"So, no guys before," she continued. "But … you’ve been with girls, right?”
I shook my head again.
She raised her eyebrows, clearly surprised. "Oh, really?”
"Yeah," I admitted, and I wondered if this was going to make her think of me differently. Like I was a tourist or something, just using her for the thrill of it.
She took a sip of her coffee, not saying a word.
"I remember my first time with a girl," she remarked, a little dreamily, as though she was having to cast her mind back an impressively long distance to remind herself what that had been like. "I think I had maybe just turned eighteen? I was so sure I was only into dudes, and when this lesbian chick from one of my classes came on to me, I decided it would be fun to go along with it, you know, just to prove to myself that I was right ..." She chuckled to herself and shook her head. "And then I realized I thought it was incredible and I never wanted to stop," she admitted.
"So, you just … did it?" I asked, curious as I could be. "You just went along with it?”
"Yeah, I suppose deep down I knew I was going to be into it, but I had no idea how to navigate that by myself, you know?” she explained, with a sigh. "It was just … difficult. Really difficult, at first. I thought I was gay, but then I started dating this guy, and I thought it must have been just that one girl or maybe I was a poser or something. I didn’t know what to think. I felt like I was lying to myself, and everyone around me. I couldn’t stop thinking about women even though I knew I enjoyed being with men. It was a head-fuck, let me tell you. When I split with that guy, I got into the gay scene at my university and started really dating women. Properly. I had girlfriends and everything ..." she trailed off and grinned to herself like she was remembering some fond memories from those times. "We had a lot of fun back then," she admitted. "Maybe a little too much, if I’m being honest."
"Too much fun?”
"You’re right, there’s no such thing," she agreed then took another sip of her coffee.
"So, what did you do?" I asked keenly. "You were dating women?”
"But I knew I was still into men as well," she explained. "I knew I still liked dating guys, and I didn’t want to stop doing that just to prove some point about what a good lesbian I was."
"So, what did you do?”
"Being around all these women who were out of the closet was helpful because they let me see that there was way more to sex and sexuality than just straight or gay," she explained. "It’s such a huge spectrum, everyone falls some way on it, you just have to figure out where."
"And where do you fall?” I asked interestedly.
She smiled. "Well, I've been out as bisexual for the last five years," she told me. "I know it doesn’t suit everyone, but it suits me. I know I’m never going to be able to switch off being attracted to all genders, it doesn’t work that way for me."
"Like, men and women?”
"And the rest," she replied.
My eyes widened. I had never even considered the existence of genders beyond male and female, but it was clear there was still a lot left for me to learn.
"People like to put labels on you, no matter what you do," she explained. "For me, they wanted me to fit into the straight or gay box depending on who I was with, and I knew that just didn’t make sense for me. Never had, never will. So, that’s what I go by. If it feels right for you, you should use it, too."
"I’ve never even thought ..." I murmured, shaking my head. "I never imagined that I could be … that way. You know?"
"Yeah, nobody ever does," she replied. "But then there’s always someone who tips you over the edge and makes you realize that, actually, you were never as straight as you would have liked to think you were."
"Sounds like you’re giving yourself a lot of credit there," I teased.
She grinned at me. "Hey, am I wrong?”
I looked at her, a sweet, gorgeous woman, the woman I just wanted to reach out and touch and hold and caress in every single way that I could. I shook my head.
"No, you’re not wrong," I conceded, and her smile widened.
"Hey, you know what?” she told me suddenly.
I cocked my head at her. "What?”
"You should stay for the weekend," she suggested. "Just a couple of days. Could give you a chance to figure some stuff out, yeah? Maybe I could even lend you a hand."
"You mean that?" I replied. I was taken aback by the offer.
The way I had always heard it when it came to engagements like that, the person who owned the home would be trying to hustle their one-night-stand out the door as soon as was humanly possible. But maybe that was just how it worked with men? In truth, I had no idea. And there was this woman, offering to help me wrap my head around it. I didn’t see why I should say no to such a generous offer. If I was truly trying to learn myself, learn the ins and outs of how all this worked, then it was only right I took every offer that came in my direction. This was about the most tempting one I had been offered so far. I smiled at her and nodded.
"That sounds amazing," I agreed.
She beamed at me. "Come on," she told me, getting to her feet and offering me her hand. "I have something I want to show you."
I gazed at her hand for a second and allowed myself to linger in the sweetness of what she was offering. I still couldn’t believe this was happening, but here we were. I looked up at her then took her hand, balling all my confidence as I got to my feet and assuring myself that yes, I could do this.
"I throw myself on your mercy," I replied, and she guided me through to the bedroom once more. I knew that my decision to go out last night had been one of the best I’d ever had.
Chapter 8
I'll do it for you
"And what about this one? What does this one do?" I asked, plucking another toy from the box beside me and pulling it out.
Cara laughed and took it from me, flipping it over--it was small and pebble-shaped, with a smooth, curved side that faced up from my palm.
"It does this," she told me, and she clicked it into action. It sent low, irregular waves of vibration through my hand, and I bit my lip and smiled.
"And where does this one go?” I asked.
She took it from me and laid back on the bed. "I really am better at showing and not telling."
I slid down on the bed to watch her pleasure herself once again.
I wasn’t sure how long it had been since we had abandoned breakfast and come down into her room. I didn’t care to count the minutes or seconds we had spent there. Time was irrelevant to what we were doing, drifting away as she showed me, over and over again, exactly how she enjoyed making herself come.
My eyes had practically bugged out of my head when I had seen the box in which she kept all the toys she used to pleasure herself. I had never imagined that many existed, but she assured me there were so many more she didn’t have the funds to purchase.
"I’ll get them for you," I told her impulsively. I meant it at the moment, I truly did. I just wanted to make her happier, happier than she’d ever been before. There was a twinge of concern knowing that she had been with both men and women when I had only been with her and never gotten that far with a man. Would she think of me as woefully inexperienced? I wouldn’t have blamed her, that was how I felt when I was around her, after all.
"Well, look at me, getting all spoiled already," she giggled back, and then she had kissed me again.
I still didn’t quite know what I was doing with her when it came to being in bed, but I felt like making out I could handle. And, as the pleasure of what we were doing began to build inside of me, I reached out to touch her, to touch more of her. I loved the way she felt. I was already getting addicted to it, wondering how I had ever gotten by without it. All this time, like her, I had never considered that I was anything other than utterly and completely straight. What if I had been wrong about that from the start? What if there were more sides to my sexuality than I had ever considered?
She lay
back on the bed, and I handed her toys to use on herself while I could watch. I had never seen anyone masturbate before in my life, there was something intently intimate about watching the way her hands moved, the way her lips parted, the way her body bucked when she was in orgasm.
And yes, it turned me on to see her like that. It really did. I had never imagined before that I would get off from seeing someone else, but this was proving to me that there were layers upon layers to the way my brain worked I had never bothered to get too close to. Some part of me was mad, mad that I had let all this time pass while staying in firm denial of everything it was so clear I wanted, and the rest of me was just glad I had managed to get here at all. Even a few weeks ago, something like this would have been impossible to conceive of for me, and yet there I was, lying in bed with a beautiful girl, admiring the way her pussy glistened in the soft sun of the morning light and wondering how many times she could reach orgasm before she grew bored of it.
"Are you sure you don’t want to try one of these?" she asked, gesturing to the box of toys beside her after she had finished up with a long, pink dildo.
"I ..." I trailed off, looking down at the box then shaking my head. The truth was, I had never used anything like that before in my life, and I had no idea how to make most of them work for me. I was curious to see how they did, of course, but there was more to it than that. I was still nervous about making a fool of myself in front of her. Not to mention the fact that some hang-ups at the back of my brain were telling me I didn’t deserve to take that kind of pleasure for myself. No, it seemed wrong, almost wasteful, like I would be using up all this time that she could have been spending on herself expecting her to give me the same kind of pleasure.
"Come on, I’ll show you," she suggested, and she reached out to grab one for me. It was a slim, bullet-shaped object, silver and slender. She clicked it on for me, it buzzed to life in my palm. I bit my lip and smiled. "How do I--”
"Just use it any way that feels good," she replied.
I didn’t even know where to start. I had no idea what felt good to me. I went to slide it down and in between my legs, but she brushed my hand away from that.
"Try some other parts first," she suggested, slithering down the bed so she was beside me. "Here." She took it from me and traced the cool metal over my nipples.
I inhaled sharply, trying to catch my breath as the pleasure burst through me all at once. It was a lot to take in. I knew there were other parts of my body that reacted to touch the same way my pussy did, but this was something else entirely. I closed my eyes, and she took my head and pressed the toy between my fingers again.
"Now, go explore."
I began to move the toy over my skin. It seemed to burst to light everything it touched--it was an odd feeling, at first, one that I couldn’t quite wrap my head around. The buzz was so much more intense than anything I had ever felt before, it took a moment to figure out whether it was too much for me or not. As soon as I let one part of me get used to it, I moved it again, finding out how it felt there, and there, and there, and … and then at last, how it felt there.
I moved it over my aching pussy, and as soon as the toy rolled over my clitoris, I let out a long moan. It felt so fucking incredible. I couldn’t believe the power it seemed to have over me. It was hard to believe that the little toy, that tiny object, could make me feel so good, but there was no denying the truth. My body was burning up as I moved my hips up and against it.
"Here, it goes faster if you want." She reached down to press the button again and another jolt of lust went through me. I gasped and she kissed me, her hands skimming down over my bare waist and on to my hips.
How was it she seemed to know just how to touch me? My body was reflected in hers, I supposed, and she had obviously spent the time to find out what happened when she touched herself like this, like that.
I moved my hips back against the toy, letting the vibrations rush through me and fill me up, and soon enough, I had everything I needed. My body bucked one last time and I came, hard, crying out and filling the room around me with the sound of my sweet release. I pulled the toy away, the feeling of the vibrations suddenly too much for me to take, and caught my breath. She lay next to me, running her fingers through her hair and moving her hand over my belly like she was soothing me softly.
"That was really cool," I told her once I had gathered myself enough to speak.
She smiled at me. "You have no idea how hot it was watching you get yourself off like that." She kissed my shoulder, baring her teeth against my skin for a moment and making me giggle.
I liked it when she was a little rough with me. I had always associated roughness with men, but maybe I enjoyed it just as much when it came from the fairer sex.
The next day, after we’d had breakfast together, an idea pulsed in the back of my brain. I had wanted it ever since I had first seen her, I realized, but I had just been too nervous to come out and ask for it. But now, I was ready. Well, as ready as I was ever going to be.
We showered together, getting ourselves good and clean, and I touched her body with wonder as I went. She was so beautiful, and she was giving herself to me. It was beyond thrilling. I had never experienced anything like it in my life, not with the sheer power of the way she made me feel. I wanted to make her mine. I wanted her to belong to me, totally and utterly. I wanted to make sure she always remembered me, even if I had never done this with any other woman before.
As the hot water coursed over her body, it felt as though it was washing away the doubts I had been carrying around about the two of us. About my own sexuality. I knew I wanted her, there was no question in my mind, not any longer. How could there be, when it felt like we had been made to reflect each other in this way?
I guided her back toward the bed when we were done, taking control for once. All the other encounters I’d had, I allowed the people I had been with to control me, to be the ones who rolled the dice and played the game. It had been easier for me to disconnect from my guilt when I could pretend that I had nothing to do with it. Who? Me, no, I was just there when it was happening, that doesn’t count, does it?
But now I was so done with that. I was so done with carrying out the pointless heap of guilt that came whenever I engaged with someone in this way. I wanted to feel pleasure, real pleasure, but I wanted to give it, too, and I wasn’t going to be able to do that by just sitting back and playing dumb and acting like I had no clue what I was doing.
I pushed her down onto the bed and climbed on top of her, and Cara gazed up at me with a smile on her face.
"Well, I didn’t know you had this in you," she remarked.
I leaned down to kiss her mouth, just once. She pushed her head back toward me, and it was clear she wanted more. The dizzying rush of power owned me for a moment, making my head spin. I had to take a deep breath to bring myself back down to Earth.
She reached up to caress my cheek and smiled. "You good?” she asked.
I nodded. I grasped her wrists and pushed them either side of her head. She was pliable beneath me, letting me act out this little fantasy on her. I was surprised by how easy it was to make this happen, how simple it had been to give in to the desires that burned inside me and take some control for a change. Ever since she had shown me how to pleasure myself properly, I felt like I had unleashed something inside of me. Something reckless and selfish, something that wanted to see Cara desperate with pleasure below me.
I sat back on top of her and reached for the box of toys where she had left them next to the bed. She gazed up at me, not taking her eyes from mine, and I loved the way her gaze made me feel. She was waiting for me to do whatever I wanted to her, and I had every intention of making it something … something special. Something that I knew she was never going to forget, not as long as she lived.
I grabbed a dildo from the box beside us. I had seen her use it on herself, and I had wanted to be the one in control of it for a long time, unable to shake the image of the way sh
e trembled as she came from my mind.
The toy was hefty in my hand. It was long and thick and pink, and it had a couple of rabbit ears on the side that buzzed to life against her clit when it was inside of her. I glanced back down at her and found her gazing up at me with excitement. She was ready for this. I pushed the last of my doubts to the back of my mind, convincing myself that this was going to be just fine. Yes, I was still a little nervous about going through with it, but I could make this work. I just had to muster the confidence that being around her gave me, and remember that her body was like mine in so many ways.
"You want this inside of you?" I asked, and I was surprised to hear the tone to my voice--commanding and certain, leaving no room for debate. She bit her lip and nodded. I loved the way her eyes glinted in the light as she waited for me to give her what she needed so badly.
I moved my fingers between her legs, and I couldn’t help but gasp when I found the pool of wetness waiting for me between them. She was so slick and so soft, so smooth--she waxed down there, so she was completely bare, and it felt so different from what I was used to. She groaned and wriggled as I moved my fingers against her sweet little pussy. I grew emboldened, dipping my fingers downward, to her entrance. She was already soaked down there and I knew I could have slid the toy right on inside of her, but an idea crossed through my mind first. The toy was lying next to her on the pillow, close to her face, and I suddenly knew what I wanted to see.
"Open your mouth," I ordered her, and the sureness in my tone took me by surprise. She did as she was told, parting those sweet lips at once, and I moved the toy over her mouth and slipped it inside.
Seeing her like that reminded me of the sight of her with Jason’s cock in her mouth, and I couldn’t help but let out a groan of pleasure at the memory. She closed her eyes and widened her mouth, even more, telling me without words that she wanted me to push the toy in deeper. I did as I was told, and I marveled at the sight of it sliding down into her mouth. There was little resistance; it was clear she knew what she was doing. I moved my fingers against her clit, finding the smooth, slick nub and using it to coax her to go even further, even harder.
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