by Alisa Adams
She was devastated. She had only known him a few days but it was enough. She thought the world of him, and look what had happened. She should have taken her mother’s advice and not mistaken a pretty face for a gentle spirit. There was no such thing as love after all.
She felt so stupid that she wanted to give him her maidenhood. She was only a foolish girl. She could see that now.
She was scared stiff of the men she was riding with. Dugald had told them to keep their hands off her, but she had made up her mind that all men were untrustworthy, and that she would stay awake as long as she could.
They stopped after a while to eat and to let the men relieve themselves, which gave her another problem. How was she to do the same? Fortunately there was one of the guards who was not like the rest; his name was Robbie, and he was tall, thin, and had a kind smile. He took Eilidh to a sheltered spot behind a tree then turned his back till she was finished. When she thanked him, he smiled. “I will look efter ye hen,” he said kindly.
Of course you will, she thought bitterly. Where have I heard that before?
Despite riding at a canter for as long as his horse Dandy could manage it, Iain could see no sign of the trackers anywhere. The ground was iron hard, so there were no hoofprints, and Dandy was tired.
They stopped for a while to stretch their legs and eat, and Iain looked around him and admired the rugged countryside, its colors subdued now into the serene and subtle shades of winter, but still beautiful nonetheless. The bracken and heather had shed their gaudy summer pinks and turned a soft rust red, but the gorse bushes, which occasionally managed to survive in the snow, still blazed a defiant lemon-yellow, ignoring the gloom of winter. Tall forbidding spruce and pine trees stood like sentinels beside them, with webs of shadow underneath their branches.
Today the sky was a sullen gray with thick clouds, but the light was still clear, and in the distance Iain could make out the grim gray line that was Loch Ness.
He loved being Scottish, and loved his prickly fierce little country. If he did not have so many responsibilities, he knew without a doubt he would be fighting against the English at that moment, but now he had other things to think about. Admiring the scenery was not going to bring Eilidh back.
He rode on for a few more miles till dusk began to fall, trying to think about his sisters, his work, his customers—anything but Eilidh. By now she would probably be trying to sleep, but who knew what those monsters were doing to her?
He shouted his rage and frustration out to the sky, feeling helpless, then he tried to eat, knowing that he should even while he could not. He cupped his hands and drank some water from a nearby stream, then wrapped himself in another blanket and lay down underneath a fir tree to sleep.
Maybe if I will it hard enough she will come to me, he thought. But despite bending his concentration on the task for what seemed like ages, he could not make her come to him.
Eilidh and the guards stopped for the night at an abandoned cottage with holes in the thatched roof. It looked as though it was just about to fall down, but it was better than being outside, and when the men lit a fire she managed to eat a little meat and felt better than she had all day...except for one thing. She could not stop thinking about Iain, and every time she relived his kisses and remembered the touch of his fingers and tongue she felt her heart shatter anew.
I hope it is not always going to be like this, she thought, because I would rather be dead.
13
The morning promised rain, but Eilidh could not have cared less. She had promised herself she would not sleep and had tried valiantly to stay awake, but despite herself she could not help dropping into a doze, and she had slumbered fitfully all night till dawn. If she was soaked through from riding in a downpour, it could not make her any more miserable than having a broken heart.
She knew what she had to do and she dreaded it. Despite his treachery, Iain had been the most desirable man she had ever met, and Cormac McClure was an ugly blob. However, she had to make herself hate Iain if she wanted to marry someone else, but the trouble was, she simply could not hate him.
Presently, the castle hovered into view, but instead of the usual feeling of comfort it gave her, it now filled her with sadness. As they clattered across the bridge over the moat, the main gate loomed larger and larger, like the entrance to the underworld. She could not bear it, and as she passed under the portcullis she began to weep silent tears of misery. She thought fleetingly that she might run away again, but that plan would not work twice; they would be watching her like a hawk from now on.
Eilidh had no sooner dismounted from her horse than her mother came running out from the main door of the castle and ran into her daughter’s arms. Eilidh hugged her, half-laughing, half-crying, while Malvina buried her face in her shoulder. “Thank God! Thank God!” she sobbed. “Oh, my Princess, you have no idea what torment your father and I have been through! I am so, so happy to see you!”
Eilidh nodded, trying to smile. She was completely unable to speak, and Malvina held her, thinking that the emotional impact of seeing her home again had made her daughter weep, when in fact it was the broken heart that Malvina as yet knew nothing about.
Presently Fearchar arrived, rushed up to his wife and daughter, and enveloped them both in his arms. “Eilidh!” he breathed, kissing her all over her face. “My darling girl, I am so glad you are back home.”
They all stood in a triangular embrace for a while longer, then Malvina looked Eilidh up and down, seeing the state of her traveling clothes.
“We must get you cleaned up and you can tell me what has been happening to you,” she said softly. “Your hair, you colored it!”
“I am s-sorry Mother, Father,” she sobbed. “I was trying to do what was best for myself, but I never meant to hurt you! I knew you would send someone after me so I made myself look different. I should not have run away. I was scared.”
Her parents looked at each other and Fearchar nodded. “We forgive you, Eilidh,” he sighed, smiling. “How could we not forgive you? This is the girl we know—impulsive and sometimes careless, but we will always love you.”
“Would you still consider marrying Cormac?” Malvina asked.
Eilidh burst into tears and fled upstairs to her bedroom.
In her bedroom, she found Annie turning down her bed.
As soon as she saw Eilidh, Annie gave a squeal of delight and ran into her arms. In a moment, she too was weeping, and the two of them hugged each other tightly for what seemed like an age. Eilidh had never felt at home unless Annie was there too, and here she was, the embodiment of her comfort and security. She did not realize how much she had missed her friend.
“I am that glad tae see ye, Mistress!” Annie sighed, then, wiping her eyes, she took a long hard look at Eilidh, taking in her red hair and streaming eyes. She looked the picture of misery. “I willnae ask aboot the hair yet, but what has upset ye so?”
Eilidh could not answer for a moment. Annie wiped the tears away with the back of her hand and sat Eilidh down on her bed, then took off her cloak and chafed Eilidh’s hands, which were icy cold.
“I met someone,” she murmured. “A beautiful man, Annie. He looks like a god, but he is a devil. He has shattered my heart.” Then she went on to tell Annie about how close they had become and even how they had touched and kissed each other, and even although only a few days had passed, how she had fallen in love with him. “But he is false, Annie. He told me that he had gone to see some dealers in animal skins but while he was out Father’s men came to take me away. He is the only one who could have told them. Annie, if he could do that to me, there is no real love in the world.”
Annie was just about to answer her when Malvina came in, bringing a bowl of soup with her. She always solves problems with food, Eilidh thought, laughing inwardly.
“I have ordered you a bath,” she said firmly. “We are going to wash that red stuff out of your lovely hair, Eilidh. It does not suit you at all. Now, tell me what happened
.”
Eilidh sighed, and repeated the whole story to Malvina. When she got to the part where Iain had touched her intimately she could see Malvina stiffening.
“Did he force himself on you?” she asked, her eyes narrowing suspiciously.
Eilidh laughed softly. “No, Mother,” she answered. “Not at all, and we did not...you know...” She broke off, struggling for words. “Nothing happened,” she finished lamely.
Malvina sighed with relief. “Thank God,” she said fervently. “And are you sure he is the one who did this? It could not have been anyone else?”
“No, Mother,” she replied sadly. “He is the only one who knew my hair was dyed. It could only have been him.”
“The swine!” Malvina’s voice sounded like ground glass. “I wish I were a big man so I could show him just what I think of him with my fists! I will have this man arrested.”
“No, please Mother. He has sisters to take care of. He probably needed the money for them.” She felt her heart tearing after thinking of that. Why could he not take care of her too? She would have given him all the money he wanted. She only wanted his love.
She realized at that moment that Iain was not the man she thought he was. She felt deceived. She felt that she did not know who she was. Nothing made sense to her. She had run away from her home where she did not feel she belonged anymore, but it was the only place she was safe after all.
Her mother saw her confusion.
“Oh Eilidh, you still have feelings for him.”
Eilidh looked at her mother and burst into tears. “I am sorry. I am sorry for everything!”
Malvina hugged her daughter. She was so glad that her daughter was safe. And she was glad that she got a lesson she would never forget.
The bath had arrived by then and Annie helped Eilidh into it. Eilidh squeezed out the last tears she had left and they were washed away by the water. She had to wash her hair several times with the soap that the local chandlers made, and afterwards she rinsed it with rosewater. Even so, the color did not go away completely. It would fade away slowly. She felt her life would fade away slowly too.
She sat down by the fire, but its brightness and warmth did nothing to cheer her. She felt much cleaner, but her heart was still sore, and she could not imagine a time when it would not be.
“I think I might marry him. Cormac,” she said suddenly, her voice like lead.
Malvina looked pleased, but she wanted to tell her more. “Eilidh,” she said gently, “I have to tell you a few things. When you ran away a few days ago Cormac McClure was very upset. He left here in a very bad temper and said some awful things about all of us. I had a few choice words to say to him too, I can tell you!” She grimaced, then unrolled a piece of parchment. “Then I received this. It is a letter of apology from Cormac McClure for the harsh words he said. I will read it.
* * *
“My Dear Laird and Lady Mackie,
* * *
I trust that I find you well. Thank you for receiving me in your home last week, and please accept my sincerest apologies for the harsh words I said to you after your daughter’s disappearance. She is still very young and perhaps not yet ready for the responsibilities of marriage, and I should have realized this.
I was also very nervous and anxious to make a good impression, so I fortified myself with a few drams of whisky before our meeting. On hindsight, I realize that this was not a good idea.
I hope I did not damage our friendship beyond repair, and if Eilidh will have me, I am still available.
* * *
Sincerely,
* * *
Laird Cormac McClure”
* * *
Still available. What plain words. At least he was honest.
Malvina reached a hand out to clap Eilidh’s. “So you see, my darling,” she said, smiling. “He is not so bad. It takes a strong man to admit when he is wrong, and we think that he is really a kind man. Your father and I both think that he would be the best choice for you. So you will agree to marry him?”
“Yes. I will marry him,” Eilidh said listlessly. It seemed that no matter how many times her heart broke, it broke again, and the more she tried to stop thinking of Iain, the more he stole into her mind.
However, just as she was embarking again on the same maudlin train of thought, she pulled herself up short. Iain had done a despicable thing to her; he did not deserve her love, so why should she not give it to someone who was ready and willing to receive it?
“You are doing the right thing,” Malvina said warmly, wrapping her daughter in another hug. “Please smile, darling. I hate to see you so unhappy.”
It was difficult, but Eilidh managed a weak smile, and Malvina put her arm around her shoulders. When Fearchar came in a short time later, they were lying in bed asleep with Eilidh’s head on her mother’s breast. He watched them lovingly for a while before smiling at Annie, who was sitting in the armchair sewing, and he crept out.
Cormac McClure read the letter from Fearchar Mackie with a mixture of joy and triumph. Eilidh was his. The little minx had tried to get away from him but she had not succeeded, and now she would bend to his will whether she liked it or not.
* * *
Laird McClure,
* * *
Lady Mackie and I are happy to inform you that our daughter Eilidh has accepted your offer of marriage. Please visit us tomorrow to discuss terms.
* * *
Cordially,
* * *
Laird Fearchar Mackie
* * *
He sat back in his leather armchair and poured two glasses of wine, one for himself and one for Assumpta, then he called her into his study.
“Sister,” he said, grinning from ear to ear. “Do you have a dress suitable for a wedding?”
She frowned, then began to laugh. “Am I to be married?” she asked in mock disbelief.
“No,” Cormac replied with great satisfaction. “I am.”
“Ye look bonnie, Mistress,” Annie said happily as she tied a white sash around Eilidh’s slender waist. Her woolen dress was light gray, a modest, square-necked creation made by Annie’s skillful hands. On any other day Eilidh would have been delighted to wear it, but not on the day when she was committing her heart into the keeping of a man she did not love.
“How do I look?” she asked Annie. Her voice was as dull as the sky outside, leaden and gray. “Do you think this is a suitable garb for a woman about to go to her death?”
Annie embraced her briefly. “Dinnae say things like that, Mistress,” she begged. “No’ even in jest. ‘Twill be awright, ye’ll see.”
Eilidh nodded, then made her way downstairs to the parlor, where her mother and father and Cormac McClure were waiting to greet her. Cormac had not returned to his home. Instead, he stayed with his sister in one of his friend’s estates that was half a day away.
She made a polite curtsy and extended her hand to Cormac, who took it in his own, which was about the size of a leg of lamb, and kissed it.
He had never seen such a beautiful woman. He had been told to expect her to be pretty, but she was absolutely exquisite. Her bosom was generous, her waist tiny, flaring out into slim but curving hips, and her straight golden hair flowed down her back to her waist. Her eyes were the brightest blue he had ever seen, surrounded by long, golden-brown lashes, and her lips were full and as red as ripe strawberries. She was an angel come to Earth.
For a moment he was speechless. To hell with his anger. The lass was so beautiful he did not care that she tried to run away.
Eilidh was standing before him, her hands folded modestly in front of her, her gaze fixed on the ground at her feet.
At last Cormac found his voice. He put his finger under her chin to tilt her face up to his. “Well, my dear,” he said, smiling at her. “I see no reason why we should not be married straight away, hmm?”
Eilidh nodded, suddenly thinking of Iain and the night they had spent together. Tears gathered in her eyes, and Cormac cried,
“Eilidh is weeping with happiness! Come—let us not wait. Shall we have the wedding on Sunday?”
Eilidh was surprised but not shocked. She was resigned to her fate, and prepared to go wherever it took her. That was until she caught Cormac’s gaze and saw a look in his eyes that she recognized. It was the same look as the one in Dugald’s.
14
Iain reached Eilidh’s home just as twilight was falling that same evening, and wondered, as he looked up at the impressive fortress, where Eilidh was within it. He had been lost a couple of times on the way as he was not sure of the road. He had only seen the castle before when passing by.
The granite-built structure consisted of a massive, perfectly square wall perhaps twenty feet high, inside which there were small towers of varying heights ascending to a central, circular tower, from which the Saltire, the Scottish flag, flew proudly in the stiff breeze. Iain smiled when he saw it. It always made him feel happy to be a Scot, in perfect brotherhood with all his fellows—except one. He had a bone to pick with Dugald McFarlane, and he was itching to do it, but Dugald could wait. His first and most urgent need was to see Eilidh and right the wrong that had been done to both of them.
He rode across the bridge over the moat and was confronted by two guards whose crossed pikes barred his way. He had expected this, and made an attempt at a friendly smile, but his peaceable gesture was met with hostile stares.
“State yer business!” one of the guards said. He was a small, sturdy fellow, whose face reminded Iain of a pug dog.