CHAPTER 17
Susan stood on the balcony of her hotel room staring out at the first flickers of snow that fell. She didn’t care how the cold bit at her skin, she couldn’t feel it anyway; she couldn’t feel anything. Every time she closed her eyes, his face appeared. Picking the coffee cup from the table, she stepped back into the room and sat on the end of the bed pulling her journal out of her bag. She started writing about how she felt. By the time she had finished the whole page was full of his name. When he had shown up at her house and he had kissed her he had unsettled her soul. Since that day she had been haunted in her sleep, reliving the same dream.
She lay down and tried to nap. Her hand resting over her tummy, cradling the two most important things in her life. Eventually she drifted off to sleep.
Max managed to sweet talk the receptionist of the hotel by pretending to be the deliverer of the bunch of roses he held in his hand. He smiled at the thought that the receptionist had probably only given him the room number because she fancied him, he knew that his smile was a secret weapon. But despite her being totally stunning, he had no interest in her. He was here for one reason, and he wouldn’t leave without her. Not this time.
As he exited the lift, he took a deep breath. He walked down the corridor, checking the numbers. When he found hers, he stood outside the door, full of worry. He had hoped to clean himself up before another encounter with her but hadn’t had the chance; he ran his fingers through his hair, pushing the tangled mess off his face. His heart rate quickened as his hand came up to the door. He stopped before making contact. His gut snapped. ‘Was he doing the right thing? Maybe she did just need time.’ The palms of his hands were sweating and trembling with nerves, something he had never had to worry about when he’d been around her before. He took a deep breath and knocked on the door. The wait felt endless.
“Just a moment,” a frail voice whispered from behind the door.
Susan’s eyes flickered open from her sleep. The sound off knocking at the door had startled her and her heartbeat was skipping all over the place. “Just a moment!” she croaked. She was shivering and she realized that she had left the balcony door open before falling asleep. She dug into the bottom of her bag and pulled out the only thing of Max’s she had kept – his oversized hoodie. She breathed in his scent as she walked to the door.
Max held his breath as he heard her unlock the door. He could smell her body wash as soon as the door opened (a sexy berry smell that drove him wild every time he went in the bathroom when they lived together). As the door fully swung open, his eyes instantly met hers and it killed him…
Susan couldn’t breathe when she saw the figure stood at the door; he had caught her totally off-guard. The butterflies in her stomach danced around and sang to her. Clutching at the hoodie, she walked backwards, inviting Max in.
Max cautiously strode forward, smiling when he saw that she was wrapped up in his hoodie. His smile quickly shifted to concern. His true love now looked frail, skinny and very tired. His eyes roamed over her baby bump and he felt his heart hurt. He had missed touching her so much. Her eyes were brimming with tears. He held out his hand to touch her, but she shifted back from him like a timid animal. The room was silent. He cleared his throat… it’s now or never.
“Susan, none of it was true.” His voice was shaky and nervous. Great way to start idiot.
Susan didn’t respond but she just stared deep into his eyes, like she was searching for something.
Max moved forward until his feet touched hers. Her hand came up to her face and held it. She felt frozen. “Say something, Susan, please. I can’t stand it anymore… anything - scream and shout at me if you want. Something…. anything!”
“Max…” The faintest sound came from her lips. “I have tried so hard to hate you but... but the more I have tried, the more it hurt in here.” She clutched at her chest and closed her eyes.
Max pressed his hand to hers. He could feel her heart beating fast. “I’m here now, baby.”
“I felt this moment happen a thousand time before I opened my eyes. I can’t do any of this without you. I thought I could, but I can’t... I ... I need you!” The last words came out strong, almost begging. Her eyes were tightly shut as if fearful that should she open them then he might just disappear, and she might wake from her dream.
“Baby! Open your eyes. I’m here. I’m always here with you. Please look at me, Susan!” He had to make her see the truth.
Her eyes opened. Max stepped back. Where once they had been sparkling blue, they now looked like deep grey eyes, full of sadness, full of hurt. “Max…. you’re really here?” Her hand traced the outline of his face. “I’m sorry, Max. I… I… didn’t want to push you away again I just…”
His finger pressed up against her lips. “None of it matters now. All that matters now is you three.” His hand covered the top her stomach. “I have missed you so much, baby.” He lent his forehead against hers, breathing her in. “God, you’re freezing, Susan, don’t move, baby.”
Susan stood with her arms wrapped around herself shaking uncontrollably. Max appeared behind her, wrapping her up in the thick blanket that was draped over the armchair.
He guided her to the bed and positioned the pillows and duvet in invitation.
“Please don’t go, Max. I’m so tired, lay down with me. Please don’t go again…” she pressed her cheek into the pillow, her eyes fighting to stay open.
Max lent over her caressing her cheek with the back of his hand. “Baby, I’m not going anywhere, I’m just going to order us some dinner and make you a warm drink. I’m never leaving your side again.”
Susan’s grip on his hand loosened. “Just hold me, Max. I need to be in your arms again... I need you to hold me.”
Max smiled and climbed under the cover with her, cradling her in his arms tightly. “I’m here.” He stroked her hair; it no longer trailed down her spine but stopped at her chin. “Susan why did you cut your hair?”
Susan gingerly looked up at him. “A fresh start I guess, out with the old me in with the new.”
Max kissed her forehead. “Well I love it! I loved old Susan but falling in love with new Susan sounds pretty good to me.”
Susan giggled and pulled his face close to hers. “Max, I have missed you so much.” Her lips touched his and the electricity came rushing back between them. She ran her fingers through his hair. Her eyes tired again, she fought the urge to sleep because she wanted to savor every moment with him.
Max stroked her back. “Go to sleep, baby. You really need to rest.” He felt her body finally give in to the sleep it needed so much.
After making sure she’d fallen into a deep sleep he released her grip from around his waist and crept out of the bed into the bathroom. He stood staring at himself in the mirror, they both had a lot of talking they needed to do, he had to make her see that he wouldn’t go anywhere again. Splashing cold water on his face, he heard a whimper from in the other room. Rushing in, he saw Susan tossing and turning on the bed. She was crying his name. “Baby, I’m here. Susan ssh, it’s okay, I’m here.” He curled his arm around her in reassurance. She stopped and wrapped her leg around his.
He laid his hand to rest on her belly and smiled when he could feel the babies moving around inside. Shuffling down the bed, he pressed his ear to her tummy and closed his eyes, shutting the whole world out and focusing on nothing but the two babies he treasured.
The sound of a knock at the door made Max shoot up in the bed; he must have drifted off to sleep. He climbed out of the bed and went to open the door. A very merry man wheeled a trolley in pushing it to the middle of the lounge area of the suit before leaving quietly out the door. Dinner.
Looking at Susan, he headed into the bathroom and turned the shower on. He examined himself in the mirror and trailed his hand over his tattoos. He still had so much explaining to do, so many things he wanted to say, but he needed to be here for her first. He wanted her back desperately, but he didn’t want he
r back unless she was sure. Pulling himself out his thoughts he stepped in the shower.
Susan woke, pulling her arms over her head to a stretch. She heard water running and smiled. ‘He really is here!’ She threw the covers off the bed and waddled into the shower. She pulled the door open and climbed in behind him, fully clothed.
“Bloody Hell, Susan!” Max laughed and wrapped his arms around her.
Susan squeezed him tighter. She didn’t care about her clothes, all she cared for was him. “Max, you stayed. You really stayed.” A tear fell from her eye, but it wasn’t from sorrow, for the first time in a long time she was happy.
The water fell between them as his hands took hold of her face. “Susan, I told you I’m not leaving you and I meant it.” His lips covered hers and he couldn’t control the power behind the kiss. “God you taste so good!” He pulled her hoodie and vest top over her head and his eyes fell to her swollen breasts. A cheeky seductive smile appeared on his face.
“OH MY GOD! Max what is that?” her hand covered his upper arm. Max looked down at her hand, resting his own on top of hers. He moved it from the tattoo to around his waist, pulling her in closer. “Look closely here.” His fingers pointed to something written in the eagle’s wing.
“Oh, Max!” her hand flew around his neck and she kissed him hard. “I can’t believe you got a tattoo with my name on. Are you mad?”
He nodded his head. “Yep, madly in love.” He returned his lips to hers, pulling her closer. His hands cupped her heavy breasts, circling her nipples, causing her to feel tight concentric rings of pleasure. She moaned into his mouth and he broke away with a laugh. “Come on, baby you need to eat.”
She looked at him, her eyes glittering, “Well, Max, that’s a bit forward,” she said slapping his bottom.
He stroked her cheek – I mean, dinner!” “Oh,” she said pouting.
Max stepped out of the shower and grabbed two towels off the rail. He wrapped one around his waist and helped Susan out before wrapping her up in a towel.
“Come on, baby, the food is getting cold. When they had both finished getting dressed, they walked hand in hand to the table. Max pulled a chair out for her and walked around the table to sit opposite her. “Max, can we talk?”
Susan kept her eyes on the food in front of her not wanting to stare into those eyes.
Max stared up at her. “What do you want to talk about, Susan?”
“Everything!” Susan threw the napkin onto the table. “Max, we need to talk about where we go from here. I can’t go back to that house without you… I can’t pretend I’m strong enough to get through it all because I’m not! I need you!”
Max took her hand; his breathing was heavy. “You don’t have to go back without me, not if you don’t want to. You know how I feel about you.”
“Max, I love you and I can’t spend another moment without you in my life. We waited too long to find each other. Please come home.” She pulled her chair around next to his and clasped her hand close to his chest.
“I’m already there, baby!”
Susan stared deep into his eyes. She had so much to tell him, but she just couldn’t find the words. “Max, we have to be completely honest with each other from now on, no secrets. I can’t go back and do this all over again – I have too much to lose.”
Max ran his fingers through his hair pausing for a moment. “Whatever you want to know baby I will tell you. I have nothing to hide from you – no more secrets. But I know you have something you need to know, so ask me.
Susan huffed under her breath, how did he know what she wanted to know?
“Okay, who is Isabelle to you? Who were you, Max? I mean when you were growing up.”
He shuffled uncomfortably. “I think I’m going to need a drink first!” Max walked over to the mini-bar and poured himself a double whiskey. He threw it down his throat and poured another. “Come and sit down, baby.”
Susan sat next to him and curled around him, playing with the buttons on his shirt. “Max, listen,” she turned to face him, “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, I understand.”
Max took hold of her chin and stroked her lips with his thumb. “Susan, you told me everything about your past right from the start and I want to tell you, I just don’t want you to be ashamed of me when you hear it.” He had always been ashamed of his time with Izzy, but he had to make sure that he shared everything with Susan if he were to ever get to go home with her.
He took another sip of his drink and cleared his throat. “When me and Izzy first got together, she was… she was very full on. We were young and I was… I thought I was in love with her. I would do anything to keep her happy. She started to control me. I mean, I lost touch with most of my mates and I hardly spoke to my mum and dad. I was never allowed near any other girls, not unless she authorized it.” Max stopped and took another sip.
Susan swallowed hard. “Max you really don’t have to go on if you don’t want…”
His finger came up to her lips again. “No! I need to tell you. After months of her controlling me, I lost it one night. We got into a massive fight, but she seemed to be enjoying the fact that she drove me to the edge. She had enjoyed the fact that I lost it with her. FUCK! I hate saying the words.”
He dipped his head not wanting to look into her eyes. “The first time we argued she became wild, it turned her on that I was angry with her and I mean sex with her wasn’t making love – it wasn’t how it is with…”
Susan shook her head and he read the message loud and clear.
“I mean it was… it was wild, but it was nothing more than… fucking.” He dropped his voice with shame, “And I loved it. When we argued, she would drive me wild with desire. She quickly learned that she could make me do absolutely anything if it meant I could screw her after, and so she started treating me like her slave. It didn’t happen overnight, she was a skilled manipulator. By the end of it, I had to beg at her feet before she would touch me!”
Susan sat with her eyes wide. She was desperately not trying to cry. Her flesh crept.
He looked out towards the window. His voice was merely more than a whisper, “And I fucking loved it, Susan. I mean it turned me on that I had to beg her for it. What kind of man does that make me?” He stood up and walked to the balcony door – he needed air; he couldn’t breathe. Max shook his head.
“Are you alright,” she asked.
He shook his head, “No, I feel sick! I hate myself. Underneath all of this, I’m a monster; an animal! Then you came along and everything about you made me see the man I wanted to be – the man I could be. I couldn’t pull myself away from you, even after everything you told me, I just couldn’t leave you because I know that I belong to you.”
Silence fell between them. They spent minutes looking at the snow falling outside the window. Eventually, Susan spoke, “I love you. More than anything!”
Max pulled his phone from his pocket flicking through his songs; he found the one he wanted and pressed play. “Every time I listen to this song, I think of you.”
Susan sat listening to the words and tears appeared. “What song is this max?”
“Shania Twain ‘It’s in the way.’ Listen.”
Susan listened to the lyrics. “It’s beautiful.” Suddenly Susan tensed and Max jumped up from the chair. “What’s wrong, baby? What is it?” Worry washed over his face.
Giggling she took his hand and placed it on her stomach. “It’s fine, Max, they’re just waking up. Feel!”
Max touched the spot she guided it to; he could feel hands and feet kicking to get out. He had never felt anything as magical in his life. “Just waking up?”
“Yeah, for the past couple of weeks they both get really active at night. I spend all night in bed talking to them.”
“Can we go home, Susan?”
Max lent his head down to her belly his lips softly touching. “Hello, you two. I’m your daddy.” He whispered.
CHAPTER 18
(Four w
eeks of wedding planning later.)
“Come on, Susan, you need to get up. We’ll be late!” Polly shouted up the stairs. Susan refused to move, she curled herself back into a ball and pulled the cover over her head. “Susan, you get out that bed or so help me, I’ll drag you out – pregnant or not!”
Susan threw back the covers and groaned. “Fine, I’m up! But I want a coffee when I get down there! Caffeinated!” Stretching herself out, she started the long process of getting out of bed. Max usually helped her, but he wasn’t allowed to stay at home last night. It was ‘bad luck’. Polly and Beth both insisted on him staying at his childhood home. Pulling her legs out first, and slowly lifting her body out, she then rushed to the bathroom – the babies playing havoc with her bladder. “You two could at least wait for me to get out the bed before bouncing on my bladder” she said, looking down at her tummy.
“Here she is!” Party poppers exploded around the kitchen when she walked in. Polly jumped up and down with excitement. “Today is the day!”
Susan slumped down in the chair and sipped her coffee. “I know what day it is, Polly. It’s the day I walk along that beach looking like the beached whale!”
“Don’t be silly, Susan, you will look amazing!” Beth placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder.
They had managed to plan everything out for the wedding in time, but Susan had grown more and more self-conscious about her figure. She couldn’t see her feet anymore and she looked enormous. Everyone told her she looked perfect, but nothing made her feel better.
“I’m going for a shower.” Susan stood up and made her way to the bathroom. Passing the nursery, she smiled at all the finishing touches they had added over the last few weeks. Two cots sat side-by-side, one with pink blankets and one with blue. She only had a matter of weeks left before she would go in hospital and leave with her babies.
Something Missing (The True Love Series Book 1) Page 14