He sighed and stared blankly into his glass. “Honestly?”
“Yeah...honestly.”
“Not good. This party is great.” He looked around. “But it feels surreal. These last hours are moving too fast.”
“I know. I don’t think it’s really going to sink in until after you’re gone.”
He stared at me, and his eyes wandered down the length of my body. “You look so beautiful it hurts, Carys.”
My nipples hardened, and my heartbeat accelerated, but before I could respond, one of his friends interrupted.
“There’s the man of the hour,” the guy said, patting Deacon on the back. “Come on, we need your input on a bet we’re placing.”
“I’m sorry,” Deacon said as he got dragged away. “Be right back,” he mouthed.
“It’s okay.” I laughed it off and tried to do something other than ruminate over what he’d just said to me.
While Deacon was talking to his friends, a guy approached and held out his hand. “Hey. I’m Scott.”
“Hi,” I responded uncomfortably, not in the mood to make small talk. “I’m Carys.”
“Karen?”
“Carys…like Paris.”
“Ah. Pretty name. Are you with Deacon Mathers?”
“I’m a friend of his. We live next door to each other.”
“I see. Well, I couldn’t help admiring how lovely you look tonight. That pink is definitely your color. I was kind of hoping the D-Man hadn’t claimed you for himself.”
When Deacon noticed him talking to me, his eyes darkened and he moved away from his friends to rejoin me. His eyes shot daggers. “What’s up, Scott?”
“Nothing much. Just chatting with Carys here.”
Deacon grabbed my hand. “Can you excuse us?”
The next thing I knew, he was ushering me to the bar area in the next room.
“Want another drink?” he asked.
“What was that all about?” I responded.
“I don’t like that guy.”
“Then why is he at your party?”
“I didn’t invite him. He’s a friend of a friend who tagged along. I know that was rude of me, but I don’t give a fuck right now. I don’t want him anywhere near you. He’s an asshole to women.”
A sheen of sweat covered Deacon’s forehead. He seemed very on edge. I decided to drop it.
He went up to the bar and got us two more drinks, an amber-colored liquid for him and another martini for me. He took a long gulp of his as I watched.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
He made a face that looked like the alcohol burned his throat going down, then wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He finally said, “Am I making a mistake?”
“About leaving?”
“Yeah. I mean…I’m happy here. There’s no part of me that wants to move. I feel obligated to take the job because it’s a great opportunity. But I can’t help wondering if I’ll regret leaving.” When I didn’t respond, he shook his head. “What am I even saying, right? My apartment is mostly cleared out, and I’m supposed to be reporting to the new office on Wednesday. I guess it’s too late to change my mind.”
It was the first time I realized he might be having serious doubts. I’d assumed it was a no-brainer based on the money. My true opinion on the matter wouldn’t have been helpful—I was too biased—so I tried not to make him feel badly about the decision he’d already made. My heart, however, screamed, “Don’t go! Please don’t go.”
If Deacon never wanted to take a chance on us, maybe it was better if he did leave. Maybe he had to leave in order for me to get over him. Whether he left or stayed, I was destined to get hurt, considering I couldn’t seem to shut off my feelings for him.
“What time is your flight again?” I asked.
“Eight thirty Monday morning.”
Tears formed in my eyes, but I wouldn’t let them fall.
“I need to say goodbye to Sunny,” he said. “I wasn’t sure how best to do that. I feel like she’ll notice me gone and wonder what happened. I don’t want to make her sad. But I feel like I owe her an explanation, even if she can’t fully understand.”
The thought of him saying goodbye to my daughter, who I knew cared so much for him, hurt my heart. I could no longer control my emotions. I needed to escape to the bathroom to cry.
I placed my hand on his arm. “I’ll be back, okay? I have to use the restroom.”
Without waiting for his response, I weaved my way through people to get to the single, unisex bathroom in the back of the place. After knocking to make sure it was empty, I entered and wiped the tears that were now falling down my face as I looked in the mirror.
Shit. Shit. Shit. Why didn’t you tell him not to leave when he expressed doubt? Maybe he would have listened. Maybe he would stay.
I knew that was crazy talk. It would have been selfish to convince Deacon to stay for my own self-serving purposes. But he seemed sad tonight, didn’t he? Almost like he wished someone would give him a good reason to stay. Despite my internal argument, I knew it was a losing battle. The sadness Deacon felt tonight was normal—fleeting. He’d go to Tokyo, settle into his new and amazing job, and never look back.
Visions of Deacon wandering amidst the bright lights and vibrancy of that foreign city ran through my head. He’d have his pick of any beautiful Japanese woman he wanted. And they’d all flock to the gorgeous, larger-than-life American man.
Someone knocked on the bathroom door. Crap. I’d spent way too long in here. Deacon was going to wonder what happened to me.
“Be right out!”
My eyes were still red. Deacon would know I’d been crying if I returned now. With someone waiting, though, I felt pressured to leave. I’d have to sneak outside for a few minutes before going back.
When I opened the door, a woman stood there. She looked pissed.
I walked past her and made my way to the exit. The cool outside air hit my face as I leaned against the brick building, planning to take out my compact and make myself look presentable before returning to the party. Hiding my tears with more makeup was going to be a challenge, but I would manage. Masking my emotions on the other hand? That had never been my forte, especially when they hit me as hard as they had tonight.
Before I had a chance to dig my mirror out of my purse, I heard his voice.
“Carys—Jesus. Adrian told me he saw you walk out the door, and I didn’t know what to think. I—” He stopped talking. “Are you crying?”
Am I supposed to deny it? A sniffle escaped me. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to see me like this. I came out here to get some air.” Looking down at the sidewalk, I said, “I feel so stupid that you caught me. It’s just…when you were saying all that stuff, how you were sad to leave, saying goodbye to Sunny, it brought out everything I’ve been feeling since the day you told me you were moving away.” I looked up. “Deacon, what if after Monday I never see you again? This sucks. And I’m sorry I’m not handling it better. I didn’t want to show it.”
I shut my eyes, regretting having let my vulnerability escape. Then I felt his hands wrap around my face. My eyes flew open, only to close again at the feel of his hot mouth on my lips. I might have stopped breathing for a second. My legs felt weak as I melted into him. When it hit me that this was really happening, I opened wider, letting his tongue inside and remembering all too well what it felt like on other parts of my body. But despite the intimacy of that night, this moment was different—more passionate than sexual. I tasted him for the first time, breathing him in like oxygen. And I couldn’t get enough.
He flicked his tongue to nudge my mouth open wider. His chest pressed into mine, my back still against the brick of the building. Deacon’s heart beat rampantly as our tongues circled in frantic competition. I lifted my hands and placed them around his head, pulling him deeper into me and inhaling his heady scent. The vague sense of people passing us registered, as did the muffled sound of talking around us.
His groan v
ibrated down my throat as he fisted my hair. “Fuck, Carys.”
I could feel his erection through his pants as it rubbed against me. My clit was throbbing with need. If he’d wanted to take me on this damn sidewalk, pretty sure I would have let him.
An indeterminate amount of time passed, our kiss lasting what felt like several minutes, neither of us willing to stop. I was certain this was going to make his leaving even worse for me, but that wasn’t enough to pull me away. Nothing could have torn me from the delicious taste of his hot lips or his intoxicating scent.
Deacon finally broke our kiss, but not before returning his mouth to mine to bite my bottom lip before letting it go.
He panted as he placed an arm on either side of me, locking me in against the wall. “Your fucking lips. I’ve dreamed about doing that for so long. And it was even better than I imagined. I could kiss you forever.”
“I wish you hadn’t stopped,” I said, my hands still wrapped around the back of his neck.
The streetlights reflected in his eyes. “I’m gonna go back in there and apologize to my friends, let them know I have to leave early. Half of them are so sloshed they won’t even care. Then I want you to come back to my apartment so we can talk. Okay?”
I had no clue what was left to talk about, but I nodded in agreement, still dazed as he walked away. I rubbed my bare arms as I waited.
A few minutes later, Deacon reappeared and grabbed my hand as I followed him to the curb. As luck would have it, an empty cab approached almost immediately. Deacon lifted his arm to flag it down. We both got in, and he gave our address to the driver.
I couldn’t believe he’d left his own party. Deacon gripped my hand as we sat close together in the backseat. His leg against mine was enough to keep my entire body on alert. I wanted to straddle him right here. But the vibe he gave off right now was not exactly a sexual one. I wished he would kiss me again, but he faced away. He seemed tense as he looked out the window, his knee bopping up and down. Whatever he wanted to say was clearly weighing on his mind, and he stayed that way—distant—the entire ride home.
After paying the cab fare, we exited the vehicle and made our way inside the building and upstairs. It felt strange passing my apartment without stopping in to check on things. Deacon fumbled with his keys before he finally managed to open his front door.
My heart pounded as I entered his place. It was the first time I’d ever been inside it alone, without Sunny. I got a look at myself in the mirror just inside his door, the one I knew my daughter loved. My lips were swollen, my lipstick smudged, my hair a mess. What is happening tonight?
Deacon still seemed tense as he threw his keys on the table. He hadn’t said a word to me since we left the restaurant. I looked around at his barren apartment. A box of stuff he’d apparently planned to ship to Japan sat on the floor. There was a large suitcase in the corner—no photos or artwork hanging. It made me incredibly sad.
“Can I get you a drink?” he asked.
“Maybe some water.”
I followed him into the small kitchen, noticing for the first time how similar the layout was to mine.
Deacon took a glass out of his cabinet before opening the fridge and pouring filtered water out of a jug. He handed it to me and watched as I drank it down in one long gulp. The water felt like rainfall over a desert.
He held out his hand to take the empty glass. “More?”
“No. Thank you,” I said, handing it back.
He slammed the glass down on the counter, harder than he’d probably intended to. His chest heaved as he stood across from me.
“Tell me to stay,” he finally said.
My eyes went wide. “What?”
“I haven’t been honest with you, Carys.”
“Okay…” My heart thundered against my chest.
“I’ve given you the impression that there are things more important to me than you—like the job I accepted or the money. But all I’ve wanted is to be with you. I’ve told you before that I struggle with my feelings for you, but I made it sound like something I could control or dismiss. But I want you, Carys. Not just as a friend, but in every way—and not telling you that has been a lie of omission.”
Even though I should’ve said something, nothing would come out. I was in shock.
“After I officially accepted the position, I got this sinking feeling that I’d just made a huge mistake. It’s gotten worse every day. But here’s the thing: I’m a risk, Carys. A huge risk. I don’t know that I’m right for you. And I sure as hell can’t assure you I won’t fuck everything up eventually.” He moved closer. His lips were almost on mine when he said, “But I want to stay. I just need to know that’s what you want. It might be the biggest mistake you’ll ever make, but if you tell me to stay, I will.”
My heart pounded. “I’ve wanted to tell you to stay from the second you told me you were leaving. But I never thought it was an option. I thought this job opportunity meant a lot to you.”
“Fuck the job.” Deacon leaned his forehead on mine, his breathing intensifying. “Fuck the job. Tell me to stay.”
A tear rolled down my cheek as I whispered, “Stay.”
The moment the word escaped me, his lips were on mine, even more intensely than they had been back at the restaurant.
“I need you, Carys. Right fucking now,” he growled.
Deacon lifted me off the ground. It felt like I was floating on air as he wrapped my legs around his waist and carried me to his room, our lips never separating.
On all fours, he pinned me beneath him on the bed. “Tell me to stop if you don’t want this.”
“No,” I panted. “Please don’t stop.”
I flipped over, knowing he would have to unzip me from behind. He lowered my zipper before turning me back around to face him. He slid my dress off and removed my bra, unsnapping it effortlessly. The cold air hit my breasts, and my nipples hardened. Goosebumps covered my skin.
“I’ve missed these beautiful tits,” he groaned as he sucked my nipple into his mouth. “Dreamed about them every night since your birthday.”
My clit throbbed as if readying to come. I was already so incredibly wet, the muscles between my legs pulsating with the need to feel him inside of me.
Deacon showered my chest with kisses as he traveled down to my belly button. “You’re so freaking gorgeous, Carys. I love your body so damn much.” He kissed his way up again, and his mouth returned to mine.
I couldn’t get enough of his taste and the smell of his cologne. I tugged on his shirt and pulled it over his head. Throwing it aside, I kissed him harder as I relished the feel of his hard chest pressed against my bare breasts. His body felt heavy over mine. I’d always wanted to feel him on top of me like this. Being skin to skin with Deacon was heaven. The muscles between my legs clenched, so eager to receive him.
He stopped kissing me long enough to say, “You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever touched. I never thought I’d get to have you like this. It’s literally a dream come true.”
I didn’t care if he was saying all those things in a sex-induced fog. My desperate and horny self loved every word.
He pulled away from me to slide my panties down my legs. I shimmied to speed the process. Deacon returned his mouth to my breasts, sucking even harder. No one had ever worked my body like this, so unapologetically.
Threading my fingers through his hair, I thought I might explode if he didn’t enter me soon. Lowering my hands to his waist, I unbuckled his belt and threw it across the room with a clank. I unbuttoned his pants, slipping my hand inside to touch him.
“Easy now,” he muttered over my mouth. “You have no idea how close I am to losing it, beautiful. If you touch me, I might come in your hand.”
Deacon reached over to his side table and fished in the drawer. He took out a strip of condoms and ripped one off the top.
“You sure about this?” he asked.
“Believe me, I’m sure.”
His mouth curved into
a smile as he lowered himself to devour my lips. When he moved back, he opened the condom wrapper with his teeth. He slid his boxer briefs down and lowered his body over me again. I felt his hot, thick cock against my abdomen. I wanted so badly to reach between us and touch the length of it. As he kissed me, his shaft slid against my clit. I pressed myself harder against it, my wetness covering him.
He pulled back and rushed to slide the condom on. I followed every step of the process, marveling at the girth of his veiny cock. I’d imagined what Deacon might look like naked, but nothing prepared me for the sheer magnificence. He was beautifully hung—gorgeous and manly in every way.
Before he could enter me, I wrapped my hand around his length and stroked slowly.
“Be careful,” he warned. “When you’re ready, put me inside of you.”
As hard as it was to resist pushing him inside, I rubbed the head of his cock against me. I had only been with a few guys, but I certainly didn’t remember being so incredibly ready for a man.
Unable to hold back any longer, I placed him at my opening.
Within seconds, he pushed himself inside of me. “Fuuuck,” he breathed over my neck. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t wait.”
His thick cock entering burned a little. When he was balls deep, I wrapped my legs around his back.
He pumped into me slowly, quickly moving on to fast and hard thrusts.
“Fuck. You feel so good, Carys. So fucking good, beautiful girl. Holy shit.”
Not sure if it was because it had been so long for me, or because he was so thick, but I felt a mixture of pleasure and pain—everything I’d ever imagined. I didn’t care if it hurt. I wanted it to hurt.
“Nothing—and I mean nothing—has ever felt better than your wet pussy around my dick. It feels better than anything.”
I writhed under him. “Fuck me harder, Deacon.”
“If you don’t stop moving like that, I’m gonna lose it. You’re so tight. Incredible.”
With that, I contracted my muscles, tightening even more around him.
His body shuddered as he groaned, “Shit.”
I gripped his ass as his hips moved in a circular motion. He couldn’t have been deeper inside of me. Again, I tightened my muscles around him.
The Anti-Boyfriend Page 16