyn
’s case?
Does Evelyn’s age make you view her differently? Do you think we assume that children are innocent and/or not capable of bad deeds?
How trustworthy is Evelyn as a narrator? Were there moments where you doubted her reliability and why?
During that night on the beach with Oliver, how much of the events do you think Evelyn and Clarisse planned or discussed beforehand? And which girl do you see as the leader of the events?
How do you interpret Evelyn’s sexuality? Do you think she is truly in love with Clarisse? Is she truly attracted to Oliver?
What was Evelyn’s motive for visiting Oliver in the hospital? Do you think her actions were premeditated?
Is Mira a good mother? Why or why not? How would you have handled Evelyn if she were your daughter?
Do you agree with the items on Evelyn’s Catalog of Everything I’ve Done Wrong? What would you add to or subtract from that list?
Do you feel that Evelyn’s relationship with Greg and the Wavelengths support group was helpful to her? Do you think Evelyn will ever tell Greg or the group about her visions?
How do you explain Evelyn’s obsession with Andy?
When you found out whom Evelyn was visiting at Raiford, were you surprised? Were you expecting her to visit Andy?
How do you think Evelyn felt when she saw her father for the first time?
Did Evelyn’s story change or reinforce your opinions on the death penalty?
If Evelyn had never been told the truth about her father, do you think her life would have turned out differently? What kind of woman do you think she’d grow up to be?
What you do think happens to Evelyn after the story ends?
Acknowledgments
Thanks to Alice Martell, who guided me through many drafts of this novel over the years and who always said she was in it for the long haul. I’m grateful to work with such a smart and generous agent.
Thanks to Beth deGuzman at Grand Central, who saw something in my work and took a chance on it.
Thanks to Alex Logan, my gifted editor, who challenged me to make this book better every step of the way. Thank you for the razor-sharp editorial insights and for all the cat photos.
Thanks to Paula McLain, brilliant friend and writer. You are always there to answer my SOS, responding with kindness and love and stellar advice.
Thanks to the entire Dietrich family, the most encouraging and loving brood around.
Extra-special thanks to Jill Dietrich and Bob Dietrich—this book wouldn’t exist without your generous support of my writing over the years.
Thanks to the women who always deliver when I need a laugh, a pep talk, or an impromptu therapy session—Brenda Rodgers, Melissa Bisesi, Jenna McGuiggan, Mary Furlo, and Michelle Keenan.
Thanks to the Wesleyan Writers Conference for granting me a scholarship to attend, and to Alex Chee, who read some early pages of this novel there and offered perceptive feedback.
Thanks to the musical artists I’ve mentioned throughout this novel. Your music inspires me to keep creating.
Thanks to Robert Dietrich, my thoughtful son, and RJ Dietrich, my extraordinary husband, for collaborating with me on art and music and life, and for all the walks around Fifth Ward. I love you both so much.
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About the Author
Karen Dietrich is a writer of fiction, poetry, and memoir. She earned an MFA in poetry from New England College. She also writes music and plays drums in Essential Machine, a band she formed with her husband. Karen was born and raised in southwestern Pennsylvania and currently lives outside Pittsburgh with her husband and son.
Learn more at:
KarenDietrich.net
Twitter @KarenDietrich
Girl at the Edge Page 22