by Naomi Joy
‘Jade?’
His face was a picture, his eyes seemingly unable to believe the sight of the blonde-haired beauty that shone before him.
‘Oh, sorry, I forgot you hadn’t seen my hair like this yet,’ I explained, offhand.
‘No,’ he replied, a little impressed maybe. Then the tone of his voice changed. ‘How did you get this address?’
‘Well,’ I started, furious with myself for failing to think of this. ‘Ava and I came here once with Olivia. And, uh, someone said I’d find you here.’
‘Right,’ he answered, then paused awkwardly. I stared at him hopefully. Come on, I’m not a stalker, Josh, don’t make me feel like this.
‘Do you want to come in?’
I exhaled heavily as he stepped aside to let me into the glorious space, modern whites contrasted against accents of black, ornate, Baroque-style gold patterns on the ceiling.
‘Wow,’ I uttered, stunned by its luxury all over again. ‘Sorry if this is a bad time, but I was just on my way back from work and I really need to ask you a few questions about the launch. Is that OK?’
I batted my eyelashes. I wondered if he thought I looked like her.
‘Sure,’ Josh replied. Just one word.
He was talking to me as though he hadn’t seen me naked. It was surreal, but I suppose it wasn’t unexpected. His usually sparkling pale-blue eyes were darker than normal and heavy lines protruded from the corners. The police had crawled all over this place in the days after Ava went missing, before abandoning their investigation. He must be exhausted from it all. I noticed a tomatoey stain on his grey T-shirt, not that it stopped me from wanting to wrestle him out of his clothes, he was still gorgeous, even in grief.
‘First of all, I just want to say how sorry I am about Ava,’ I said, a little entranced by the way his sweatpants hung lower than the black elastic of his boxers. ‘She’s in the forefront of my mind and I really hope the police find her soon.’
‘Thanks.’ His one-word answer told me he felt awkward. Maybe he was nervous that I could rumble his perfect boyfriend cover.
‘I’m serious. Even though we didn’t always see eye to eye I never wanted something like, well, whatever’s happened, to happen to her.’ It was a case of the lady-doth-protest-too-much and I felt slightly guilty: I didn’t care that she was missing, not one iota.
He didn’t speak and kept his arms folded as we stood opposite each other in the hallway. He hadn’t offered me a drink. Clearly he didn’t want me to stay, and a few of the butterflies whizzing round inside me died mid-flight.
I hadn’t expected him to be quite so stand-offish.
‘Anyway, about the launch... I appreciate it’s probably the last thing on your mind but Kai is really, really irate and I need your help.’ I smiled.
‘With what?’ he asked, scratching the back of his head.
I hadn’t prepared any specifics, I’d just wanted him to talk to me.
‘To be honest... everything. Do you think you’re coming back to work any time soon?’
I really wanted him to comment on my top, it made me look so much like Ava, but it was as though he was deliberately ignoring my efforts to transform into the girl he wanted me to be.
‘I’m not sure. I thought it might be a good distraction from thinking about what’s, you know, going on, but I tried to work the other morning and it drove me crazy. Nothing matters whilst she’s out there, nothing else is more important than finding her and making sure she gets back safe.’
His voice wobbled.
‘I understand,’ I said. Although of course I didn’t, how much could he have cared about her when he was trying to start a relationship with me at the same time?
‘What’s the latest?’ I asked disinterestedly.
‘Nothing. The police are useless,’ he sighed.
A moment of silent tension filled the space, both of us playing the roles we’d been assigned in this post-Ava world.
‘She went to Ireland. Why would she go to Ireland?’ He scratched his head in the same position. His voice was far off. He wasn’t really asking me that question.
‘Are you sure you’re OK, Josh? I can’t cook you any meals or do any shopping for you can I? I’m here if you need me. Despite everything that happened with us. Despite the mistakes.’ I hunched my shoulders in, already shrinking in preparation for the rejection that was about to hit. He looked at me quizzically.
‘I’m OK, thanks.’
The blow wasn’t quite as lethal as expected, but it still sent my cheeks burning and all I wanted to do now was retreat. I smiled at him and took a couple of steps towards the door. ‘Sorry to have bothered you, I shouldn’t have come.’
‘Don’t be silly.’ He touched my shoulder as I moved past him, sending shivers all over me as I longed for that touch to linger. ‘It was nice to see you, thanks for checking in on me and for offering to help,’ he said softly.
*
I arrived back that night after a tedious journey aboard numerous night buses, the last words he’d said ringing in my ears. I pulled back on my nightshirt which I’d left crumpled up on the floor in my haste to transform into Ava and walked across the hallway to the bathroom. The smell had progressed from someone’s used a pretty harsh cleaning product in here to there’s been a military-grade chemical attack in this bathroom, and I chose to brush my teeth in the hallway leaning against the peeling, purple wallpaper. After thirty seconds or so I ran back into the bathroom holding my nose, careful not to breathe in whilst spitting out the foam.
I lay in bed and thought about him. His slight stubble and unkempt black hair. The abs I’d seen poking through the gap between his boxers and his T-shirt. His strong hand as he’d touched me and said, thanks for offering to help. I wasn’t convinced he was rejecting my offer, he just didn’t want to blow his cover, even for me. That was it! Only I could see through the bluster, because I knew him, I knew what he was like. And I couldn’t judge him too harshly, he didn’t know the truth about her yet. He probably felt guilty. I resolved to help regardless, his eyes had been crying out for it even if his words had said otherwise.
39
You knew it wouldn’t be hard to give the police what they needed to downgrade the investigation almost immediately: a packed bag, a plane ticket, her passport, money… You’d leaked the information to the media to put pressure on the police. They’d look stupid if they had to backtrack, chances were they’d stick to plan A. You’d read all about similar investigations, about the paths they usually took.
Ava had helped you out by contacting her mother. It made it seem even more likely she’d run away.
You’d paid a lookalike to travel on the Aer Lingus flight to Dublin in her place. She’d worn sunglasses and a baseball cap, her bright, blonde hair visible underneath. Passport control don’t get too nervous about young white women. She hadn’t even been asked to remove her hat.
Most people wouldn’t peg you as a diligent planner, as someone who considers all outcomes and eventualities with a path for each. But you are much better at adapting than people give you credit for: you’ve had to do it your whole life.
40
Jade
I’ve promoted a woman called Freya to my number two. She was the kind of girl I imagined being hockey captain at school, a waif of a woman with big front teeth and a jolly good attitude. She hadn’t been my first choice. My first choice had been an outside hire: no one here met the grade as far as I was concerned, but I didn’t have the time to find someone who did. So Freya sat where Georgette used to. And she was OK: she smelt a lot less of hairspray than her predecessor for starters, and kept her mouth shut far better, but there was definitely something curious about my new number two. I’d been watching her for a few days now. Intently. I’d noticed she liked ritual and routine. She brought in the same little tupperware of green leaves and lean meat every day. The same leaves, the same meat. She drank the same-size mug of black coffee at ten, then again at two. She was neurotic about it and
I’d started to feel an unhealthy combination of jealous and judgemental every time I watched her tuck into her too-virtuous lunchbox. I wondered if she was scared of food. I couldn’t stop wondering how scared.
Kai was coming in today and Freya and I were busy prepping for the showdown. It wouldn’t be pretty, not enough had been done and we were woefully short of time before launch night. I’d asked the intern to buy us lunch: I wanted to see how solid Freya’s restraint was. Could I tempt her away from her usual meal with white bread tuna sandwiches and double-chocolate coated biscuits? Kai stormed in stage right through the double doors, his burgundy shoulder bag swinging dramatically by his side, and headed straight for the boardroom.
‘David’s joining us,’ he announced, as he catwalked past my desk without looking at me. Crap. I turned to Freya.
‘This is bad.’
‘What do you want me to do?’ she asked shakily, worry seeping from her every pore.
She was too young to deal with this kind of meeting and, if circumstances were different, I might have protected her from it. But I couldn’t deny that having someone weaker in the room would help me look better, her inadequacies would shine through and I could blame the debacle on my sub-par team.
‘Just, be yourself, be professional,’ I answered. ‘You’ll be fine,’ I promised her freckled face, albeit not very convincingly.
I entered the boardroom. Kai’s gaze was fixed on his blackberry, angrily jabbing away at the keys.
‘Hello,’ I tried. No reply. ‘How are you?’ I asked, optimistically.
‘How do you think I am?’ he answered, irate. ‘Pretty fucking stressed out would be a start.’ He slammed his phone down on the table and crossed his arms. ‘What in the name of God have you done to your hair?’
I patted the matted mess of blonde that framed my face down at the sides, I hadn’t realised bleaching one’s hair would make it awfully dry and, I accepted it didn’t look as polished this morning as I’d hoped. It had been murder to drag a comb through. Freya tiptoed in behind me and put her notes down as quietly as possible, slipping into the chair furthest away from Kai.
‘Time for a change,’ I replied, annoyed he hadn’t appreciated the gesture of going blonde for him and his hex.
The intern bustled in with sandwiches and biscuits and kept a funeral-worthy expression on her face the entire time as she busily laid out the platters I’d requested. I watched Freya closely, noting she hadn’t looked at the food once, instead focusing her energy on re-reading the notes she’d prepared.
‘Kai, any food whilst we wait for David?’ I asked, holding out a plate of sandwiches towards him. He grabbed a biscuit instead and shooed away the sandwiches.
‘Freya?’ My face glowed, this was the moment I’d been waiting for.
‘I’ve got lunch, thanks though,’ she said.
‘Don’t be rude.’
‘I’m fine, really.’
‘I insist.’ I was goading her. She took the bait and extended a visibly wobbly hand to the platter, picking the smallest sandwich of the lot. ‘Take another,’ I demanded.
She obeyed and reluctantly started sucking on the smaller sandwich, obviously fighting an internal battle to chew and swallow them. I took a couple of sandwiches of my own and we ate in awkward silence while we waited for the boss. Kai’s fury and Freya’s fear filled the four walls.
The sudden hush of the office was our initial indication that David had arrived and, sure enough, seconds later his imposing figure appeared at the open door.
‘Sorry I’m a little late,’ he said, entering with the confidence of a man who had no idea what he was about to face. David’s expensive suit and mustard tie caused Freya to retreat further into herself and she was practically in the foetal position by the time he’d taken a seat at the head of the table.
‘I gather we’re in the midst of a crisis…’ David ventured, crossing his arms across his chest and sitting back into his seat.
‘Correct,’ Kai answered. ‘Welcome to Shit Creek.’
He was wearing a tie-dye jumper which reached his knees and a pair of tight white jeans. He looked ridiculous and I was sure David would have a hard time taking him seriously.
‘Let me jump in here, Kai, if you don’t mind,’ I said.
I needed to stamp my authority on the meeting, to prove to David that I was the strong and stable leader the team needed, the only problem was I didn’t have much to say and I needed to buy some time. ‘Freya, do you want to run through what you’ve been doing the past week first?’
She stammered and stuttered next to me, a single white breadcrumb attached to her lower lip. I hoped she was making me look better.
‘Well, OK, I, umm, well, not me directly, but Henny, sorry, Henrietta, has been dealing with the media. The Mail have pulled out, the video we had planned for the Facebook Live got shelved because they’re covering the other fashion show that’s on at the same time as the AthLuxe launch and, um, well, the only actual media we have definitely confirmed is one Kai doesn’t want us to go forward with so that’s it, really. Sorry.’
‘Why don’t you start with the good news?’ I joked, trying to lighten the thunder on the faces of the two men in the room.
‘There isn’t any,’ she replied, hushed.
‘What about the security partner, they’ve completed all their checks now, haven’t they?’ I asked.
‘Yes.’
‘See, there are definitely some positives.’
Kai couldn’t hold his anger in any longer and cried out in response to my positivity.
‘What is the fucking point in a security team if no fucking media and no fucking people are going to show up?!’ David didn’t move and I eyed him nervously. Kai continued, ‘Because, last time I checked, you’d managed to sell just thirteen of our one hundred tickets. The front row is going to be empty because I can’t seem to pin you down on who’s filling it, the famous people you’d promised would make up the other seats aren’t any more, I haven’t had dinner with anyone influential, no media give a shit about what we’re doing, know, or even care, not now another event we knew about weeks ago is stealing our thunder!’
‘Well, I’m pleased to inform you that we’ve now sold closer to seventy-five tickets.’
‘Well, I’m not pleased to inform you that that’s not fucking good enough! The event is in seven days! And I don’t want my seats filled with normal people! I want the best! The best!’
The truth was I’d actually given away the vast, vast majority of those tickets for free to members of staff, reclaiming the money lost from the overall launch event budget, chalking it up to ‘journalist entertaining’. If Kai knew, he’d lose it.
‘Listen, Kai, calm down: there’s still a week to publicise the event, get the tickets sold and create more of a buzz, honestly, events are always like this. It will turn around,’ I said, knowing it would be a miracle if it actually did.
‘You promised me A-listers. So who’s coming, Jade? Who’s sitting on our front row? Tell me.’ He flung his arms wide, his chest heaving.
‘Freya, did you have anything on that?’
She looked at me, scared. It was definitely my job, it had been my job ever since I muscled it off Ava, but I’d well and truly messed up. I’d forgotten to send contracts to our chosen celebrities; now all of the people I’d confirmed had taken the money and cancelled to go to the other show. I’d only realised this morning.
I needed her to play along. Buy me some time so I could figure out what to do.
Her voice wobbled. ‘No, I, well, I wasn’t talking to talent…’ She looked at me. ‘I thought you were.’
Disloyalty. So she would have to go, too. It was so hard to find good people.
‘Kai, we’ll figure out where we’re at with that and let you know.’
‘Not good enough.’
Kai was raging, he stood up from his chair and pointed his index finger right at me. ‘Ava would have had this all under control.’
I loo
ked away, embarrassed.
‘I knew, as soon as you took over, the entire event would crumble. What I don’t understand, though, is why you’re trying to pretend everything is OK. Do you think you can pull the wool over my eyes forever? Like, what actually is your plan when no one turns up next week? In a way I’m dying to know… Mannequins in seats? Photoshop?’ He sat back down, huffing. ‘We don’t pay this agency good money for shit like this.’
He meant shit like me.
David cleared his throat. ‘Right. I think it’s clear what we need to do.’ He kept his arms crossed and locked his eyes onto mine.
‘Jade, you’re off the project.’
My heart leapt into my mouth. Off the project?
His stare moved to Kai.
‘Kai – we’ll put another senior member of staff in charge of this. Secondly, we have to postpone. If this other event is taking our talent and our media, we have no choice.’
‘OK. I suppose you’re right,’ Kai said, a visible weight lifted from his shoulders. So if it’s David suggesting a postponement, it’s revolutionary; if it’s me, it’s out of the question.
David continued, ‘I’d recommend delaying for a month; that gives the new Team Head time to get up to speed. In fact, I’ll go and get her now.’ David got up from his chair and strode into the main bullpen. I didn’t – couldn’t – move a muscle.
Off the project and demoted in the space of a minute?
‘Sorry, I have to…’ Freya ran out of the meeting room, presumably to stick two fingers down her throat in the toilets.
‘I hope you’re happy,’ I said to Kai, menacingly, when it was just the two of us left in the room.
‘Fucking delighted.’ He was so bitter.
David and my successor stood at the door. I almost puked. ‘Kai, this is Georgette.’