by Erica Lee
I groaned at my inability to keep my mind on anything else, leading me to spend yet another night crying myself to sleep. Both of my parents had attempted multiple times to get me to tell them what was going on. Judging by the twenty-minute phone call with my brother asking how I was doing multiple times, it seemed my parents had also recruited him to try to get me to talk. But there was only one person I wanted to talk to. Correction. There were two people. They just happened to share the same birthday and genetics. I cried even harder as I wondered if Jamie would ever forgive me.
My pity party was interrupted by the sound of something hitting my window and... was that music? No. Of course it wasn’t. I just watched way too many romantic comedies and was now sucked in to believing someone showing up outside your window holding a boombox over their head wasn’t a completely unrealistic scenario. I rolled my eyes at my own naivete and pulled the covers over my head. Much to my surprise, this only muffled the sounds.
I forced myself out of bed and wiped my tears on the sleeve of my shirt before walking over to the window. I blinked a few times trying to bring the figure below into focus.
“Jamie?”
“The one and only,” he announced proudly, continuing to hold his phone high above his head.
I smiled for the first time in days and shook my head at him. “You know you could have just rung the doorbell, right? It’s not that late. My parents are still awake.”
“And miss the opportunity to romanticize my girl? I don’t think so.” He pointed to his phone and wiggled his eyebrows. “It’s our song.”
“I noticed,” I laughed. “Just stay there. I’ll be right down.”
By the time I made it downstairs and outside, Jamie was sitting on my parents’ front porch swing, looking up toward the stars. I sat down next to him and elbowed him in the side. “So, what brings you to these parts?”
Jamie looked at me, and his face became serious. “I owe you an apology. Remember the story I told you about what a jerk I was in high school when I thought people might find out I was gay? I made that guy look good these past few weeks. I was confused and scared and I said a lot of terrible things I wish I could take back.”
I leaned over and rested my head on Jamie’s shoulder. “We both did and said a lot that we shouldn’t have. Jamie, I never in a million years meant for your parents to find out you were gay that way. I know you probably think I was just being reckless and stupid, but it wasn’t like that at all. I wasn’t trying to get some random lay at your expense. I never wanted to fall for your sister.”
“But you did, didn’t you?” Jamie asked quietly.
“Did what?”
“You fell in love with her.”
Just hearing him say those words out loud made my heart ache in my chest. “It’s over, Jamie. It was stupid. She’s your sister. I’m not sure what I was thinking. I wasn’t using my head.”
Jamie tilted his head against mine. “No. You were following your heart.”
I felt my body start to shake as the water works started all over again. “Yeah, and look where that got me. I feel like I can’t breathe, Jamie. It feels like someone reached into my chest and actually ripped my heart in half. It’s insane. People who break up after years together feel less than this. It doesn’t even make sense.”
Jamie pulled me even closer and ran his hand up and down my arm. “There are certain things in this world that can’t be explained. That’s why they need to be felt instead.”
“I don’t want to feel this though.”
“I’m not saying you have to feel what you’re feeling right now. Listen, I was a big jerk. I said a lot I didn’t mean, but I love you and Charlie more than anything. All I want is for you guys to be happy.” Jamie put his hand under my chin and forced me to look at him. “This is me giving you my blessing, Reagan. Go get your girl back.”
Those were the words I was dying to hear a week ago, but was it really that simple? So much had happened. Would we all actually be able to bounce back from this? “I don’t think it’s that simple, Jamie. What if you realize this is too much for you? What if we can’t get past the fact that your parents detest me now? What if—?”
“What if it ends up being the best thing that ever happened to you?” Jamie cut in. I knew he had a point, but I was so scared. There was so much working against us. So much that could go wrong. As if reading my mind, Jamie patted me on the knee. “At least promise me you’ll think about it, and for the love of God, come back home with me. It’s not nearly as fun without you there to pick on.”
“I miss you too, man. I don’t want to make Charlie uncomfortable though, so I’ll wait it out.”
“Charlie went back to Maryland,” Jamie answered quickly.
My sadness was immediately replaced with worry. I was happy when Charlie had texted to tell me she was staying at my place for awhile. I didn’t like the idea of her being back with her parents when they were still trying to come to terms with everything. I was tempted to pull my phone right out and text her, but since it was getting late, I decided I would call her the next day. It would be painful to hear her voice, but I had to know she was doing okay.
My thoughts were interrupted by Jamie jumping off of the swing and reaching a hand out towards me. “Let’s go home.”
***
I yawned loudly as Jamie pulled into the parking lot of our apartment complex. I didn’t know why he insisted we drive back immediately rather than just waiting until morning. We could have gotten a good night’s sleep and had a big breakfast courtesy of my parents, but instead, we were arriving back at our place after 1 a.m. I knew it wasn’t worth trying to fight him on it though. Once Jamie made up his mind, he was too stubborn to back down.
I practically rolled myself out of the car, barely opening my eyes, which felt heavy from crying so much over the past few days.
“Shit,” Jamie shouted from behind me. “I just remembered I need to pick something up at the store.”
“It’s the middle of the night, dude.”
Jamie nonchalantly shrugged his shoulders. “I’m going to the 24-hour mart.”
“Whatever,” I muttered, unwilling to question why he was acting so weird.
I was almost at the door of our apartment when my text alert went off. I looked down to see a text from Jamie.
I made the mistake of letting fear get in the way of a relationship once, and I still wonder what would have happened if I had just been more brave. Don’t overthink this. If it feels right, it probably is.
His words were sweet, but I couldn’t understand why he was sending them now when he could just say it to me in the morning. I was too tired to question it though, so I put my phone back into my pocket and opened the apartment door. I made a beeline for my bedroom and soon pushed through that door as well, ready to fall into bed. Only, I wasn’t alone. The bed was already occupied. The first sight to catch my eye were the strands of blonde hair cascading over my pillow. Then my eyes drifted lower to the soft skin sticking out from under a teasingly tight tank top. I was surprised when Charlie’s hand reached out and she ran a finger along the picture of Jamie and I, sitting on my nightstand. Then I noticed her body start to shake and heard soft whimpers. Before I could even consider what I was doing, I was on the bed wrapping my arms around her.
“Shh. It’s okay,” I soothed. “You’re okay. I’m right here. I’ve got you.”
Charlie turned around and blinked her bloodshot eyes at me. “Reagan? Please tell me I’m not dreaming right now.”
I laughed lightly and ran a finger along her cheek, unable to resist the pull to touch her now that we were this close. She leaned into my hand and let out a small sigh as a content smile surfaced on her face. That smile alone was enough to make my heartbeat pick up. “God, I’ve missed you,” I whispered.
“I have so much I want to say to you right now, but I’m so tired, I’m not even sure if it will make sense.”
I moved my hand from her cheek into her hair, massaging her
scalp the way I knew helped her relax. “It’s okay. Go to sleep. You can tell me in the morning.”
To my surprise, Charlie’s eyes shot open. “No! I don’t want to go another minute without saying this.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at her intensity. “Can you maybe survive five more minutes? I’ll make us some coffee.”
“Fine,” she whined, trying her best to act annoyed, but failing as her lips curved into the cutest little grin.
I kissed her on the forehead before crawling out of the bed. “I’ll start the coffee. Just come out whenever you’re ready.”
By the time I made it back out to the living room with our coffee, Charlie was already out there pacing back and forth. I set the two cups on the coffee table, then walked over to where she was pacing, resting my hands over her arms to try to calm her down.
“What did you want to say?”
Charlie took a deep breath before looking into my eyes with more love than I had ever seen from another human being. She took one more deep breath, then began to speak. “I know being with me isn’t ideal. My parents suck. My whole family knows we had sex because my great grandmother literally caught me with my hand down your pants. I’m not sure how you get past those things. I don’t think it’s covered in any relationship books. But here’s the thing. I don’t care that this is all a big mess. I don’t care if my parents never accept it. I would rather go through all of that with you than have to pretend that I’m okay living without you. Because I’m not. I’m falling in love with you, Reagan. I have been since the day I met you.”
With those words, I felt the pieces of my heart start to mend. I couldn’t control the grin that was now taking over my entire face. Charlie Miller was falling in love with me. There was no use in trying to fight this anymore. Charlie was right.
“I second everything you just said. Well, except for one part. I’m not falling in love with you.” The way her face fell broke my heart so I wasted no time in placing both hands on her cheeks and elaborating. “I’m not falling in love with you because I’m already in love with you. I’m pretty sure I loved you from the very first time I laid eyes on you, and if I love you this much after only a few weeks, I can’t imagine how I’m going to feel in a few years. Let me tell you. I can’t wait to find out.”
Charlie looked at our coffee mugs, then back over at me, a slight smirk appearing on her lips. “Forget about the coffee. I want you.”
As she slipped her hand into mine and pulled me back toward my room, absolutely everything was forgotten.
———-1 year later———-
I told myself not to cry when I felt arms wrap around me from behind and pull me tight. I couldn’t believe this was really the end. “What am I supposed to do without you?” The voice in my ear quivered as these words were spoken.
“I’m not sure,” I choked out. “I know this was the right decision, but that doesn’t make it any less hard.”
“Seriously?” Charlie laughed, shaking her head at Jamie and me. “You guys are going to be living like fifteen minutes apart.”
Jamie turned and stuck his tongue out at his sister. “Stop ruining our moment. You’re the one stealing her away from me. The least you could do is give us this time.” When I started to chuckle, Jamie pointed a stern finger at me. “And you! Don’t go thinking that just because I’m going to miss you means I’ve forgiven you for leaving me.”
“Can you blame me?” I asked, setting my eyes on Charlie and taking a few steps toward her. “My hot, sexy girlfriend bought a pediatric optometry practice right outside of the city and asked me to move into the upstairs apartment with her. How could I possibly turn that down?”
Charlie closed the last few feet between us and wrapped her arms around my waist. “So, you think I’m hot and sexy?” she purred, lifting a flirtatious eyebrow.
I nuzzled my face against Charlie’s neck. “And beautiful, gorgeous, stunning…”
“Hmm… have any words in that vocabulary that don’t involve my looks?”
“Obviously. You’re also driven, hard working, smart. Not to mention super talented. Like last night when you—”
“Ew. Gag. Just stop,” Jamie interrupted.
Charlie laughed and shook her head at her brother. “You know she only says this stuff to drive you nuts, right? Half the time she makes things up just to get a reaction from you.”
I slipped my hands into the back pockets of Charlie’s shorts. “Stop being so modest, babe. Those years of cheerleading really paid off. Being on top just comes so naturally to you.”
“So, was that mom on the phone?” Jamie asked, clearly looking for any excuse to change the subject.
“It sure was,” Charlie responded with fake enthusiasm. “It actually took her a whole five minutes to bring up the fact that we didn’t come home for Christmas.”
Over six months after the holiday and Mrs. Miller still couldn’t get over the fact that her two children chose not to go home for Christmas. Although I insisted it was fine, Charlie and Jamie refused to go if I wasn’t welcome there. Since the Millers had yet to take a liking to me, the three of us spent the holiday with my family instead.
“By the way, you’ve been promoted from that girl to my roommate. She’s coming around.”
I ran my hands up and down Charlie’s arms. She liked to act like she was alright with her parents’ lack of acceptance for her sexual orientation, but I could tell it bothered her. “Baby steps, sweetheart. They may be a bit crazy, but they’re still around. I’m not saying it will ever be perfect, but I definitely think they will get more accepting with time.” I lifted both eyebrows. “Who knows. Maybe someday your mom will even start to like me again.”
“She did ask if my roommate and I would ever consider moving back to Maryland.”
My eyes went wide at the thought of living in that small town with the Millers. “No! What did you say?”
“I actually didn’t have to respond. My nana picked up the phone and said, and I quote, ‘There’s no way in hell she's ever going to move back home if you keep referring to her girlfriend as her roommate.’”
“Nana for the win,” I laughed. Nana was by far my third favorite Miller. Sometimes when Charlie and Jamie annoyed me enough, she even moved into first. “You do realize that even if your mom became so accepting that she threw us our own Pride parade, there is no way in hell I would ever move to that goddamn town, right?”
Charlie simply chuckled at my obvious disdain for where she grew up and had spent part of the past year. “Obviously. This is where we belong.”
The words hung in the air between us. Where we belong. I knew where I belonged. It was right here, encased in Charlie’s warm arms.
“Attention all ladies,” a loud voice boomed through the living room intercom. “This space has officially become Jamie’s Bachelor Pad. No girls allowed.”
I pointed toward Jamie’s room, where he had retreated after my sexual jokes. “That’s your brother.”
Charlie laughed and pushed me away playfully. “Yeah. Well, he’s your best friend.”
“That’s true. You’re kind of stuck with him. I chose him. Imagine what that says about me. Are you sure you want all of this for the rest of your life?” I dramatically waved my hand in front of my body.
Charlie pulled me close to her again, unable to stop the wide smile from spreading across her face. “More than anything in the world.”