by Erica Lee
Then there was my idiotic ass. Without even thinking, I yanked her car door open as if she was some girl I was taking on a date. Her face immediately turned a deep red, indicating just how uncomfortable it had made her. The only thing that saved the moment from being completely horrifying was just how cute she looked when she was embarrassed.
But, none of that mattered anyway. I could embarrass myself in front of her all I wanted, because it’s not like I had a chance with her. This could be added to the list of ways that Jamie was more accomplished than me, and no matter what I did to try to impress my parents, he would always win out. He was the former All-State QB who was now going to marry a beautiful woman, move back home, and give my parents tons of grandbabies. I almost wished he would have a slip-up, like getting Reagan pregnant out of wedlock, so it would lessen the blow when I finally came out to my parents. Having the perfect sibling only made it harder to deal with the fact that I wasn’t the All-American daughter my parents thought I was.
I shouldn’t be blaming my brother for any of this though. It wasn’t his fault he was straight, just like it wasn’t his fault that he had won over Reagan. Well, I guess that kind of was his fault, but only because he truly was a good guy. Of course she had fallen for him. I just wish for once that luck would be on my side instead of his.
“I think that plate is clean.” My mother’s voice cut through my thoughts, and I realized that I had absolutely no idea how long I had been scrubbing the same plate. “What’s wrong, dear?” she asked, a look of concern settling on her face.
I smiled over at her, as I finally set the plate down. “Nothing. I’m just tired,” I lied.
“Becoming a doctor will do that to you,” my mother laughed, and I honestly wasn’t sure if she meant it as a compliment or an insult. “Have you thought about where you want to work once your license goes through? I saw Dr. Peet the other day and he told me he has an extra exam room. I thought maybe you could talk to him about being his assistant.”
I wanted to point out to my mother that Dr. Peet and I had the exact same degree, but I knew that wasn’t worth getting into. I also would have loved to tell her that my plan was to open my own pediatric practice for inner city kids in either Philadelphia or New York. I could only imagine the response I would get to that. That’s a lot of work for a young woman. Sounds dangerous. Be careful—men are intimidated by successful women. So, instead, I simply shrugged my shoulders. “I’m still figuring it out.”
My mother put down the dish towel she was holding and reached out to push a piece of hair behind my ear. “That’s fine, sweetheart. It’s a lot to think about. I’ll support whatever you decide. I just don’t think you should take too much time. You have more important things to focus on, like finding a good husband.” And there it was. “Aw, honey. Don’t stress about it. You’re beautiful and smart and accomplished. Jarrett still asks about you, you know. Did you know he’s a cop now? Maybe you should reach out to him.”
“Maybe I will,” I lied.
My mom leaned in and kissed my forehead, satisfied with my answer. “I’ll take care of the rest of the dishes. Why don’t you go see what your brother and Reagan are up to?”
I nodded in agreement and made my way toward the back porch. I was surprised when I found only my brother sitting out there. “Where’s your girl?” I asked, as I took a seat beside him.
“She was tired, so she decided to call it an early night. Meeting the parents is exhausting.”
I studied my brother’s face and noticed how happy and content he looked, sitting there on the porch, watching the sunset. I knew it wasn’t fair of me to be envious of his life, no matter how perfect it might seem. “I like Reagan. She seems really nice.”
Jamie smiled over at me. “Funny. She was just saying the exact same thing about you a few minutes ago.”
“Oh yeah?” I answered as nonchalantly as possible, although the thought of Reagan saying anything about me had my stomach tying up in knots. Why the hell did she have this effect on me?
“Yep. She appreciated how you defended her in front of Mom. You know, about her job.” Jamie hesitated for a moment, then added, “I did too, by the way. I kind of froze up.”
“It was nothing. It honestly just slipped out.” Which was true. I was just as surprised by how quickly I jumped in. It wasn’t like me to stand up to my mom like that.
We sat in silence for a few minutes, before Jamie looked back over at me. I noticed him staring for a few seconds, before he said anything. “I’ve missed you, Sis.” His words were soft, but I knew there was much more to them than what he was saying. We had been so distant since high school. For me, I know it had a lot to do with my jealousy and worry about how he would react if he knew the real me. I’m not sure what his reasoning was, but I could sense something behind his words. Call it twin intuition, but somehow I knew he was apologizing. I just wasn’t sure what he was apologizing for.
“I’ve missed you too, Bro.” I’m sorry, too. I could tell by the way his face lit up that he knew what I was trying to say. We both looked back out toward the lake and didn’t say another word. Even though it was a simple interaction, I felt a shift between us. I had a feeling this summer was going to be good for us. I just needed to embrace my brother’s life, rather than pining over it. That was especially true of Reagan. It shouldn’t be that hard. Just because she was good looking didn’t mean that we would have anything in common. And even if we did, that meant we could be friends. It would certainly make this reunion much more bearable.
After a few more minutes, I stood and patted my brother on the shoulder. “I think I’m going to call it an early night as well. I’ll make sure your girlfriend is doing okay after day one with the Millers.”
It took me a moment to figure out where Reagan was when I entered my room. It turned out she had made a bed out of blankets and pillows near the foot of my bed and was lying there staring at something on her phone. I walked over and hovered above her, willing my heart to stop beating so fast at the sight of her in a tank top and tight boxer shorts. “There’s no way I’m going to let you sleep on the floor. You had to deal with my mother. You shouldn’t also have to deal with a hard floor.”
“Oh, I’m fine,” Reagan laughed. “Trust me. This floor is much more comfortable than that dinner was.”
I couldn’t help the cackle that escaped my mouth. It was refreshing to hear someone say the words that I was thinking. I lifted one eyebrow at her and gave her a half-smirk. “That’s even more reason for you to sleep in the bed. You’ve suffered enough.”
Reagan’s smile grew. “I’m honestly not into sharing a bed. I like my space. And before you say it, no, you’re not sleeping on the floor. This is your room.”
“Fine,” I conceded. “But I’m pretty sure I have an air mattress in my closet. You have to at least sleep on that.”
“Fiiiiiiiiine,” Reagan jeered, and after a few minutes, I had the air mattress blown up, and we were lying on our respective beds.
I was staring at my phone contemplating how I was going to fall asleep at 9:30 at night, when I heard Reagan moving around on the air mattress. I figured this was as good of a time as any to try to bond with my future sister-in-law. “Be honest with me. Were you actually tired or did you come up here so early in order to avoid my family?”
There was a moment of silence before Reagan finally spoke. “If I told you that it was to avoid your family, would you judge me for that?”
I laughed at her honesty. “No. I’d say that makes two of us.”
More silence. “So, what now? Should we tell each other ghost stories? Maybe play light as a feather, stiff as a board?”
“You mean my dad and brother’s ten-minute hello wasn’t scary enough for you for one day?”
Reagan snorted in response to my joke. “You’re right. I might have nightmares about that.”
“So, are you saying that my brother doesn’t normally act that way?” I was half-joking, half-curious what he was like wh
en he wasn’t around my parents.
“I don’t think that’s my question to answer.” Reagan’s tone was much more serious than expected, and I could tell there was a shift in the mood in the room.
“Sorry.” Although, I wasn’t exactly sure what I was apologizing for. “So, six years is a long time. What is it about my brother that has kept you around all of this time?” I knew I was using Reagan to try to learn more about my own brother, but after our moment outside, I had a strange feeling there was something I was missing.
Reagan went quiet before speaking again, as if contemplating her response. “Your brother is a really great guy, Charlie. I know you guys haven’t always been super close, but he truly is fantastic, and I hope you never doubt that. Your brother has been my rock since we first met. He’s sweet and funny and so perfect that it’s almost infuriating.” Reagan sat up to look at me as she continued to talk. “He’s also…” She paused for a moment when our eyes met, and I saw her take a deep breath. “So gorgeous.” Her face immediately turned red as if she suddenly remembered who she was talking to and felt awkward about divulging all of that to her boyfriend’s sister. She cleared her throat and looked away from me. “Gorgeous in a manly way, of course. Sorry. I got a little carried away there.”
“Don’t even worry about it,” I answered as nonchalantly as possible, although my heart was still beating erratically from the way she said so gorgeous while looking right at me. For a split second, I allowed myself to be swept away in the daydream of how it would feel if Reagan was talking about me, instead of my brother. By the way her eyes bore into me, I could almost make myself believe it, and it felt good. Too good. Why was I reacting this way? I barely even knew her. Right. I barely knew her. This initial attraction had to wear off once I learned more about her and watched her and Jamie interact. It was obvious from the way she talked about him that she was deeply in love. Watching them together had to dampen this weird infatuation. At least, that’s what I was telling myself so I could sleep tonight instead of harping on the girl lying by the foot of my bed.
“I actually am tired,” Reagan announced into the silent room. “Goodnight, Charlie. See you tomorrow.” Tomorrow. A new start. I took one last deep breath, before shutting my eyes.
***
“How do you feel about a Miller Men golf outing?” my dad asked Jamie, as we left church the next day.
Before my brother could even respond, my mom cut in. “That’s a wonderful idea! If you guys golf at the country club, us girls can spend the day at the pool. What do you say, ladies?”
“That sounds really nice, Mrs. Miller,” Reagan answered quickly. “I’m excited for the chance to get to know my future mother and sister-in-law better.”
And I’m excited for the possibility of no longer feeling sick to my stomach when Reagan refers to me as her sister.
After changing and trying to coax Nana into coming along (which she vehemently rejected), the five of us piled into the car to head to the country club. My mother and father became immersed in some conversation about a restaurant that was rumored to be coming to town, and when I turned to talk to Reagan and Jamie, I noticed that they were leaning close together and whispering back and forth. Their faces were serious, but it didn’t appear as though they were arguing. Finally, Jamie sat back and patted Reagan on the knee, before reaching out to take her hand. She smiled sweetly at him one more time, before turning to stare out the window. They really were cute together. It was obvious how much they cared about each other, and Jamie seemed much more relaxed when Reagan was around.
I realized I wasn’t the only one thinking about this when I noticed my mother’s eyes sparkling as she watched them through the rearview mirror. “So, Reagan,” she said. “You and Jamie graduated the same year, right? That makes you twenty-six?”
“Yes, ma’am. I’ll be twenty-seven in a few months.”
My mother let out a low whistle in response. “Closing in on the end of your prime childbearing years. I take it Jamie told you I’m ready for grandbabies?” She followed up her question with a lighthearted laugh, as though that was going to make it any less awkward.
“Oh, we haven’t discussed that too much,” Reagan answered hesitantly.
Jamie cleared his throat a few times and squeezed Reagan’s hand so tight that even I noticed it from where I was sitting. “Yeah, it’s just not quite on our radar yet.”
“Of course not,” my mother added quickly. “First, we need to plan a wedding, then find you guys a place back here, then we can focus on getting me some grandbabies. I would rather you wait to have kids until you can raise them around here anyway. I trust our schools and teachers more than anything around the city. No offense, sweetie. I’m sure your school is nice, but it’s very special that we have a school where most of the teachers also went to school here. There’s a decent number of teachers who graduated around the same time as you two. Jason Peters, Sally Jenkins, Monica Falcon, who else? Oh, Grace Harper was teaching kindergarten, but she moved recently. I believe she was close in age to you as well.”
Of course, I knew all of those names. None of them were in my class, but in a small town like ours you knew pretty much anyone who was in high school at the same time as you. The name Grace Harper was especially familiar. I had heard through the small town gossip grapevine that Grace was also gay and had apparently moved away to move in with her girlfriend. I wasn’t sure how much of this was actually true, but I was still curious to see how my mom would react to this piece of information. “Did you say Grace Harper? I heard she moved away to be with her girlfriend.”
“Are you sure about that? It seems strange that she would give up a teaching position in her hometown just to move in with a friend.”
Of course my mom heard girlfriend and automatically assumed they were just friends. Ignorance is bliss. I took a deep breath and questioned whether I really wanted to elaborate. Did I really want to hear what my mom had to say about this? Yes, actually. I needed to know exactly what I was dealing with. “I don’t mean girlfriend as in friend. I mean like her partner. The person she is dating.”
“Hmm…” my mom hummed, as if she was contemplating my words. “Are you saying that she is gay?” I couldn’t help but notice how she said the word gay a little softer, almost as if it were a swear word.
Both Reagan and Jamie were staring at me intently at this point, but I couldn’t decipher what they were thinking. “I can’t confirm whether it’s true. But if it is, then yes. That means she’s gay.”
My mother hummed softly again, before responding. “Now, I don’t judge. People can live their lives however they choose. But I have trouble believing that’s true. Carol and Jim Harper are good people. They go to church every week. I always see them spending time with their granddaughter. I really don’t think they would have a gay child.” I almost wanted to laugh at her words. If she only knew the irony of what she was saying.
I was trying to decide what to say next when Reagan stepped in. “With all due respect, ma’am, I don’t think it has anything to do with her parents. If this girl is gay, it’s because she was born that way. Nothing her parents did or do could change that, and they shouldn’t try to. She can’t help who she loves, so they should just be happy that she’s happy.” There go the butterflies again. Couldn’t this girl just say one stupid thing?
My mother laughed lightly. “It’s cute how accepting you kids are these days. But, just wait until you have kids of your own. You’ll see that everything comes back to the parents. I mean, look at you three. You were raised in loving families with good values and now you are all living life as God intended.” This time, it took everything in me not to laugh.
Apparently, Reagan also found my mother’s words humorous because I heard her snicker. When I looked over, I noticed Jamie’s face was red and he was motioning for her to stop. She quickly became serious, but I could tell she was still trying to hold back laughter. What was that all about?
I didn’t have too long t
o think about it, because we were soon pulling into the country club. Before going with my dad, Jamie pulled Reagan into a tight hug. When they finally parted, Reagan smiled and placed a kiss on his cheek. I tried to ignore the part of me that felt jealous over that little kiss.
I also had to ignore my body temperature rising at the vision of her stripping down to just her bikini once we were at the pool. Of course she had the perfect body. Her legs and arms were toned without being overly muscular. Her flat stomach looked like it would be rock solid to the touch. And that butt. I had gotten a good look at it when she first arrived at our house yesterday, and her skimpy bikini bottoms confirmed that it was, in fact, perfect. I made sure to turn away before she could catch me staring. When I looked back, she was lying on the pool chair next to mine, eyes closed, with the sun hitting her slightly sweaty skin in a way that caused it to glisten. I closed my eyes as well, fighting the urge to open them back up and stare over at her.
I must have fallen asleep because when I opened my eyes again, I felt disoriented and noticed Reagan was now sitting up and staring over at me. I quickly wiped my hand over my face. “Oh God, was I drooling?” I asked, not even trying to mask my embarrassment.
Reagan’s eyes widened in response to my stumbling. “Not at all,” she reassured me, but something about her tone told me she was lying. Almost immediately, her lips turned up into a small smirk and she brought her thumb and forefinger close together. “Okay. Maybe just a little. It’s cute though.” Before I could get excited over her compliment, she added, “Your brother does the same thing. He could doze off for thirty seconds and still have a pool of drool on his face.”